Dogism

by Mark Anthony

  I told her, “Yeah, it will be mad messy if you don’t know how to eat it. But when you do it right, you’ll be able to enjoy it better.”

  Toni did get the hang of it rather quickly. While she was eating, she told me that she had no idea that lobster was so easy to cook and that she would definitely be treating herself to them more regularly. While we ate, we really weren’t paying attention to the movie. We began talking about ourselves.

  “Lance, you know what? I don’t even know your last name. Knowing a person’s last name is important, you know. I can’t be getting all close to you and not knowing the simple things like that.”

  I informed her that my last name is Thomas.

  Then from out of the blue, Toni asked me how I knew she was Haitian when we’d first met. I went on to explain that it was because of her last name. After sipping on her Alizé, she agreed that her last name was a very popular Haitian name. Toni informed me that she was born in Haiti, and she didn’t move to the United States until she was five years old. The delay was because her father was in medical school in this country, and he wanted to finish school before he sent for his immediate family members who were still in Haiti. Toni also told me that her mother was Dominican.

  “Oh, so that’s why you know how to do hair,” I replied.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Toni questioned.

  “You know that Dominican women are famous for knowing how to do hair very well,” I said.

  Toni was surprised and explained that she really hadn’t heard of that stereotype. I simply told her to ask the other beauticians in her shop, and they would confirm it. Then I playfully teased Toni about certain Haitian stereotypes. It was good that she wasn’t very sensitive. Toni seemed more than willing to joke with me as I asked her about Haitian voodoo and things like that.

  Before I knew it, Toni and I were finished with the lobsters, and we began to feed each other salad. Toni was in a playful mood. With the fork she was using to feed me, she caused it to miss my mouth, which in turn caused salad dressing to get on my face. Of course I didn’t mind the joke, as I, too, began to put salad dressing on her face. Toni’s playful mood ignited a flame in the back of my head.

  See, when I initially came over to her crib, I had no intentions of going any further than kissing Toni. But being that she was so happy, I began to wonder if, in fact, I could fulfill my dream and hit it tonight. I knew that the Alizé would be a big help, so I made sure that we both drank as much as possible.

  Toni continued to put salad dressing on my face. Out of nowhere, I informed her that if she was gonna keep doing that then she would have to lick it off. To my surprise and without hesitation, Toni pressed her body up against mine, and she ran her tongue from the area near my lips, all the way to my ear, which she stopped and began to kiss.

  Chills ran through my body, and I became instantly aroused. I knew that I couldn’t overreact, so I kept my hormones at bay. Toni stopped kissing my ear, and she just looked at me. I was desperately trying to translate her look into words. I was wondering if I should make my move then and try to hit it or what.

  The obvious thing to do was to kiss her, so I proceeded to do just that. It wasn’t a very deep kiss—it was to test the waters. This time after we kissed, Toni broke some of the ice with a smile. She then stood up from the couch we were sitting on and walked toward her bedroom. The voice inside of me was going bananas. In my mind I knew that the present atmosphere, combined with Toni’s mood, was exactly what I had been pursuing ever since I first laid eyes on her. My heart began racing because I had a good feeling about what could possibly take place.

  I was hoping that Toni would return from her room with a skimpy outfit or a garter belt and high heels. That would have definitely more than fulfilled every fantasy I’d ever craved to fulfill. To my disappointment Toni returned from the bedroom and asked, “Lance, how late are you staying?”

  I instantly got nervous. Here I was, thinking I was about to get mine off, and Toni was wondering how she could get me to leave.

  “Well, what time is it now?” I asked.

  “It’s a quarter to one,” Toni replied.

  Sounding very dejected, I replied, “I guess I can bounce now. I mean I know you have to get up in the morning and all.”

  Toni interjected, “Oh no. I wasn’t trying to give you a hint to leave. I’m just saying I hope you don’t think I’m doing those dishes.”

  Inside I was like, Whew. I let out a laugh of relief as I said, “Come on, I’m sayin’. I cooked you the bomb seafood meal, and you’re gonna make me do the dishes too?”

  In actuality, I knew that Toni could have cared less about the dishes. I told myself that she definitely wanted me, and I had to make my move as soon as possible to put it on her.

  Toni went on, “I don’t care how late you stay, but all I know is that those dishes better be done before you leave.”

  “Okay, mama’,” I playfully said. I added “Toni, come over here so we can finish watching this movie. I promise when it’s over, I’ll do the dishes for you.”

  I realized that the reason Toni had gone to her bedroom was to retrieve a bottle of nail polish remover and some cotton balls. She came back near the couch and sat on the floor, letting her back rest against the sofa as she sat between my legs. She took off her socks, exposing her sexy feet. She applied nail polish remover to a cotton ball and began to take off the toenail polish.

  I took a sip of my Alizé and I commented, “Toni, you have the sexiest toes I have ever seen.”

