The Memory of You

by Laurie Kellogg

  She had to get out of the bedroom before she did or said something stupid. She headed for the door and turned back at the threshold. “And exactly what is it you feel?”

  “I’m not sure. I just know I want a chance to find out.”

  And so did she. But letting herself fall for him, wouldn’t change the final outcome.

  When he followed her down the hallway toward the kitchen, she suddenly spun toward him. “I’d be stupid to jeopardize a solid, caring relationship with Rob simply because you get me fired up. A good marriage is about compatibility and wanting the same things in life. It’s about a lot more than hot, wild sex.”

  If she kept telling herself that, maybe she’d eventually believe it.

  She might not be as physically attracted to Rob, but she had those other things with him. And he wasn’t aching to have a houseful of kids. She knew in her heart of hearts, Mac would lose interest in her the second she told him she couldn’t give him children.

  “Believe me, Mac, you really don’t—” A knock on the back door cut her off. Her attention flew to her watch. Ten o’clock? Had they spent that much time making out? It’d seemed like just seconds.

  Abby opened the back door to let Lucy in. Her friend’s gaze traveled up and down her with a curious glimmer in her eyes. Could Lucy tell what they’d been doing?

  Excusing herself, Abby fled to the bathroom to check the mirror. Her hair looked as if an eggbeater had run through it. She gasped at the sight of her flushed cheeks and puffy lips.

  If Lucy couldn’t guess, she was blind.

  Abby splashed some cool water on her face and ran a comb through her hair before rejoining Lucy and Mac in the kitchen. The tears streaming down Lucy’s face compelled Abby to wrap her arms around her friend. “Royce and you are so much better off without Bill.”

  “I know.” Lucy wiped her eyes. “I didn’t tell Royce this morning because I didn’t want to send him to school upset. I thought I’d break the news to him tomorrow since it’s a Saturday.”

  Mac nodded. “We sort of figured you hadn’t told him when he didn’t say anything. I’ll go get him so you can take him home.”

  ~~~

  After Matt tucked Royce into his own bed, he joined Lucy in her kitchen where she was fixing a ham sandwich. She glanced up, wearing a tremulous smile. “Can I make you something?”

  Evidently, she needed to talk.

  “Sure that’d be great.”

  “I don’t know how to tell Royce.” She pulled two more slices of bread from the bag. “I have trouble even thinking about it without crying.”

  “Lucy, I don’t think this will be as devastating to him as you’re expecting. You told me last night Bill was barely a presence in his son’s life, so his absence shouldn’t leave much of a void.”

  “I know.” She sniffled, spreading mustard and mayo on the bread. “But Royce can’t help but be hurt. He’s bent over backward his whole life, trying to get his father’s attention and love. This will be the ultimate rejection. As soon as he wakes up and sees Bill isn’t here again, he’ll know something is wrong.”

  “I can help you tell him, if you’d like.”

  “Would you?” Her eyes flooded with gratitude. “It would make it so much easier. You’ve already made such a big impression on him.”

  Matt shifted his hips, trying to get comfortable in his jeans while visions flitted through his mind of Abby wearing that silky white nightie she’d had on when she woke him from his nightmare. He wanted to go back and pick up right where they’d left off before Lucy’s arrival interrupted them. Only problem was, if he returned to the house in the state he was in, there wasn’t a doubt he would and knock on Abby’s door. With his control so limited, it’d probably be best if he slept at Lucy’s.

  “I could sack out here so I’m around when Royce wakes up.”

  “I don’t want to put you out. Bill’s pool table is in the spare room, so you’d have to stay on the sofa. You won’t get a very good night’s sleep there.”

  “Believe me, your couch will feel like a featherbed compared to some of the places I’ve slept. Besides, I’d prefer not to be in the same house with Abby tonight. Things were getting a little, uhh—tense there.”

  ~~~

  Abby slipped on her nightgown and flinched at the phone’s ring. Robert didn’t usually call this late. She picked up the receiver and, hearing Mac’s voice, frowned.

