A Kiss by Candlelight

by Joanna Mansell

  She gave a rueful smile. ‘I shouldn’t think so. He’s got his own peculiar standards.’

  Sir Charles studied her thoughtfully. ‘You have got to know my brother well, haven’t you?’

  Luckily, the taxi pulled up outside her flat at that point, which saved her from having to answer. She rather quickly scrambled out, hoping Sir Charles would say no more on the subject of Nicholas. She really didn’t think she could take it right now.

  He merely smiled at her, though. ‘Let me know if you still want to work for me, after you’ve taken a few days’ break,’ he instructed her. ‘I hope you will—the office will be in chaos without you!’

  The taxi pulled away then, heading in the direction of the airport, leaving Cathryn to trudge tiredly into her one-roomed flat. Once, she had thought it cosy. Now, after the spacious luxury of Sir Charles’s apartment, it merely looked cramped.

  She flung her luggage down in the corner, and then flopped in a depressed heap on the bed. She had the feeling that the next few days weren’t going to be any fun at all.

  Cathryn soon found herself wishing that she could go back to work. That would have been much better than sitting around all day, with far too much time on her hands to think about things that she didn’t want to think about. Sir Charles had ordered her to take a break, though, and she didn’t have much choice except to obey. Anyway, she wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to go back. Perhaps she should try and find another job. While she worked for Sir Charles, there was always a chance that she might run into Nicholas again one day.

  Nicholas—even now she didn’t understand how he had so thoroughly managed to insinuate himself into her life. Just a few days with him, and wham! She was in broken little pieces that wouldn’t fit back together again.

  Rather half-heartedly, she scoured the ‘situations vacant’ columns, looking for a job that promised to be as interesting as the one she already had. She didn’t find any, though—perhaps because she wasn’t looking very hard. By the end of the week, she wasn’t eating properly, was sleeping hardly at all, and all because of someone that she couldn’t put out of her head. Yet she knew she had to do it. Nicholas liked short-term affairs, nothing too serious. No matter how she felt about him, she couldn’t offer him that. Cathryn knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it when it was over. The way she felt now would be nothing compared to the devastation that would sweep over her when Nicholas walked away.

  She lost weight; she looked and felt lousy. If this was love, she didn’t think much of it. By the weekend, feeling desperate, she phoned her parents and asked if she could go home for a couple of days. As always, they welcomed her with open arms. Her mother fussed over her, and her father hinted heavily that they would love to have her home permanently. Cathryn felt the old wrench at her heart. She loved them both, but she just couldn’t live with them. She wasn’t their little girl any longer, but they didn’t seem able to treat her like an adult. In the end, the old sense of suffocation began to close in on her again, and she knew she had to get back to London. She told them she had to be at work the following morning, and they reluctantly accepted her decision.

  In fact, Cathryn was still in two minds about whether to return to her present job or not. Sir Charles would be back from America by now, though, and expecting to see her. Either way, she had to see him and let him know her decision.

  She dressed carefully, but couldn’t do much about her lacklustre appearance—or the lack of sparkle in her eyes. When she reached the office, she realised that she still hadn’t made a decision. Perhaps she could talk it over with Sir Charles. He had already guessed that she had managed to get herself emotionally tied up in knots with his brother. He might be able to help her make up her mind.

  Her own desk was piled up with work that had accumulated during her absence. Firmly ignoring it, she walked towards Sir Charles’s office and knocked lightly on his door.

  A voice ordered her to come in. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and marched in. Then she stopped dead.

  Nicholas was sitting behind Sir Charles’s desk.

  Cathryn simply stood and gaped at him. She knew she couldn’t have gone any paler if she had seen a ghost. It was just so totally unexpected, seeing him sitting there. She felt as if someone had punched the stuffing out of her and forgotten to put it back again.

  ‘Do you want to sit down?’ offered Nicholas calmly. ‘You look as if your legs are about to give way.’

  ‘N-no,’ she managed to splutter shakily. ‘I’m—I’m all right.’

