A Kiss by Candlelight

by Joanna Mansell

  Cathryn wasn’t sure what to make of his answer, and so she decided to ignore it. ‘I hope your brother isn’t too worried about us. He asked me to leave a phone number where he could get in touch with us. I didn’t know then that we were going to end up on an island with no phone.’

  ‘Charles might worry about you,’ Nicholas replied tersely. ‘He certainly won’t worry about me.’

  ‘That’s not true!’ Cathryn shot back at once. ‘If he wasn’t worried about you, he’d simply have left you in that hospital.’

  ‘He did what he did out of a sense of responsibility,’ Nicholas growled. ‘Nothing more.’

  Cathryn shook her head. ‘I think the pair of you want your heads knocked together! You’ve only got each other, and yet you’ve kept up this ridiculous feud all this time.’

  ‘Charles certainly doesn’t regard it as ridiculous.’

  ‘That’ s because he believes you had an affair with his wife,’ Cathryn retorted.

  Nicholas shot a sideways look at her. ‘Perhaps I did,’ he suggested.

  ‘You told me that you didn’t.’

  ‘And you believed me?’

  ‘Yes,’ Cathryn said without hesitation.

  ‘How can you be so sure that I was telling the truth?’

  ‘I just am.’ She was aware that he was still looking at her, and she kept her own attention glued to the road.

  ‘You really think that you know me that well?’ he asked curiously.

  ‘I know that you wouldn’t lie about a thing like that.’ When he didn’t say anything more, Cathryn gathered up her courage. ‘Are you going to tell me what really did happen?’ she asked.

  Nicholas shrugged. ‘Since I’ve told you this much, I might as well tell you the rest. Although I don’t know why the hell I’m talking to you about it. I’ve never said a word about it to anyone before.’ He paused for quite a long while, then he went on, ‘Helena made quite a few visits to my London flat. Charles eventually found out about the visits, and assumed they were because we’d had an affair.’

  ‘But you hadn’t,’ Cathryn said with some certainty.

  ‘No, we hadn’t,’ Nicholas agreed. The reason Helena came to see me was because she wanted to borrow some money. A lot of money.’

  ‘Money?’ echoed Cathryn in a puzzled voice. ‘But what for? Surely your brother gave her a generous allowance?’

  ‘Yes, he did. But it wasn’t enough. She needed a lot more,’ Nicholas said a little grimly. ‘But she wouldn’t ask Charles.’

  ‘What did she want all that money for?’

  ‘Remember I told you once that Helena had quite a few weaknesses? Well, one of them was gambling. In fact, it was her chief weakness. She lost vast sums, but she still couldn’t stop. And she never told Charles. He thought that she just enjoyed the occasional flutter. He had no idea that she had become so addicted to it, or that she had run up enormous gambling debts. Then the people she owed money to started to become nasty. Helena was frightened—in fact, panic-stricken. She didn’t know what to do, and so she came running to me for help.’

  ‘Why on earth didn’t she just tell your brother?’ asked Cathryn. ‘If he loved her as much as you say he did, he’d have understood.’

  ‘He might have understood, but Helena was terrified that it would shatter the idealised picture he had of her. She could see their perfect marriage crumbling, and she couldn’t stand the thought of that. She made me promise that I would never tell Charles anything about it.’

  ‘And she asked you for the money,’ Cathryn said slowly. Comprehension slowly dawned inside her head. ‘And you gave her your inheritance! That’s where all your money went, isn’t it? You said it had gone on gambling debts—but they were Helena’s debts, not yours!’

  Nicholas lifted his shoulders in a gesture of resignation. ‘What else could I do? Helena didn’t have anyone else to help her, and she was in such a state that I was frightened of what she might do if I turned her away.’

  ‘But after Helena died in the car crash, why didn’t you tell your brother about all this?’ Cathryn demanded. ‘You could so easily have put things right between you.’

  ‘A promise was a promise, even though Helena was dead. Anyway, by then Charles had already convinced himself that we’d had an affair. After Helena’s death, a “friend” had told him about Helena’s visits to my flat, and he immediately drew his own conclusions. Charles was always obsessively jealous where Helena was concerned. He saw every other man as a threat. I knew there was nothing I could say that would make Charles believe any differently.’

