Dirty

by Ella Miles

  I wish this were different. I wish I weren’t his captive. Then I would be flirting with him, happy to have a one night stand with him. Instead, I’m doing everything I can to make the walls of my pussy clench up tight, instead of dripping with desire to welcome him in.

  Caspian smirks.

  And my mouth drops. The bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s why he had me undress him first. He knew I would find him attractive. He knew I would be conflicted.

  Fucking bastard.

  “Now, it’s my turn.”

  I gasp as his mouth comes down on mine. His hand cradles the back of my neck, and his lips smash into mine. I haven’t been kissed since Roman. Dante and the rest slobbered, but those weren’t kisses. And before I realize what my traitorous body is doing, I’m kissing him back.

  His lips are so soft and sweet. So different than the way the rest of him is behaving. I can’t help but moan as we kiss. I’ve been so deprived of anything that feels like love. I’m desperate to keep the kiss going. My tongue massages his. My lips push hard against his, needing more and more of the kiss. My hands wrap into his thick hair, keeping his mouth against my lips.

  But just as I get what I want, he pulls away, stopping the kiss. I’m breathless, but I will never admit I liked the kiss, or want him to do that again. Never.

  He doesn’t smile, but I see the hint of pleasure on his swollen lips after our kiss. And I can see in his eyes, he knows I’m reacting the same way.

  Damn.

  I need to gain control again.

  How?

  “On the bed,” Caspian commands.

  Think, think, think. I need to follow his command, but I need to do something that also breaks it at the same time. I walk over to the bed, lie down on my stomach with my feet in the air, making it as hard for him as possible to get what he wants. It’s not a great plan, but it’s all I have at the moment.

  Caspian walks over to the edge of the bed. Not even surprised by my tiny bit of rebellion, and flips me over.

  “Undress.”

  I purse my lips. “I undressed you.”

  “Fine.”

  He grabs my ankles and pulls me to him. “I don’t need you naked to have you.”

  My legs dangle over the edge of the bed, as he steps between them, before grabbing my neck again and pulling me into a kiss. This kiss has more passion than our first. His teeth nibble on my lip, but not in an excruciating way. I’ve soaked my panties by the time he’s done kissing me. I fall back to the bed. My lips numb with pleasure.

  He kneels down in front of me, his mouth attacking my pussy over my sweatpants.

  I gasp and grip the comforter. What the hell?

  I can’t think, as he kisses my most sensitive area over my pants. I haven’t experienced any pleasure in months. And I groan and moan, far too loudly for what he is doing.

  I bite my lip to keep the sounds from coming and tighten my grip on the comforter. Why is he doing this?

  He’s playing with me. Making me enjoy him. It will make me hate myself later for finding any pleasure in this, but I can’t help what my body feels.

  He stops.

  “Now, remove your pants.”

  I shove my pants down without thinking, my body already begging for his tongue on my pussy.

  “Much better, Miss Carini.”

  He lowers his mouth over the lips between my legs. What I wouldn’t give to have a razor to shave. But his tongue stops, just short of tasting me.

  “You don’t deserve it, Gia. You don’t deserve to feel my tongue flick over your clit, or into the deepest trenches of your pussy. You must learn when you follow my directions, you get pleasure; when you don’t, pain.”

  He flips me back over and smacks my bare ass with the palm of his hand.

  “Fuck,” I cry out, surprised the small amount of pain caused anything to leave my mouth.

  The sting spreads, as he smacks my ass again. I yelp, but it doesn’t really hurt. It’s nothing compared to Dante. Caspian’s smacks won’t even leave a mark.

  I start panting, anticipating the next smack, but he spreads them out, never letting me anticipate his next strike.

  He strikes again and then lets his hand slide slowly down my ass to my dripping slit.

  “That turns you on, doesn’t it, Gia?”

  I bite my lip, not wanting to answer him.

  He slides two fingers inside me as he moans. “It does, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” I barely whisper.

