Dirty

by Ella Miles

  I hear shouting, and my heart does its usual freeze. I hear Caspian’s voice, but I also hear the faintness of a woman’s voice.

  A woman?

  That can’t be. Why would Caspian have a woman here?

  He wouldn’t want to bring a date to see me. I glance at the large glass door out of the corner of my eye, and I can see Caspian standing in the living room as a woman sits on the couch.

  What the hell?

  I don’t move, afraid the couple might notice I’m outside. So far the pair seems to be locked in an argument.

  I can’t hear the exact words they are saying to each other. But they are yelling.

  I turn my head more fully to watch them, not caring if they notice I’m watching. They shouldn’t be here if they didn’t want me to snoop.

  That’s when I get my first look at the woman. She’s wearing regular clothes. Jeans and a black T-shirt. But her face is puffy from crying. Her auburn hair is matted. And then I see the bruise on the back of her arm.

  She was taken, just like me. I don’t know if Caspian saved her, the same as me, or if he was the one who stole her in the first place.

  Could he not wait one more day to have me? Did he need a release today, and that’s why he stole this woman?

  Oh, God. I can’t be responsible for Caspian hurting another woman. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m off my chair. I’m at the glass doors trying to listen to the conversation, but the doors are extra thick. I’d guess even bulletproof, and definitely soundproof.

  Caspian grabs the woman’s arm over the bruise, and I wince, feeling the pain in my own arm. He starts pulling her down the hallway to the bedroom. I can’t let him rape her. I can’t.

  I jerk the door open and shout. “Stop!”

  Both of them freeze and stare at me. The woman’s eyes are huge, as she realizes Caspian has another woman here. She looks at me like I might be able to free her, but she doesn’t realize I am just as much a slave as she is.

  Caspian looks at me with rage expanding from his eyes. It’s clear he forgot I was even here. And now that I’ve interrupted, he’s even more pissed.

  “Stop? What are you going to do to make me stop?” Caspian asks, his voice void of any emotion.

  “Please, don’t. You promised you wouldn’t hurt me for one month. My time isn’t up yet, and this would hurt me.” I don’t think this falls under the rules of our agreement, but I have to try.

  He shakes his head. “That’s not how our deal works.”

  I swallow hard, trying to push any fear down. “Please, don’t rape her.”

  The woman’s eyes grow larger at my words. But Caspian holds up a hand to silence her. She goes silent, before a word can leave her gaping mouth.

  “What does it matter to you if I raped this woman? I promised you a month, and you have one day left. This woman is nothing to you. If she satisfies me, you might even get longer than a month to be free of me.”

  My eyes cut from Caspian to the woman. I see the fear I’ve felt too many times. And I see Caspian’s rage. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this pissed before. I’ve seen a similar look in Dante’s eyes. He will beat her within a second of life. Only then, when she has no fight left, will he use his cock to finish her. She will be dead by morning. At least her spirit will. Her body will follow quickly.

  “Please?” I say in barely a whisper.

  “Why should I?”

  Caspian stares at me, not letting me have a moment alone with my thoughts. I can’t think. I will do anything to prevent him from hurting her. I can’t protect myself, but I can protect her.

  “Rape me instead.”

  9

  Gia

  Why did I just tell Caspian to rape me?

  Because I can’t help myself. I can’t watch another woman deal with even a drop of the violation and pain I’ve felt. I won’t let Caspian hurt this woman.

  I don’t know who she is. I shouldn’t feel guilty for any pain she might endure. I shouldn’t feel responsible for saving her from the same fate I’ve faced. But the way her dark eyes bulge wide when she stares at me, with a sadness I didn’t think was possible until I was taken, made me want to do anything to save this woman.

  I don’t care what happens to me. This woman is fragile. She couldn’t survive the same things I’ve been through. She’s too kind. One crack of a whip would break her.

  Caspian lets go of, and ignores, the woman, as they both stare across the living room at me: his new prize.

  I haven’t moved since I pleaded with him to take me, instead of her. He hasn’t either. We are both locked in a staring contest which might never end. The intensity flowing between us has us locked together in a wind that will never stop blowing.

