A Place of Peace

by Amy Clipston

Miriam sighed. “I miss it, Abby.” She met her cousin’s astonished expression. “You got me to admit it. I’m miserable here. I can’t stand my job anymore. I sit there all day and wonder how Hannah, Lena Joy, and Aenti are doing. I worry about Lena Joy and how her illness is progressing. I contemplate all of the things I should’ve said to Timothy that night he came over to see me and how stupid I was to let him go. I wonder if I could’ve prevented him from proposing to Naomi if I had asked Zach to give me a few minutes alone to talk to Timothy and find out what he wanted to say to me.”

  Abby shrugged and sipped her drink. “So, go back.”

  Miriam raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “Why should it be difficult? You just said you’re miserable here. There’s nothing keeping you here except for your fear of facing your father.” Abby leaned toward her. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Miriam. The worst thing you did was leave in the middle of the night without explaining your reasons to Timothy.”

  Miriam ate more meatloaf while Abby’s words soaked through her. She wondered if she should try going back to

  Pennsylvania since returning to Indiana wasn’t working out. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life miserable.

  The phone rang, and Abby rose. “I know you won’t answer it,” she muttered, crossing the kitchen. She snatched the cordless off the counter and held it to her ear. “Hello? … Oh hey. How are you? … Oh no. You’re kidding. I’m so sorry …” Abby faced Miriam. “Yeah, she’s right here …” She put her hand over the receiver. “It’s Hannah.”

  “Tell her I’m not here,” Miriam said.

  “She’s pretty upset.” Abby held out the phone. “It’s an emergency.”

  “Oh no. Is it Lena?” Miriam jumped up and grabbed the phone. “Hannah? Is Lena okay?”

  “Ya,” Hannah said, her voice quavering. “It’s Daed. He’s in the hospital. He’s had a stroke. Can you come back? Please, Miriam?”

  Miriam sank into the chair, her mind racing with thoughts. She wanted to come back, but why would her father want her? “I don’t know …”

  “He’s asking for you, Miriam.”

  “He’s asking for me?” She met Abby’s questioning gaze. “Why would he ask for me?”

  “I think he wants to apologize,” Hannah said. “Please, Miriam. I promise I’ll let you go back to Indiana after he sees you. You have my word that I won’t pressure you to stay. I just worry we’re going to lose him. I feel he should go with dignity, ya?”

  Miriam stared down at her dinner plate. While her head told her to stay in Indiana and let her family handle her father, her heart told her to go. It was the Christian thing to do. “I’ll pack some things and head out as soon as I can.”

  “Danki, Miriam. Drive safely. I love you.”

  Miriam wiped an errant tear. “Love you, too. Are you at Lancaster General?”

  “Ya. I’ll meet you here,” Hannah said.

  Miriam turned off the phone and placed it on the table. “I guess that was decided for me.”

  “Your dad had a stroke and is asking for you?” Abby asked.

  Miriam stood and gathered up her dirty dishes. “That’s right. I guess on his death bed he’s realizing his wrongs and asking for absolution.”

  “It’s better late than never, huh?”

  “I guess so.” Miriam began to scrape off the plates for the dishwasher.

  “Leave the dishes. You have a long ride ahead of you.”

  Miriam hugged Abby. “Thank you for everything.”

  “Don’t you mean danki?” Abby asked with a laugh. “Call me when you get there. I’ll be here worrying about you driving so late.”

  Miriam nosed her Honda into a parking space and glanced at the clock on the dashboard. “Four in the morning,” she mumbled.

  After gathering up her purse, she made the trek into the main lobby at Lancaster General. She found her way to the ICU waiting area, where Hannah sat slumped in her seat, asleep with her head resting on Gerald’s shoulder.

  “Miriam,” Gerald said. “You made it.”

  Hannah yawned and opened her eyes. “Miriam!” She rose and pulled Miriam into a tight hug. “Danki for coming.”

  Miriam held onto her sister. “You’re welcome.”

  “The nurses know what’s going on, so they’re going to let you go back to see him,” Hannah said. Looping an arm around Miriam’s shoulder, she led her toward the rooms.

  “Wait,” Gerald said, rushing over to them.

  Miriam gave him a confused look.

