Wanting You

by Ryan Michele

  “You avoiding my calls?” Grams teased.

  “No. I was writing.”

  “Uh-huh. Anywho … I called Keith, and we are doing dinner tomorrow night!” I loved hearing the excitement in her voice.

  “All right, what time?”

  “I eat early. So be here at four. Keith said he and his clan could get here around four-thirty, so I’m planning on eating no later than five.”

  “No problem. I’ll be there.”

  “Love you, Savannah.”

  “Love you, too, and see you tomorrow.”

  After saying our goodbyes, it was time for me to get ready for what I was sure would be an eventful evening.

  What a fucking day. No amount of kicking, punching, or jabbing at the gym helped get that little blonde out of my fucking head. She was stuck there like some disease—one I thought I cured a long ass time ago. No, she had to bring her ass back here and stir up shit. Fucking shit-stirrer.

  And then to think I called her name out when I was fucking Mindy. How fucked is that? In all the years, I had never called a chick another woman’s name. Ever. I actually prided myself on that considering how many women have had my dick in them over the years. That was also why I switched to sweetheart—helped a lot.

  Why the hell did she have to be a fucking knock out? If she were anyone else, she would’ve been under me last night. No question about it. I would have fucked her every possible way I could, and then I’d have done it again. But no. She had to be Vann.

  “Deke?” Z’s head popped around my office door.

  “What?”

  “Glad I caught you in a good mood. You’re gonna love this.” Z tossed a manila folder onto the desk. Opening it up, I saw a picture of him. The asshole we’d been after for the past two fucking years—his scraggly haired, tattooed face staring back at me. What I wouldn’t give to find this asshole and end him, for good. Most of the papers I had seen many times; I practically had them memorized, but one stuck out.

  “You see it?” Z asked.

  “Yeah, I fucking see it.”

  “You’re going in as a buyer,” Z announced.

  “I figured. I’m gonna need good cover.” Last time I was face-to-face with this douche was a few years ago when I beat him to a fucking pulp. I’d have to change up my looks a bit. At least I was bigger now; that would help.

  “Yeah. Working on that.” Z sighed. “You gonna let your personal shit go so we can do this?”

  “Fuck no, it’s my personal shit that keeps me doing this,” I growled. Like I could forget the fucking reason I wanted this asshole. I’d prefer him six feet underground, but since I liked my freedom, this was the next best thing. I would just make sure that he had a great roommate in the pen.

  “You gotta keep your cool or they’re gonna throw your ass off.” I knew that. I wasn’t official anymore. I gave that up when the rules fucking sucked at catching the scum of the earth. I couldn’t sit around waiting for all the red tape to clear before doing what needed to be done. This was a better option for me. I helped them out my own way, but still had the back up if I needed it.

  “Sullivan!” Captain Craiger called.

  “Yes sir.”

  “Come take a seat and shut the door.” I knew this wasn’t good. Captain only called you in his office and shut the door for disciplinary shit. I knew why I was there. I just didn’t want to deal with the bullshit of it.

  I did as he instructed and took a seat in front of his desk.

  “Look son, that shit you pulled out there the other day, we can’t have it. Too much paperwork and it comes down hard on the whole force. This is the third time.”

  This time I couldn’t help it. The little fucking weasel deserved having his ass kicked for selling dope to a thirteen year old kid. I would have killed him had my partner not pulled me off him.

  “I know.” I was going to say I was sorry, but thought better of it. I wasn’t sorry. He was too fucking high to give a shit anyway.

  “And I know you’d do it again in heartbeat.” Captain blew out a deep breath. “Look son, I have a team and I want you to be part of it. You are too good to let go, and this might be right up your alley, but no one can ever know. Officially you will be discharged from the force.”

  I immediately accepted.

  “I’ve got this,” I said, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

  “Meet Sam at your place at seven. She’s gonna fix your ass so you can buy. At nine, we’re gonna roll into Schooner’s. I’m hanging back, you’re doing the exchange.”

  “Got it. Gotta talk to Ace.”

