by Kelsie Rae
If only he were here now, I might be able to survive to adulthood. Or should I say, she might be able to survive...if I don't kill her first.
I scoff at her observation while trying to contain my annoyance. She's my mother, after all.
"Yup. You told me I needed to be home tonight, which is why I'm not helping Liv at the school, remember?"
"Of course I remember. I wanted us to have a night together before graduation tomorrow. We need to discuss your future."
Anger pulses through me, threatening to erupt in the form of an especially epic verbal assault targeted at my mother.
By some miracle, I restrain myself.
Of course she wants to talk. At me, not with me. It's what she does best.
"What's there to discuss, Mom?"
She purses her lips before grabbing a dark makeup brush and applying a generous amount of blush to her cheeks.
"Sweetheart, you have a decision to make, and I have a meeting with the lawyers next week. I want to confirm we're on the same page before I go through all the paperwork."
Gritting my teeth, I almost growl out my next statement. "Why do you hate her?"
My venomous tone seems to shake her slightly, as she pauses her makeup application and turns to me.
"I don't hate her, Adam. I simply see something that you don't. You deserve better, baby, and if it takes an ultimatum for you to see that, I'm not afraid to be the bad guy."
My nostrils flare as she continues, turning her attention back to her makeup. "And I think we both know how much Luke cares about her. Let him deal with the local charity case. You deserve so much more."
My mom has no idea the dagger she just impaled me with.
Or maybe she does? And that’s why she let those poisonous words leave her pouty mouth in the first place.
"She doesn't want Luke,” I spit. “She wants me."
She tsks at me softly before murmuring, "Are you sure about that, sweetheart?"
And that's the problem, isn't it? Everyone can see it. Everyone except Liv.
My fists tighten, and I leave the way I came without saying another word.
I storm down the stairs, my Nikes pounding against the carpeted floors, when my mom’s voice interrupts my escape.
"Now wait one minute!" she calls down from the balcony.
My shoulders are tense as I consider my response.
"What is it, Mom?"
She appears at the top of the staircase. "If we're not going out together then I'm going out with one my friends. She has a lovely daughter that I'm sure you'd adore."
I close my eyes briefly, praying for strength. "Mom, I haven't given you my answer yet."
Her lips form a thin line. "And where is Liv right now? It seems to me that she made the decision for you. Don't waste your life, Adam. You’re too young to settle down. Go. Sow your wild oats, or whatever it is the kids call it these days. Stop wasting your time with her."
And with those wise words of wisdom––I scoff at my inner sarcasm––I race to the school to get my girl.
Enough of this shit. All I need is her.
Chapter 5
Luke
"So how's your grandma?" I ask conversationally as we pack up the cylinders and put them in brown cardboard boxes.
The auditorium is huge, and it's only us with our words ricocheting off the walls any time either of us speak.
We've nearly finished our little cleanup, and the work has flown by. Just like every other time we're together, time seems to stop while the world keeps spinning around us.
"She's good. She wants to start a crocheting club now that she's an empty nester." Liv smirks, knowing that her grandma, who's older than dirt, loves to brag that she still has a kid in high school.
Mrs. McAllister, who insists we call her Grandma, is the nicest old lady you've ever met. And even though she doesn't have a lot of money, she's always willing to spoil you with hugs and chocolate chip cookies. She took Liv in when Liv's parents died in a car accident, and Grandma's been trying to keep up ever since.
And by keep up, I mean still going to bed at 8:30 every night and making sure Liv locks up when she gets home.
Thankfully, Liv is an angel of a teenager, or else I'm pretty sure Grandma wouldn't have survived raising her. The woman is as frail as a piece of overcooked asparagus, but I'm glad her health is still pretty decent.
"How's Bree doing? She ready to be a senior?" Liv asks.
Bree's my baby sister, but we're only eighteen months apart, which means she loves to tag along wherever I go.
It's a good thing she's pretty freaking hilarious or else it would drive me insane. We get along pretty well, so it only bothers me every once in while. It helps that Breezy welcomed Liv into our group with open arms when they first met too.
"Meh." I shrug. "She's been done with high school since the first day of her freshman year."
Liv's light chuckle vibrates like windchimes in a summer breeze. "Touché. I bet she's dying to get out of here!"
I join in her laughter. "Yup. Pretty much."
We’re continuing our playful banter while boxing up supplies when her phone rings.
She holds up her finger to pause our conversation before pulling out her phone and answering the unknown number.
"Hello?" she answers, her tone hesitant.
After a few beats of silence, her mouth opens in shock, and her hand shoots up to cover it.
Her voice is shaky as she murmurs, "I'm sorry. What?"
More silence.
A tear slides down her cheek. The first of many.
"Are you sure this isn't a mistake?" she whispers, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Her voice is pleading, begging the stranger on the other end to deny the truth.
A muffled sound echoes through the speakers, but I can't make out what they’re saying.
I don't need to, though. Reading Liv's body language is more than enough for me to piece things together.
