Redefining Us: A Reclusive Novel
Page 14
Xander takes his free hand and swipes some errant strands of hair from my forehead. He leans down to place a barely there kiss on my temple and my insides turn mushy. This sweet side of him is turning me into a gooey mess. His nose brushes along my jaw until he reaches my ear. Then he murmurs, “I love you”, before pulling back to catch my gaze.
The smile taking over my face probably looks ridiculous but I don’t mind. I want Xander to know every piece of me.
“I love you too, X. So very much.” I give him the last part I was holding back. Moisture gathers in my eyes so I blink quickly to clear it. I cup his scruffy cheek and don’t miss the shock as it passes through his expressive ocean eyes. When I notice them getting misty, the lump in my throat grows larger.
Xander glances away briefly to collect himself before responding. “I didn’t realize I needed to hear that so much or how much I missed you calling me that.” He gives his head a little shake before inching closer to almost touch my lips with his.
“Wills,” he breathes into my gasping mouth. I shudder at the name I haven’t heard in three long years. I want him inside me so badly it burns.
I arch my back as he shifts lower, which causes his solid shaft to grind against me in the most delicious way. “Oh my goodness, that’s feels so freaking amazing!” I yelp out when his dick rubs against an especially sensitive spot perfectly. I lose all train of thought and focus only on what Xander is doing.
I moan before Xander’s hungry mouth descends upon mine. This kiss starts out different from anything we’ve previously shared. We take our time to explore and enjoy. The affection pours out between us and releases a flurry of pent up emotions. Our lips effortlessly slip together to create a tight seal that is freaking magical. Our tongues begin a slow erotic dance while our heads tilt to get impossibly closer. Xander’s palm is holding my jaw and my fingers spear into his untamed hair. Our lower halves are rocking together and I’m so freaking wet that Xander’s hardness easily strokes through my crease. I could definitely get off from this alone.
All of a sudden it changes, like we snap and cannot hold back our driving need any longer. Our kiss becomes sloppy and messy, like we are purposely missing the target or coloring outside the lines. Our touches spread farther and become more aggressive. One of my hands is clutching Xander’s thrusting bum and the other is clasped around his Willow tattoo. His palm drags down my body, which awakens every tiny nerve ending. He finds my tingling clit smashed between us, which makes me jolt from Xander’s lips so I can yell out in pleasure.
Holy crap, this man has mad skills.
Xander sucks a line from my chin to my neck before licking his way to my breasts. Once he latches onto my nipple, the desperation to have him deep inside takes over my entire being.
“Please, X . . . I need you. Don’t make me wait again. Make love to me.” I’m whining and moaning but I could care less. This man is breaking me apart with his seductive movements.
Once my plea registers, Xander shifts slightly and I can feel him right there. One thrust and he will ease this aching emptiness. Before I can ask again, he plunges into me with his massive cock.
Oh. My. Gawd!
My mouth drops open in a soundless scream. My inner walls strain with the enormous intrusion but the breach feels fantastic. Xander slides deep and hits a particular place that has my limbs spasming with convulsions. I whimper and dig my nails deeper into his butt, urging him on. I alternate my begging between again, more, yes, and please.
Together we are jolts of friction, sparking anywhere we touch. Our hips are magnetic. The coarse hair on his legs is abrasive against the smooth skin of mine. Our chests are bumping and rubbing with vigor. The sound of sliding skin is music to my freaking ears. The longer Xander pounds into me, the higher I soar. Electricity is pulsing/surging through my veins and I’ve never felt better.
No words are needed. Everything we need to say is expressed through our flesh. Each soft caress. Every gentle glide of fingers. Delicate kisses with heavy meaning. Our bodies are having a conversation far deeper than any verbal exchange could name. I feel like Xander is reciting a poem to my soul with every drive into my core. What is happening feels meant to be on an instinctual level. Even if we tried to stop, the force binding us together is too strong.
My heart and mind are yearning for this joining right along with my body. I trace the thick veins on his sinewy forearms, which cranks my arousal up another notch. I had no idea I could ever feel something like this. The pleasure is so extreme. Xander yanks me from my mental trance when he purrs straight sexiness in my ear.