  Sam worked her magic. Looking in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself. My hair was now black as coal hanging long to my shoulders. It was gonna drive me crazy as fuck, but I’d get over it. Contacts changed my blue eyes to green, and the goatee was a nice touch. I grabbed a long-sleeved polo and some jeans. The shit I was buying cost good money, so I needed to make sure I looked like I had it.

  Grabbing my shades and tucking my gun in my boots, I was as ready as I was gonna get.

  Heading out, Z was in a beautiful Camaro parked at the curb. “Like it?” He smirked.

  I whistled. “Hell yeah. How’d you swing this?”

  “Connections.” Sam did a bang up job on him, too. I wouldn’t have known it was him had I not been expecting him.

  “Dumbass.”

  Pulling up to Schooner’s, the place looked busy, which was good for what I needed to do. We were just getting a sample this time, pictures of the transaction, audio from the wire I had on, but no arrests. I didn’t understand the fucking wire; it would be loud as shit in there. They wouldn’t be able to pick anything up.

  Scoping out the place, I couldn’t see him. “I’m gonna take a walk,” I called out to Z after grabbing my beer. I knew there were guys in here, and probably some women, too, watching my every move. I also knew they only stepped in if I needed it.

  I scanned the place as I walked, but nothing. Intel said he’d be here tonight. Damn it. The dance floor was packed wall-to-wall with people. So many hot chicks, but I needed to get this shit done first. “Fuck,” I murmured to myself.

  In the middle of the floor dancing were Sawyer, Kinsley, and Vann—bumping and grinding with each other and some fucking dudes. What the fuck was she doing here? Fury raged through me. I didn’t know if it was because she was here or because the asshole behind her was grinding his shit all over her.

  I wanted to rip that fucker off her and shove his balls down his throat. I needed to find Z; he needed to keep an eye on them so I could get this shit done. Walking up to Z, he had a beautiful brunette hanging on his every word. “Give us a minute, sweetheart.” I smiled.

  “Sure handsome, you wanna join us later,” she purred.

  “We’ll see.” Her smile showed the teeth of a veteran smoker—not my type at all.

  “I’ll be back,” Z told her and followed.

  “We got a situation. Sawyer, Kinsley, and Vann are here. They shouldn’t recognize us, but we gotta keep an eye on them. You need to keep an eye on them.” After pointing out the girls and having another beer, I began my rounds of quiet questions to a few of glassy-eyed users trying to find this bastard.

  A tap on my shoulder caught my attention. “You looking for me,” asked the scrawny ass I’d been waiting for.

  “Yeah, you got some?” I said, eyeing him.

  “Not here.” Fuck. I began to turn away.

  “I meant not here. Back.” His head nodded, motioning for me to follow him. The back hall was a lovely fucking office. It was dark, but I could still see him. God, I just wanted to punch his fucking lights out.

  “Cost?” I asked dismissively.

  “Twenty.” I thought for sure he sold this shit for much more than that. Fucker kept scratching his arm—looking around—nervous as all shit. You’d think if he was so damn nervous, he would’ve made sure to know to whom he was selling.

  I folded up a twenty and motioned to shake his hand. When his ha
nd left mine, I was holding a baggie. No sooner did I look up, he was gone. Shoving the baggie in my pocket, I strolled back to the bar. We could get the hell out of here now.

  The fact that I let the asshole just leave to sell more shit did not escape me. When Captain said there wouldn’t be rules for this new job, he lied. Not only were there a shit-ton of rules, I still had to follow the regulations of the police force and deal with all their bullshit. I just did it undercover now and below everyone’s radar. It also had me constantly rethinking this whole involvement I had with them in the first place.

  Problem was, I did like it. Catching the fuckers that had ripped my life apart made it totally worth it. It was the one thing that I could be proud of, even though my father thought I was an even bigger disgrace for getting kicked off the force. Would I love to throw it in his face what I did? Hell yeah. Maybe then he’d shut the hell up, but I didn’t.

  “Where the hell is Z?” I mumbled to myself. He’d better not have found a piece of ass and left me.

