Spellkeeper

by Courtney Privett

  “Damned impulsive teenagers,” Mordegan muttered. He threw up his arms, then sighed and shook his head. “I get it. Really, I do. I've been there, and I was younger than you two. Just as reckless though, apparently. For Light's sake, Kemi, if you don't want Sylleth to know, you need to keep your hands off Tessen until he leaves. That's a big sarding giveaway. Could tell you two were together as soon as you walked out from behind those bushes.”

  «If she doesn't want to have it, I can get her some moonberry. That's what my sailors use when they're unexpectedly late.» Berra pursed her lips, then frowned. «Tessen, of all the women in the world, you went and picked a Lightborn. Foolhardy twit.»

  “We chose each other,” Tessen said quietly. He sighed at the water, then again at the manor. “Mordegan, I'm drowning in your disappointment even though you don't fully speak it. Benny, you're worried, and your mothers both think I'm an idiot. We just met, so this isn't a good start. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to come here. I hoped going away for a while would make things better, but I find myself returning to the same problems.” He faced Kemi, then bent down to kiss her. When stood upright again, his eyes were glossy with tears. “I want to fully trust you, but I fear you did this on purpose. I can't read you right now beyond confusion and the love you've been surrounding me with.”

  Benny touched his arm. “Tessen, don't conjecture, just look at her. I barely know her and I can still see that she has no idea what we've been talking about.”

  Tessen leaned into Kemi's touch as she reached up to set her palm on his cheek. She closed her eyes and her lips quivered. “Tessen, what? Tell me. Please.”

  He bent forward and whispered something in her ear.

  Kemi's freckled cheeks paled. “Oh, shit. No, I didn't know. I didn't intend . . . I mean we've only done that twice because it's awkward for you and you'd rather cuddle than . . . oh, no. Is she sure?”

  Benny shrugged. “Like Mom said, she's never been wrong. She can give you something if you decide you don't want to have it.”

  «You need to decide quickly, though. Moonberry works best in the early days, before anything has time to settle and grow.» Berra clicked her tongue against her teeth and offered Kemi a half-smile. «Never needed it myself, but my sailors say the pain is barely more than it is for their normal cycles.»

  Tessen embraced Kemi and kissed her brow as she watched Radella chase Radamar across the sand. He rocked her and whispered, “I'm sorry. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I love you.”

  A faint smile brightened Kemi's face as she continued to watch Radella and Radamar. “Benny, you said your mother found a place for you to go? Is that for all of us?”

  “It is. It's somewhere hidden, where we can be safe. We need to stay here until spring, though. Not safe to travel there in the winter.” Benny pressed her fingers against her lips, then touched them to Kemi's wrist. “My parents are going with us, and hopefully so are the people my dad has already sent for. And Iefyr, since he's mine and Radamar's now.”

  Kemi nodded as she relaxed against Tessen. She drew him down for a kiss, then said, “We're young and ridiculous, but I think we'll be okay. I think I'm okay with this. Are you?”

  “I'm terrified.” He ran his fingers through her hair, then walked them down her back until they rested above her hips. “But I seem to have just fallen in love with an idea.”

  She looked up at him and grinned. “You're going to be an amazing father.”

  A sparkle ignited in Tessen's teary eyes as he smiled at Mordegan. “If I am, I have Ragan to thank for that.”

  Mordegan held his hands to the sides and sighed. “You'll be fine, young fools. You two look exhausted. Come eat something and we can get some plans started. And watch yourselves around Elsin, will you? Last thing we need is the sarding Guardian chasing us down because you knocked up her daughter. You can go back to your affections once he's gone.”

  Giggling, Radella dashed toward Benny. Benny knelt and the little girl jumped into her open arms. She picked her up and landed several kisses on her face.

  «Pretty shell,» Radella said as she held a pink and white object too close to Benny's face.

  Benny leaned back and the blur resolved into a broken conch. She took Radella to the nearest chair and sat down with her so she could sign without having to rest her daughter's weight on the still-healing hand. «Very pretty. Do you want to add it to your collection?»