  “I wanted to say I’m sorry for treating you badly. I see how quickly we can lose our family and how precious they are. Hannah’s been trying to tell us that, but it took Daed getting sick for us to realize it.” He opened his arms to Miriam. “Would you please forgive me?”

  “Ya,” Miriam whispered, giving him a hug. “It’s good to have a brother again.”

  “I’m glad to have my sister too,” he said.

  “Okay you two,” Hannah said, taking Miriam’s arm. “It’s four in the morning. We can save this happy reunion for later, ya?”

  “Ya,” Gerald agreed. “I’ll wait here while you two go see Daed.”

  Miriam followed Hannah back to a small room, where Abraham lay hooked up to a host of machines. He looked so pale, and the machines surrounding him clicked and hummed as if they were working hard to keep him alive.

  She said a silent prayer he’d somehow make it through. Despite the hurt he’d caused her, Miriam couldn’t bear the idea of losing him after losing her mother and Timothy.

  “Daed,” Hannah said, touching his arm. “Daed, Miriam is here. I told her you wanted to see her, and she drove all the way from Indiana.”

  Abraham’s eyes blinked, and he stared at Hannah as if trying to focus on her words. His eyes then cut to Miriam’s, and he held his hand out, beckoning her.

  Miriam felt a lump swell in her throat as she moved over to him. All of the hurt and anger she’d felt for him dissipated as she stared at the sick, broken man before her on the bed.

  He touched her hand and opened his mouth to speak. “M-m-m-ir-ium.” His voice was hoarse and his words were garbled. “I’m s-s-s-sorry.” He paused as if searching for the words to say. “You’re … doch-der. Ich lieb … I … I wuv … y-y-you.”

  “It’s okay, Daed,” she said, patting his hand. “Just get well, okay? Don’t worry about me.”

  “No,” he said. “I … wrong. Hannah … right.” He paused and reached out, as if trying to grab the words out of the air before him. “I … wr-r-rong.”

  “Please, Daed,” Miriam said, wiping a tear. “You just get better. I forgive you. You concentrate on getting better.”

  “You … stay,” her father said. “P-p-promise. Be in f-f-fam-ily.”

  Miriam glanced at Hannah, who nodded, encouraging her to make the promise. “I will,” Miriam whispered to him. “I’ll stay.”

  “Fat’s gut,” he said, closing his eyes. “Fat’s gut. Vanki.” He then closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Hannah gestured toward the door, and Miriam followed her out to the hallway. “Danki, Miriam. He was so insistent on seeing you that we worried he wasn’t going to pull through.”

  Miriam wiped her eyes. “I think it was good for me too. I’m glad he finally believed me.” She and Hannah met Gerald in the waiting area.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “Daed apologized and begged me to stay here and be part of the family.” Miriam’s eyes welled with tears, and before she could stop herself, she was sobbing.

  “It’s okay.” Gerald pulled her to him. “You go ahead and cry it out.”

  When she got control of her emotions, she stepped back and wiped her eyes. “Oh, I’ve waited so long to hear him say those words that it doesn’t seem real.”

  Hannah rubbed Miriam’s arm. “I’m so froh. We’re finally a family again.”

  “Will you drive us home now?” Gerald asked. “We can come back to see him lat
er.”

  “Ya.” As Miriam walked out to the parking lot between her siblings, she said a silent prayer, thanking God for giving her back her family.

  16

  When Miriam awoke in the guest room of Edna’s cabin, she heard voices chattering in Pennsylvania Dietsch out in the kitchen. She dressed in her jeans and a T-shirt and then stepped through the door, finding Hannah, Edna, and Lilly eating and talking at the table.

  “Gude mariye, sleepyhead,” Edna said with a chuckle. “Join us. We have a lot of food.”

  “Danki,” Miriam said, schlepping to the table with a yawn. She nodded a greeting to her sisters and then sat next to Hannah and admired the bountiful spread, including rolls, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and ham. Mirroring most mornings at the cabin, there was enough food to feed the entire Lapp family.

  “I was telling Lilly and Aenti that Daed apologized and made you promise you’ll stay here and be a part of the family again,” Hannah said, beaming while buttering a roll. “Even Gerald apologized last night. It was a froh occasion.”