  ‘You don’t look all right,’ he remarked. ‘It’s actually quite a boost to my ego, having this sort of effect on a woman.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s happened before,’ she shot back, her voice more tart now as she began to recover from the shock of seeing him.

  Nicholas got slowly to his feet. His stick was propped up against the chair. He didn’t use it, though. Instead, he took a couple of steps forward and then perched himself on the edge of the desk.

  ‘Not as often as you think,’ he said with clear amusement. He studied her face. ‘Don’t you have any questions you want to ask me?’ he prompted gently. ‘Such as, what am I doing here? Where’s my brother?’

  Cathryn decided that she didn’t want to know what he was doing here—not yet. Instead, she stuck to his second question, which seemed a lot safer.

  ‘Where is Sir Charles?’

  ‘Back at the flat,’ replied Nicholas. ‘He returned from America last Friday. We’ve just spent the weekend together.’

  Cathryn’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Peacefully?’

  ‘Relatively peacefully,’ replied Nicholas drily. ‘Things aren’t perfect between us yet. The situation’s been bad for too long—it’s too much to hope for an overnight miracle. He’s finally beginning to accept that I never laid a finger on Helena, though.’

  ‘How did you convince him of that?’

  ‘I didn’t. You did.’ said Nicholas simply.

  ‘Me?’ she said in disbelief. ‘How?’

  ‘Charles trusts your judgement, and, since you believe my version of events, he’s forcing himself to do the same. It isn’t easy for him. He was always obsessively jealous where Helena was concerned, and he isn’t over it even yet. But he’s finally beginning to get the whole thing into some kind of perspective, and realising that he’s never been able to be very rational where Helena was concerned.’

  ‘It’s funny, isn’t it?’ mused Cathryn. ‘He’s such a practical man in most other ways.’

  ‘Not funny at all,’ remarked Nicholas. ‘When love hits you that hard, rationality flies right out of the window. In fact, everything flies out of the window. I thought you were beginning to understand that,’ he said gently, his green gaze fixing intently on her.

  Cathryn’s nerve-ends squirmed. She didn’t like the way this conversation was going.

  ‘I still don’t know what you’re doing here,’ she said rather sharply.

  ‘Charles thought it would be a good idea if we met on neutral ground.’

  Her eyes grew wary. ‘Why do we need to meet at all?’

  ‘If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be in such a very confused state myself,’ he answered wryly.

  ‘You? Confused?’ she echoed in sheer disbelief.

  A faint smile touched Nicholas’s mouth. ‘Unbelievable, isn’t it?’ he agreed gravely. ‘But, you see, I’ve been having a few problems these last few days.’

  Worry instantly showed on her face. ‘Medical problems?’

  ‘Not exactly. Although I’ve been getting some very physical symptoms.’

  ‘What kind of symptoms?’

  ‘Remember the morning I got soaking wet, and stripped off? And we both very nearly got carried away?’ he prompted.

  Cathryn immediately flushed. She remembered only too well!

  ‘I was very noble that morning. Pulled back just in time, and promised myself that that was the last time I’d lay my hands on you like that. Only I’ve
been regretting it ever since,’ he went on, to her amazement. ‘I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night wanting you so much that I’d have sold my soul to have you there beside me. I thought it would get better after a couple of days, that it was only to be expected after all those celibate months in hospital. It’s got worse, though. And the really strange thing is that I don’t want just any woman. It’s got to be you.’ His gaze held hers thoughtfully. ‘Why do you suppose that is, Cathryn?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she got out in a choked voice.

  ‘Nor did I, for quite a while. Then Charles found me prowling around the flat in the middle of the night, like the proverbial cat on hot bricks. He got the whole story out of me, and promptly put me right on a few things.’

  Cathryn’s head was beginning to spin slightly. ‘What sort of things?’ she asked rather hoarsely.

  ‘Such as the fact that I can’t keep using my job as an excuse for not having the guts to take on a serious relationship. And that there are women who can cope with the long absences and the stresses caused by a job like mine.’ Nicholas’s green eyes rested on her placidly. ‘Charles seems to think that you’d cope with them very well indeed.’