  “Hey, Abby. Lucy asked me to stay here tonight. You can lock up, and I’ll see you tomorrow after breakfast.”

  “S-sure.” She swallowed hard. “Okay. See ya.”

  She hung up the phone with her mouth gaping as she wandered to the kitchen and bolted the back door.

  After kissing and holding her all evening, why was Mac sleeping at Lucy’s? Was he afraid of what might happen if he returned to her house? Or had he decided to move on to a more promising prospect? In truth, she had no right to be upset. She’d essentially told Mac he was wasting his time with her.

  She’d been such a fool to let him goad her into his fun and games tonight.

  Then again, what did she expect? She’d always been an easy mark. Matt had taken great delight in getting her to rise to his bait.

  She padded back to her bedroom, yanked the covers down, and crawled under them. She could understand him wanting to relieve his frustration in her friend’s bed, but she’d thought he was more sensitive than to take advantage of Lucy’s vulnerability. Lucy had been hurt enough.

  Closing her eyes, Abby pictured him kissing her friend the same sensual way he’d kissed her. Then again, Mac wouldn’t necessarily hurt Lucy. He might decide to step into Bill’s shoes. With Lucy, Mac could have the houseful of kids he wanted, and they’d be happy.

  Abby wrestled with her pillow for what seemed like hours, trying to deny how much the idea of Mac and Lucy getting involved disturbed her. The longer she fought the images of them together, the clearer it became that it bothered her—a lot.

  ~~~

  Matt cracked one eye open to find Royce staring down at him.

  “Hi, Sport.” He yawned. “How’re you this morning?”

  Royce flashed the space left by his missing teeth. “How come you’re sleepin’ on our couch?”

  “I thought it would be nice if we had breakfast together.”

  The little boy’s face lit up. “Do you like Cheerios?”

  “Cheerios are great.” Matt rolled off the sofa and followed Royce into the kitchen where they had a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice together. When Lucy joined them a half hour later, rubbing the dark circles shadowing her eyes, Matt arched his forehead. “Rough night?”

  “I spent hours rehearsing.”

  “You know what they say, there’s no time like the present.”

  Lucy sucked in a deep breath and turned to her son. “Sweetie, I have some bad news.” Royce looked up warily at his mother. She took her child’s hand. “Daddy left us. He’s not coming back.”

  “Where’d he go?”

  “I don’t know. He wrote me a letter and said he had to go away and can’t see us anymore.”

  The child’s lip quivered a moment before he pulled it tight and took a deep breath. “He won’t hit us anymore now.”

  Matt closed his eyes, grateful he had no idea where the bastard was. Otherwise, he’d have to beat the shit out of him.

  Royce climbed into his mother’s lap and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t worry, Mommy, I still love you.”

  Lucy squeezed him to her chest. “And I love you.”

  “I do, too, Sport.” Matt whispered past the lump in his throat. “I’ll always be here for you.”

  Royce slid off Lucy’s lap and wound his arms around Matt’s neck. “Does that mean you’ll be my dad like you are Tommy’s?”

  Matt stared into the little boy’s soulful blue eyes, recalling his deep disappointment on discovering Royce wasn’t his child. He couldn’t see any reason why he couldn’t be a father to him, too.

  “
What’s he talking about. Did Rob and....” Lucy touched his arm. “Are you and Abby—”

  “No.” Matt explained the arrangement he’d made with Abby. “Would you object if I did the same thing with Royce?”

  “Object? It would be a blessing.”

  He pulled the child closer and hugged him. “I’ve been wishing you could be my son.”

  Hope spread over Royce’s features, and he asked softly. “Is it all right if I call you Dad, too?”

  “I’d like that very much—as long as it’s all right with your mom.”

  As Matt squeezed him harder, Royce’s lower lip trembled. “I wish you lived with me instead of with Tommy. Then we could have breakfast together all the time. Sometimes I wanna tell you stuff when I wake up, and then I forget.”

  Matt’s chest ached. Royce would have even more to share now that he had his father’s abandonment to cope with. The child already had a tendency to bury his feelings, something Matt could relate to. He wished he could be there all the time to help him work things through.

  “I’ve got a good idea, Sport. Why don’t we get a special notebook for you to write down everything you want to tell me? Then when you come to Tommy’s, you can read it to me. If you can’t think of anything to say, you could just write some stories or draw pictures for me.”

  “Yeah, that’s a good idea!” Royce squealed and then sucked in his lower lip. “Only—I don’t spell so good.”

  The six-year-old would probably ad lib when he read from his journal, but it would give Royce a chance to share whatever was troubling him. Matt ruffled the child’s blonde hair. “Spelling doesn’t count in our book. The important thing is that you write down what you want to tell me.”

  “Tommy doesn’t get to read it, does he?”

  “No way. This is just between us. We'll go out today and buy a notebook. In fact, let’s get two of them. That way I can write one for you. I have stuff I want to tell you, too, when you’re not around.”

  “Really?”

  Matt winked at him. “You bet.”

  Lucy wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Do you think maybe you could let me read your book sometimes, too?”

  Royce smiled. “Sure, Mommy, but only you and my dad.”

  Matt’s chest constricted with emotion. He was probably crazy for getting so involved with someone else’s child, but being called Dad felt damn good.