  «Yes. I have a blue one in my room. Would you like to see?» Radella eyed Tessen and Kemi with suspicion. «Who are they?»

  «Friends,» Benny replied. «Their names are Kemi and Tessen. They'll be staying here with us for a while. They have dragons like Iefyr.» She pointed at Serida and Lenna, who were now at the edge of the pier contemplating a string of freshly-caught fish while a young sailor tried her hardest to discourage them from getting any closer. «The gold one is Serida and the silver one is Lenna. They're nice like Auna.»

  Radamar sat next to Benny and passed an orange and brown scallop shell to Radella. «This one is pretty.»

  «Pretty!» She held it to the sunlight and smiled.

  Radamar glanced toward Kemi and Tessen, who were still in conversation with Benny's parents. “I didn't think we'd see those two again. They're looking a bit more amorous than when they left.”

  Benny kissed Radella's cheek, then reached across her to both embrace her and hold Radamar's hand. “She's pregnant. I don't think she realized it until my mother started going on and on about it and I refused to translate. That's just the one thing no one can manage to hide from Mom. They want her to officiate their wedding. And Mom thinks she found a place for us to live. All of us. I'll tell you more when I can tell Iefyr, too.”

  “Is he still in the library?”

  “Or asleep. I think we've worn him out.”

  “You've certainly worn me out.” He stroked the tangled curls of Benny's hair and whispered, “It's okay if you give him more attention than me. I don't have any sort of needs to satisfy anymore.”

  Radella set the shells aside so she could examine Benny's hands. She traced the lines of runes, then asked, «What is it?»

  «Magic words,» Benny replied.

  «I can make magic.» Radella giggled and held out her hands, palms down and fingers spread. A faint purple vapor condensed beneath her palms. It lasted only a moment before fading into the air.

  Radamar's hand flew to his mouth. “Oh, no. I thought she might be, but I didn't want this for her.”

  “She's a warlock like you and my Uncle Cadogan, Dad's older brother. That's okay,” Benny said. «That is very pretty magic.» She held up her hand and formed a shell out of blue light. Radella giggled and snatched it away to inspect. The corporeal manifestation would dissolve after a couple hours, but she could play with it until then.

  Radamar scooted his chair closer so he could lean against Benny. “I've spent my entire life caught in this war within myself. Shadows have a voice, a song that is impossible to ignore and difficult to deny.” He held up his arm and spun the binding shackle around his wrist. “In a lot of ways, Shan did me a favor by putting this thing on me. For a while, I was bitter about losing my magic, but now I've decided that if I ever happen across Shannon Goldtree again, I won't ask him to remove it. In fact, I'll thank him for it. My mind is calm and quiet now, and I no longer feel like I'm being ripped apart. That's what I'm afraid of for her. Calls to darkness and a mind that constantly screams for relief it will never receive.”

  “She's not being raised to embrace the darkness like you were. She'll be all right.”

  Radella turned around and hugged her father, then handed him the light shell. «I like you. Don't go away again, okay? Mommy, you can't go either.»

  «I'm never going to choose to leave you, and neither is Mommy,» Radamar said. He pushed a stray wave of hair behind Radella's ear, then kissed her brow. «We love you more than anything else in the world.»

  «Then why did you go before?»

  «We didn't want to. W
e were taken away from you. It doesn't matter anymore. We're here now and we won't leave you again.»

  Radella kissed Radamar, then Benny. «I want Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Gigi always. I want Grandpa and Iefyr, too. I like them.»

  Benny smoothed Radella's hair and smiled. «That's what it's going to be now. All of us, together.»

  «I like that.» Radella laid her head on Benny's chest and watched the waves lap the shore.

  22

  Tessen

  Tessen shut the door behind him, then sank to the floor. The nearby sound of running water was mildly soothing, but it wasn't enough to calm his heart or untie the knots in his gut. He closed his eyes and listened to the ocean waves and the gurgling water. It wasn't enough. Nothing ever would be enough.

  “I don't know if I can do this,” he said into his knees.

  The water stopped running and bare feet plodded across the floor. A hand rested on his shoulder, but he couldn't bring himself to look up.

