Hate the Way He Loves Me

by Stacey Covington-Lee

  “With a little help from a friend I was. I thought I was going to have to leave it until tomorrow, but a buddy of mine was nice enough to bring me the other materials I needed to go ahead and wrap it up.”

  “Good for you. Well I hope you’re hungry because the rest of us are starving,” Pam went on to say. “So guys, go wash up and we’ll put plates on the table.”

  Alvin and Ramon did as they were instructed and when they returned to the family room, the folding table was being topped with platters of loaded baked potatoes, grilled salmon, asparagus, and Martha’s delicious yeast rolls. Ramon went into the kitchen to grab the pitchers of tea and lemonade and place them on the table along with the food. Everyone took their seat and Martha began to lead them in prayer. She thanked God not only for the food, but for the protection of her family and for them to be surrounded with love and understanding. Ramon lifted his eyes slowly as everyone said amen. Platters were passed and plates were filled, but Ramon had to speak up about the cloud hanging over the table, he knew if he didn’t he wouldn’t be able to enjoy his meal.

  “From the tension looming over the room I can only assume that Zoe told you all about our disagreement the other week,” Ramon began. “I know that I was totally out of line and I’ve apologized for it.”

  “Ramon, it sounds like you were a little more than out of line,” Martha interjected. “Is this your normal behavior when someone does something you don’t like?”

  “Absolutely not, Ms. Martha. I know that this is not an excuse, but I got really scared that Zoe was leaving me. In my mind I thought that if she wants to leave she can, but she won’t be coming back in here to snatch her stuff like a thief in the night. She was going to have to talk to me and explain why. I didn’t even explain to you, Zoe, just how scared I was that night. Seems that everyone I truly love has always been taken from me or voluntarily left. I guess that was my very stupid way of protecting myself from being hurt. But I swear to you that I will never hurt your daughter, Ms. Martha. I will never raise a hand to hit her, never disrespect her, and never intentionally cause her harm. I swear.”

  Zoe reached over and lovingly took Ramon’s hand. His heartfelt speech was not only reassuring to her, but to Martha as well. Pam, on the other hand, was still giving him the side eye as if to say she wasn’t totally convinced. But after Alvin gave her a gentle squeeze under the table, she relaxed her look and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  The evening went on with everyone enjoying the meal and the Red Velvet cake Martha made for dessert. They talked about current events, each other’s jobs, and future plans. Ramon’s bravery in speaking up seemed to have given almost everyone a new level of comfort and trust.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  There was nothing Pam loved more than spending time with her man, Alvin. He made her feel secure and loved. They had enjoyed a fun filled day of competition at Dave & Buster’s and had plans to meet Zoe and Ramon for a nice dinner at McCormick & Schmick’s. Although Pam still wasn’t a fan of Ramon’s, she was tolerant of him for her sister’s sake. Pam would put up with just about anyone if it meant spending more time with Zoe. She wouldn’t allow her distrust of Ramon to place a strain on her relationship with her baby sister.

  They were already seated when Ramon and Zoe entered the restaurant hand in hand. They looked happy and that was pleasing to Pam. “Hey guys, it’s good to see y’all,” Pam sang as she and Alvin rose to their feet to greet their dinner companions.

  “Hey, yourself,” Ramon replied as he hugged Pam and gave a manly pat on the back to Alvin.

  “Hi, sis, how are you tonight?” Zoe asked with a kiss for Pam and a warm hug for Alvin.

  “I’m doing great! Alvin and I have enjoyed a fantastic day together,” Pam boasted. We went to Dave & Buster’s and I felt like a kid running around that game room and beating Alvin at every game we played.

  “Hold on now woman, tell the story right. I let you beat me at one game of basketball,” Alvin corrected.

  “Humph, I could have sworn I beat you at basketball, air hockey, oh and that racing game.”

  “Y’all see what happens when I allow this woman to think that she can beat me? She gets carried away and thinks she’s the champion of everything,” Alvin laughed as he planted a tender kiss on her cheek.