  Cathryn was at last beginning to understand how difficult it would be for the two brothers ever to put things right between them.

  ‘You’re sure that your brother wouldn’t believe your version of events?’ she said slowly, at last.

  Nicholas shook his head. ‘He wouldn’t even listen to me if I tried to talk to him about it.’

  She gave a deep sigh. ‘It seems such a pity that you can’t somehow sort this out.’

  ‘We can’t,’ Nicholas said bluntly. ‘Leave it at that. I can live with it.’

  Cathryn couldn’t help thinking about it during the rest of the drive back to London, though. So many misunderstandings, and both men too proud even to try and sort them out.

  They finally drew up outside Sir Charles’s flat, but Cathryn didn’t immediately get out of the car. Her own problems were beginning to crowd in on her again now.

  ‘You don’t need a nursemaid any more,’ she said quietly, turning to Nicholas. ‘In fact, I don’t think that you ever needed one. I’ll come in and collect the rest of my things. Then I think it would be best if I went back to my own flat.’

  ‘You’re certain that’s what you want to do?’

  Cathryn was suddenly angry at his attitude. ‘It’s what you want me to do, isn’t it?’ she challenged him. When he didn’t answer, she got out of the car and ran up the steps to the front door.

  It took her a couple of seconds to get the key in the lock because her fingers were shaking. She finally managed it, and went into the silent, empty flat. She decided to go straight to her room, pack her few remaining things, and then clear out straight away. There didn’t seem to be any point in prolonging this misery any longer.

  Nicholas had already followed her in, though. He came limping over, his face looking unexpectedly grim, and caught hold of her shoulders.

  ‘I think we need to talk about this—‘ he began.

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it!’ Cathryn said stubbornly. ‘I just want to get out of here.’

  His fingers bit deeper into her shoulders. ‘You’re not going anywhere, not yet. I want—’

  ‘I don’t care what you want!’ she interrupted him, the turmoil inside her suddenly exploding out in a rush of pure temper. ‘And let go of me! You’re hurting me.’

  He didn’t seem to realise that she hadn’t meant he was hurting her physically. His fingers were already slackening their grip, but before he could release her completely the door to the drawing-room flew open and Cathryn was astonished to see Sir Charles come charging straight at them.

  ‘Get your hands off her, you bastard!’ he bawled at his brother bitterly. ‘Haven’t you hurt enough women in your life?’

  Nicholas looked stunned, and his hands renewed their grip on Cathryn’s shoulders, as if he suddenly needed her support. Sir Charles wrenched them away, though. Then he spun his brother round to face him.

  ‘I told you to let go of her!’ he roared. Then he hit his brother hard on the jaw, sending Nicholas crashing to the ground.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Cathryn couldn’t believe this was happening. Sir Charles had already raised his fist, as if he was ready to hit his brother again as soon as he tried to get up. Nicholas took a very long time hauling himself to his feet, though, and seemed to be making no effort to defend himself.

  ‘Get up and fight, you damned coward!’ Sir Charles taunted him.

  ‘I won’t raise m
y hand against you,’ Nicholas replied quietly.

  Cathryn couldn’t stand it any more. ‘Stop this!’ she cried. Just stop it. I won’t have anyone fighting over me!’

  ‘But this isn’t about you, Cathryn,’ said Nicholas. Then his gaze swivelled searchingly to his brother’s face. ‘Or is it?’ he questioned softly. ‘Do you want Cathryn, Charles?’

  Sir Charles instantly looked shocked. ‘Of course not! Cathryn works for me, that’s all. There’s certainly nothing else between us, if that’s what you’re insinuating. But I won’t see her manhandled by anyone. And certainly not by you!’

  Surprisingly, Nicholas seemed to relax after he had heard his brother confirm that he had no romantic interest in Cathryn. He rubbed his jaw ruefully, and then glanced up at Charles.

  ‘Why don’t you ask Cathryn if she minds being manhandled by me?’ he asked drily.

  ‘I’ll ask her no such thing,’ Sir Charles shot back angrily. ‘Cathryn’s already been through quite enough at your hands.’

  ‘Cathryn’s been through nothing at my hands,’ Nicholas retorted sharply. Then he briefly checked himself. ‘At least, nothing that went too far,’ he finally amended. ‘If you don’t believe me, just ask her yourself.’