  ~~~

  The sound of the piano serenaded Abby while she folded Mac’s T-shirt and placed it in his pile of clean laundry on the kitchen table. When he finally strolled in the back door at ten, she snapped her head in a curt nod. “Good morning.”

  “Hi. You look exhausted. Didn’t you sleep well?”

  “No, as a matter of fact I didn’t.”

  If only he would ask her why. Then she could let him have it with both barrels.

  He jerked his thumb toward the living room. “How long has Tommy been at it this morning?”

  “An hour, already.”

  “I thought I’d sit down with him today and teach him the basics of reading music.”

  “Do you really think he can handle that?”

  “Truthfully, I think I’ll have to go back to taking lessons to keep up with him. Also, I wanted to let you know there’s a chance I won’t be home this evening.”

  “Oh.” She bit her lip a moment and then forced a smile. “Okay.” She couldn’t blame him if he preferred spending his time at her friend’s house.

  “What’s the matter? You look as if that causes a problem.”

  “This morning, one of Rob’s patients gave him tickets for a concert. I was going to ask Lucy to look after Tommy tonight.”

  “So what’s the problem? I’m sure she won’t mind.”

  “If you have a date to go over there, I don’t want Tommy to interfere with—”

  “I’m not going to Lucy’s. I was planning to go out.”

  “Oh.” She welcomed that news a little too much for her own comfort.

  “But what I was going to do can wait until later in the week if you need a babysitter tonight,” he said and then added. “Lucy and Royce might need some time alone.”

  He was probably right. “Thank you. I’d hate to bother Peter on a Saturday night since Carol doesn’t have school. Rob and I are going to dinner first, so I’ll fix you and Tommy something before I go.”

  “That’s not necessary. I’m sure between the two of us we can scrounge up something.” He stared at her a long moment before he continued in a low husky voice. “I want you to know how much I enjoyed last evening.”

  Yeah. So much he had to sleep somewhere else. She had no justifiable right to complain. After all, she was the one who called a halt their intimacy. “I suppose you would have preferred if things had concluded differently, though, huh?”

  “It’s immaterial how I wanted it to end.” He moved in front of her and tipped her chin up. “I thought about you all night. But seeing as you’re still planning on marrying the dentist, I figured it was just as well if I slept at Lucy’s and handled things there.”

  Handled things? Abby raised her eyebrows. “And Lucy didn’t mind being used as a just as well?”

  “Hell, no. She was thrilled. In fact, she was afraid I’d find it an imposition.”

  Her stomach knotted. Bill’s leaving must have destroyed Lucy’s sense of worth as a woman. Abby swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “You’re entitled to live your life as you see fit, but I can’t believe you could do that to Lucy. Not with what she’s going through, right now.”