  ‘What makes him think that I’d want to cope?’ she said warily.

  ‘Charles knows a great deal about the symptoms of love. He’s had a lot of first-hand experience, so he easily recognises it in other people. He reckons that we’re both suffering from it.’

  ‘Both?’ Cathryn croaked.

  ‘I reacted in much the same way,’ Nicholas admitted cheerfully. Then his eyes gleamed. ‘You still look very pale. Are you sure you don’t want to sit down?’

  Cathryn decided that she would take up his offer this time. She couldn’t remember when her legs had last felt this weak!

  ‘How—I mean, what—well, what are we going to do about it?’ she somehow managed to get out at last.

  ‘There only seem to be two alternatives,’ Nicholas remarked. ‘We can forget about the whole thing—difficult,’ he commented drily, ‘but probably a lot more comfortable in the long run. Or we can work out where we want to go from here.’

  Cathryn couldn’t quite believe he was saying these things to her. ‘Where do you want to go?’ she asked unsteadily.

  Nicholas gave a wolfish grin. ‘You want a truthful answer? Straight to bed! But although that would be extremely pleasant in the short term, it wouldn’t really solve any of our problems. This is only going to work if we’re prepared to make some compromises.’

  ‘What sort of compromises?’

  ‘For a start, I’m returning to work at the end of the month.’

  ‘Are you well enough?’ she asked worriedly.

  ‘I will be by then. Another few days, and I won’t need this stick any more. A couple more weeks, and I should be moving around almost normally. You’ll find that out, if you decide to stick around,’ he added, with a totally wicked grin.

  Cathryn swallowed hard. She found she liked the idea of Nicholas being completely mobile.

  ‘There is one small snag, though,’ he went on. ‘They’re posting me to the Far East. I’ll be there for several months, maybe even longer.’ Before Cathryn had a chance to look thoroughly downcast at this piece of news, he added, ‘I want to take you with me. You’d have to give up your job with my brother, though. How do you feel about it?’

  ‘I’d like to come with you,’ she said without a moment’s hesitation.

  Nicholas immediately looked extremely pleased. ‘There’s one other thing,’ he added. ‘It would be a lot easier all round if we were married.’

  ‘Married?’ she yelped, fresh waves of shock rushing right through her.

  ‘Don’t you like the idea?’

  ‘I like it a lot! But I thought you were the original confirmed bachelor.’

  ‘So did I,’ Nicholas said ruefully. ‘Which just goes to show how one particular female can change your view of things. And Charles insists that I make an honest woman of you. He’s very protective towards you—takes his duties as your future brother-in-law very seriously. I don’t think he’ll let me near you again unless I do this right.’

  Cathryn stiffened. ‘I don’t want you to be forced into anything. I’d rather leave things as they are.’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t,’ Nicholas replied calmly. ‘I’m quite looking forward to the whole thing.’ His gaze suddenly glittered. ‘It’ll be a whole new experience—for both of us.’

  She gulped again. ‘Where—where would we live?’ she asked shakily. ‘When we’re not tramping round the world, that is.’

  There’s my flat in London. Or we could find somewhere else, if you’d rather. And there’s always the island if we want to get away from everything,’ he reminded her, with a slow smile.

  The island—Cathryn found, to her surprise, that her memories of it had softened considerably.

  ‘I suppose it would be a lot more pleasant in the summer,’ she conceded. ‘And it would be a great place to take kids.’

  ‘Kids?’ repeated Nicholas in a startled voice, as if that thought had only just occurred to him. ‘Kids,’ he said again in a more thoughtful tone, as if slowly getting used to the idea—and even liking it.

  ‘My parents would want a big wedding,’ she warned him. ‘I’m an only child, remember. This is the one chance they’ll get to put on an impressive display.’

  ‘How impressive?’ Nicholas asked warily.

  ‘Very! Bridesmaids, banks of flowers, bells ringing, huge cake, loads of guests—can you face it?’

  ‘I suppose I’ll have to,’ he said with resignation.

