Holding a Hero

by Layne, Lyssa

  At his bar he poured a tall glass of vodka and drank deeply. Skirting his twelve-foot Christmas tree, he walked to the glass doors leading to his deck and opened them. The warm air blowing off the Pacific Ocean beckoned and he stepped outside.

  Two months since he’d left Colorado and he missed Montana more than ever.

  He sank onto one of the deck chairs and stared at the gently rolling waves of the vast sea. A couple bikini-clad girls strolled by on the pristine beach, waving when they spotted him. He nodded in acknowledgment, but his dick didn’t jump to attention.

  He wasn’t interested in hookups or short-term affairs. No woman took his mind off the one he’d left behind. Since he’d gotten back from Colorado, he’d focused on music. He’d immersed himself in the new CD, sorting through music, trying not to automatically choose every slow, heart-wrenching song he’d ever written.

  He thought he’d hurt when Teal screwed Keifer. That was a scratch compared to the ache he carried now.

  Every day he had to fight the urge to fire up the jet and fly to Colorado. Nothing had changed. He couldn’t live there.

  Montana would hate the crowds, the smog, the fake bullshit.

  Even if he convinced her to look past all that, he doubted she’d take his call. The way she’d looked at him when she found him wrapped in the arms of those girls was seared into his brain. The same look he’d no doubt given Keifer when he found him screwing Teal.

  Shock, anger and disbelief.

  What had Montana come to say to him that night?

  He’d followed her to find out, but by the time he’d gotten untangled from the girl all over him, Montana was long gone. Nothing had happened between him and those girls. He’d only wanted Montana, but he doubted she’d ever believe him.

  He longed to talk to her just to hear her voice.

  Had she found the horses? Were they unharmed? Back in their corral at the ranch? He’d sent tents, camp stoves, everything he could think of to replace Montana’s things, but he hadn’t included a return address.

  The urge to share with her what was going on with him was a daily battle. He wanted to talk about what happened with Joel, the music… shit, everything.

  Boomer, one of his rescue mutts, wandered outside and flopped at his feet. Absently, Johnny stroked the dog’s soft ears. “I miss her, buddy. What am I going to do?”

  “How about telling the girl how you feel?”

  Johnny glanced over his shoulder to where Adrian stood in the doorway. “You sneaking up on me when I’m talking to myself?”

  “Yep.” She sat on one of the chaise lounges. “Nice out here.”

  He didn’t give a shit about the weather. “Yeah. You come to bitch about my song some more? Tell me I’m a fucking idiot?”

  “Nope.” She commented idly, “I hear its cold as hell in Colorado.”

  His head snapped her way. “You talked to Montana?”

  “Shannon.” She sipped her iced tea. “She says it’s freezing out there.”

  “Damn it, Adrian. How’s Montana?” He almost dreaded the answer. What if she’d already forgotten him?

  “I didn’t ask.”

  “What?” He stared at her in disbelief. “Why the fuck not?”

  She shrugged. “I figured if you wanted to know, you’d find out for yourself. According to the words of your song, you fell hard for her. Just as I suspected. Did you ever tell Montana how you feel? Or are you going to keep moping around the rest of your life missing her? Suffering in silence? Or writing one heartbreak song after another again?”

  His shoulders sagged. “What’s the point in opening up? Her life is there, mine is here.”

  “Did you ask her if she’d be willing to relocate?”

  He laughed. “A country girl in Malibu? She’d be miserable within a day.”

  “How do you know? Did you ever ask her?” Adrian swirled her glass. “We all came from somewhere else, Cowboy. None of us grew up here and we somehow acclimated to this life.”

  He shook his head. “You and I have a reason to live in L.A. Montana’s life is in Colorado.”

  “You loved it there. Why don’t you go to her?”

  “And become a hunting guide? Not that it wasn’t fucking awesome in the mountains, but give up everything I’ve worked my whole life for?” He snorted. “No way.”