  “God, there are so many things I want to do to you, Gia. But I don’t want to break you too fast. Fuck waiting for a taste though.”

  He flips me again, and his mouth is instantly on my cunt. I cry out in pure ecstasy. I’ve never felt so much pleasure from a man’s tongue pushing into me. My body writhes underneath his touch. And my fantasies become a reality. Caspian Conti is making me orgasm. He knows it before I do. His lips curl up as he makes me come.

  “Fuck you, Conti,” I cry out, as my body trembles my orgasm.

  “I will gladly fuck you.”

  He stands up with an amused expression on his face. He grabs my legs, jerking my body to him.

  “I’ve waited too long for this.” His cock rests at my entrance, and for a second, I think he is going to ask me for permission. Ask if I want him to fuck me.

  My answer would be yes. I want Caspian Conti to fuck me. After what he just did to my body, I want to know what his cock would feel like. Sex with him would be amazing. Incredible. I know it without even experiencing it. I know my body craves his. I don’t understand it. Other than saving me, he’s done nothing to earn me. He doesn’t get to fuck me without earning it.

  “No,” I say, as defiantly as I can. I pull myself back on the bed away from his cock.

  He cocks his head to the side and his face tenses. He’s not used to being disobeyed. He’s not used to being defied. And I prepare for a fight that rivals Dante.

  But I refuse to be raped again. I will protect the woman that Caspian brought home, but I won’t let him violate me. I can’t.

  He moves to grab my ankles, but I scoot further away.

  “No,” I say, louder.

  He doesn’t stop moving. He crawls up onto the bed, as I continue to scoot back. My head turns to the door. Did he lock it? Could I escape? He’s much faster than me. But if my adrenaline is running, could I get free?

  “Try it,” he growls.

  My head snaps back to Caspian. Him reading my thoughts is getting really annoying.

  “You can’t rape me.”

  He raises an eyebrow, as he climbs further up until his body is over mine. “I can’t?”

  “No, you can’t. You won’t. You’re better than, Dante. You won’t hurt me like that. You just made me come. You aren’t cruel,” I say, hoping my words are true.

  “Am I?”

  “Yes, you’re kind.”

  “No, I’m not kind.”

  I take a deep breath, and all I breathe in is him. His sweat, his cologne, and my cum on his breath. And it drives my womanhood wild.

  “You won’t rape me,” I repeat.

  He frowns, and I see in his eyes that he won’t. I don’t know why. He’s raped me before. He might have assaulted other women before. But I know he won’t rape me, now.

  “No,” he finally says, defeated.

  “Will you rape the other woman you stole?” I ask.

  He chuckles lightly like he knows something I don’t. “No.”

  I frown. His word doesn’t give me much confidence.

  “Why?”

  He lowers his face until it’s directly over mine. “I guess you will have to trust me.”

  He leans back, and his eyes scan my body with hunger. He still wants me, and my body is craving for his touch again. I feel empty, cold. I want to feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine.

  My back arches and my breasts graze his chest. One spark changes everything.

  I don’t know who kisses who, or whose body crashe
s with the other first, but our lips lock, and I know nothing will stop us this time. This time, I said yes. I will say yes. This isn’t rape. This is the best goddamn sex of my life.

  Our tongues dance again, both pushing harder into each other’s mouths, both needing more. My fingernails dig into his back sharply as his body presses hard against mine. He settles between my legs automatically, his cock resting at my entrance, and then suddenly, he stops.

  “No,” I say because I don’t want him to stop.

  Caspian takes it in the same way as I said before. To stop. With pain in his eyes, he slowly inches off my body.

  I grab his neck.

  “No, I meant…” Shit, I can’t say it. I can’t tell him to fuck me. He’s holding me captive. He wants to rape me. What’s wrong with me?

  But I’m not thinking with my brain. My body is trembling with need for a release. I’ve been raped, but I haven’t had sex. The kind that makes your toes curl, and your body whole. Not in months. I need it. I need it to make all the horrible memories go away. I need it to be my choice. I need to tell him what I want.

