Hate the Way He Loves Me

by Stacey Covington-Lee

  “You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child.”

  “Then stop acting like one, Pam. Be the strong woman that I know you are.”

  “Okay and I’m sorry for disturbing your evening out. I’ll see you when you get home. And Zoe…I love you.”

  “I love you too, Pam.”

  Zoe didn’t even have to look up into Desi’s face to see the disgust in his eyes because she could literally feel it burning through her. She placed the phone back in her purse and mumbled, “I guess I better get out of here.”

  “Zoe, this has got to stop. It’s time that you start living for you, sweetheart. I’ll go pull the car around and when that waitress comes back with the check and my credit card, just sign my name, but don’t over tip like you usually do.”

  The waitress returned with the bill and Zoe did as she was told and forged Desi’s name, but despite his order, she tipped a generous twenty-five percent. That was ten percent more than Desi would have approved of. She grabbed her purse and headed out of the door, but just before she could exit the young man that was watching her earlier stepped in her path.

  “Excuse me, ma’am, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I couldn’t help but see you crying earlier. You are far too beautiful to be crying like that, nothing or no one should ever make you that unhappy.”

  “Thank you for the kind words,” Zoe blushed.

  “Well I won’t hold you; I know your man is probably waiting for you.”

  “Oh, Desi isn’t my man, he’s my best friend and yes, he is waiting. But thanks again and have a nice night.” Zoe stepped around the guy, but he jumped back in her path.

  “I promise I’ll get out of your way, but I wanted to give you my card. I hope that you’ll give me a call, maybe we could have dinner or something sometime.”

  Zoe graciously accepted his card and tucked it into her purse as she smiled and made her exit. She made a mental note to throw the card away as soon as she was out of the guy’s line of vision. She’d heard everything that Desi said and would eventually start living for herself, but now was not the time.

  CHAPTER SIX

  As soon as Zoe crossed the threshold to her home she was pounced on. Pam literally ran and threw her arms around Zoe’s neck as if she were a five year old greeting her parent.

  “Pam, is all of this really necessary?” Zoe grunted as she reluctantly returned her sister’s hug.

  “You were gone so long, I was afraid something had happened to you. For a moment I even thought that maybe Otis had discovered where you worked or something,” Pam exclaimed in her usual over exaggerated manner. “I was ready to call the cops.”

  “Did Mom not tell you that I called and said that I would be late? Didn’t she tell you that I was going out to dinner with Desi?”

  “Well yes, but I just didn’t expect for you to be gone this long.”

  “Pam please! For the love of God, give your sister some breathing room. I’m sorry, Zoe, I told her to calm down and that you needed a little time for yourself. Did you enjoy your dinner, baby?” Martha quizzed.

  “Yes ma’am, I enjoyed myself much more than I thought I would. It’s been a long time since I’ve hung out like that. Desi and I had a great meal and even better conversation. Made me realize that I need more of that in my life.”

  “I agree, Zoe, you’re a young woman and you should be living as such. We are safe and sound in a new city, miles away from Otis. It’s time for you to start enjoying yourself more and worrying about us less, isn’t that right Pam?”

  “Yes ma’am,” Pam sniffed. She knew that it wasn’t fair for Zoe to be responsible for the three of them. She knew that her baby sister deserved to be free to go out and date and do all the things that young, beautiful women did, but she had hoped she’d have a little more time to adjust to the idea. Pam’s sense of security was wrapped up in Zoe. She knew it wasn’t fair, but she wasn’t quite ready for it to change.

  “Seriously guys, this was one simple evening out. Yes I’d like to have more evenings like tonight, but it’s not like I’m going to be hanging out all the time. Pam, you can stop crying, I’m home and nothing has changed,” Zoe explained with apparent agitation. “I’m tired and going to bed. Goodnight y’all.”