  Toni blushed with embarrassment, as she laughed. Then she questioned, “Well, what about you? How are your toes?”

  “My feet are a’ight, but that’s not important ’cause I’m not a female,” I informed.

  “Oh no, that is not true,” Toni emphatically remarked. “I know I do hair and nails, but one thing I can’t stand is some jacked-up feet on a man or woman. Oh my God! Ill! That just makes my flesh crawl.”

  After witnessing Toni squirm and shake her body, I knew that it was a good thing that I did have nice feet. Toni asked me to pour her some more Alizé, which was something I was more than happy to do. After I’d poured her some, she drank a little and continued doing her toenails. All of a sudden, from nowhere, Toni violently shook in disgust as she described how she definitely could not tolerate ashy feet or long, crusty toenails. She especially hated toenails that, in her terms, are so horrible that they are at the point where they have started to turn black. We both laughed and agreed that bad feet are definitely a no-no.

  As Toni continued to discuss other pet peeves, I started to massage her shoulders and her neck. I was sure to be subtle about the way I did it. After about two minutes or so, Toni stopped talking and began expressing how good the massage was feeling. She moaned and let me know that she hadn’t had a good massage in a very long time.

  “That’s not good,” I replied. “You work too hard. Your muscles need to be cared for.”

  Before long Toni had disregarded removing the nail polish from her toenails, and she was totally into the massage. With her eyes closed, she tilted her head upward toward the ceiling and seductively told me that she could get used to treatment like that. I was feeling like a Don. I laughed and informed her that she deserved treatment like that.

  When one has been married for as long as I’ve been, one learns what pleases a woman. All women are similar, and although I hadn’t dated other women in a while per se, I knew that I was making all the right moves. My marriage taught me how to be a great masseuse, and boy, were those skills ever coming in handy.

  I requested that Toni get some baby oil so I could give her a hand massage. She was very hip to the idea. In fact, she was very eager because she had never had one. As Toni went to her bedroom to get the baby oil, I was going wild on the inside. See Toni, like most women, didn’t know how erogenous the hands are. But again, from being married, I’ve also learned all the right places to touch a woman. I was thinking to myself how Toni
had no idea how good she was about to feel.

  When she returned with the baby oil, she turned off the television because we both were not into the movie at all. Instead, Toni turned on her CD player and began playing a slow jams mix cd. When she was done adjusting the CD player, I asked her to join me on the couch where I started to massage her hands. As my slippery hands delved into every nook and cranny of hers, she began to voice her appreciation.

  “Lance, this feels so gooood,” Toni remarked.

  I replied, “I’m surprised that you’ve never had a hand massage before, especially since you do nails and all.”

  Again Toni closed her eyes and enjoyed the experience as she said, “Yeah, I didn’t know what I was missing.”

  I continued to massage Toni’s hands for about five more minutes. It was getting late, and I knew that I had her where I wanted her. As I leaned Toni back onto the couch, she smiled and puppy-doggishly asked what I was doing.

  “You’ll see,” I devilishly answered. So after laying Toni on her back, I reached for her legs, which I lifted onto the couch. The laugh that Toni gave let me know that I could continue with what I had planned. With Toni’s entire body on the couch, I quickly rubbed some more baby oil into the palms of my hands. After they were nice and slick, I took Toni’s left foot and began to massage it.

  “You ever had a foot massage?” I asked.

  Toni, who looked as if she was in heaven, didn’t say a word. She just kept her eyes closed and shook her head. I couldn’t believe that guys weren’t smooth enough to never have given Toni a hand or foot massage.

  After a couple of minutes of massaging her left foot, I took her right one and repeated my technique. Toni then lifted my ego by remarking that I had it going on. I made sure that I put my all into the massage, and I could tell that I was working wonders.

  Needless to say, one thing was leading to another, and all I know is that Toni smartly asked if I had a condom. I was glad she asked, because I knew that my dumb ass was ready to run up in her raw. I confirmed that I did indeed have a condom, and before I could blink, I was taking my sinful ways full scale into the next level.

  I can’t front. My wife was on my mind at that very moment. Regretfully, I hadn’t thought about Nicole up until that point. It’s sad, but there was no way in the world that I wasn’t going to finish what I had started on Toni’s couch.

  When it was over, I was utterly speechless. For about twenty seconds, I had experienced that feeling that I’d been searching and fiendin’ for. Believe me, I couldn’t remember “it” ever feeling any better. But after that feeling had subsided, I realized that I had never felt lower or dirtier in all my life. While Toni and I were both still breathing hard, I was wondering what thoughts were running through her mind. We lay cuddled on the couch. Toni’s back was pressed against my stomach, and for some reason she remained as silent as a mouse.

  Something needed to be said, but no one spoke for close to ten minutes. I then kissed Toni on the cheek. In my mind I was like, I had better hurry up and get home to my wife, but at the same time I wanted to spend the night with Toni. In no way did I want her to feel cheap, so I simply laid there with her and thought about my adulterous ways. Before long, we were both knocked out on the couch.