Something's wrong. Terribly wrong.
Liv drops her phone to the stage, and it hits the floor with a reverberating thud.
I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything at all. Instead, I watch the girl I’m in love with break right before my eyes.
Her shoulders hunch forward, and her long blonde hair acts as a curtain, shielding her from me as she cries in agony. Each tortured whimper acts like a siren, begging me to come save her. To take away her pain.
I approach her like I would a wounded animal before wrapping my arms around her soothingly. She rests her head against my chest as she quietly sobs. Not a word is spoken as I hold her for what feels like hours.
Once she's composed herself somewhat, she lifts her head and looks up at me with watery eyes. She looks like she's about to break under the weight of her phone call all over again.
"I need to go to the bathroom," she murmurs before drawing away from me and rushing to the women’s restroom down the hallway.
I watch her go, giving her a minute to herself before I confront her about what the hell just happened.
And how the hell I can fix it.
Chapter 6
Adam
My hands tremble as I pull my keys from my back pocket, wishing I could erase the image that's been burned into my memory for the rest of my measly existence.
Liv. Clinging to Luke like her life depended on it.
Luke. His lips brushing against her hair in an act of love.
The two of them were so picture-perfect together, fitting like two pieces of a puzzle and making me feel like the third wheel in the span of a few short seconds.
I don't know what the hell was going on in that auditorium, but it made something very clear to me.
I can't do this anymore. It's obvious that Liv is curious about what it would be like to be with someone else. It only makes sense that I’d be curious too.
I slip the key into the ignition before cranking the engine and peeling out of the school parking lot like a monster is chasing me.
&nbs
p; Then I remember that I’m the monster for even considering going through with what I’m about to do.
Throwing my car into park after arriving home, I find the house to be blessedly empty.
I doubt my mom will be home until late tonight. When she goes out with her friends, she’s absent for hours and hours at a time. And for now, I’ll savor the solitude.
Hastily, I reach for the liquor cabinet to find it unlocked.
It's never locked.
My mom has no reason to hide the key. She trusts me and knows I'm not an idiot.
Which is ironic, isn't it? Because she's so quick to judge my relationship with Liv, yet she won't bat an eye at a bottle or two of whiskey going missing within a few hours.
I grab the first container I can get my hands on, twisting off the cap with vigor before placing the glass against my lips and savoring the burn as the alcohol slides down my throat.
My eyes water instantly as the delicious warmth spreads from the bottom of my gut to my limbs like flowing lava.
Without thinking, I reach for my phone and pull up Lana's phone number.
Lana's been interested in me since sophomore year. A few months ago, she slipped me her number, along with a very descriptive explanation of what would happen if I ever decided to use it.
Yes, she knows I'm in a relationship. She also doesn't give a shit, and she's the exact person I want to see right now.
Without giving her any details, I send her a quick text.
Me: This is Adam. Come to my house in the next fifteen minutes, or I call someone else. Don't be late.
Needless to say, within seconds, my phone vibrates with a message.
Lana: Coming.
When the doorbell rings a few minutes later, I go to answer it.
My legs are unsteady as the ground tilts on its axis, but it doesn't matter. What I have planned doesn't require me to be standing anyway, and I don't plan on backing out now that I have the liquid courage along with the visual confirmation from the auditorium.
I should feel good about my decision.
But even with the effects of the alcohol...I don't.
Ignoring the warning bells clamoring in my intoxicated head, I open the door.
Chapter 7
Luke
She's sobbing. I can hear her through the door of the girl's restroom. Pacing back and forth, I debate what I should do.
Do I go in there?
Do I text Adam to tell him that his girlfriend his having an absolute meltdown, and I have no idea why?
Do I let her sit on the cold tile floor by herself to sort out whatever the hell is going on?
Angrily, I tug on the roots of my hair, trying to figure out what I should do.
I know that if this were Breezy, my sister, she'd be screaming bloody murder at anyone who dared to come within three feet of her until she was ready to talk.
But with Liv…. With Liv, I always know what to do.
I take a deep breath before a sense of peace washes over me.
This isn't just some girl. This is Liv. I know her better than anyone. Hell, I pride myself in being The Liv Whisperer and know this is the ultimate test to prove myself.
First, I open up my messages app and send a quick text to Adam.
Me: Hey man. Something happened with Liv. She needs you. Call me asap, okay?
I hit send before taking a deep breath.
Cautiously, I open the door to find Liv exactly where I imagined she'd be.
Her back is propped up against the wall, hidden in a stall, with her legs pulled to her chest as she cries her little heart out.
Alone.
Isolated.
Without saying a word, I slide down next to her before wrapping my arm around her and pulling her into my chest in a brotherly gesture.
She takes the comfort I'm offering, grabbing onto me like I’m her lifeline. We sit this way for a while as Liv clings to me and burrows her tiny body into my torso. Her body shakes with uncontrollable sobs, and the haunting sounds echo off the tiled walls, cementing these moments in my memory. I don’t know how much time passes as I patiently wait for her to tell me what's going on.
