Dogism

by Mark Anthony

  I answered, “Well I’m having like a barbecue-slash-party at my house. You can come if you want.”

  Toni smiled and looked at me as if to request some more assurance.

  “Toni, there’s no problem. You can come.”

  I reached into my glove compartment and retrieved a piece of paper. On it, I wrote down my address as well as the directions to my house. I also wrote the time everything began, then I handed it to Toni.

  Toni looked everything over.

  “So you’ll be there, right?” I asked.

  Toni nodded, and said, “Yeah, I’ll be there,” then she pinched LL on his cheek, which was full of candy. “Cutie, can I have a goodbye kiss?”

  I was playfully but extremely jealous because Toni was requesting a kiss from LL and not from me. LL smiled as he planted the stickiest kiss on Toni’s cheek. Toni then stepped away from the car and waved good-bye. As she walked off, I noticed that her butt was actually rounder than I had previously thought. I guess it looked that way because of the satin-looking white pants she had on.

  One day, I thought. One day.

  When I reached home, I realized my wife and I had to go to Costco so we could purchase the food for Memorial Day. Being that the Nets and Sixers were playing game seven of the eastern conference finals, the very last thing I wanted to do was to go food shopping. However, I didn’t put up a fight. I just did what was responsible.

  The next day I found myself in a familiar location—church—and as always, the sermon was very uplifting and at the same time convicting. The pastor was preaching about what good is faith if it is not backed up by deeds. He said many interesting things. For example, he asked everyone in attendance to raise their hands if they believed in God. As you would have guessed, everyone in the place proudly raised their hands. Then he asked everyone who believed in Jesus to raise their hands. Again everyone in attendance raised their hands.

  After doing that little demonstration, he informed everyone that they now had something in common with Satan. People began looking at one another as they began feeling a bit uncomfortable. The pastor knew exactly what he was doing because now that he had everyone’s attention, he told them, “That’s good that you say you believe in God and the son of God, but I’m going to tell everybody in this building something: Satan also believes in God. Yes, Satan believes in Jesus Christ. As a matter of fact, I would dare to say that Satan’s belief in God is probably stronger than the belief that some of you sitting here today profess to have.”

  The pastor, who now had everyone riled up, went on to explain that there is a big difference in saying that one believes in God as opposed to believing God. I paused, and I began to think about what he was saying. After pondering for a few seconds, I realized how deep his statement was. The pastor asked us to turn to John 3:16, which is a very famous verse.

  The pastor went on, “Now let me ask each one of you something. When it’s all said and done, when Jesus returns, do you think that Satan will have eternal life? Or do you think Satan is going to perish?” After asking the rhetorical question, he went on to explain John 3:16, which states that whoever believes in Jesus shall not perish but rather they will have eternal life. “Whoever believes!” He reiterated, “Satan believes so is he going to have eternal life or not?”

  Of course, after having asked a radical question like that, everyone began to snicker and laugh because they were feeling uncomfortable. Then the pastor explained that people can be easily deceived into thinking that all it takes is a belief in God and you will be saved, but he warned that we can’t take scriptures out of context. If we do, we are only setting ourselves up for a rude awakening in the end.

  The pastor shouted, “God is not a liar. He has already condemned Satan. Satan will have eternal life, but it will be an eternity spent in Hell. If you read your Bible and tie in other scriptures, you know the answer to whether or not Satan’s belief in God alone is enough to grant him a quality eternal life. Obviously John 3:16 isn’t talking about just any kind of belief in Jesus. It’s talking about a belief that causes one to have settled attitudes about how they are now going to live a new life for Christ, due to the fact that they believe in the son of God.” That belief, he explained, will be shown by the things you do.

  He added, “Are you doing the things God commands you to do, like going into the world and telling the lost about His son? Are you committing adultery? Are you not forgiving those who sin against you? Are you still getting drunk? Are you envious of people? Do you crave the things of this world? Have you been baptized?”

