Dogism
Page 7
We both began laughing. When we were done horsing around, we hugged and kissed, and we said our prayers for the night. When the two of us were done praying together, I continued to silently pray on my own. I prayed real long and earnestly then I just stared into space. I knew that my preoccupation with Toni was affecting my whole inner being. It was bound to start manifesting itself in other areas of my life. I thought about being honest and telling my wife how I really felt about Toni. I also thought about talking to a neutral person, someone other than Steve, as to how I was feeling on the inside. Someone like the pastor of my church, ’cause unlike Steve I knew that the pastor would hold me accountable for my actions.
The reason that I felt like spilling the beans to someone was because Toni was bringing up feelings in me that literally scared me. It was more than infatuation, and it was totally different than what I ever got from being around Scarlet. I was scared because deep down inside I knew that the emotions that Toni was causing me to have were the type that would make me seriously contemplate getting a divorce and starting over with Toni. Scarlet or no other woman had ever made me seriously consider that. With Scarlet, and anyone else for that matter, I always knew that it was really nothing more than serious lust and infatuation.
I lay in thought for nearly a half hour, and I came to the conclusion that it was way too early to start confessing, because when I truly observed everything, I realized I hadn’t done anything wrong. I mean, for all I knew, there stood a good chance that nothing at all would jump off in terms of Toni and myself. With that in mind, my thoughts switched to how good Toni had looked that evening. I thought about the fact that she actually told me that she was attracted to me. I was so happy. Again I managed to block out everything my wife and I had just spoken about. I blocked out my religious convictions, and I just envisioned the possibilities between Toni and myself.
I looked over at Nicole, and I noticed she was sound asleep. I wasn’t really horny or in dire need for sex, but the thought of masturbating came into my head. I contemplated doing it, then I changed my mind and just lay there. I could have awakened Nicole for some sex, but like I said, I wasn’t really feeling horny.
After about five minutes of not being able to doze off, I found myself gently removing the covers from on top of me. I quietly snuck out of the bed, praying that the box spring wouldn’t squeak. At that point the last thing I wanted to do was awaken Nicole. After I’d made it out of the bed, I softly walked to the bathroom. I pulled down my pajama bottoms and sat on the toilet.
It must have been that demon that has been inside of me since I was twelve years old that conned me to do it. He sprang to life and caused me to close my eyes and make love in a ménage-a-trois with Toni and my sister-in-law as I masturbated.
SEVEN
During my twenty-seven short years on this planet, I’ve learned that women are one big ball of emotions. Not that they break down and cry at every sad moment, nothing like that. Rather, what I’ve learned is that the way to a woman’s heart is through her emotions. In a relationship, women need to know that men care about them. They need to hold hands. They need to receive the flowers, the cards, the letters, and the romantic dinners. But women, more than anything, need conversation before they can truly connect with a man. Men are completely the opposite. What drives men are all of the physical things.
See, I knew that in order for me to really bag Toni, I would have to put my physical needs aside and concentrate on her emotional being. The evening after our dinner date I decided to page Toni. It was very late, probably close to eleven-thirty, but I had to speak with her in order to start developing that emotional bond. The reason I had waited so late in the day was because I wanted Toni to wonder whether or not I was gonna call her. If in fact she had been wondering about my phone call, it would only have caused her to be filled with anticipation. Hopefully when she heard from me, that anticipation would turn to excitement.
Being that I didn’t know Toni’s home telephone number I couldn’t just call her at her crib. Also I didn’t want to page her and have her call me back at my house. After all, my wife was sleeping, and how would it look if she were to answer the phone and hear Toni’s voice on the other end? While Nicole was sleeping, I snuck downstairs to the basement of our house. I decided to page Toni from the basement and have her call me back on my cell phone. The basement is the area of the house we use when we want to entertain a large number of guests. Ours is hooked. We have the big-screen television, the bar, the Jacuzzi, the pool table and all of those material toys.