  Ordering a Jack and Coke, I scanned the space. “Son of a bitch.” Downing the drink, I stalked out to the dance floor—to Z out on the floor between Kinsley and Vann. Touching, groping, moving, the girls ate this shit up with big smiles on their faces. Sawyer was next to them, dancing and laughing along.

  Vann. Damn her. I could still feel her lips on mine. When she finally relaxed enough to let me in, I couldn’t help but take what I wanted. I’d wanted to kiss her for five long fucking years and the whole ‘Goodbye Vann’ thing just came to me. I needed closure; she never gave that to me.

  Sure, she’d called, texted, and emailed, but there was no way in hell I was going to do that shit. If she’d wanted to talk to me, she could have brought her ass home and done so. But no, she stayed away.

  And if she thought that I had no idea that she went away to college and could have come back then, she was sorely mistaken. People in this town talked and shit was easy to find out when you owned a bar and listened.

  I’d even give her the first year since supposedly her mom made her leave, but what about the other four? She could have come here during that time, but no, she stayed away.

  Well, fuck her.

  And fuck me because her body was fucking hotter than hell and my dick was taking notice. That short ass skirt was killing me. It would be so easy to pull up …

  Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I glared at Z as I walked up to them. The smirk, as he saw me, made me want to punch him in the jaw, but as he turned and gave his attention mostly to Sawyer, I figured what the hell.

  With Vann’s back to me, I easily slid up behind her and began dancing. The instant her body froze and she twirled around, I also froze, figuring she was probably going to slap me for what I did last night.

  With wide eyes, her shoulders immediately slumped and the long flow of air leaving her body deflated her. Her eyes once full of hope and excitement fell flat.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya, sweetheart.”

  Vann’s smile was absolutely stunning, but it seemed a bit forced. “You didn’t.” She eyed me from head to toe, and I wasn’t sure why. She just saw me last night. “Your cologne reminded me of someone. Sorry.”

  Taking a few seconds to process her words, it suddenly hit me. My disguise. Fuck. Of course she didn’t recognize me, but she knew my smell, and dammit if that didn’t completely turn me on. At least she was somewhat thinking of me.

  “Sorry to disappoint ya.” I added a bit more drawl and twang to my voice to mask it.

  “Not disappointed.” She smiled and pulled me to her. “Let’s dance.”

  I swore Deke was standing right behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and my heart pulsated rapidly. The smell. His cologne was unmistakable, woodsy, and panty dropping.

  Needless to say, when I turned around and didn’t see him, my heart fell. This man had the same build as Deke, but the long dark hair, green eyes, and goatee were totally wrong. Not to say this guy wasn’t hot, but he wasn’t Deke.

  The girls brought me here to have fun, so I might as well have fun with this guy. If nothing else I could smell him. Pathetic, totally pathetic. Wrapping my arms around his neck, his hair was covering his skin. I leaned over to his ear. “What’s your name?”

  “Gunner.” His voice was smooth as silk with a Southern drawl heard even through all the loud music.

  “Vann!” I yelled back. He just smirked as I turned around in his arms, lining our bodies up back to front.

  Instead of thinking, I just danced. I probably looked like a total slut, but whatever. Most of the people here had no clue who I even was, not that I should care. It felt liberating to grind and rub all over this hottie. I could feel his erection hard on my ass, and it made me want to give him some more.

  Gripping his hips with my hands, I began to move my ass up and down his body, dropping low and continuing to grind along the way. I could smell Gunner on me, and I tried to only think of him and not Deke, but it was hard.

  Gunner’s strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me even tighter to him. His lips and goatee were scraping my neck, and I felt my knees want to give out. The problem was, I wasn’t with Gunner … In my mind, it was Deke. How fucked up was that. Turning to him, I leaned into his ear. “I’m gonna take a break. Thanks.” I grabbed Kinsley and Sawyer and led them to the bar.

  “Whatever they want, I’m buying.” Gunner’s voice stopped me. I didn’t even see him follow us.