  The pastor, who had stopped shouting, was now calmly explaining that, the answers to the questions that deal specifically with areas in our everyday life will show the type of belief in Christ that one really has. He explained that anyone can profess a belief in Christ, just as Satan professes a belief in Christ. Yet as Satan is hell-bent on deceiving people and doing evil, we must not be like Satan and profess a belief in Christ while we continue to get drunk, while we continue to commit adultery, or for that matter, while some of us continue to procrastinate and have never been baptized.

  Later that evening, my wife and I talked at length about what we had learned from the sermon. I was the first to admit that I was one who claimed to believe in God, but I wasn’t truly willing to let Him be Lord of my life, in the sense that I wasn’t willing to give up certain things that I craved. I admitted to Nicole that I did want eternal life. I also admitted that because of the evil things that I continued to allow myself to do, I wasn’t sure if I’d actually make it to Heaven.

  I didn’t fully explain to my wife what I meant by “evil things,” but obviously if I really loved and believed God, I wouldn’t willfully lust the way I do. I wouldn’t be so ready to commit adultery. If I truly believed Christ, then I would listen to His warnings that He gives me via the Bible. Especially when He warns and says that the people who do things to please their sinful desires will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, rather they only have a fearful expectation of the fires of Hell.

  NINE

  Monday arrived, and Memorial Day was upon us. Our party, which had started at about five in the afternoon, had been underway for about two hours. There were many people who showed up to get their eat and drink on. The party was shaping up to be a nice event. Throughout the whole day, I had been wondering when and if Toni would actually show up. Deep down inside I knew that she would, but I was wondering how I was going to react in her presence.

  I also was praying that Scarlet wouldn’t pop up and make a surprise visit. See, I knew that Scarlet was the stalker type, so knowing her, she was probably camped out in her ride right down the block from my house with a pair of binoculars and a baseball bat, ready to attack. And believe me, the last thing I needed was for her to see me with any woman she didn’t recognize because she probably wouldn’t hesitate to disrespect Nicole and march her big round butt into my party with a Louisville Slugger and cause a confrontational scene. Hopefully she had to strip at a party somewhere. Being that it was Memorial Day and all, that was more than likely the case, so I figured I shouldn’t get too anxious about any Scarlet drama unfolding.

  My wife and I had debated over whether there should be any liquor at the party. Actually Nicole objected to it. She figured people didn’t need liquor in order to have a good time, and she didn’t want someone to get drunk and spoil everything. My wife also argued that many brothers and sisters from the church were going to be there, and it wouldn’t look right for us to have a “worldly” party.

  I went against my wife’s objections. Although, summer didn’t officially begin for another three weeks, I still felt that Memorial Day marked the beginning of the mood that the summertime brings. So how on earth were we going to have a party with a summer feel to it, yet have no liquor? I went out and purchased so many Heinekens that I had to place them inside of two garbage cans that were filled with ice.

  The party was being held simultaneously in our backyard as well as in our baseme
nt. I took some of the liquor from the bar in the basement and placed it on one of the picnic tables that was in the backyard. I left the rest of the liquor in the basement so people would have open access to the drinks regardless of where they were.

  Although Nicole was disappointed in my decision, she didn’t let it stop her from having a good time. As a matter of fact, Nicole was the life of the party. She made sure there were no wallflowers. By the time 8:00 P.M. rolled around, people were filled with liquor, and everyone was partying out on the makeshift dance floor. The music was bangin’. I was hoping that none of the neighbors would get annoyed by the noise and call the cops.

  We had huge blue and red flood lights in the backyard so everyone could see what they were doing. Way more people showed up than I expected. I didn’t even know many of the faces that were at the party. When I walked to the front yard of my house I noticed that the block was filled with double-parked cars. I also noticed what looked like Toni walking up to the house. She didn’t recognize me as she and a friend made their way to the backyard.

  With Toni and her friend unknowing, I followed right behind them with a drink in my hand. When they reached the backyard, the deejay was blasting the old school smash Bad Boy Entertainment record, “Mo Money, Mo Problems.” That’s when I made my move and let Toni know that she was definitely in the right place. I walked right in front of Toni and started dancing with her. I began yelling, “Ah yeah! Ah yeah!” while happily raising both of my hands in the air, being careful not to spill my drink on her.