She’s scaring the shit out of me, but this is what she needs. Time to process whatever happened on that phone call that broke her so badly.
When her breathing starts to calm, changing from frantic and irregular to deep and rhythmic, she finally speaks. "My grandma had a heart attack."
Her words are like a sucker punch to the face, making my head flinch back an inch and hit the tile wall behind me.
I rub the sore spot with my hand for a second while I scramble to think of something to say. Anything.
"We didn't rush to the hospital," I note, subtly probing for more details.
"No need," she admits sadly. "It looks like I get to plan another funeral, but this time I don’t have my grandma’s help.” A tear slides down her cheek. “Lucky me." She chokes on the words.
"Liv."
She looks up at me. Her watery gaze breaking my heart as I scramble to fix this. To find a solution, even though I know that there isn’t one. "What can I do to help?"
She nibbles her lower lip, trying to use the slight pinch of her teeth digging into her flesh as a distraction from the emotional pain tearing her to shreds.
"I...I don't know, Luke. There's so much changing right now. The only stability I've ever had is you, Grandma, and Adam, and I feel like you're all slipping through my fingers." Her voice cracks on a sob.
I brush her hair behind her ear as she releases a shuddering breath.
"Liv, we're not slipping through your fingers," I try to console her.
She shakes her head adamantly. "You don't know that, Luke. My grandma is gone. How can she be gone? She was fine. Everything was okay. She was going to yoga tonight, for Pete’s sake!”
I pull her closer, wishing I could comfort her the way she deserves. But I feel helpless as she continues. "Adam's mom is being a bitch, and I can see him wavering. I can see him weighing the pros and cons of our relationship. I think he might leave me, Luke," she confesses. The desperate sadness in her tone wedges a knife in my heart.
"Liv." I feel like her name is a curse on my tongue. "Adam would be a dumbass to dump you. He'd be an idiot to even consider it. He knows how special you are. How perfect. He may be a cocky sonofabitch, but he's not a dumbass. You won't ever lose Adam unless you're the one to let him go."
She swallows thickly, letting my declaration sink in.
“You don’t know that,” she argues.
My jaw clenches in frustration. She has no idea. “I do, Liv.” I laugh dryly. “You can have whoever the hell you want, sweetheart. And if you want Adam then he’s yours.”
She peeks up at me quickly before turning her attention on the little ball of toilet paper in her hand that she was using as a tissue.
"And then there's you," she whispers quietly.
I’m taken aback by her subject change.
My gaze scans her puffy eyes and the moisture glistening on her red cheeks.
"What about me?" I ask hesitantly as my heart pounds against my ribcage.
"You're leaving."
It's not a question. It's a statement. One that guts me to my core.
I'd give anything to kiss away her tears, to promise her forever. But I can't do that.
She isn't mine.
My lids slide closed in defeat as her words hit me square in the chest.
"I'm not leaving you, Liv." The lie tastes bitter and makes the acid in my stomach churn.
"You are," she argues. "You're going to be in another state, Luke. If that’s not leaving then I don’t know what is. When will I see you again? When will you come home? How can I do this without you?"
I drop my head back in defeat while staring up at the bathroom ceiling.
"Liv, you don't need me."
She grips my T-shirt tightly in protest, her fingers squeezing the cotton material like her life depends on it.
"T
hat's bullshit, Luke, and you know it. I need you. I've always needed you. How can you even say that to me?” she cries. “You can't leave me. Not now. Not when everything's falling apart. You're The Liv Whisperer, remember? I. Need. You."
I peer down at her, my veins rushing with adrenaline. I'd give anything to be her everything.
But I'm not.
"Liv," I breathe out. "You need to call Adam. You need him right now."
She shakes her head slowly. "He's not answering."
I check my phone to see if he’s replied to my earlier message. No luck.
"Stay here. I'll go get him for you, okay?"
"Don't."
I furrow my brows. "Why not?"
Her lips pull into a thin line as she looks at me. Really looks at me. Her gaze digs so deeply into my own, I swear that she can almost see my soul. "I need both of you," she confesses. "Not just him."
I laugh dryly, wishing it were true.
"Then let me go get him, Liv."
Her grip remains tight on my T-shirt, holding me in place as she asks, "Will you come back too?"
Peering down at her, I consider the promise she's requesting from me. Her breathing is shallow as she anxiously waits for my response.
"Always," I answer honestly, while shrugging one shoulder. It softly bumps against hers, and she offers me a small smile in return.
After a minute, she nods once.
"Okay, Luke. I'll wait here."
Chapter 8
Adam
Who am I? What have I turned into? I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience where I see a guy who looks eerily similar to me on top of a girl. He's thrusting into a brunette as she gasps in ecstasy, and my stomach knots at the sight. His brows are pinched, and he looks absolutely destroyed.