  “Thanks, but that’s okay.” I smiled sweetly. I didn’t want anything more from this guy than to dance.

  “Nope, I’m buying.” Gunner’s strong, powerful voice almost scared me. It was controlled and domineering, but I kinda loved it.

  I smiled into his green eyes. I swore those eyes didn’t look right, but I thought it was the alcohol talking. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. You dance like that, you deserve a drink.” His wink and smirk were unbelievably sexy. Too bad my damn mind was on that irritating SOB from last night.

  “Damn, he’s hot,” Kinsley said in my ear.

  “Yea. He is.” I smiled back, not wanting to give my true thoughts away.

  “Stop it!” Kinsley’s abrupt voice caught me off guard.

  “What?” I asked, staring at her.

  “You need to let him go and have fun.”

  “It’s only been a day. I can’t erase five years like that.” Snapping my finger, I thought it helped get my point across.

  “I didn’t say marry the guy, but just have fun.”

  I knew she was right. It wasn’t like I’d been saving myself for the all-powerful Deke Sullivan all these years. But Kinsley’s right. I needed to get over this shit.

  Downing my drink and pulling Gunner’s arm, I said, “Let’s dance,” and dragged him to the middle of the floor. If nothing else, it would feel real nice having his rock hard body pressed up against mine. Maybe he could help me forget.

  The loud pulse of the music caused my body to move. Even as sweat poured off my body, I didn’t stop. I didn’t think. I just did. The strong arms and hands that were around me were guiding me in a subtle way, and I let him.

  Gunner turned me around to face him, his growing erection now pushing into my belly. It’d been way too long since I’d had sex and I couldn’t help but think what it would be like with this man.

  In one swift move, Gunner reached for the back of my head, thread his fingers through my hair, and crushed his lips down on mine. Shocked, I didn’t kiss him back, but he kept trying to coax me into it. It reminded me too much of last night.

  Abruptly, I pushed Gunner away. “Gotta go.”

  Pushing past him, I headed straight for the girls. “We gotta go.” The look on their faces told me they were not ready, but I didn’t have time for this. “I’m leaving. If you want to come, fine, but I’m going out to catch a cab.”

  Walking through the crush of people, I instantly felt the walls closing in on me—my insides twisted and my knees wanted
to give way. I needed air. Pushing through the doors, I propped myself up on the wall, bending at the waist and trying to get myself pulled together.

  These damn anxiety attacks hadn’t gotten any better. The medicine, the therapy, nothing helped. The damnedest things set them off, and there really was no rhyme or reason to them.

  After a couple minutes, I was finally able to catch my breath, and I pulled myself up. “Shit!” I jumped.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya ... again,” Gunner’s voice powered through the fog.

  “I didn’t even hear you come up,” I said, clutching my chest.

  “I didn’t want to bother you. Looked like you needed a minute.”

  “Thanks. I’m good now. You can go back in.” I couldn’t be around him anymore. His smell was just too damn much.

  “I just wanna make sure you get in the cab okay. Then I’ll leave ya alone.” Hearing the sincerity in his voice made me wish I could get the hell over Deke, but I needed time.

  “Thanks. Sorry about in there.”

  “No big deal. I thought you were feeling it, and I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips.” He smirked.

  Clearing my throat, I knew I had to let this one go. “Look Gunner, you’re hot, and you definitely turn me on, but I’m not looking for that right now.”

  “It’s the guy I smell like, huh?” His eyes focused on the parking lot, appearing to be in deep thought.

  “I shouldn’t have told you that. I just could have sworn you were him when you brushed up against me. It’s not right to compare.”

  “It’s fine. I was just looking for a good time.” His drawl seemed to get a bit deeper.

  “Sorry, but that’s not me. I’ll dance, but anything else isn’t going to happen.”

  “Well, whoever it is that smells like me needs to get his head out of his ass and not let you go.”

  Turning, I smiled. “Thanks for that, but it was over before it even started. It was my own fault. Not that I really had a choice.” I focused on my feet. I didn’t know this guy, and here I was telling him shit about me that he didn’t need to know.