  Toni began smiling and slowly bopping her head and moving her body, trying to get in rhythm with me, then she held open her arms for a hug. I was still dancing and throwing my hands up in the air, so she just grabbed me and hugged me, nothing seductive or anything, just a hello kind of hug. Then she introduced me to her friend whose name was Kim.

  Kim was a’ight, but she didn’t really rank in the looks department. She was a four-drink kind of chick, which means that I would have to have at least four drinks before I would kick it to her.

  While being introduced to Kim, I noticed my wife looking at me. I didn’t want to act suspicious, so I just kept dancing with Toni. Trying to talk over the music while still dancing, I asked, “What took you so long?”

  Toni explained that she and Kim had stopped at another barbecue before they came to my house.

  As the deejay switched up the record and threw on another old Bad Boy smash hit, “The Benjamins,” I playfully told Toni, “Y’all are so whack. Y’all should have come here first. Which party has it going on more? This one or the one you just left?”

  Toni smiled and yelled into my ear, “Your party, of course. Y’all got it going on. And the music is tight.”

  I stepped away from Toni and pointed her in the direction of where the food and drinks were. I told Toni that I would be all over the place, but I instructed them both to still have a good time.

  I mingled and tried to talk to everyone to make sure that everybody was having a good time. I made sure to stay clear of my wife so she wouldn’t ask me who Toni was. Before I knew it, Steve came up to me panting like a horse and emphatically asking, “Yo, Lance, who is that?” He was pointing in Toni’s direction.

  Bobbing my head to the music, I just held out my fist for a pound. Steve tapped my fist with his as I proclaimed, “Yeah, nigga. What? Am I the man or what? I told you all of that laughing was gonna come back and bite you in the ass.”

  Steve asked, “That’s the chick?”

  “Word is bond,” I replied.

  Steve put his hand out for a pound while simultaneously grabbing me and giving me a ghetto hug. He informed me that I was officially the man, which was something I already knew, but I didn’t mind hearing it again. “Yo, you are the man. Lance. That chick is off the chain. She even looks better than Scarlet. I mean the trunk isn’t as big as Scarlet’s, but man. She is bangin’,” Steve commented.

  I Mackishly smiled and walked off.

  Fortunately, as the night went on, no one got to the point where they were sloppy drunk. As the deejay threw on reggae music, I searched out my wife, and I began dancing real close to her.

  Nikki immediately asked, “Lance, who was that woman I saw you dancing with earlier?”

  I knew exactly who she was talking about but I played dumb. “I don’t know, baby. I mean I been dancing with a lot of people.”

  Nikki seemed a bit peeved. She then made it clear as to who she was talking about, as she explained, “I’m talking about that exotic-looking woman with the tight sarong skirt and the long hair, the one who was hugging all over you. Lance, don’t play dumb. I know just about everybody here except for her, so who is she?”

  “Oh, you mean Toni?” I said while trying to put water on the fire.

  Nikki sarcastically mocked me and replied, “ ‘Oh you mean Toni?’ Yeah, I mean Toni. Who is she?”

  Nonchalantly I replied, “I told you about her. She’s the lady who cuts LL’s hair.”

  Nikki sucked her teeth and warned me to watch how I was dancing with her. I thought, Ah, man, this is not what I need. I wanted to make sure I squashed any friction right from jump street, so when I was out of my wife’s sight I found Toni.

  “You still enjoying yourself?” I asked.

  “No doubt,” Toni replied. “Some of my sorors are here.”

  “Oh yeah? What sorority are you in?”

  Toni explained that she was a Delta.

  “You?” I questioned. “You look more like an AKA,” I said as I playfully did the annoying AKA call. “Skeeeee Weeeee!”

  Toni rolled her eyes and said, “Whateva.”