  Neither of us realizes it, but Caspian starts walking toward me. His feet stop automatically, just in time to prevent his body from crashing into mine. God, his eyes are so beautiful. And dangerous. And kind. And mysterious. And bright, but with specks of dark.

  I don’t breathe. I don’t move. I don’t back down. I try to lock down everything I’m feeling tight away in my chest so Caspian won’t have a clue how to break me, while I try to figure out what he’s feeling. He’s a walking contradiction. He has equal parts light and dark. But that can’t be true. He has to have one side of him that is stronger. Is it the light or the dark?

  Right now, dark.

  His chest rises and falls sharply as he sucks in all the oxygen in the room with each breath before exhaling deeply enough to blow me over. The beauty I saw on his face turns to a painful stare. All the light from his eyes evaporates until I’m not even sure his eyes are blue anymore.

  He’s decided. He’ll take me instead of the woman behind him. He wants me. And I’m giving myself to him willingly. He doesn’t have to tell me his decision. His body does.

  I smile. It will probably be my last smile. So I savor it. I let the tiny bit of joy from winning cascade through my body, warming me all the way to my fingertips. My cheeks pink and my eyes soften. I saved her. I don’t know who she is, the woman still standing behind Caspian, staring at us like she doesn’t have a clue what’s happening.

  You’re safe, I whisper in my head. Run. Hide. Find joy in your last days. I’m not playing games though. I’m not that type of woman. I prefer reality.

  “I’ll be in the bedroom,” I say, turning. Happy to get one more word in before Caspian lets his inner demon out. I can see the evil in him growing stronger and stronger as every second ticks by. Dante lets his monster out freely. Caspian keeps his locked away. It’s how he has so much control.

  But now I’m permitting him to let his true self out. And it appears it takes Caspian time to unlock the door to the dungeon in his soul. I’m not going to stand here and watch the darkness cloud him, as fear starts creeping up my own body. Caspian doesn’t get to see my fear.

  My instinct is to wrap my arms around my body as I walk back. Holding myself to bring me comfort and keep Caspian’s negative energy away. But I won’t let him see me cower. So I strut with my hands by my side. My legs are steadier than they’ve been since I arrived here.

  I open the door to his bedroom. I don’t know whether to hope he will follow me immediately, or he will take his time. Immediately, I decide, before I lose my nerve. I want this over fast.

  I get my wish.

  Caspian presses my body against the wall before I even realize he’s in the room. I don’t know how he’s able to walk in this house without making loud steps.

  I wait for the hit. Or for him to choke me. Knock me out again, like he did last time. Or like Dante has done countless times.

  I know Caspian is a brute. I see it fully in his eyes now as he pants over me. His breathing may be unsteady, but he is perfectly in control of himself.

  I close my eyes slowly and deliberately, trying to find a happy place for my mind to go to. I imagine Caspian’s deck, where I’ve read so many books this last month. What was the name of the last book I read? It had a blue cover,
I remember, but the title escapes me. It was about a prince going on a grand adventure to save his kingdom. I try to remember the book, but it’s easier to remember the feeling of the sun burning my skin. The smell of the pollen scattered over the deck, making me sneeze. The cool breeze is making me shiver in the early morning, before the sun fully rose.

  “Open your eyes, Gia,” Caspian says.

  I won’t. I don’t care what he does to me, but I need my happy place. I need to go somewhere that isn’t reality. It’s the only way I’ve survived this long.

  “Open your eyes, Gia, or I’ll go back and—”

  I open my eyes. He doesn’t have to finish that sentence. I don’t want him to hurt that woman. He knows it. And now I’ve obeyed him, he knows he can use it to get me to do almost anything.

  I hate him. Maybe even more than Dante. I could deal with the physical pain as long as I had my escape. I don’t know if I can daydream with my eyes open. I need to get under Caspian’s skin, so he’ll punch me. If my eyes are swollen shut, then he can’t ask me to open them.

  Caspian shakes his head slowly, side to side.