  She shook her head. “Obviously you can write music anywhere. Yeah, you might have to come here to record, but even that isn’t set in stone. You could build a studio there. I’m pretty sure the band would love to get out of town now and then to lay down some tracks with you.”

  “Touring—”

  “Doesn’t matter where you’re based.” She gave him one of her steady, soul-searing stares. “Sounds like a lot of bullshit excuses to me. Why don’t you man up and ask the girl how she feels instead of sitting here like an old hound dog getting drunk at one in the afternoon and writing shitty country songs that are going to run off the last few fans you have left?”

  “Damn it, Adrian.” He stared at the ocean. “I don’t know—”

  “These are all bullshit excuses and you know it. The truth is you’re hurt and scared. With good reason. People you trusted fucked you over. But are you going to let Keifer, Teal and Joel steal your happiness? Or are you going to take a chance on someone who loves you so much it hurts?” She stood and patted his shoulder. “The choice looks pretty clear to me.”

  After she left, he stared at the ocean without seeing it. Could he and Montana make it work? His life was in the studio and on the road. She hated the celebrity lifestyle with a passion. Would she be able to trust him?

  Doing so wouldn’t be easy.

  It could work if they both gave it all they had.

  For the first time since he’d left Colorado, the ache in his heart eased a little. Hope flared where pain had burned a hole.

  Pushing to his feet, he walked to the edge of the deck and poured the rest of his drink into the shrubs.

  Back in the studio, he faced the band. Dragging in a deep breath, he held it a moment. “Okay. This is the way it’s going to be. Let’s speed up my song a little. And we won’t put it out as our first single. Maybe second or third, depending on the fans’ reaction.”

  Relief flashed across everyone’s faces.

  When he met Adrian’s eyes, she smiled. “Good deal.”

  Stoney nodded. “Great.”

  Johnny settled at the keyboard. “Let’s rock this bitch.”

  When Johnny dismissed the band at five-thirty, they stared at him in disbelief. Usually they played until the wee hours of the morning.

  “You want to go to The Cave?” Stoney asked on his way out.

  “Nah. I have some things I need to do tonight,” Johnny told him.

  “Cool. See you tomorrow.”

  Johnny slapped him on the back. “Sure thing.” He grabbed Adrian’s elbow as she moved by him. “Hang on.”

  “What’s up?”

  He motioned to the deck. “You want to eat dinner with me?”

  Surprise flitted across her face. “Sure, why not?”

  “I’ll order Chinese. There’s nothing in my fridge but condiments.”

  She walked toward the open door. “Order extra eggrolls for me. And lots of sake.”

  After the food arrived, Johnny carried it to the deck where Adrian lay stretched out on the chaise, hands folded behind her head. She watched a couple girls in tiny bikinis play with a Frisbee. “You have a great view, dude.”

  “I suppose.” A vision of the panorama he’d admired at the top of the Colorado peak flashed in his head. “If you don’t mind a million people staring in your windows at all hours of the day and night.”

  “You’ve never cared before,” she reminded him.

  “I know.” He spread out the food. “Let’s eat. I have an idea I want to run by you.”

  Swinging her legs off the chair, she reached for the carton of moo shu pork. “Do tell.”

  He fixed a plate while gathering his
thoughts. “I need your help.”

  She paused, chopsticks halfway to her mouth, as he outlined his plan and added her suggestions.

  At last pleased, Johnny dug into his food with more appetite than he’d had in months. If this worked, Montana would see how much he loved her.

  The entire world would be his witness.

  ~*~

  Montana tugged her coat tighter around her as she walked toward the Marshes’ front door. As light snow drifted down, the white twinkle lights strung along the fence glow softly. Pine trees in the yard had also been covered with the tiny white lights, creating a magical scene.

  As pretty as everything looked, Montana didn’t want to be here. She’d rather celebrate New Year’s Eve at home with a bowl of popcorn and an old western movie. However, Shannon and Rose had insisted her broken heart wouldn’t feel any worse if she got out and socialized with friends who cared about her. They’d refused to take no for an answer until Montana showered and dressed, although persistent fatigue and off-and-on flu-like symptoms had her wishing she’d stayed home on the sofa.