  Confusion contorted Mac’s face. “What’re you talking about? Do what to Lucy?” His eyes suddenly widened, and he gasped. “You think Lucy and I....” His mouth opened and nothing came out for a moment. “Abby, how could you think that about me? I slept on her sofa. I wanted to be there when Royce woke up so I could help her talk to him. But the main reason was I didn’t trust myself to sleep in the same house with you. I can’t believe—”

  “Sorrry.” She winced. “You have to admit it was a reasonable assumption.” Especially knowing how worked up he’d been when he’d left her. “Do you forgive me?”

  “I suppose. If you’ll do me a favor in return,” he said. “Since it’s raining again, I planned to go to the store this morning. I was hoping I could borrow your car so I can take the boys along.”

  “Sure. So how did Royce handle the news?”

  “The little guy squashed it all down. He asked if I would be his dad, too.”

  She looked deep into Mac’s dark eyes, searching for some reassurance he was up to the job. “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  “I do.”

  “What about after you get married and have your own kids?”

  “You just don’t get it, Abby. Those boys are my sons, now. I’d never marry a woman who didn’t understand my relationship with them or want kids as much as I do.”

  “You say that now.” He couldn’t guess what he would settle for if he couldn’t have children.

  A deafening silence lay between them while Mac’s gaze slid over her face. Leaning closer, he cupped her cheek and gently brushed her lips with his. Dragging her into his arms in a deep heated kiss, he wound his fingers through her hair. She dissolved into him, and a small mewl escaped her. His hands roamed over her, clutching her tightly against him.

  Was she crazy, letting this happen again? She couldn’t do this to Rob. She yanked her mouth away from Mac’s, panting. “Please, I can’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. The muscles in his jaw flexed.

  The back door sprung open and Robert strode in. Abby recoiled from Mac, gnawing on her lip and praying she didn’t look like she had when Lucy came the evening before. Her hopes died when Robert’s glittering gaze raked over her and then narrowed. “What the hell’s going on?”

  “Not a damn thing, I’m sorry to say.” Mac swept his hand toward her. “She’s all yours, Webber.”

  “It sure doesn’t l
ook like nothing was going on.”

  “Believe me,” Mac muttered over his shoulder, storming into the living room, “things aren’t always what they appear to be.”

  Robert turned his scrutiny on Abby, and she huffed, struggling to return her breathing to normal. “Relax, Rob. It was nothing. Mac kissed me, and I stopped him. Period—end of story.”

  At least that morning she had.

  Rob tipped her chin up and studied her, his mouth drawn into a tight line.

  She closed her eyes to hide the heated response Mac had evoked in her.

  “This morning he’s kissing you. What’ll he be doing by tonight? I want him out of here!”

  “Stop issuing ultimatums.” She jerked herself away from him. “We’ve already had this discussion. I’ll decide when Mac leaves. He’s developed a close relationship with Tommy, and I refuse to take that away. If you want Mac gone so badly, then you become the daddy my son needs.”

  Robert looked down at the folded clothing on the table and picked up a pair of Mac’s briefs. His nostrils flared like an enraged bull’s. “You cook his meals, and now you’re washing his skivvies, too? He treats you like you’re his damn wife.”

  “He doesn’t expect anything from me. I’m fixing meals and doing laundry anyway. It’s no trouble to do it for one more person.”

  “Then you can make that two more, because he’s not staying in this house alone with you another night.” Rob sliced the air with his hand. “If you want him here, you’ll have me along with him. From now on,” he said, lowering his voice, “I’m sleeping in your bed—whether you’re ready or not.”

  “Believe me, Rob, if I decided to sleep with Mac, you’d be the first to know. Because that would be the end of us. I’m not the sort of woman who can have more than one relationship at a time. So you can either tru—”

  “Don’t give me any crap about me not trusting you.” Rob pointed toward the living room. “It’s that son of a bitch I don’t trust.”

  By rights, she should tell Rob to take his highhanded jealousy and stuff it. But she was no angel in this situation. It was probably just as well if he did sleep there. If the previous evening had done nothing else, it had proven she needed to become more intimate with Rob. It wouldn’t be fair to marry him if she couldn’t respond to him physically.