“You’re so damn tight, Willow. I can’t remember anything ever being this good. I want this to last so I can savor and cherish you but I don’t think I can handle it. Your pussy is squeezing my dick so fucking hard.” His powerful pumps seem perfectly coordinated with his words.
For a man that claims he doesn’t use words well, he sure knows his way around dirty talk. I’m freaking loving this side of Xander.
He keeps going since I’m apparently stunned silent. “You’re soaking. Do you like this? Am I making you feel good?” I can only answer in breathy moans and panting gasps as Xander completely dominates me.
He props up on an elbow in order to look down to where we are intimately and erotically connected. Xander bites his bottom lip and moans at the sight. He slips his fingers around the root of his cock so he can feel the penetration. It makes me freaking crazed and gives another layer of fantastic friction.
When he pushes in, I tilt my pelvis up to accept him even deeper. When he pulls back, I grip his butt and clasp my legs tighter to stop him from retreating too far. I can feel his cock growing impossibly thicker inside of me. The added pressure causes my internal muscles to clench and contract. Every long, torturous drag is delicious.
I’m feeling desperate for release so I push myself to speak. I’m not above begging. “Xander, I need to come. Please. I want it so bad.” I end my frazzled rant on a sigh.
“Give in to me, Wills.” He whispers near my ear before gently biting the lobe. Then he strums my clit with his thumb and after only a few swipes, the fierce orgasm smashes through me.
I’m shaking uncontrollably as heat engulfs my entire body. The spasms begin at my core but rapidly flow outward to conquer me completely. My body is taken over by convulsions that keep expanding and extending until I’m no longer in charge of my actions.
What is happening to me?
As my release is blasting through me, I barely register Xander’s thrusts becoming more frenzied and punishing. I’m gasping for air and trying to stay conscious through this intoxication. His jaw clamps down on my shoulder as my nails brutally dig into his skin.
“Fuck. Fuck! I’m going to come, Willow. I need to pull out.” Xander sounds savage as he begins jerking above me.
I lock my ankles around his hips while screaming, “Don’t you freaking dare.”
Once the words leave my mouth, Xander slams into me a final time and reaches a spot that’s never been touched before. His corded body bows and writhes as he empties everything he’s got inside my dripping core. His groan is guttural and the sound sets off another round of violent shudders within me.
When the twitching and tingling eventually subsides, I feel Xander bite down on my sensitive flesh before his face settles in the crook of my neck.
I shiver when his heated breath skates across my sweaty skin. “I can’t deny that I love my marks covering you and knowing your pussy is flooded with my cum. I don’t give a shit if that makes me barbaric. I’ve claimed you and now you’re mine. You’ve always been mine, Wills.” His voice is so raw and untamed, matching his words perfectly.
Well, stick a fork in me because I am freaking done.
The euphoria continues buzzing through my blood while we lounge in bed awhile later. I’m still processing Xander’s declaration of love and the fact he’s been hiding these feelings since we were kids. It totally boggles my mind that we kept this huge secre
t from one another. I would like to assume life would have been far smoother if we took the plunge way back then by confessing our truths. I release a hefty exhale and Xander tightens his arm around me.
The fact we are cuddling right now is exciting enough. I absolutely enjoy the physical aspects, especially what we’ve shared, but lying here in compassionate silence is just as amazing. Xander is leisurely running his fingers through my hair while I lazily pet his chiseled chest. The blissful state we’re in causes our relaxed breathing to sync as the air easily escapes our lips. I’m so freaking happy and I feel like I’m floating.
Before finding Xander again, I almost gave up hope that us being together, like this, was ever going to happen. I’m so thankful for that surviving sliver I managed to hold onto. I could never let Xander go completely, so my heart hums happily since my optimism has been justified. I snuggle deeper into his embrace as I count my numerous blessings.