  ‘She’s probably too intimidated by you to give me a truthful answer—’ Sir Charles said fiercely.

  ‘I’m not intimidated by Nicholas,’ Cathryn cut in quietly. ‘He’s never hurt me—not physically—and he’s never forced me into anything. He’d never do that to anyone.’

  ‘Ha!’ came Sir Charles’s disbelieving response. ‘You just don’t know him very well.’

  ‘She thinks she does,’ Nicholas said in a voice that suddenly sounded very tired.

  ‘Then she doesn’t know much about your past, does she?’ Sir Charles responded bitterly.

  ‘I know that you think he had an affair with your wife,’ Cathryn said in a very clear voice, not quite sure how she had found the courage to say such a thing to Sir Charles. ‘But he didn’t.’

  Sir Charles’s face went absolutely white, and a warning darkness spread over Nicholas’s features. ‘Cathryn, don’t!’ he instructed curtly. ‘Stay out of this.’

  ‘How can I stay out of it? The two of you have dragged me right into the middle of it!’ She turned round to face Sir Charles. ‘Your wife did visit Nicholas’s flat, but not for the reasons you thought. She wanted to borrow money from him, that was all.’

  ‘If she had needed money, she would have come to me,’ Sir Charles said flatly. ‘I always let her have whatever she wanted.’

  ‘She wanted a lot of money. She had run up huge gambling debts, but she was frightened to tell you about them.’

  Sheer disbelief showed on Sir Charles’s face. ‘I know she liked to gamble now and then, but—huge debts? And how could she possibly have been frightened of me? I loved her! She knew how much I loved her.’

  ‘You put her on a pedestal,’ Cathryn said in a quieter voice. ‘She was scared to death that you’d love her a lot less—or not at all—if she ever fell off that pedestal.’

  ‘So, perhaps Helena needed money,’ Sir Charles conceded in a harsh voice. He swung round to look at his brother in disgust. ‘But why would she go to Nicholas unless there was something between them?’

  Nicholas looked resigned. ‘I told you this would happen,’ he said, turning to Cathryn. ‘All you’re doing is making things worse.’

  ‘How can things possibly get any worse?’ she demanded. She turned back to Sir Charles. ‘Why are you so sure that your brother had an affair with your wife?’

  ‘I know him,’ growled Sir Charles. ‘I know his track record with women. And anyway, Helena changed. Those last few months, she was—different towards me,’ he muttered, obviously finding it hard to get the words out.

  ‘Of course she was different,’ Nicholas said evenly. ‘She was being hounded by some very unpleasant people. She was scared to death. No one in that sort of situation behaves normally.’

  For the first time, a shadow of doubt showed on Sir Charles’s face. Then it was followed by a grimace of pure pain.

  ‘If she was in so much trouble, why didn’t she come to me?’ he said with some bitterness. ‘Why couldn’t she even talk to me about it?’

  ‘Because she loved you too much,’ Nicholas replied. ‘She was deeply ashamed of her addiction to gambling. On top of that, she was terrified you’d despise her if you ever found out about it. She went to quite desperate lengths to keep it from you.’

  Sir Charles was silent for a very long time, as if he was trying to take in everything that had been said; then his shoulders slowly began to slump. His aggressiveness melted away and he suddenly looked a dozen years older. He turned to Nicholas and Cathryn, as if he was about to say something. Instead, though, he turned round and abruptly walked out of the room.

  ‘Let him go,’ said Nicholas, when Cathryn started to go after him. ‘He needs to be on his own for a while.’ His dark brows drew together. ‘Finding out that Helena couldn’t confide in him, that she had to go to someone else when she was in trouble—that’s hurt him just as badly as thinking she had an affair.’

  ‘I suppose I shouldn’t have said anything,’ said Cathryn unhappily.

  ‘No, you shouldn’t,’ Nicholas agreed rather curtly. ‘I can live with my brother’s animosity, but I’m not sure that Charles can live with the knowledge that his wife wouldn’t come to him for help when she was in trouble.’

  There was a long, tense silence between the two of them, which was only broken when Sir Charles unexpectedly walked back into the room.