Anyway, I was hoping that Toni hadn’t fallen asleep or gone out for the night. Fortunately, when I paged her, she returned my call right away. My cell phone rang, and I quickly answered. Cautious, as to not speak very loud, I kept my voice kinda low, which actually made me sound Barry Whiteish.
I answered the phone by asking, “How you doing, Toni?”
Toni, sounding as if she was half asleep, responded, “Lance?”
“Yeah, this is Lance. Were you sleeping? I was calling to check up on you.”
Toni quietly laughed, and she replied, “No, I wasn’t actually sleep. I was watching old re-runs of VIBE show, but I was just about to fall asleep.”
“Can you talk?” I asked.
“Yeah, I can talk.”
Then I asked, “So, did you make it home alright yesterday?”
Toni now seemed to be a bit more alert as she replied, “Yeah, I had no problems. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
I laughed as I asked her if she had eaten her Juniors’ cheesecake. She informed me that she’d tried to eat just one slice of the cake and save the rest for another day but she couldn’t. Shamefully she admitted that she became addicted to the Juniors’ cheesecake and had eaten the whole thing in one sitting.
“Lance, that cheesecake was calling my name. I tried to put it down, but I couldn’t. I was like a dope fiend or something. I felt so bad, but I just kept eating and eating. It was like I would close the box and attempt to put it back in the refrigerator, but I just couldn’t. It was so sad. . . . I definitely gotta get my ass to the gym this week.”
“So what?” I exclaimed. “It’s not like you’re fat or anything. You can splurge every now and then.”
Toni agreed, “Yeah, that’s true.... So Lance, where are you at? Why did you get in touch with me so late?”
“I’m at home.”
Toni asked, “Where’s your wife? And, by the way, did you tell her about our little date last night?”
I purposely wanted to avoid Toni’s first question, but I was willing to bounce around her second one with a politician-like answer.
“Well, let’s just say that indirectly my wife had an idea of where I was at.”
I could feel that Toni was smiling as she asked, “What does that mean?”
“Don’t worry about that.” There was a brief silence, then I asked, “So are you happy to be hearing from me?”
“Yes, actually I am happy to hear from you. But had you really cared whether I’d made it home safely you would have called earlier.”
I knew Toni wasn’t serious, so I just laughed and explained to her that I had been busy. “So Toni, is it all right for me to call you at home?”
Toni laughed and replied, “Lance, you’re married.”
“Come on, Toni.”
“Lance, I’m serious. I see we have to have a serious talk because I can see where things might be heading.”
“So let me have your number, and we can have our serious talk over the phone.”
Toni, seeming as if she must have been smiling while at the same time shaking her head, asked, “Do you have a pen?”
“Yeah, hold on and let me grab one. . . .”
Toni gave me the number, and I copied it down. Then I instructed her to get a pen as I gave her my pager number. I tried to give her my cell number, but she told me that she already had it in her pager’s memory. Then for some stupid reason, I told Toni to take down my home nu
mber. I guess I was trying too hard to falsely convince her that I only wanted to be her friend.
“You’re giving me your home number? Lance, what about your wife? What is she gonna think?”
“Toni, why are you sweating it? My wife will be cool with it.”
Toni asked, “What’s your wife’s name again?”
“Her name is Nicole.”
“Oh, so you mean that if I call with my soft-sounding voice that your wife wouldn’t flip? Imagine me saying, ‘Hi, Nicole, this is Toni. I’m a friend of Lance. Can I speak to him?’ ”
I laughed and explained, “Toni, you can call whenever you want. I wouldn’t have given you the number if it wasn’t a’ight.”
Toni, sounding confused and unsure, said, “Okay, if that’s what you say.”
Switching subjects, I asked, “So you watching that old ass show, so who did they have on?”