I’m content and comfortable as I gaze up at Xander’s handsome face. He notices me looking and brushes a soft kiss on my forehead. I sleepily sigh, “I love you, X.” The words fall from my lips without warning but it makes sense for the moment.
Xander’s body goes rigid and his hand freezes against my scalp. He clears his throat. “I’m still not used to hearing you say that. It’s difficult for me to believe you could possibly feel that way for me, especially after everything I’ve put you through. You deserve so much better than a broken man like me but I’ll never take your love for granted.” His mouth is against my temple and his warm breath sends shivers across my chilled skin. I hate the defeated tone of his voice but he continues before I can comment on it.
“I love you so fucking much, Wills. I’ll spend the rest of my years proving that to you. Life has been so fucking dark, but since you’ve been around, there is blinding light reflecting everywhere.” His hushed statements cause my heart to take off in rapid beats. It feels like it could burst out of my chest.
I feel pressure behind my eyes as tears begin forming. I lower my lashes to hide the emotion but Xander grasps my chin to tilt my head up. He moves impossibly closer before banding his arms more securely around my waist. I feel protected and taken care of when pulled so close to him that I’m not surprised to feel the first drop trail down my cheek. I release a small chuckle at my reaction but suck in a gasp when Xander licks the tear away.
“I see you, Wills. Don’t hide from me, baby. Never keep anything from me ever again.” He places a devastating kiss along my lips that has my wild imagination spinning up a romantic fairytale where we live happily ever after. A swarm of butterflies erupt in my belly at his continued display of tenderness.
Being with Xander is second nature. It comes easy, like we just click. Once we got past that initial awkward stage, we effortlessly picked up where we left off. As though nothing had changed and time hadn’t been ripped away from us.
I want this to work out so badly my soul vibrates with need. I love this man with my entire being but I’m terrified it will slip from my grasp. I wish we could remain hidden out here in the woods forever but that’s not realistic for either of us. This is not the time to start obsessing over potential threats to our relationship. We are here now, together, where I’ve dreamed of being for so long.
When he breaks the kiss, the look of love shining from his eyes causes another lump to form in my throat.
“These past three years I was alive but I wasn’t living, Willow. I was barely scraping by, stuck in a never-ending nightmare. The darkness consumed me and my reality was bleak as fuck. I didn’t believe I’d survive, and to be honest, most days I didn’t want to. Now though, you’ve given me a reason to live again.”
With those words, he’s totally destroyed me. I’m ruined in the most exquisite way. I’m all freaking choked up so I show him what I can’t currently explain. I roll him onto his back before straddling his hips. I lean down to capture his mouth in a searing kiss as I glide my pussy along his hardening shaft. It doesn’t take long for him to be ready and I lift up to welcome him into my depths.
We continue whispering our confessions and truths as we join together. Our secrets spill out into the dark room.
This time we go slow and sweet, all night long.
* * *
I wake up from the sun streaking through the window and flooding the room with bright light. I’m sprawled across Xander and I’ve never slept better. My subtle movements alert Xander of my rousing and he squeezes my butt before grinding his morning wood into my tired pussy. She needs a serious time out.
“Good morning,” he grumbles in a drowsy tone.
Mmmm, good morning indeed.
I shift my pelvis away from his massive erection to dissuade him from getting any ideas. Xander huffs out a breath in fake annoyance before smacking my retreating bum. I yelp and glare up into his smiling eyes. It’s difficult to tell if his lips are tipped up with all that facial hair obstructing the view.
A question that’s been bouncing around randomly pops into my brain. I worry about disrupting our playful mood but my curiosity wins out.
“Can I ask you something?” I begin after clearing my dry throat. Xander freezes slightly beneath me but nods in approval.
“I’ve been super curious about your beard ever since I saw you again. Growing up, you were always clean cut so it got me wondering. Don’t get me wrong, you look really hot, but is there a reason for it?” I ask while resting my chin on his chest. My head rides his deep inhale and drops back down when he releases it.