  “You, Gia Carini, made a big mistake.”

  I swallow hard. I don’t disagree. If I cared only about myself, then it was a mistake.

  I saved her, I repeat to myself. That’s what I need to hold onto. I saved another woman.

  “You want me to rape you?” he asks, his voice deep and rumbling in his throat.

  “Yes,” I say, without hesitation or fear.

  “Good.”

  I blink, but force my eyes back open, before the blink turns into shut eyes again.

  Caspian licks his lip, like he is deciding the best way to devour me.

  And, damn it, my nipples perk up at the thought of his tongue licking me like that.

  Caspian will not turn me on. It’s just because he’s good looking. His body is strong and fit. His hair is luscious and dark. His eyes are what I like most about him, but they’ve changed. This isn’t the same man I had fantasies about. This man is dangerous.

  I am not turned on by Caspian, I repeat over and over to myself.

  Caspian backs away from my body. He hasn’t even touched me yet. Not really. Other than moving me to the wall, but I’m pretty sure my body moved voluntarily.

  “Undress me,” he says, standing a few feet away from me.

  “What?” I ask, not expecting him to give me a command. Dante commanded, but he preferred to use his fists to get me to do what he wanted.

  “Do you need your hearing checked?” he asks.

  “Um…no…I just…don’t understand.” I would have expected him to tell me to undress. Dante always kept his clothes on when he raped me. I’m wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Not exactly real clothes, but it at least hides my body.

  Caspian sighs. “I’m not a patient man, Miss Carini. If you’d prefer I use alternative means to persuade you to behave, then I can. If not, I prefer to give you a command, and for you to follow it as soon as I’ve said it. Understand?” His voice is threatening. He will hurt me if I don’t behave as he says, but if I do, he might not beat me. Can I do that? I hate following men’s directions. I’ve dated a few men that thought they could control me in the bedroom and my normal activities. It never worked out for long.

  I just healed. I don’t really want a broken bone again. Not so soon. Not when I haven’t had a chance to run yet.

  And he’s asking me to remove his clothes, not mine. He’s not asking me to suck his dick or fuck him, yet. I’ll behave, as long as it’s what I want. Then, I will fight.

  I walk over to Caspian. He’s wearing a buttoned-down shirt and slacks. I grab the top button at the top of his shirt. My hands tremble at little as I grasp the button. What the hell is wrong with me?

  I take a deep breath, as I slowly undo the first button.

  “Today, Miss Carini,” Caspian says, eyeing me firmly. I don’t know why I’m Miss Carini, instead of Gia. But I like both of my names rolling off his tongue. Either name he calls me sends chills down my arms and warms my core.

  I move my fingers faster, but my stupid fingers stumble at every button, unable to get the tiny buttons to move properly. Caspian doesn’t scold me again though. I finish the last button and pull the bottom of his shirt out of his pants. Then, I push the shirt off his broad shoulders, as Caspian shrugs out of the shirt.

  My jaw unhinges, staring at Caspian’s naked torso. Rippling abs cover most of his body, before forming a perfect V that disappears into his pants. I’ve never seen a more toned body. But the shock is in the tattoo which winds around his body.

  It’s a thorn from a rose bush. I know it’s a rose bush because he has one in his backyard I’ve stared at for weeks now. But unlike the rosebush in his backyard that is full of flowers, his tattoo has one single flower on his chest, over his heart. I want him to turn around so I can search his back for more flowers, but I know from the pain in his eyes, there are none.

  “What does the tattoo mean?” I ask. I don’t expect him to answer me, and honestly, I’m not sure I need him to speak to tell me. It’s pretty clear he lives a dangerous life with plenty of thorns. I would guess the thorns represent his kills, and the flower is his heart, slowly withering away.

  “The thorns are every time I’ve felt pain. And the flower is the only time I’ve felt love.”

  I catch my breath as he speaks. Love. Caspian is capable of love. He’s capable of feeling pain. Dante wasn’t capable of either.

  “I will never love you; remember that.”