Toni told me that it was an old episode where Patti Labelle had performed. Just like everyone else had been accustomed to doing back in the days, Toni explained to me that she had been switching back and forth, watching both Keenan Ivory Wayans’ show on the re-run channel TV Land and VIBE on TV One. She was irate over the fact that the two shows aired at the same time. Toni also mentioned that Michael Jordan had been on Keenan’s show.
“You know, you kinda look like Michael Jordan.” Toni remarked.
I laughed as I said, “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I would be a millionaire.”
Toni explained, “No really, you do look like him.”
I responded, “Yeah, and if it’s not Michael Jordan, people tell me that I look like Malik Yoba. All it is is that people see me, a dark skin brother with a baldhead, and automatically I look like some baldheaded superstar. Soon people will be telling me I look like R. Kelly.”
Toni began to laugh, “That’s not true. It’s not just because you have a baldie. I don’t think you look like no R. Kelly or Malik Yoba, but you do look like Mike. And Mike still has it going on.”
Just craving to have my ego massaged, I asked, “So then you must think that I got it going on too.”
“Lance, I already told you that I think you’re cute, but you’re married and I ain’t trying to be nobody’s jump-off.”
I didn’t want to go back in that marriage direction. My mission was accomplished. I had my conversation with Toni. Subconsciously I could tell that Toni was being drawn to me. I wanted to end the conversation so as not to spoil anything.
“A’ight, Toni, I’ma bounce. But listen, I’ll probably be bringing LL by the shop in a week or so.”
“No problem, sweetie. Just call me and let me know. So yeah, I’ma hang up too and get some sleep. Alright, so good night.”
I pressed end on my cell phone and just sat there. I couldn’t believe that I had balls enough to give Toni my home number. I wasn’t too worried because I didn’t think that Toni would actually ever call me at my rest stop. Plus, I knew that Nicole wasn’t the type to yell and scream and get ghetto if another female were to call. I just couldn’t believe I had let myself get to the point where I would stoop low enough to freely give out the home digits. In the back of my mind I was thinking how I wanted to sex Toni in the worst way. I knew that it could be a reality, but I would just have to wait on it.
Until that time of glory came, I would just have to get off on the times that Toni told me that she thought I was cute, or when she called me boo or sweetie. I could always reminisce about the hug she gave me after we ate dinner, or the way her hands felt when they touched mine. As I turned out the lights and proceeded to walk upstairs, I wondered when the need for phone calls to Toni would wear off. When would the thoughts of her hugging me not be enough?
My heart began to race as I pondered kissing Toni. I thought, I bet her tongue feels like a water fountain. I couldn’t wait to make love to her. I wondered how soft her thighs would feel. I fantasized about performing oral sex on Toni the first time I got the chance. Usually a female would have to wait for that privilege. That is reserved for only the elite. Toni was elite material, and I knew her cat was clean and disease free, so it wouldn’t be a problem. I smiled like a pervert just thinking about the possibilities between Toni and me. The last thought I had before I laid down next to my wife was of Toni in a red thong and no bra preparing to make love to me.
As soon as I lay down, my wife turned over and hugged me. Nicole had unknowingly, but tragically interrupted the fantasy I was experiencing with Toni. Since my dream had come to an end, I willingly kissed my wife, and I began to caress her body. Just thinking about Toni had turned me on to the point that I was ready to have sex. I woke my wife and asked her if she wanted some.
Sounding very tired and despondent, she asked, “Now?”
Seeming as though I was some sort of freak, I responded with a desperate plea, as I said, “Yeah. Now.”
I kissed my wife on the forehead and tried to set things in motion, but Nicole wasn’t having it. “Nicole. A’ight? Wake up.”
“No, baby,” she said, pushing my hand away from her crotch. “In the morning.”