  ‘I need time to think this over,’ he said abruptly. ‘I think it would be best if I went back to America for a while. I only came back because I had a short break in my schedule, and I was worried about you, Cathryn. You’d gone off with Nicholas, I didn’t even know where, and—and I didn’t trust my brother,’ he said in a low voice.

  ‘Do you trust him now?’ asked Cathryn quietly.

  Sir Charles looked uncharacteristically indecisive. ‘I don’t know,’ he muttered at last. Then he looked at Cathryn. ‘What are you going to do now?’ he asked her.

  ‘I think Cathryn needs a break—from both of us,’ Nicholas cut in, answering for her. ‘Give her a few days off, Charles.’

  ‘I don’t need time off,’ Cathryn said quickly. ‘I can be back at work in the morning.’

  ‘I don’t want to see you in the office before next week,’ Sir Charles instructed. ‘And if you don’t want to come back at all—if you want to use the time to find another job—I’ll quite understand. We’ve mixed you up in our family problems, Cathryn, and you don’t look as if you’ve enjoyed it very much. You might decide that you want to get right away from both of us.’

  But Cathryn understood only too well by now that she didn’t want to get away from Nicholas—not ever. Unfortunately, he very much seemed to want to get away from her. No ties, no commitments—that was how he ran his life, and he obviously didn’t intend to make any changes.

  ‘I’ve rung for a taxi to take me to the airport,’ went on Sir Charles. ‘Would you like a lift somewhere?’

  ‘Back to my flat, please,’ said Cathryn in a small voice. ‘If it’s not too much trouble.’

  She glanced at Nicholas, a small part of her still hoping that he would tell her he didn’t want her to go. He remained silent, though, sitting in a chair now and looking rather withdrawn. Cathryn had the impression that he wanted both of them just to go and leave him on his own.

  The two brothers didn’t say a word to each other until the taxi pulled up outside. Then Sir Charles looked at Nicholas.

  ‘You’ll stay here until I get back from America?’

  ‘If that’s what you want,’ replied Nicholas in a rather flat voice.

  ‘You’ll be all right on your own?’

  ‘Of course.’

  And he was telling the truth about that, Cathryn thought miserably. Nicholas would always be all right on his own. She
was the one who was going to find it incredibly hard to get back to her normal existence.

  She climbed into the taxi beside Sir Charles, and realised that Nicholas hadn’t even said goodbye to her. She blinked rather hard, and fiercely told herself that it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to let it get to her.

  ‘I think I ought to apologise to you,’ said Sir Charles, his voice breaking through the cloud of depression that was settling over her. ‘I never meant you to get so caught up in our family problems.’

  ‘I’m the one who ought to be apologising,’ she said in a low tone. ‘I shouldn’t have interfered, and said the things that I did.’

  ‘About my wife?’ Sir Charles gave a faintly twisted smile. ‘Perhaps I needed to hear them. It’s been a long time since anyone even dared to mention her name to me.’ He paused for a moment, then said rather abruptly, ‘Do you think that Nicholas tells lies?’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ she said without hesitation.

  He looked at her with unexpected gentleness. ‘You don’t think that your opinion of my brother might be a little biased?’

  ‘It might be,’ she admitted reluctantly. ‘But I think he’s basically very straightforward. If he’d had an affair with your wife, he’d have quite openly admitted it and then taken the consequences.’

  Sir Charles was silent again for some time. ‘There were several times when I suspected Helena of having an affair,’ he said at last, in a rather harsh voice. ‘Looking back, I don’t think she ever did. It was all in my mind. Perhaps it would have been better if we’d never met,’ he went on with a dark shake of his head. ‘I was always so obsessed with her. She couldn’t have found that at all easy to live with. She couldn’t even come to me when she was in such serious trouble.’

  ‘Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you’re not emotionally involved with,’ Cathryn tried to console him.

  ‘Nicholas—’ he growled, with another shake of his head ‘—she went to Nicholas.’

  ‘Only for money,’ Cathryn said with absolute certainty.

  Sir Charles looked as if he very much wanted to believe that. ‘I remember lecturing Nicholas on the way he squandered his inheritance,’ he said heavily. ‘But he didn’t squander it, did he? He gave it to my wife.’ He looked at Cathryn. ‘If I tried to give that money back to him, do you think he’d accept it?’