  She raised the horseshoe-shaped knocker and let it drop. In a moment the door opened and Colleen Marsh swept her into a fierce bear hug. “Montana. I’m so happy you came.”

  “I wouldn’t miss your party,” Montana fibbed. In addition to not feeling well, she’d been terrified the Marsh family would blame her for Joel’s acts of violence. She should have known better. They weren’t vindictive people and they knew she never would have intentionally led evil to their doorstep.

  “Come in, get out of the snow.” Colleen ushered her inside. “How have you been, dear?”

  “Good.” Montana curled her fingernails into her palms to keep from blurting the truth—she felt like dying most days. No one had ever told her a broken heart could kill you.

  Colleen pulled back and studied her face. “You’re awfully pale. That horrible hunting trip really took a toll on you, didn’t it?”

  “It was a rough one.” No sense sugarcoating things. The older woman knew her too well.

  “I couldn’t believe that maniac burned down my cabin and tried to kill you. Thank God he failed.” Colleen tucked Montana’s arm into hers. “Mr. Cortez sent word he’ll rebuild it when the snow melts.”

  At the mention of Johnny’s name, Montana froze. True to his word, he’d sent mountains of gear to replace everything she’d lost, but he hadn’t contacted her. Shannon heard from Adrian on a regular basis, but the backup singer never mentioned anything about Johnny other than saying they were busy working on the new CD.

  What had she expected? Had she imagined he’d say leaving had been a big mistake and he couldn’t live without her?

  She had to stop dreaming and face reality. Johnny was never coming back. Hoping only prolonged the agony.

  “Great.” Montana forced a smile. “I’m sure the cabin will be good as new. Maybe even better. Johnny doesn’t do things halfway.”

  Colleen had paused at a table where champagne flutes stood in rows. She took two and handed one to Montana. “Here’s to a happier new year.”

  “Happy New Year.” Yeah, right. She couldn’t recall a more miserable time in her life.

  They toasted and Montana sipped the expensive wine.

  Tonight it tasted sour and her stomach churned. She frowned. Usually she loved champagne, enjoying the sparkling wine only on holidays or special occasions.

  “Something wrong?” Colleen asked.

  “Not at all. My stomach’s a little touchy tonight.”

  “Maybe eat something.” The doorbell rang and Colleen set down her glass. “Excuse me. I need to get that.”

  “Of course,” Montana murmured. Avoiding the heavily laden buffet table, where everything seemed to turn her stomach, she went in search of her friends.

  In the living room, she spotted Shannon talking with Evan Marsh. Charlie and Rose boogied on the makeshift dance floor to the sounds of a local country band. Playing with them, Ryan grinned when he saw her. She gave him a quick wave and moved beside Shannon and Evan. “Hi.”

  Shannon threw her arms around Montana. “You came.”

  “I made it.”

  “You look like hell,” Shannon said, echoing Colleen.

  “Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think.” Montana didn’t take offense because she knew Shannon meant no harm. “Hello, Evan.”

  “Hi, Montana. Glad you dropped by.”

  “I am, too.”

  The song ended and Rose and Charlie joined their little group. Hugs and greetings were exchanged and Montana began to relax a little. Maybe she ought to get off the couch and start to live again.

  She wasn’t the first person to suffer a broken heart; she wouldn’t be the last.

  The band started a new song, “Cotton-Eyed Joe”, a fast-tempo tune that Montana normally loved. Before she could protest, Evan grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. He was a great partner and they’d danced together many times, but tonight, every spin and twirl threatened to make her stomach erupt. She forced herself to smile and fought the urge to hurl all over his shiny boots.

  The song couldn’t be over fast enough.

  When it mercifully ended, Montana mumbled a thank you and dashed for the bathroom at the back of the house.

  She’d barely slammed the door behind her and dropped to her knees in front of the toilet before she vomited.