  Miriam filled a plate with food. She felt eyes studying her and glancing up, she caught Lilly’s gaze. Lilly blushed and cut her eyes to her plate full of bacon.

  “Does this mean you’re moving back for good?” Edna asked, her tone hopeful.

  While her father’s words were sweet, Miriam still couldn’t see herself building a life in Lancaster. “Well, I, uh …” Miriam stammered.

  “We’d love to have you here permanently,” Hannah chimed in.

  “Ya, we would,” Lilly said, her voice soft.

  Miriam studied her younger sister. “What did you say?”

  Lilly met her gaze. “We would all like to see you back so we could be a family again.”

  “Even you?” Miriam asked.

  Lilly nodded. “Ya. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I’m sorry I tore you and Timothy apart. It was my fault. All of it.”

  Miriam’s eyes widened. “Why this sudden change of heart with you and Daed?”

  “It’s Hannah. She made us realize how wrong we were.” Lilly gestured at their older sister.

  Miriam glanced at Hannah, who shrugged as if it were no big deal. Hannah was always humble.

  “I mean it, Miriam,” Lilly said. “I’m truly sorry. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix things, but I want to start over with you. You and Hannah are my only sisters. You mean so much to me.”

  Miriam set her fork down and let Lilly’s words sink in. Was she dreaming? Was her family finally accepting her back?

  Was this a sign from God that she should return to Lancaster?

  But I still can’t have Timothy. He’s marrying someone else.

  “What if I talked to Timothy and confessed what I did? Would that help?” Lilly asked.

  Miriam shook her head. “No. He made his choice when he proposed to Naomi.”

  “Can you forgive me?” Lilly asked. “I’m truly sorry, Miriam. I was wrong, so wrong.”

  “Why did you do it?” Miriam asked. She braced herself for the answer.

  Tears filled Lilly’s eyes. “I was so selfish and so immature.”

  “Please, Lilly, just tell me,” Miriam said.

  Lilly wiped a tear from her eye. “Because you had your choice of men. You had two after you, and I had no one. Ya, I had suitors, but I had no one I loved in return. You did, and I was jealous and mean and horrible.”

  “What?” Miriam’s eyebrows knitted together. “What are you talking about? I had Timothy, and he was all I wanted. What do you mean I had two?”

  Lilly sniffed and swiped the trail of tears from her cheeks. “Think about it, Miriam. Who has been seeking your hand in marriage since you were seventeen? Who is the one man who has always wanted you and has never looked at me for a second?”

  Befuddled, Miriam gave her a palms up. “Lilly, you’re speaking in riddles, and I’m too exhausted to understand you. I drove nine hours to get here, and then I slept maybe three hours. What are you saying?”

  “Oh, Lilly.” Hannah sighed with empathy. “It’s Zach, isn’t it?”

  “Ya!” Lilly swallowed a sob. “I’ve loved Zach since I was fifteen, and he has never, ever noticed me. I tried time and time again to get his attention at worship services, and he would merely say, ‘Oh, hi, Lilly,’ and then walk past me. He has no interest in me, and yet he’s always wanted you, even when you were courting Timothy Kauffman. I was jealous, and I’m sorry, Miriam. I’m so sorry.” Lilly buried her face in her hands and sobbed while Edna rubbed her back.

  “There, there, kind,” Edna cooed. “It’s okay now.”

  Miriam looked at Hannah, who gave her a surprised expression in return. Shaking her head, Miriam groaned.

  All of this was for Zach.

  Never in a million years had Miriam dreamt that Lilly wanted Zach.

  “Lilly,” Miriam began, “if I had known, I would’ve helped you with Zach years ago. All you had to do was tell me.”

  “I’m sorry, Miriam. I’m so sorry,” Lilly whispered. “Can you ever forgive me? Please, Miriam? I promise I will never, ever hurt you again. I promise with all my heart.”

  Miriam sighed. “Of course, I forgive you, Lilly. You’re my sister.”

  “Danki,” Lilly said, wiping her eyes again. “Will you move back?”

  Miriam forked some egg into her mouth while she considered the question. “I don’t know. It’s a huge decision.” Pouring a cup of coffee from the pot in the center of the table, she yawned. “I’m still not awake, so I can’t make a decision like that right now.”