  Zoe escaped to her room, dropped her purse on the bed, and began to undress. The long hot shower that followed melted away the stress that had welcomed her home. As she dressed for bed, she replayed the conversation that she and Desi had shared and she knew that he was right when he said that it was time she started living for herself. She reached for her purse and the business card from the guy at the restaurant fell out.

  “Ramon Martinez, Owner, ATL Building, Repair, and Remodeling,” Zoe read aloud. She twirled the business card in her fingers as she remembered how handsome and kind he was. Then she tossed the card on her dresser, dismissing any thoughts of ever calling the guy. She clicked off her lamp, rolled over and fell asleep.

  ~~~

  It had been three weeks since Zoe’s outing with Desi and she was ready once again to have an evening out. As she finished dressing for work, Zoe went to her dresser to spray on a fine mist of perfume, but instead she found herself fondling the business card that the guy had given her the last time she was out with her best friend. She wasn’t sure why she hadn’t been able to throw it away, maybe it was just the thought that someone was interested in her that made her hold on to it. Finally she dropped the card, sprayed her perfume, and headed out the door for work. Whisking her car through the city streets, Zoe decided to call Desi and see if he had plans for the evening.

  “Hey, how are you this morning?” Zoe almost sang into the phone.

  “Hi, darling, as usual I’m running late for work, but I’m fine. What’s up with you?

  “I thought I’d see if my bestie wanted to have dinner with me this evening? My treat…” Zoe added for good measure.

  “Hey now, if it’s free it’s for me. What restaurant did you have in mind?”

  “I thought we could go back to the place we went to a few weeks ago. I really liked the atmosphere and the food was pretty good as well.”

  “You sure you don’t want to try someplace else? There are a million places to dine and a lot of them are better than where we ate.”

  “I’m sure there are and I promise, we will explore each and every one of them, but for tonight can we please go back?”

  “I suppose so. Lord knows I can’t turn down any opportunity to get you out in a social environment. Do you want me to pick you up at the credit union?”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind? I can try and find it on my own.”

  “Zoe please, everybody knows that you are directionally challenged. I’ll be in the parking lot at 5:00.”

  “Thanks, love, I’ll see you then.”

  Zoe assisted customer after customer with a smile on her face and joy in her voice. Everyone that encountered her walked away feeling better than they did when they’d arrived. She had tried without success to put the idea of socializing with friends and even the possibility of dating out of her mind, but the thoughts kept invading her head. Three weeks of fantasizing about what could be had been enough for her. It was now time to live in the moment, time for her to start truly enjoying her life and just the prospect of it made her giggly.

  April walked up to Zoe and smiled broadly. “Girl, I have never seen you so happy. I don’t know what’s going on, but I sure hope it continues.”

  April was the one and only coworker that Zoe allowed herself to get close to. All of the credit union’s employees had welcomed her to their branch with open arms, but Zoe kept everyone at arm’s length. But there was something about April that was very warm and comforting. She offered Zoe friendship without trying to pry into her personal life. She freely shared aspects of her life with Zoe, but never asked for information in return. And though April never asked, Zoe often found herself volunteering little tidbits of her life, her feelings, and opinions to her new friend. Zoe had never
really had a close female friend and she was enjoying the growing closeness that she shared with April.

  “Girl, I’m just happy to be getting out for a little R & R this evening. I’m going out with my friend Desi again for drinks. Would you like to tag along?”

  “Oh…thanks, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to intrude on your night out.”

  “How is it an intrusion if I invited you?” Zoe asked sarcastically.

  “Well if you don’t think your friend would mind, I’d love to go. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed a night out.”

  “Well he’ll pick us up at 5:00pm and I guarantee we’ll have a blast.”

  Fortunately, Desi was right on time. He watched as the ladies approached his car, wondered who the beautiful woman was with Zoe, and humorously thought that if any woman could make him venture to the straight side of the road, it’d be her. The woman was just that attractive. Desi jumped out of the car for an introduction and to open the passenger door for Zoe.