  He hesitates, not sure what I’m about to say.

  “Fuck me, Conti.”

  His cock slides inside me the second the words leave my mouth. I’m soaking wet, so his passage inside me is easy. But I still stretch around him, as he pushes further in sweet agony.

  But the second he does, memories come back. Of him raping me before; of Dante.

  “I got you,” Conti says. His lips come over my hardened nipple, a move that was only met with rough teeth before, and I calm.

  My body comes alive then, pushing out any stray memories. Caspian may have raped me before, but Conti hasn’t. Conti was my savior. Conti is who I want to fuck. I want this.

  So I don’t let the twisted-ness of the situation ruin how I feel.

  I arch my back as Conti kisses down my neck, like I had imagined so many times before.

  I moan loudly when his cock brushes against a spot deep inside me. A spot no man has ever hit before.

  “Yes,” I cry, as he hits my clit over and over with his body.

  His lips cover mine, silencing me. But my purring continues with his every movement. I can’t get enough. My body can’t take much more, and yet I want this to never stop. I’ve never had sex that made me lose my mind like this.

  I no longer care about anything terrible Caspian has done before.

  I don’t care he didn’t save me when I ran into his lap from the car.

  I don’t care he killed a dozen men in front of me.

  I don’t care he raped me.

  I don’t care he’s holding me captive now.

  I’m sick. Sex with him has changed me, and I don’t know what to do with myself now.

  “Come,” he says in a deep, commanding voice. A voice I’m not sure I hate or love. But even if I wanted to disobey his command, there is no way my body could disobey.

  “Yes, Conti.” I come, screaming his name. Pretending I didn’t just let a man who raped me, fuck me.

  We both finish, completely spent, but nowhere near sated. The exhaustion gets the best of us, however. We don’t talk. We don’t fuck again. We drift slowly off to sleep with our arms and legs entangled together.

  I realize nothing I thought about Caspian was true. Everything has changed. He’s not who I thought he was. Or he is. Maybe he is exactly who I thought he is.

  10

  Caspian

  “No!”

  “No, No, No.”

  “No!”

  I don’t know who’s screaming. Is it me? No, I’m not screaming. I open my eyes and feel the wetness on my face. I’m crying from another nightmare. Another reliving of the worst day of my life over and over again.

  But with my eyes open, the screaming continues. I turn to my left and see a naked woman flailing next to me, screaming ‘no’ over and over again. It takes me a minute to realize who the woman is in my arms. I haven’t had a woman in my bed in years. At least none whom I allow to stay after the fucking is over.

  Gia, I finally realize. I remember. The sex. God, the fucking sex. What I did to deserve such a beautifully strong woman, I don’t know.

  Last night started as a disaster. I considered raping her. That’s not who I am, but that’s how desperate I was to fuck her. I would do anything, including turn into the type of man I hate, to have her.

  She told me, no, and my heart broke. I didn’t even realize I had any of my heart left capable of breaking. But then she grew deviant. And I could tell from the gaze in her eyes, she was as torn inside as I was. She wanted me to fuck her, and when she finally said yes, I lost my damn mind.

  I only fucked her once, but I already can’t imagine fucking any other woman. I loved her mix of strength and sweetness. She fought me every step of the way but then gave into my commands with some persuasion.

  Gia isn’t my type. I like obedient woman. Women who do exactly what I say without arguing. I like women who don’t have a clue what I’m thinking, but Gia seems to guess my every thought.

  “Gia,” I whisper, afraid if I wake her too abruptly, I’ll end up with a broken face or something.

  She stirs but doesn’t wake.

  “No! Please don’t…” her voice gets quieter as tears drip down her cheeks.

  “Gia, it’s okay.” I put my arms around her, strategically trying to calm her while ensuring her flailing arms don’t find me as a target.

  “No! Conti, don’t rape me!”