  “Alright, love birds; this is getting too sappy for me. I’m officially changing the topic,” Zoe declared. “How was Mama today? I spoke with her briefly, but she seemed to be rushing me off the phone.”

  “That’s because she was running around trying to clean up before she headed out for the day,” Pam replied.

  “Where was she going?” Zoe asked, surprised that her mom was venturing out on a Saturday without either of them.

  “I introduced Ms. Martha to my mom a couple of weeks ago and they really hit it off,” Alvin said. “My mom is part of a social group and she invited Ms. Martha to hang out with them today and she accepted. So your mom is at the Alliance Theatre enjoying some play and then they were heading out to dinner.”

  “Oh my goodness, that is so good. I’m really glad that Mama is getting a little social life of her own. Hey, babe, maybe we can introduce our parents too. Do you think your mom would enjoy hanging out with the other ladies?” Zoe inquired.

  Ramon’s facial expression changed from joyful to serious. “Zoe, you’ve only met my parents once, what makes you think that they would now want to become best friends with your family? I thought it was obvious that they’re not the outgoing, fun loving types.”

  “Dang, babe, you don’t have to get all defensive or upset, I was just asking. And how am I supposed to know what your folks are like? I met them once for five minutes, damn.”

  The death stare that Ramon was throwing at Zoe made everyone at the table uncomfortable. Alvin tried to change the conversation, but no matter what he talked about, the mood around the table was forever changed. Every bit of joy and light heartedness was destroyed by Ramon’s over-reaction.

  “So, are you guys coming to dinner tomorrow?” Pam asked. “Mama is cooking her famous roast.

  “We can’t make it,” Ramon blurted out before Zoe could form an answer on her lips.

  Zoe looked at Ramon with annoyance written all over her face. “Why can’t we make it?”

  “I promised my friend that we’d swing by his house for the game and a little dinner. And I volunteered you for dessert. So you need to come up with something tasty.”

  Again, Alvin tried to lighten the mood and jokingly told Zoe that she might be better off buying something from the bakery. Everyone gave a little smile, but for Ramon it was the funniest thing that had been said all night.

  “He may have a point, babe. Hard as you try, you can’t cook worth a damn,” Ramon laughed uncontrollably. After realizing that no one else saw the humor in his comment, he tried to defend his joke. “So now everyone can tease and laugh about your cooking but me?”

  “You know, Ramon, it’s the way in which you do it. Your jokes are delivered in a manner that’s meant to be hurtful. It doesn’t come off as a joke, but rather a stab. You need to check your delivery, make sure your little jokes aren’t taken the wrong way,” Pam confronted.

  “It’s cool Pam. I knew he was joking,” Zoe said with a half-smile.

  Only a few meaningless words were shared the rest of the evening. As soon as everyone was finished eating, Ramon asked for the check, immediately gave the waitress his credit card, and waited impatiently for her return. Five minutes later she placed the receipt on the table; he signed it, stood up and held his hand out for Zoe. “Come on, time for us to call it a night.”

  Pam gave her sister a big hug and kiss, the she whispered in her ear, “You can always come home.”

  “I know, but really I’m all good.” She kissed Pam and gave Alvin a hug goodbye.

  Ramon took Zoe’s hand in his and they walked out the restaurant looking like a happy couple. Zoe couldn’t help but think about how funny it was that appearances can
be so different from reality. At that very moment the two of them were anything but happy. Zoe was pissed and embarrassed by Ramon’s behavior and she wanted to know why he felt the need to speak to her the way he had. They crossed the street and walked through the parking deck in silence, but once they exited the lot, Zoe tore into him.

  “What the hell was that, Ramon? Why did you speak to me like that? All I did was suggest that we introduce our parents and you jumped all over me like I tried to kill you. It was disrespectful and uncalled for.”

  “If you want me to talk to you, you better check your damn tone. You ain’t gonna talk to me any old kind of way. And if you call that bitch my mother one more time, I swear you’ll regret it. They are my adoptive parents, understand…adoptive!”

