Spellkeeper

by Courtney Privett

  “I wasn't around for long after Shan was born, by my own fault. Rin wrote me letters though, and for a year so did Rohir. I'm going to give you his letters when you get back to the sanctuary. I couldn't believe he would abandon her and you after what he told me in those letters. He loved you so much, from the moment he found out about you. He once wrote that what everyone else called a mistake was his greatest joy, and by that he meant you. He was already dead by the time I received his final letter, written ten days after you were born. He told me he'd never felt the magnitude of love that he felt radiating from you, and he wished that Rin could experience what he did for just a moment because he didn't think she had bonded with you. He said that the greatest accomplishment of his life was helping to create you.

  Elsin's eyes grew teary as he studied Tessen's face. “You look nothing like him, but you're sitting here in front of me and I see Rohir. Everything good about him shines out in you, but you're following him into a free fall. You're strong and fragile and altruistic and misanthropic all at once, and you're almost the same age he was when he ran headlong onto the path that killed him. I'm worried about you. Everyone is.”

  “I hardly know you, but I'm worried about you,” Juna said, rubbing his chin with a knuckle. “You carry around this sadness, like you have a sack of rocks on your back and you're lost in a tunnel. You can't set down the rocks because you'd feel guilty about making someone else pick up more rocks, and you can't figure out how to get through the tunnel because it's too narrow to maneuver in while carrying the rocks, but if you'd just drop the damned rocks and turn around you'd find your way back to the hive.”

  Tessen tried not to laugh. “All right, Juna. I'm not sure I understand Uldru analogies, but I feel your concern. And your irritation. Is that for me, or still directed toward Elsin for making you fly and Radamar for whatever reason you don't like Radamar?”

  “I don't hate the elf anymore. That should be seen as an improvement.” Juna spun an oblong brown fruit down the table.

  Tessen caught it and held it on the palm of his hand. He had no idea what it was or how to eat it. “He seems complicated.”

  “He has worked hard to become someone better than he used to be. My opinion of him has greatly improved because of that. He does seem to be a good father. I still don't think he deserves Benny. Or Iefyr.”

  “Is that because you think you deserve Benny?” Elsin asked.

  Juna scowled and lobbed a fruit at Elsin's head. “No. I have no attraction to Benny. I have my own mate, and I'm eager to return to her, but that means I have to first fly to your sanctuary. Terrible inconvenience.”

  “I think you'll find it's better than spending more months on desert and mountain roads.”

  “Maybe. But not only do I have to be in the sky, but I have to spend more time inhaling your scent. You smell like flowers.”

  “Violets. I smell like violets. Everyone bound to a midnight dragon does.”

  Juna leaned over the table and sniffed Tessen's hand. “You smell like flowers, too. Not the same flower, I don't think. I'm still figuring out plants. I know edibles better than ornamentals.”

  “Lilac,” Tessen said. “It must be specific to solar dragons because my brother smells like it too. Elsin, does each dragon breed have its own scent, or can it vary from dragon to dragon within breeds? I distinctly recall Kai and Kemi having different scents. One smelled like jasmine, the other gardenia.”

  Elsin picked up his pen and rolled it between his palms. “It can vary by the gender of the dragonbound. Every child of Nylian and Lyssandra was bound to a silver dragon. I know you met Liantor, but he was bound to multiple dragons so he carried the scent of each of them. Kai smelled of gardenia. What about Kendrian? What does Kendrian smell like?”

  Tessen closed his eyes and sifted through his sensory memories. “Jasmine. Same as Kemi.” He startled and opened his eyes. “Wait. Why did you say 'was' regarding Liantor?”

  “Shit. I forgot you hadn't been around to hear about that. Liantor was executed for treason a couple months ago. Nyssandrian is the Crown Prince now, which means Liantor's daughters were removed from the line of succession. I need to figure out how to tell Lyssandra if word hasn't already made it into the sanctuary. I thought Benny told Kemi before she left to find you. Didn't she she tell you?”