  I let go of her when she says my name, and I get smacked in the face by one of her thrashing arms. I don’t feel the impact though. I’m too shocked by what she just said. Is she having a dream about last night, when I almost raped her? I didn’t, but am I now a bigger nightmare than Dante is to her?

  I deserve to be. I’m no better than him. I have different desires than him, but I’m just as capable of permanently scarring her.

  Gia’s eyes slowly flicker open. They are soaked with her tears. And she cautiously looks around like she doesn’t know where she is. I sit on the edge of the bed, staring at her like she’s a tiger that made its way into my bed. And if I get too close, I will get clawed.

  “Caspian? What are you doing in here?” she asks, moving her body up as she leans against the headboard. She’s completely naked, lying on top of the covers, but she doesn’t seem to care. I guess weeks of being naked in Dante’s world would make her not care.

  “We must have fallen asleep after I fucked your brains out,” I say.

  She blushes, and a slow grin creeps up on her tearstained cheeks.

  “Oh, I remember now,” she says, smiling like a silly teenager.

  “What was your nightmare about?” I ask.

  Her smile drops in an instant and small lines form around her eyes, thinking too hard.

  “You,” she finally says.

  I nod. “I thought so. You said my name. Was what happened yesterday that bad, you had a nightmare about it?”

  She cocks her head to her side and opens her eyes wide like I’m crazy. Her hand drums up and down her smooth stomach while she waits for me to realize my mistake. I have no idea what mistake I could have made.

  “What aren’t you telling me?” I feel anger again. She doesn’t have to tell me anything, but I want to know everything. I want her to trust me with her everything. I haven’t earned it, but that is what I’m used to. We will have to talk later.

  “I didn’t have a nightmare about last night. Last night was well…last night was pretty great. I had a nightmare about when you came to Dante’s.”

  I frown, not understanding. “I thought when I killed those men in front of you, I didn’t upset you?”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Then, what the hell are you talking about? The only time I’ve been to Dante’s in the last month was to kill his men and install the security system. I didn’t see you when I installed the security system.”

  “I’m talking about when you fucking raped me, you asshole!”


  Tears, so many tears, flow down her cheeks. She’s pissed and angry and hurt. But I still don’t have a damn clue what she’s talking about.

  I can’t stand women crying. It might be one of my biggest weaknesses. I reach my thumb up to her cheek, to brush the tears away, so I can focus on this psychotic conversation, but she slaps my hand away.

  “Don’t touch me.”

  I jerk my hand back and rub my neck, while staring at her, forcing my eyes to stay on her face instead of perky breasts like my cock wants.

  “I don’t understand. I’ve never raped you, Gia. I think I would remember raping a woman like you. The only time I’ve fucked you was last night.”

  “No, you raped me. It was one of the worst ones,” her voice trembles as she speaks.

  “Tell me,” I say, hoping her telling me her nightmare, which is most likely just that: a nightmare she dreamed up.

  “Dante said he had a surprise for me. Five of his closest friends he owed. Each would get a turn with me. You were first.”

  She stops, pausing as her eyes shut. She’s remembering. And it chills my heart knowing her words are true, even if I’m not the one who committed the crime.

  “I was on the bed, spread wide for you. I was cold and warm at the same time. You looked so calm and collected. You wanted me, and I would have given myself to you if you asked. You had saved me.”

  I bite my lip. Her story can’t be true if I had already saved her.

  She grasps the end of her long dark hair and twists the strands together in her fingers. “You were my fantasy. My last hope at freedom. When I ran into you that day in the street, I thought you were hot. And somehow your face and body were what I imagined every day when Dante was fucking me. Any chance I could, I pretended he was you. I dreamed about fucking you, instead of him. I fantasized about you coming to save me.”

  She sucks in a breath that rattles in her throat through her shaky tears. “But then you were there. You were as bad as Dante. You weren’t my savior anymore. You wanted to rape me.”

  “Gia, I—”

  “No, let me finish.”

  I close my mouth.