  “Hey, baby, how are you doing?” Zoe inquired as she threw her arms around Desi for a big hug, a peck on the cheek and she backed away. “Desi, this is my friend April. April this is my Desi.” The two shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited April to hang out with us this evening.”

  “Of course I don’t mind, any friend of yours is a friend of mine,” Desi’s smile confirmed his approval. Let me get the door for you lovely ladies and we’ll be on our way. He opened the front, then the back passenger side doors and made sure each woman was in safely before closing the doors behind them. He dashed back around to the driver’s seat and they were off for an evening of good food, great conversation and lots of laughter.

  By the time the appetizers arrived with the second round of drinks, it seemed as if the three of them had been friends forever, like April belonged with them. The music was good and the energetic crowd only added to their already joyful mood. Periodically, Zoe would glance around as if she were looking for someone, but would quickly turn her attention back to her table.

  “So, April, where are you originally from?” Desi asked the first of a long line of questions.

  “I’m actually from Atlanta. Born and raised in the SWATS,” April grinned with pride.

  “What in the hell is the SWATS?” Zoe quizzed.

  “Humph, that’s what these homegrown country folks call southwest Atlanta. And all of them say it with such pride,” Desi snorted sarcastically.

  “You know, it kills me how all of you so called northerners come down here and complain about our traffic, call us country, can’t understand the pride we have in our state, and so on. But what I don’t understand is why y’all continue to stay. With all the complaining, I’d think you’d be trampling over each other to get back to wherever all you all came from,” April ranted.

  Zoe burst out laughing, “I guess she got you told.”

  “I guess she did,” Desi admitted. “And now that I’ve been put in my place, I guess I’ll keep the other questions I had to myself.”

  “Oh come on, don’t be so sensitive. Now ask away, what else do you want to know?”

  “Do you have a big family or are you one of those kids that have been spoiled rotten because you’re an only child?”

  “I used to have a twin brother, but sadly he died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago,” April stated very somberly.

  Zoe spoke in almost a whisper, “Oh, I had no idea, April; I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

  “It was definitely the most difficult time in my life and it’s something that I continue to struggle with,” April admitted. “But, hey, everyone struggles with something, right?”

  “Indeed they do,” Desi confirmed. “I know I have my fair share of trials and tribulations.”

  April noticed that Zoe had gotten quiet and withdrawn. She was looking off into nothingness, her mind clearly flying over the territory where her own issues lie. “Zoe, are you okay? Zoe…”

  Finally snapping out of her trance, Zoe offered a fake smile. “I’m all good, just listening to you guys.”

  “Well this is not what we came here for. This is supposed to be a happy time, so I propose we all take a shot and liven this thing up again.”

  April summoned the waitress, ordered three shots of Vodka and the laughter returned to their table. What didn’t return to the table was Zoe’s full attention. Both Desi and April noticed that she was constantly looking around, almost like she was casing the joint. With curiosity taking hold, April couldn’t stop herself from asking Zoe what she was looking for.

  Zoe blushed and hesitated before finally admitting that she thought maybe the guy she’d previously met there might have returned. Knowing they would ask a million questions, she immediately went on to tell them of the brief conversation she and the gentleman had shared and how he’d given her his phone number. “He seemed so nice and truly interested in me. That never happens…”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” April looked puzzled by Zoe’s untruth. “I have watched men drool over you on the daily. They come in the bank with dinner invitations and propositions for you all the time. We can’t even go out to lunch without some dude hitting on you.”

  Desi studied Zoe’s face, her perfect bone structure, almond shaped eyes, and flawless café mocha complexion. Her beautifully short, cropped hair and forever sexy red lips. How could she not see the attention that she commanded every time she stepped foot into any room? He thought of the brutality that she witnessed and suffered as a child and wondered if the effects of it still made her feel small or unworthy of the attention she commanded.