  “No.” If Kemi knew, she hadn't told him. Maybe that was why he'd felt the occasional crashing wave of grief from her. He'd thought it something residual related to Kai. Why hadn't she said anything? Was she trying to spare him from having to comfort her while he tried to get his ability under control?

  Elsin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I need to tell Lyssandra her eldest son and his children are dead. I don't think there is any way to make that easier. I don't know if I should tell her before or after saying that her daughter is returning to her with a Spellkeeper. I suppose it's some relief that I don't have to report your disappearance to my sister. She just needs to wait a couple months and she'll see you again in the spring, right?”

  “Right.” Tessen hoped the lie of agreement didn't show on his face or in his posture. He drew a deep breath and said, “Tell her I'm working out my issues. It's not easy or fast, but I am making progress. Just . . . just don't tell her I ran off into the wilderness for three weeks. Please.”

  “You were with us the entire time,” Elsin said with a wink.

  “When are you leaving?” Tessen asked, then tried to shake away a tone that sounded too eager. “I don't want to see you go, but I'm sure Melly will be ecstatic to have you home.”

  Elsin's blue eyes brightened as he laughed. “Melly will certainly have some Ragan-quality words for me before demanding attention. I won't be surprised if she convinces me we need to add a new name to the Sylleth family tree.”

  “Your kids are adorable. I fully support gaining more cousins,” Tessen said. He stood and backed away from the table. “I'll let you two return to your preparations. I need to find out where Serida wandered off to.”

  “She's probably chasing down wild chickens and devouring fresh fish,” Elsin said. He hunched over the table and added another scribble to the bottom of his list. “We're flying out tomorrow. You'll be all right, Tessen. We'll talk about your dad some more when you get home, okay? I think you'll like reading what he wrote about you.”

  “Okay,” Tessen replied. His heart sank as he left the dining room. He knew he'd never have that conversation or read the letters his father wrote to Elsin. He'd have to keep fighting and keep pushing through his pain so his own child wouldn't have to learn about him through the scattered memories and tattered letters of the people he'd loved, then left behind to live on without him.

  YOU HAVE BECOME A LIAR. You're terrible at it. Serida walked out of the surf and sat next to Tessen on the sand.

  “I know. Some of it is by necessity. The rest is because I'm not myself anymore.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close. Her scales dripped upon his knee.

  You're wandering, but you're still you. I don't think you recognize this, but you're doing much better than you were. Tiny increments and you don't see it because you still don't feel like you think you should.

  “I've sacrificed my integrity to spare them from the pain of the truth,” Tessen said. He closed his eyes and absorbed the roar of the Azuredeep Sea. If he ignored the squawks of parrots he could pretend he was across the continent on the shore of the Celadon Sea.

  You lie from necessity. You and your mate are in danger if you don't. You're protecting your family. Serida rubbed her jowls against Tessen's shoulder and trilled. You hear me clearly now, don't you?

  “Yes. Why is that? The other dragonbound don't believe me when I say you speak to me outside of dreams and moonlight links, and even then they'd expect you to speak like a young child.” He opened his eyes as a splash landed in the water ahead of him. A pelican with a flapping fish in its beak flew over his head, then curved back toward the pier to land on a mast of Brezva's Grace.

&nb
sp; We're different. You're not like the other dragonbound. She looped her neck around his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. You're as you are now because you're bound to me. Our bind made your magic strong and uncontrollable. It hurts you with every thought and every breath. I'm so sorry, Tessen.

  “It's not your fault or mine. I think I was always going to end up like this, and our bind only accelerated the process. And it is agonizing, but I think it would be worse if I didn't have you and Kemi to understand me. It sounds like my father had to carry this alone, and when I think about that it fills me with sorrow.”

  I'll never leave you alone and neither will she.

  “I hope that's true.” He inhaled the brined lilac of her scales as he sank a little further into the white sand. The warm wind kissed his face and rattled the ropes and chains of the nearby ship. “This is almost like the place I take us in our dreams. I'm not sure if I'm awake right now.”