  “Will you take us to see Daed today?” Hannah asked before sipping her cup of coffee.

  “Of course. I want to see him too,” Miriam said.

  “Give him my love, will you?” Edna asked. “My hands and knees are painful today.”

  “Ya, we will,” Miriam said.

  “When are you due back to work?” Edna asked.

  “My boss instructed me to take two weeks off, so I have plenty of time here.” Miriam sipped the hot coffee. “I’d like to spend more time with everyone.”

  “Gut.” Hannah squeezed her hand. “The kinner will be so excited to see you. Lena Joy told me she wanted to have another good long talk with you soon. She loves spending time with you.”

  While her sisters updated her on the latest community news, Miriam savored her breakfast and contemplated their requests for her to stay. She couldn’t help wondering what had inspired Lilly to apologize and confess why she fabricated the lies. Was it Hannah’s influence or was it something more powerful and divine?

  Was God telling Miriam she belonged here and not in Indiana?

  When Miriam and her sisters arrived at the hospital, they found that their father had been moved out of ICU and into a regular room. He was resting in a reclined position.

  His face brightened when Miriam and her sisters entered the room. With his eyes focused on Miriam, he extended his hand and beckoned her to the bed. “Mir-um,” he slurred her name in a hoarse whisper. “I … afraid I … dweamt y-y-y-our visit.”

  “Ya, I was here. I came as soon as Hannah called me.” She took his hand and blinked back tears.

  Her father looked so exhausted and so old. The stroke had taken a toll on his body. She’d never remembered him looking so pale and frail. All her life, she envisioned her father as a strong-willed, healthy man. But now he looked like a sad, ill, old man.

  “Y-you acceft my ‘pology?” he whispered, stumbling over the words.

  “Ya,” she said. “You just rest. I’ll be here a while.”

  “Will you s-s-stay?” he asked, his tired eyes hopeful. “I … n-need …” He paused, his expression straining for the words. “Your mamm gone now … I need fa-fa-mil-y.”

  Miriam bit her bottom lip and contemplated his words. How ironic that her family had gone from ignoring her to begging her to stay in less than a month. “Let me think about it, okay? I’m not sure where I belong right now.”

 
“You belong here,” Hannah said, placing a hand on Miriam’s shoulder. “You belong where everyone loves you, and we love you.”

  But Timothy loves someone else. How can I bear that?

  Miriam ignored her threatening tears. “Danki,” she whispered.

  Lilly and Hannah sat in chairs across from her father’s bed, and Miriam sat next to the bed, holding her father’s hand until he let go.

  While Hannah shared a story of Ian and Mary pushing each other down into the mud, Miriam mulled over the idea of moving back. She wished she had the right answer. Did she belong in Pennsylvania or in Indiana?

  She was considering the question when the sound of snoring brought her back to the present. She glanced over at Abraham and found him fast asleep. His face was relaxed and content, and she couldn’t help but smile.

  Footsteps drew Miriam’s attention to the doorway, where a man in a white coat stood with a clipboard. He motioned for Miriam and her sisters to follow him to the hallway.

  “I’m Dr. Fulton,” he said. “I’ve been following your father’s case.”

  Hannah introduced herself, Lilly, and Miriam to the doctor. “How’s he doing?” she asked.

  The doctor hugged the clipboard to his chest. “It was a fairly serious stroke, but I think he’s going to do well. I plan to move him to a rehabilitation facility later this week, where he’ll learn to walk again. Unfortunately, he has some paralysis in his right arm and leg.”

  Tears filled Lilly’s eyes. “He’s paralyzed?”

  “Yes, but he’ll learn to function after he spends some time in rehab. The therapists there will teach him how to dress and feed himself. He’ll do just fine.” The doctor examined the chart. “Does Mr. Lapp live alone?” he asked.

  “No, I live with him, along with my brother,” Lilly said, wiping her eyes.

  “Good. I don’t think it would be a good idea for him to be alone,” the doctor said.

  “Does he have to go to rehab? Can’t we have someone come to the house?” Hannah asked.

  “It would be best if he stayed in the facility in order for him to have around-the-clock care from health professionals.

  He’ll be there for about a month.” Dr. Fulton glanced between Miriam and her sisters. “Do you have any more questions?”