Xander’s gaze darts away nervously before refocusing on me. “Well, it’s kind of a long story and definitely not amusing or interesting, so don’t get your hopes up.” He appears worried and edgy, which has my mind reeling with possibilities. His audible sigh accompanies his discomfort as he scratches his fuzzy neck.
“The beard started as a cover to hide a hideous scar running along my cheek and jaw.” As Xander speaks, he grabs my right hand and presses it against his face. He gently glides my fingertips along a bumpy ridge that isn’t visible but is noticeable through touch. The wound must have been enormous because the jagged line is really thick and long. I rub along the edges while combing through his beard and try to imagine what could have caused such an injury.
I don’t want to force details from him but Xander has to know I’m curious to hear much more about this topic. Laying my ear against his pec allows me to hear his steady heartbeat while my eyes search deep into his with an unwavering stare.
Xander makes a choking sound that could almost pass for a chuckle. “Damn, you’re so fucking cute. Tell me what you want to know, Willow.” His expression is open and willing so I take advantage.
“Will you tell me how it happened? I’m assuming it goes along with why you’ve locked yourself away out here. That’s a huge scar so it can’t be from tripping down those nasty stairs outside.” The corner of my lip tips up at my attempt to inject some humor but I know this is a pivotal moment for us.
He expels another weighty gust of air that wafts across my face. “This shit is impossible to even think about. I’ve never talked to anyone about what happened that day. Plenty tried, especially when I was in the hospital. This story is pitch black and I don’t want to dim your light. It’s so fucking vicious and dirty.” Xander’s voice is trembling, which causes my throat to tighten with guilt for putting him in this position. Before I can protest, he keeps going.
“I hate imagining it but I’ll tell you everything, if you want to listen. If it helps you feel closer to me, I’ll let it all out.” He wheezes out the words while tightening his grip on my waist.
I take a few seconds to collect myself and determine how to respond. Everyone handles grief differently but Xander has been storing so much pain without an outlet. Anyone can see he’s not been properly managing whatever is bottled up in his beautiful brain.
With those driving thoughts as motivation, I strengthen my resolve and decide I want him to release his demons. No matter what.
“This is for us, Wills. So we can move forward. Together. I can’t get this shit off my chest without you beside me, all right? You’ve already helped me by making all this shit seem better. It will feel good to share it with you.” Xander’s tone is so sincere and kind that the tears collect faster than I can stop them. The emotion is spilling across my cheeks but he swipes the drops away with his thumb.
A hollow laugh escapes my throat. “You haven’t told me anything and I’m already a freaking mess. Gosh.” I blink quickly a few times in an attempt to stem the flow. My watery eyes look up and get caught up in his calm blue ones. The cleansing breath I release brings clarity to my mind.
“I will carry this burden with you. I would do anything for you, X.” I feel like I’m whispering those truths directly into his soul.
A single tear trickles down his cheek and it nearly breaks me. Xander nods his head once before speaking. “All right. Well, I’ve already told you a little bit about the men that I served with. Over the two years I was actively deployed overseas, we were all stationed together in several cities throughout Afghanistan. Since our troop consisted of only ten soldiers, we became really close without much effort. They were my brothers. Men I would gladly have standing next to me on my wedding day. Paul Collins was my best friend over there and it guts me daily that I’ll never fucking see his face again.” His body is shaking slightly against mine and I can almost hear his heart pounding an anxious rhythm. I bite my lip in worry that these recollections are already taking a toll. I hug my arms around his middle in a silent show of support.
After a few moments, Xander picks up where he left off. “Over there, in the middle of the fucking desert, your reality is warped. It is a completely different dynamic and it’s tough to explain. You bond through experience and quickly learn to rely on them. After several months of dull repetition in horrible conditions, the mood around camp was pretty giddy because new orders came through that we were getting pulled out in a few weeks. Of course, there would be several stops in between. Depending on your situation, you either head home or ship out to the next mission. I hadn’t signed my reenlist papers. By that point, I was ready to come home to you.” About halfway through, Xander tips his head to the side so he can be closer to me. I close the gap by leaning up to place a delicate kiss on his lips. This man is ripping me apart and I freaking love it.