  “You're awake, but that doesn't mean you're not dreaming,” Kemi said. She sat next to him and buried her bare feet in the sand. “I'd never seen the sea before coming here. I didn't expect it to sparkle in the sun like this. Or smell of old fish.”

  He pulled her close and kissed her. “Mom and Ragan used to take us to the shore. It wasn't far, maybe an hour's ride from home. Of course, that felt like forever at the time. Now if something is less than a week away it seems close.”

  “Perspective, my dear. Jadeshire to the Faelands to Anthora to Mountain Home to the Agate Realm to Auberline, and now I have no idea. They won't tell us their plan until your uncle leaves.” Kemi yawned, then slid her fingers down Serida's neck. “I'm so tired. I could sleep and sleep and still be exhausted.”

  “Just wait until the nausea starts.”

  She looked toward the ship and scowled. “Already starting to feel it. Iefyr tried to give me some sort of fish salad earlier and the smell of it alone made me sick. I hope Juna doesn't tell Elsin he saw me vomit into a cup. And I hope the morning sickness is gone before we have to get on that thing, because I'm sure the Captain's plan involves sailing.” She swept her hand toward the Grace.

  “We're going on board this evening,” Tessen said.

  “But we're not leaving the dock. Open sea will be different from a sheltered bay.” She stroked the back of Tessen's hand and sighed. “You're tense again. I hope you're not having second thoughts.”

  “I'm not. You caught me having a conversation with Serida.”

  Kemi patted the top of Serida's head. “Please don't make him anxious right now.”

  “I make myself anxious. She was just telling me that I'm doing better than I was before I ran off into the swamp.”

  “You are. Much better. This will take time.” She kicked her feet forward, spraying sand, then stood and held out her hand. “Come back to the house. Elsin is about to leave.”

  Tessen untangled Serida from his chest before standing. She was still small enough that he could pick her up and carry her, but she didn't like it. “I wish I didn't have to hide everything from him. He's your mother's Captain, but he's also my uncle and he was my father's best friend. He wanted to give me letters my father wrote to him when I got back to Mountain Home, but once he leaves I'm never going to see him again.”

  Kemi reached for his hand as they stepped onto the path, but then thought better of it and jammed her fingers into her pockets. “He's a good man. I wish we could trust him.”

  “He has to go tell your mother about Liantor. You knew. Why didn't you tell me?” Tessen asked. Serida bounded ahead of him, then circled behind to squawk at a wild chicken that had been hiding in a gardenia bush.

  “I didn't want to burden you with my grief so I carried it alone.”

  He let his arm brush against her shoulder. “You didn't carry it. You've been hiding it away and trying to ignore it. I felt it sometimes, but I didn't know why it was there. It's going to hurt when you stop guarding the door and it escapes.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “You helped me through my grief with Kai, but your ability wasn't as strong then.”

  “But I know what it's like to mourn the death of a brother. When you chose to be with me, you chose never to carry your feelings alone. It will never be a burden for me to help you through your own pain.”

  She pulled him behind a tree, then stood on her toes to kiss him. There were tears in her eyes when her lips broke contact with his. “I never thought I'd love anyone like I love you, and tonight I'm going to marry you. I'm dreaming while awake and I don't know if I'm going to be able to hide that for the few minutes it will take to watch Elsin fly out of here.”

  “It's only a few minutes of restraint when we might have a hundred years still ahead,” Tessen said as he brushed her hair away from her eyes.

  “Longer.”

  “Huh?”

  “Our eyes reveal longevity beyond any normal elf or human lifespan. Maybe we'll live two hundred years, maybe three, and I'll love you for every minute of that.”

  “And I, you.” He leaned against the tree and held her.

  Feet clicked against stone. Someone approached on the path, but Tessen didn't want to release Kemi.

  “Elsin won't leave until he says good-bye to you. You can enjoy each other's company after he's gone.” Iefyr crossed his arms and grinned. “Might want to dampen that love-struck look on your face, Kemi.”

  Kemi looked up at Tessen, then turned toward Iefyr and scowled. “I'd say the same to you, my friend, but no one is going to hunt you down because of who you've fallen for.”