  “Don't do this to me,” Kemi said, her voice laced not with anger, but with apprehension.

  Tessen slowly lifted his head as worry dripped upon his shoulders. He saw the reason in her eyes and immediately tried to counter it. “No, no, not you, not us. I'm sorry. I didn't mean us.” He gestured toward the walls, then pressed his fingertips into the back of his head. “I mean all of this. Being near other people again. I'm not ready for it. I'm not sure I ever will be. Auberline slammed me with the emotions of every random stranger we passed, and then I felt things I didn't expect from people I know. I've known Mordegan and Benny for most of my life, but being near them made me want to crawl out of my own skin and dissolve into the sea like some sort of decaying jellyfish. We haven't even seen Iefyr and Elsin yet, but I'm afraid of them. And I don't want to be. My friend and my uncle, and I should be more comfortable around them than anyone else here but you, and all I feel is dread.”

  She sat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “I gave you more time than I said I would. You were so calm, so at ease within yourself. I've never seen you like that before. Three weeks, two of those in the grotto, and the only time you panicked was when we had to cross that little bridge.”

  “I'm disappointing you, and that hurts a lot more than disappointing the rest of them.”

  “I'm not disappointed.” She leaned against his side and gently rocked him. “I've been with you at some very low points in your life and I've loved you through them. What you're feeling from me is sadness, not disappointment. I don't want you to feel like this, or to only be able to find a tiny, ephemeral scrap of happiness by isolating yourself from the world.”

  “I'm afraid this is never going to get any better.” Tessen's tears fell upon his arms as his back quaked into a sob. “And something my mother told me scares me right now. She said my father and his mother were both empaths. Most magic is hereditary, and this variation is no exception. I don't want anyone to go through this torment, especially not my own children.”

  “Green witches, lightbinder witches, warlocks, and mages. My family is full of them, and if their history is any indication, the common magic on my side will be dominant over the rare magic on yours. We only get one form of magic each, and it's more likely that our baby is a green witch than an empath. And if any of our children do turn out to be empaths, we won't bind them to dragons and by the time they're old enough that it bothers them, you'll have mastered your own skill enough to guide them through it. The reason you're suffering so much is because you have no one to teach you. You're experimenting, and that often turns into something dangerous or something that doesn't work. I wish I could help you through this phase, but I can't.”

  “You're helping me more than you realize,” Tessen said. He stared across the room at a tapestry depicting some sort of horned sea maiden. “I can dampen the others if I focus only on you. That's how I made it through the city without screaming. Here, though...”

  “Here my emotional storm collided with your own when the Pirate Queen of Auberline took one look at me and told us I'm pregnant.” Kemi slouched against the closed door and gave a jittery laugh. “I think I'll be happy about it, once I get past the fear. I'm probably going to have nightmares about my parents finding out, so if I wake up screaming, that's likely why.”

  “I think we're safe here, and we'll be going somewhere even safer soon.” Tessen scratched his brow, then put his arm around her. “I had a feeling this would happen, and I was afraid of it. That's a lot of why I've been so hesitant about physical intimacy. My general lack of interest in sex has been a big part of it too, but I wanted to give you pleasure and instead I was this clumsy oaf who was afraid of getting you pregnant and ended up doing it anyway. And I'm terrified about it, but I'm excited too, and that seems to be evening out into some sort of balance tipping toward happy. I have my blood family, my adopted family, and now I have the family we've created together. I have you. And now I can let go of that one particular fear and spend the next nine months learning how to coax your body to euphoria because you deserve that and I don't want you to regret marrying me.”

  “Can we start working on that now?” Kemi asked with a grin. “Everyone thinks we came up here to clean up and rest after our journey, so we've got the time. And this manor has plumbing, proper running water like I grew up with in Anthora. This room has its own private bathroom, with a large and lovely bathtub. You have a thing for water, so how about we go use it?”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  Tessen stood and helped Kemi to her feet. She beamed at him as she pressed his hand low against her flat belly. She tilted her head toward her shoulder and said, “Our future is hiding in there, Tessen. It's impossible to see now and we barely know it's there, but soon we'll be able to see it. We are going to have beautiful half-elven babies together, and Light willing, the one beneath your hand will be our firstborn. Focus on me, my love, for the rest of your life if you need to. Start with me, and even if the rest of the world overwhelms you, you'll still have me.” She clicked her tongue and nodded toward a door to the right. “Bathtub is in there. Let's go in there and I'll help you take off your clothes while you take off mine. There are some things I want to teach you.”