After being rejected, I was irate. My blood pressure was raised to its boiling point. Had I been a cartoon character, you would have seen steam flowing from my skull. I didn’t know what to do with all that pent-up energy. My hormones were going wild, and all I wanted to do was have an orgasm. I thought about going to the living room and popping in one of my porno tapes that I had hidden in my closet. I even considered sneaking downstairs and calling Scarlet to see if she would be willing to sneak into my basement and hit me off. Then I thought about just masturbating right next to my wife and putting sperm on her butt so she could know how much of a freak and a fiend I really was.
I just lay there vexed like crazy. I thought about praying to take the temptation away, but what good was that gonna do? After all, I wasn’t even in the right frame of mind to pray.
EIGHT
Before I knew it, the month of May was just about over. I took LL into the shop for a haircut so he would be freshly dipped for the Memorial Day cookout my wife and I had planned. It’s so funny because now I felt much more comfortable being in the shop with Toni as opposed to the first time. To me the whole atmosphere felt more relaxed and loose.
Toni seemed to be excited because I was around. Unlike the first time I had visited the beauty salon, Toni was very talkative around LL and me. She even picked up LL and paraded around the shop with him. It was kind of like she was showing him off as if he were her own son. She and LL had conversations ranging from what he’d been learning in daycare to his favorite toys. Toni actually took time away from her customers to sit down and talk to LL, which is what made the situation seem odd but sincere. LL had game like his daddy, and he managed to slip in that his fifth birthday was in two weeks. Toni melted and promised to buy him whatever it was he wanted.
With Toni looking as sexy as a Soul Train dancer, I felt like a proud peacock who was basking in the sun. I sat back and just clocked Toni’s beauty. I knew that in a matter of time I could claim her if I wanted to. And believe me, I wanted to.
As I sat and received another manicure, I noticed that Toni had on some slip-on sandals. They were the type that had a very slight heel to them. All of her toes were exposed, and there was a thong between her big toe. You could tell Toni was into cosmetology because even her toes had an air-brushed design. Her red toenail polish made her feet look like succulent appetizers. They reminded me of pigs in a blanket. I couldn’t wait to suck on them.
For the first time, I noticed a little ghettoness in Toni. It was cute because I knew that she wasn’t really ghetto at all. It was probably just the beauty salon’s environment that was causing her to be a little louder than her normal demeanor. In her winsome ghettoness, she seemed to be claiming me. I guess she was starting to get a little attached to me. Toni also could have been slightly jealous, knowing that other very fine women were in the shop and I wasn’t holding back from looking at them.
When I was done with my nails, Toni summoned me and wanted to see how my manicure looked. To my surprise she wasn’t happy with the way it had turned out. She made sure to let the nail technician know it. I tried to let Toni know that it was alright, but she again, with her fetching ghettoness, was like, “Nah, it looks a’ight, but your nails are still a little suspect.”
After rinsing the head of one of her customers, Toni grabbed me by the hand and sat me at an empty manicure table. She quickly went to work on my cuticles. When she was done buffing and plucking and stroking, I had to admit that my nails did actually look better. I just felt funny that Toni had kind of played the other technician in front of everybody. There wasn’t any confrontation or anything, but Toni just embarrassingly voiced her opinion on the other technician’s skills, which she felt weren’t up to par.
Honestly, I just thought that Toni’s actions were a ploy to let people know she was thinking about claiming me and that no one else had better have the same idea. I have to say that her actions definitely made me feel good. See, I knew that she didn’t consciously realize what she was doing. Still, something was driving her to act the way she was.
By the time LL was finished with his haircut, it was around two o’clock in the afternoon. Once again I gave Toni a very unselfish tip. Toni took it upon herself to walk us to my car. While we were walking I asked, “So Toni, what are you doing for Memorial Day?”
Toni looked at me curiously and asked, “When is Memorial Day again?”
I responded, “I guess you ain’t doing nothing, ’cause it’s two days away—on Monday.”
Toni laughed and said, “Oh, man. I was supposed to go on a boat ride but I forgot about it and I didn’t RSVP, so I don’t even think I’ll be going. Why did you ask?”