  Goosebumps cover my body, and I shiver. I don’t know why his words affect me so. I don’t want him to love me. I know him loving me won’t help me escape. I will remain trapped in this house forever, if he loves me. And my only hope at feeling happiness would be for me to love him back. I don’t want love. Love is just its own form of a prison.

  I want freedom. I never realized how wrong I was in thinking I wanted a boyfriend, before Roman sold me. I’m done with guys. I don’t need a man. I just need me.

  Caspian’s eyes drop to his pants, and I know he wants me to continue undressing him, as he requested.

  I squat down in front of Caspian, refusing to kneel. It would feel too much like I’m submitting, and I’ve had Dante’s cock shoved down my throat in that position too many times for me to ever voluntarily get in that position again.

  I untie his shoes, careful not to look up at him as I do. I don’t need to stir any other feelings, whether pleasant or scary, inside me.

  When I’ve untied his shoes, I carefully remove them. I stare at his shoes a second longer, before I realize they aren’t designer shoes. In fact, I would bet they didn’t even cost him a hundred dollars. They look nice, but anyone who knows fashion wouldn’t be fooled.

  I toss the shoes aside.

  “Careful with those,” Caspian snarls.

  I chuckle. “Why? The shoes are cheap. You don’t spend any of the money you supposedly make.”

  Caspian grabs my arm and jerks me up. “I asked you to undress me, not comment on the amount of money I do or don’t have. I don’t have Carini money, that’s true, but I wasn’t handed money like you were. I earned every penny. How much money have you actually earned?”

  I narrow my eyes, and my anger pulses through me. “You don’t think I earned every dollar I was given? I may not have had a traditional job that brought in new money, but I earned every dollar of my inheritance. Being a Carini isn’t easy. Especially being a daughter. There was a reason I was so desperate to find a man on my own. I needed a way out. And the only way to leave was by marrying a wealthy man. Even after my father was gone, it didn’t change anything. I was still a woman living in a man’s world. Seen as nothing but charming arm candy.

  “You don’t think my leg was the first broken bone I’ve ever experienced? Those bruises on my face weren’t my first either. My father used to call me a whore. And Dante’s men, you killed in front of me to try and scare me, are just a few of hundreds of de
aths I’ve seen before. Don’t tell me I didn’t earn the money I have! I’ve spilled more blood and tears earning my money than you have.”

  My body trembles as I speak. Not from fear, but from the passion in which I speak. I’ve always felt like I was nothing. Not important. I never brought in any money. I never went to college. I have no special skills. But I do know, unlike other heiresses, I’ve earned everything. And I won’t let Caspian take it away from me with a few words.

  “My pants,” Caspian says after a few seconds pass.

  I glare at him as I roughly remove his belt, then undo the button of his pants, before shoving his pants down. Ensuring to scrape my nails against his legs as I push them down.

  I cross my arms, taking a step back now that I’ve finished undressing him, still steaming.

  But then I get a glance of his body. His thighs are bigger than both of my legs combined. Muscles meant for hard work. But it’s what’s between his legs that has all of my attention. His cock is long and thick, pointing directly at me. He wants me.

  I should be disgusted by his cock. I’ve seen enough of them since I was sold to know it doesn’t matter how beautiful of a cock the man has, or how gorgeous the man is, I still don’t want a dick inside me that I haven’t invited in willingly. But his…

  I’m drooling thinking about his delicious cock. I want to feel his dick. I want his thighs pounding it inside me. I’ve dreamed about sex with Conti. I’ve imagined it, but even in my imaginations, I never thought his body would be this perfect. I try to think back to the last time he raped me, but he never showed me his body then. Maybe if he did, that time would have been more enjoyable.

  No. No. No.

  Caspian still wants to rape me. He wants to hurt me. Force me to have sex with him. It doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to him, this is still wrong.

  My body doesn’t understand the difference between right and wrong right now. All it knows is that there is an incredibly attractive man with a cock straining to be inside me. My nipples are hard peaks beneath the thin T-shirt that I know Caspian can see. My cheeks are flushed, and my eyes tell him exactly what I want his cock to do.