  “HOW LONG? HOW LONG will we be in the sky?” Juna's voice was strident, almost fearful. It reached down the hall and struck Tessen's face like an open-handed slap.

  “Two weeks, maybe three.” Elsin's calm voice belied his anxiety. It was a river of glittering ice that pushed out of the dining room door and flooded the hallway. “Do you know weeks or should I simplify?”

  “Three weeks is ninety nights, right?” Juna asked.

  “No, ninety nights is three months. Three weeks is twenty-one nights. Seven nights to a week. And we don't have to fly all night, either. Ectran knows where he's going, so we can strap ourselves to him and sleep through the day and then have our feet on the ground at night while he rests. Or the other way around and he can rest during the day, if you'd rather avoid seeing what's beneath us in the daylight.”

  “I don't think I can sleep on a dragon.”

  “You'll get used to it.” Elsin looked up from the table and smiled as Tessen entered the room. “Hey, Tessen. I'm glad you made it here. I was worried about you.”

  “I'm okay. I needed that solitude to reset.” Tessen sat in the chair opposite Elsin, who looked down to scrawl another word onto what appeared to be a supply list.

  “Where's Kembriana?”

  Tessen feigned nonchalance. “Probably in her room taking a nap. I think she's tired of me after three weeks of nothing but me and the dragons. I'm glad she came after me, though. Remember how I told you that Ragan was going to hang out nearby and keep an eye on me when I intended to camp in the mountains? Kemi did it instead. We ate meals together sometimes, but she otherwise left me alone to work through all the bullshit that's been addling my brain.”

  He hoped Elsin wouldn't catch him in the discomfort of the lies. He was fond of his uncle and sorrowful that
he would likely never see him again, but he needed Elsin to return to Mountain Home as soon as possible before someone slipped and the last two unknowing people at the manor figured out the truth.

  “And did you?” Elsin asked, an eyebrow raised.

  “Did I what?”

  “Did you work it out?”

  Tessen made a pinching gesture. “A little. I'm still working on it, and being back around people has given me some insight into what I might be able to do to help myself further. I guess it's like staring at something so hard that everything else around it darkens and loses focus. That's kind of what I do that helps. If I'm overwhelmed, I pick one person. I don't physically stare at them, but I focus on them and it makes everyone else a little less bright and a little bit softer.”

  Elsin set down his pen and scratched at his beard. “That makes some sense. And now that you've figured out that much, maybe running away should no longer be your first choice.”

  “Are you pissed at me for that?”

  Elsin imitated Tessen's pinch.

  “Thought so. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I wasn't able to think clearly and I made everyone worry.” Tessen glanced toward Juna, who shrugged and tapped his fingers on edge of the table.

  “It's worth a lot, Tessen.” Elsin sighed and rested his elbows on the table. “I'm sorry we didn't recognize that you were falling until you had already hit the ground. You're . . . you're very much like your father. Rohir hid behind this facade that told the world nothing was wrong, but I saw through him. I've carried around a lot of guilt since I found out he disappeared, and added a little more to that after your mom told me that he'd actually died. He was my best friend, and I think my exile left him in this free fall he couldn't recover from. Even before that, I knew something was wrong but I couldn't find the words to talk to him about it. I was still in Jadeshire when he fell in love with my sister. She was pregnant with Shan when they began their relationship, and he was drawn to her because he could feel that she was in emotional turmoil and he wanted to relieve her pain. He fell in love with her quickly and genuinely, but she broke his heart by not fully reciprocating. He knew she liked him. He told me he was sure she would love him once her own broken heart was mended and she was able to be with him without inhibitions.