  “Whatever, Ramon! The point is that all I was trying to do was bring our families together and make decent dinner conversation. But you just don’t know how to let people be happy in your presence. And don’t forget that you’re the one that bragged about how close you and your mother were. Make up your mind, either y’all are close or she’s a bitch. I swear sometimes you act like you were raised by wolves instead of parents.”

  Without warning, Ramon extended his hand and popped Zoe in the mouth. She covered her mouth and stared at him in a state of shock. But after what he’d just done sank in, Zoe balled up her fist and whacked him in his face. “Don’t you ever put your damn hands on me,” she screamed as she continued to pummel him. “I am not your punching bag!” Ramon managed to pull the car over and tried to hold Zoe’s hands to prevent her from landing another punch, but when that didn’t work; he drew back and punched her in the nose. Zoe screamed in agony and blood flowed like a waterfall.

  “See what you made me do,” Ramon shouted as he scrambled for napkins to hold up to her nose. “Baby, I’m sorry, but what was I supposed to do, let you beat my ass?” He managed to change the tone of his voice to try and convey sincerity and regret. “I’m so sorry, babe. Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?”

  “Drive me home,” Zoe answered in a cold voice as she held her head back to try and stop the bleeding.

  “Babe, you have to know that I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to stop hitting me. I swear, babe, I’m so sorry.”

  “Take me home now!” Zoe demanded

  Ramon finally pulled into the drive. Zoe jumped out of the car and ran into the house with Ramon hot on her heels. He was still trying to apologize, but she was not interested in anything he had to say. While he talked, she packed. She filled her overnight bag with only the necessities, grabbed her purse and keys, and headed towards the door.

  “Babe, please don’t leave me,” Ramon begged. “I love you so much and I’ll do anything to make this up to you. Please just don’t leave me.”

  “You promised me and my family that you’d never lay hands on me in a violent way. You lied and I have no reason to believe that you won’t do it again. I’ve told you about my past, how I grew up, yet you still punched me in the face like I’m some dude on the street.”

  “I messed up big time, Zoe and I know that. I just wanted you to stop hitting me, but I went about it the wrong way.” Ramon dropped to his knees and with tears rolling down his cheeks, he begged, “I’ll do anything you want if you would just stay.”

  Zoe tried to walk out the door, but her heart just wouldn’t let her. She rationalized that had she not became violent with him, he wouldn’t have laid his hands on her. “I need to know that this will never happen again.”

  “It won’t, Zoe, I swear it won’t.”

  “Your words mean nothing to me, Ramon. Prove it by going to counseling with me and taking an anger management class on your own.”

  “If that’s what it takes then I’ll go. We can find someone on the internet tonight and I’ll call and make an appointment tomorrow.”

  “No, I’ll find someone from a list of providers that accept my insurance and schedule our first appointment myself. But please know that if you fail to complete anger management or fail to show up for our counseling sessions, I’ll be out of here…for good.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  After calling out sick for the past two days, Zoe wasn’t surprised that April was calling. She’d called yesterday, but Zoe just wasn’t ready to talk to anyone, wasn’t ready to start lying in order to cover up the truth. But she knew that if she didn’t answer the phone today, her family and friends would literally start knocking the door down trying to find out what was going on. So she took a deep breath and answered, “Hello.”

  “Hey girl, are you okay? I’ve been calling you for two days now. Why haven’t you come to work?”

  “I’ve been a little under the weather the last couple of days. Between menstrual cramps and fighting off a cold, I just wasn’t up for work, but I’ll be in tomorrow.”

  “Well you should’ve let me know. I’ve really been worried about you. So much so that if you didn’t answer the phone this time, I was going to call Desi so that he could do a drive by with me. We were going to be over there banging on your door.”

  “Come on now girl, no need for all that, I’m fine. Have I missed anything major at work?”