  Weak, shaky and feeling as though she’d been dragged by a team of stampeding horses, Montana stood and rinsed her mouth. Staring into the mirror, she realized she did indeed look like hell. Her skin had a pasty tone and dark circles rimmed her eyes. According to her bathroom scale, she’d lost five pounds, but she’d had a hard time buttoning her jeans tonight.

  Although she didn’t want to disappoint Colleen by leaving before midnight, Montana craved cozy pajamas, a cup of tea and bed.

  When she exited the bathroom, she found Shannon and Rose waiting for her.

  “You okay?” Shannon asked.

  “A little sick. I think I’ll go home.”

  “You need a ride?” Rose put her hand on Montana’s arm. “I can drive you.”

  “Of course not,” Montana said. “I’m just a little queasy.”

  “From what?” Shannon eyed her closely. “You haven’t eaten since you arrived.”

  Montana shrugged. “The flu, I guess.”

  Shannon raised her brows. “Again? Didn’t you say you had the flu a week ago when we were going to one of the after-Christmas sales?”

  “Yeah. It’s hanging on forever this year.”

  Shannon exchanged a glance with Rose.

  “What?” Montana looked at both of them.

  “When was your last period?” Rose asked bluntly.

  As the days began to add up, Montana swayed. Dear God. Could it be?

  The clues hit her like a landslide—Nausea. Exhaustion. Tight pants. Swollen, sore boobs. No period for more than two months.

  The earth tilted and she saw stars.

  Shannon grabbed her arm, steadying her. “Don’t pass out on me.”

  Slowly, her friends came back into focus. “I’m okay.”

  “Is Rose right?” Shannon still held her arm. “Are you pregnant?”

  Montana counted the weeks in her head again. “I think so.”

  “Holy shit.” Shannon eyed her with disbelief. “How?” She waved a hand. “Never mind. I know how. Oh, hell. What are you going to do?”

  Rose gave Shannon a gentle push. “Let Montana think. This is a bit of a shock.”

  Shock or no shock, Montana knew exactly what she was going to do. She was going to have a baby.

  Johnny’s baby.

  Shannon and Rose exchanged another look.

  Montana couldn’t focus on them. Her mind whirled. A baby. A family. Alone. No way to contact Johnny. Terror warred with joy.

  “This is for you.” Shannon pressed something into her hands.

  “What is it?”

  “Look an
d see. Adrian sent that to me with instructions for you to open it on New Year’s Eve at midnight. This changes things. You need to open it right now.”

  Montana took the sealed envelope with an unsteady hand. She removed a folded handwritten note and a ticket.

  “Well?” Shannon demanded. “So, share. What is it? Is it something from Johnny?”

  Montana looked up through teary eyes. “An invitation to watch him sing at the Grammys.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Johnny walked onstage at the Staples Center to thunderous applause.

  With a deep breath, he glanced for the hundredth time at the third row center aisle where he’d arranged for Montana to sit.

  She’s here.

  Her smile outshone the lights and the short gold dress she wore instantly had him hard as Colorado granite.

  Damn. She was fucking gorgeous. Every woman here paled in comparison. Celebs, fans, groupies, press. Not one of them held a candle to his Montana-girl.

  His heart thudded a wild rhythm.

  He cleared his throat. “I just want to say this song is for someone special who’s here tonight.”

  Tabitha picked up the beat.

  Until we met I could not forget

  How much it hurts to love

  Being with you is

  like touching a thousand stars

  Until I met you

  I don't think I knew

  what being in love was like

  Before now it was all untrue

  Until you

  My world was only

  a gray blur

  Your voice is music to my ears

  and I'm losing all doubt

  that it wouldn't work out

  I never felt it this way

  Until you oh, until you

  Montana girl

  It's never felt this right

  When you hold me in your arms

  The moon is smiling down on us

  As I fall for you tonight

  Until you

  My world was

  only a gray blur

  Your voice is music to my ears