  “April, you know just like I do that the clowns coming in and out of the bank are only joking around. They flirt with everyone and half of them are married.” Zoe took a sip of her drink and looked around once more.

  “What about the businessman with the expensive suits that comes in from time-to-time? He is gorgeous, smart, successful, single, and has asked you out no less than three times. You laugh him off as if he’s cracking jokes or something.”

  Not having a good rebuttal, Zoe shrugged her shoulders and took another bite of her food. She could feel both her friends staring at her, neither fully understanding why she doubted how appealing she was to men or why she felt that the man from a few weeks ago was the only one she’d received any real attention from. Zoe knew that April had no idea about her childhood, but Desmond knew it all and it confused her that he didn’t understand her right now.

  “Guys, we came here for some fun not a therapy session. I propose that we eat and drink up and then get out of here. After all, tomorrow is a work day.”

  Just as Zoe had requested, the three of them finished their meal, chatted about much of nothing, and headed back to the bank parking lot. April thanked them for a pleasant night out, jumped in her car, and headed home.

  Desi held Zoe’s hand until April was out of sight. He leaned against her car, looked in her eyes, and smiled. “If that guy from the restaurant is the only one that you think has come on to you or shown you any interest then it must be something special about him. Hundreds of knuckle heads see you, are interested in you, but if he’s the only one that you’ve seen then you owe it to yourself to give him a call. Don’t deprive yourself of companionship and please, please stop underestimating yourself. You’re gorgeous, smart, and savvy, make him work for your affection.”

  Zoe smiled at her best friend, kissed him on the cheek, and climbed into her car. “You know me; I don’t just give anything away. If I ever do decide to call him, he’ll have to earn every minute of my time and affection.”

  “That’s my girl,” Desi smiled sweetly. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Zoe closed her car door and took off. She mulled over everything that April and Desi had said. She wondered why she always blew off the advances from men, but couldn’t seem to get the one guy out of her head. What was it about him that made her want to know more
about who he was and what he was about?

  After a hot shower, Zoe’s bed was a welcome sight. It had been a long day and the drinks she had with dinner left her a little more mellow than usual. There was no doubt in her mind that a good, restful night’s sleep was what she’d have. Zoe drifted off with thoughts of love dancing in her head. Sadly, it wasn’t long before the face of love was replaced with that of Otis.

  “It’s your turn, baby girl.”

  His breath heavy with the scent of liquor and the sound of him slamming and locking the door caused Zoe to moan achingly. The image of him hovering over her removing his clothes made her squirm. The vision of her hitting him with the bank and beating him with the shard of porcelain sent tears streaming down her face. The heaviness of his body as he fell on top of her and the river of blood that flowed freely from his head sent screams of horror throughout the house.

  “Zoe, wake up, baby, wake up. He’s not here, honey, he’s not here,” Martha spoke soothingly as she wrapped her arms around her baby girl. She held Zoe until her screams and moans subsided.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Pam sat at the table with her sister and mother enjoying a delicious plate of homemade lasagna. She was especially happy, couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off of her face. Zoe and Martha looked at her suspiciously; a genuine smile on Pam’s face was as rare as a ten karat canary diamond.

  “I can’t take it anymore, Pam, please tell us what has you grinning like a chess cat?” Zoe quizzed. As she waited for the answer, she’d already imagined that it was something silly or trivial. At times it seemed that Otis’ beatings had stunted Pam’s maturity, leaving her an overgrown, silly, scared kid.

  “I had lunch with one of our clients today. It was so nice that I accepted his invitation to dinner and a movie this weekend,” Pam blushed.

  Martha choked on her food and coughed uncontrollably. Pam jumped up and began to beat her mom on the back while simultaneously trying to pour water down her throat. Zoe offered no help, she was still too dumfounded by Pam’s confession to move. Finally, after several minutes, Zoe regained her voice and Martha regained her composure. But still clearly shocked, Zoe asked, “So what brought this on? What made you even go to lunch with him? I mean you’re twenty-eight and have only ever dated one guy and that only lasted a month.”