  Cathryn shook her head in disbelief. ‘You’re really willing to go through all that?’

  ‘It looks like it.’

  At last, she began to relax, and the shadow of a smile spread over her face. ‘I’m finally beginning to believe that you really do love me—even though you’ve never actually said it!’

  Nicholas immediately looked discomfited. ‘I’m not very good at saying things like that. You’d better get used to not hearing it very often.’

  ‘Just once would be nice,’ she gently pushed him.

  ‘Well—I—I love you,’ he got out with some difficulty.

  ‘It’ll get easier with practice,’ she told him cheerfully.

  ‘I certainly hope so! By the way, if your parents are going to insist on this big wedding, they’d better make a start on organising it. I want us to get married before we leave for the Far East. That gives us just under four weeks.’

  ‘Don’t worry. My mother can move mountains when she puts her mind to it. I’ll give her a ring later today.’

  ‘I suppose I ought to meet them,’ reflected Nicholas. ‘Perhaps we could drive down at the weekend.’ He looked uncharacteristically anxious. ‘Do you suppose they’ll like me?’

  ‘I’m afraid they won’t actually approve of you,’ Cathryn said regretfully. ‘They always wanted me to marry a professional man with good prospects. A banker or a solicitor would have been ideal. An accountant or civil servant would have been just about acceptable. I’m afraid a foreign correspondent isn’t at all the sort of man they had in mind.’

  ‘I’ll charm them into liking me,’ Nicholas said more comfortably. Then, when Cathryn looked at him sceptically, he went on, ‘You don’t think I can be charming?’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure that you can be absolutely anything you want to be. It’s just that I haven’t actually seen the charming side of you yet!’

  ‘You will,’ he assured her. Then he grinned. ‘It’s probably a great advantage that you’ve seen so many of my bad points. It’ll come as a nice surprise when you discover my good side.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to it,’ Cathryn said with an answering grin. Then she looked at him curiously. ‘When did you discover that you actually—well, that you were...’

  ‘I’m love with you?’ Nicholas finished for her, as she floundered slightly. ‘It was when my brother hit me on the jaw. For some reason, it s
eemed to knock some sense into me. I could see you looking down at me with all that concern on your face, and I suddenly thought how nice it was to have someone to care about me so much. And how nice it would be to come home to you every night. I was so staggered by that thought that I stayed down on the floor much longer than I actually had to,’ he remarked with a gentle lift of his eyebrows.

  ‘But you let me leave the flat without saying a single word to me,’ she reminded him.

  ‘That was because I didn’t know what to say! I couldn’t suddenly blurt out that I seemed to have been hit by this bolt of lightning. It sounded ridiculous, even to me. Anyway, I thought it was perhaps only a temporary thing, and that I’d get over it.’

  ‘But you didn’t?’ she said a little anxiously.

  ‘No, I didn’t. And it doesn’t look as if I’m ever going to.’ He ran his fingers a little restlessly through his hair. ‘I’m getting very tired of talking,’ he said in a more husky voice. ‘Why don’t you come over here and let me show you just how much you’ve managed to get to me?’

  Cathryn stood up and found that her legs were still weak. She managed to take the half dozen steps that separated her from Nicholas, though, and gave a small sigh of utter contentment as she felt the already familiar sensation of his arms coining round her.

  Nicholas looked down at her. ‘You’re an amazing girl,’ he muttered. ‘You’ve only been in my life a very short time, and yet you’ve already turned it completely upside-down. What are you going to do to me over the next few years?’

  ‘I’m going to love you,’ replied Cathryn softly. ‘I think that you need an awful lot of loving.’

  ‘I need you,’ he confessed. ‘And I didn’t think I’d ever say that to anyone.’

  He shut up after that, and indulged instead in a long kiss that left both of them a little breathless.

  When it was over, they moved even closer instead of drawing apart. Cathryn wound her arms around his neck, buried her face in his shoulder, and still found it hard to believe that she wasn’t dreaming all of this. She had the feeling that Nicholas was going to convince her over the next few days, though!