  Then I popped the question—or should I say I instructed Toni on what she would be doing next. “Toni, come meet my wife.”

  “Lance, I don’t wanna meet your wife. Not now.”

  “Come on. Don’t trip, ’cause it ain’t nothing. She already told me she wanted to meet you.”

  Toni was hesitant, but she went along with me.

  As we searched for Nikki, I felt as if I was bringing my fiancée home to meet my mother for the first time. I decided to check the basement. On the way, I stopped and introduced Toni to many of the guests. I also managed to introduce Toni to Steve, who was gawking at her like a dog in heat. With everyone she met, Toni gave her million-dollar smile and extended her right hand for a handshake as she would say, “Hello, nice to meet you.”

  So that Steve wouldn’t totally jack up my flow, after introducing him to Toni I sent him to go and find Toni’s friend Kim. I instructed him to keep her company as Toni and I continued searching for Nicole.

  Finally, I spotted my wife, and I yelled for her. “Honey, come here.”

  Being that the music was also blasting in the basement, my wife didn’t hear me, so Toni and I walked over to her.

  “Nicole, I wanted to introduce you to Toni.”

  My wife’s back was toward Toni and me. When she turned around, I noticed that she had a jar of barbecue sauce in her hand. I think I had kinda caught her by surprise.

  “Oh,” she said as she quickly looked Toni up and down, but not in a way to make her feel uncomfortable. My wife didn’t say anything. I guess she was just trying to check Toni’s steelo.

  I was about to butt in and break the uncomfortable silence, but Toni used her charming ways and spared me the chore. Toni’s gold-and-diamond bracelet slid from her wrist to about halfway down her hand as she extended her hand to Nicole for a handshake.

  “Hi, I’m Toni. Nice to meet you, Nicole.”

  I didn’t know what to expect from my wife, but she wasn’t a bit out of character as she smiled and said, “Oh, so you’re the one my son has been going crazy over.”

  Feeling very uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, like a dummy, I said, “Yeah, honey, Toni is the one who has been cutting LL’s hair.”

  My wife paused, and she gave me a look that said, No. Duh. Then she replied, “Yeah, Lance, I know that.” To my surprise Nicole complemented Toni f
or doing such a good job with LL’s hair. She also asked her if she was enjoying the party.

  Maybe it was just in my head, but I felt that there was so much tension in the air that I could cut it with a knife.

  Then, being as polite as possible, my wife excused herself from the introduction as she explained that she couldn’t talk long because she had to check on the grill. She departed by telling Toni it was nice meeting her.

  Toni responded, “Likewise.”

  After Nicole walked off, Toni seemed a bit surprised as she remarked, “Lance, your wife is very pretty.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I replied.

  I didn’t want to make more of the situation than was necessary. I mean there probably was no tension or friction at all. Maybe it was just my guilt that I was feeling. Then I thought about it. I realized that I really had no reason at all for feeling guilty. I hadn’t done anything with Toni.

  As the night went on, everyone continued to have a good time. Although I was enjoying myself, I didn’t appreciate being separated from Toni for the majority of the night. Hours seemed to be flying by, and before I knew it, it was getting pretty late. Unfortunately, most of our guests, including myself, had to go to work the next morning. I didn’t want the party to end, but I knew I had to start winding things down at around one in the morning. I went to speak to the deejay, and I instructed him to go low key on the music so people would get the hint to leave. I advised him to start playing more R&B as opposed to the party jams with which he had been lacing everyone.

  After speaking to the deejay, I noticed that Steve seemed to be really clicking with Kim. The two of them were hemmed up in a cozy corner of the backyard. Being that Kim was still there, I knew that Toni had to be around somewhere. I wanted to go look for her, but I also wanted to make sure to speak to as many of the people from the church as possible. I guess it was obvious to them that I had been acting totally different from the way I act when I’m in church. My actions made it evident that I wasn’t trying to be warm with them at all. But at that juncture in the party, I definitely wasn’t going to try and repent for the way I’d behaved. I just wanted to show my face to them and politic.