  “Not at all, just the usual crap. But without you being here the days seem to be moving a lot slower. Do you need me to drop by with anything, you know, soup or tissues?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but Ramon has already gotten me both. I’m going to go in here and get a little more rest so I’ll be ready for work tomorrow.”

  “Alright, well if you need anything you know you can call me day or night.”

  “I know and I appreciate that, April. Thanks a million.” Zoe said goodbye and went back to watching The Steve Harvey Show. Watching television, eating junk food, and laying around was all that Zoe had done for the last couple of days. She didn’t want to be seen by anyone because there was still some slight bruising around her nose. She hadn’t been in the mood to explain and lie about what happened. So she chose to become a temporary recluse. The time alone, peace, quiet, and rest had actually felt really good. She just hated the way it had come about. Ramon, sensing that the best thing he could do was to leave her alone, had made himself scarce. He’d been leaving early, working late, and keeping quiet. But Zoe knew that his mousy behavior was going to be short lived.

  Just as she’d predicted, Ramon had returned to his normal behavior. He didn’t work late, but instead came home at his usual time and his first question was what’s for dinner? Zoe looked at him as if he were talking gibberish. She turned her attention back to the TV because her favorite 80’s show, A Different World, was now on. “Babe, did you hear me? What’s for dinner?” Ramon asked again.

  “I don’t know, I assumed you were going to pick something up on your way in,” she responded without ever turning her attention from the television.

  “But we just went grocery shopping less than a week ago. The fridge and cabinets are full of food, so why would I pick up take out?”

  “Because I didn’t want to cook. These two days have been my recovery and relaxation days,” Zoe answered with a touch of defiance in her voice.

  “So you haven’t done a thing today.” Ramon was clearly disgusted.

  “Oh, but I did do something. I made your appointment with a therapist for anger management. You’ll have eight sessions staring tomorrow evening at 6:00pm. I got you the latest appointment they had. I also scheduled us for four couple’s therapy sessions. We’ll do those on the days that you don’t have anger management.” Zoe watched Ramon closely to see if his facial expression would change to one of anger. To her pleasant surprise, he remained calm and unaffected.

  “Okay, just text me the address of the therapist so I’ll have it in my phone. What day do we go to the first couple’s session?”

  “Friday evening and I figured we could leave there and go out for a nice dinner. Is that cool with you?” Zoe asked.

  “That’s fine, but what are we going to do about
dinner tonight? I swear I’m about to starve.”

  Zoe looked at him and took into consideration that he had been working hard all day. “The best I can offer is chili dogs and fries.”

  “I’ll take it,” he replied as he made his way to the bedroom to undress and wash the days stress away in a hot shower.

  As the water poured over him, he couldn’t help but focus on how annoyed he was becoming with Zoe. Yes, he had agreed to the therapy, he would’ve agreed to just about anything to keep Zoe from walking out the door. But now he felt that she was taking all of this a tad too far. He reasoned that she never would’ve gotten popped in the nose if she hadn’t been trying to beat up on him. Hell, as far as he was concerned she needed to be in anger management as well. And if she didn’t stop sitting around moaning about recovering and healing as if she’d been shot, he was going to scream. Ramon finished his shower, threw on some sweats and sat on the side of the bed to try and decompress before going back out to deal with Zoe.

  “Babe, dinner is ready,” Zoe yelled out.

  Even though she was serving a less than gourmet meal, she decided to at least serve it with a little flare. When Ramon walked into the kitchen, he found candles burning, soft music playing, and his meal served on their so called good china. A smile spread across his face and he was relieved that there would be no more cold shoulder or rehashing of Saturday night’s events. For him, this was a sign that Zoe was finally ready to let it go and move on.

  “These are the best chili dogs ever, babe.”

  “I think you’re just hungry. So tell me, how was your day? Did you get that house renovation job you were bidding on?”

  “As a matter of fact I did. And babe, it’s going to net me about $5,000 more than I initially thought it would.”

  “That’s great, Ramon, if you keep this up you’ll have to hire a couple of more workers to keep up with demand.”