  Iefyr's smile fell as the wind blew his hair into his eyes. “Be careful. Please. I don't want you to end up like my parents.”

  Kemi embraced him and kissed his cheek. “There are worse things in this world than dying because of a forbidden love. Dying because you refused to love is worse, as is hurting someone because you don't agree with their love. We are stronger when we allow ourselves to bond with each other. We are happier, kinder, more resilient. And if we die because of it, it will be without regrets. Still, we will be careful because our love does not come without fear.” She gently pushed his hair away from his cheek and kissed him again. “I love you, Iefyr, and I'm so happy you're here with us. I'm so happy you've found your way into the life you deserve, where your beautiful heart is tended to. Try not to fear any more than necessary. We'll all find a place to call home soon.”

  Tessen's breath caught in his throat. She was so relaxed, so certain that everything would turn out all right. He wasn't. Every horrible possibility coagulated into a simmering stew of apprehension that bubbled through his veins and left cold sweat dripping down his spine.

  “You all right, Tessen?” Iefyr asked, concern swirling about his shoulders.

  He swallowed his fears and nodded. “Fine. Let's go see Elsin off.”

  Serida stalked a trio of peacocks as Iefyr walked between Tessen and Kemi on the path. Laughter rang out ahead of them as Urzal threw a large silver fish in the air for Ectran to catch and eat. The cobby black battle dragon's back was fitted with saddlebags and a padded platform with straps hanging from each corner. Tessen had heard about battle dragon travel outfitting before, but he'd never seen it and he thought the setup looked odd and uncomfortable. Ectran didn't seem to mind, other than pausing after devouring his fish to scratch at a belt under his belly.

  “Leave the birds alone, Serida,” Elsin called.

  They like the chase, Serida said, her tail bulb flashing through the shade of a palm tree cluster. She leapt over a bush to lick water from a fountain, then leapt back to join Tessen. They're too big to eat anyway. For now.

  “She's just enjoying the wildlife,” Tessen said with a smirk. “Where are Auna and Lenna?”

  Iefyr pointed toward the manor's roof. “Up there, chomping on pigeons.”

  “They'd better leave my parrots alone,” Urzal grumbled. She rubbed her heavy jaw as she curled her lips to bare her tusks.

  Parrots taste like chickens. Serida licked her jowls and trot
ted in tight circles around Ectran.

  “Don't eat parrots, Serida,” Tessen said. He stepped away from Iefyr to embrace Elsin. “I wish you didn't have to go back without us.”

  “I'm fine with walking,” Juna said. He crossed his arms and leaned against a tree. “I want to return to my people, but I'm not so eager I need to fly.”

  “We've been over this, Juna,” Elsin said, a wry grin on his lips. “You need to return to your family, and I need to return to mine. I'm taking you to the sanctuary because the Uldru there need some guidance from one who has been free for longer than them. Then I'll fly you to your own Uldru. Whether or not your people decide to join Hael's people is up to all of you. If Hael doesn't want to travel to your people or if you want to try bringing them to the sanctuary, I'll fly you home.”

  “And if I vomit on your dragon?” Juna asked, smirking.

  Elsin pointed to a saddlebag. “Bucket and rags are in there. Clean it up yourself.” He clicked his tongue and returned his attention to Tessen. “I'll see you in a couple months, okay? Don't rush because you won't be able to cross the Icewind Pass until after the last freeze. I'm charging you and Iefyr with protecting the Princess, the Spellkeeper, and the Spellkeeper's daughter. Mordegan has decided to travel to the sanctuary with you, and that makes me feel a bit better about leaving all of you behind. Did you have a note you wanted me to give your mother?”

  “Yes, and one for Ragan.” Tessen reached in his pocket and pulled out two wax-sealed envelopes. The letters within were written in Dwarvish, which he knew Ragan could read. He didn't know if Elsin knew the language, so he was careful to keep the coding within the text subtle.

  Kemi produced a pair of sealed letters of her own. “For my mother and Kendrian.”