  FOURTEEN

  I was fortunate that I managed to wake up when I did. It was ten minutes to four in the morning. I had been sleeping real good. When I awoke, I wasn’t exactly sure where I was. But when it finally hit me that I was still next to Toni, I was like “oh my God!” I couldn’t believe that I had let myself fall asleep. Instinctively my panicked state of mind almost caused me to make a beeline for the door, but I didn’t want to wake Toni in my haste. Although I was feeling shook, I didn’t want that to come across to her.

  Being as quiet as possible, I eased away from the couch and made my way to my pager, which was on the kitchen table. My worst fears were confirmed when I realized Nicole had beeped me five times in a row. My dumb behind had the pager on vibrate. I had fallen asleep butt naked, so there was no way I could have known the pager had been going off. No way was I gonna allow myself to get even more rattled than I already was. I was gonna have to be a man and just go home and face my wife. Deep down, I knew that I would have no problem lying my way out of explaining my whereabouts for the night.

  As I put on my shirt and prepared to leave, I made sure that I got every last drop out of what had been a very satisfactory evening. Toni was still on the couch asleep and naked. I stood there just gazing at every inch of her body. I was regretting like crazy that I had no camera. I analyzed Toni from head to toe, and I couldn’t come up with one flaw. Not one. She was more than I had imagined she would be, and she looked better than a porno star. By watching her, I was starting to get very aroused. The thought of waking her up and trying to get some more ran through my mind. I also was two seconds from masturbating right there on the spot when Toni woke up.

  She was a bit out of it, so she didn’t bust me looking at her. At that point I was almost done getting dressed. While walking over to Toni, I zipped up my pants, and when I reached her I sat next to her and kissed her on the forehead. In a whisper, I said to her, “Toni, it’s getting late so I’m gonna leave. A’ight?”

  Toni didn’t respond with words—she just nodded as she began to fully sit up and gather herself.

  As I stood and prepared to make my way to the door, I voiced those famous words: “I’ll call you.”

  Toni still remained silent. I couldn’t understand why she had become so nonverbal. I didn’t wanna leave without her saying something, so I returned from the door and moved toward Toni’s direction. When I reached her, I sat back down on the couch and gave her a nice warm, reassuring hug. As I held her close to me, I blocked out how good her velvet-soft skin was feeling, and asked, “You okay?”

  Toni finally opened her mouth, but she didn’t look me in the face as she said in a tired-sounding voice, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  I gave her one last peck on the lips, and I departed. Yeah, I thought about telling her that I loved her, but that would have been lying. And besides, there was no reason for me to make such a statement.

  By the time I actually walked out of Toni’s crib and made my way to my car, it was four in the morning, so it was still dark outside. When I got to my car I noticed that a little note was on my driver’s side window. It actually was a little yellow Post-it that was stuck right in the center of my window and it read:

  Lance, it is 3:30 in the morning, and you are still here. I should have smashed all of your windows, but your tire was a better option for now. I cannot believe you.

  The note did not have a signature or an identifying name at the bottom of it, but as soon as I looked at my front tire, I knew that only Scarlet could pull off such an act as actually slashing a nigga’s tire at 3:30 in the got damn morning. Man!

  I needed that as much as I needed a hole in my head. Fortunately for me, Scarlet had only slashed one. Being that I had twenty-inch tires and some chrome rims, changing the tire was not that simple, especially considering that I didn’t have the special key to unlock my rims. My only option was to drive home with a flat. I knew that I was probably gonna damage my four-thousand-dollar set of rims, but I really didn’t have many options.

  Anyway, I slowly chugged home in a very controlled manner. Scarlet had gotten me real good. I began to wonder if she had actually sat on Toni’s block for the entire night. I wasn’t sure, and to be honest, I was more worried about what other trail of destruction, if any, Scarlet had left behind. My blood pressure instantly shot up as I became shook like crazy, wondering if Scarlet was gonna go a step further than simply calling my bluff by actually blowing my cover with Nicole.

  My heart was racing, and I was nervous as hell. I mean, here I was after having just had the best sex of my life with one of the finest chicks on the planet, and I couldn’t even savor the moment. Instead, I was chug-a-luggin’ home at like five miles an hour, scared like I don’t know what. Wh
o needed this type of stress? On one hand, I had some psycho-stripper-mistress ready to blow my brains out if she could get a clear shot at me, and in addition to that I had to try to come up with an excuse for Nicole as to why I, as a married man, was coming in the house at damn near 4:30 in the morning.

  This was definitely not how things were supposed to be playing themselves out. I am the first to admit that I can’t handle drama and pressure, which is why I try so hard to be smooth with my game. But this was one bumpy road that I was seriously contemplating getting off as soon as possible. The only thing that was making me consider staying the course was Toni. Especially now since I knew that the sex with Toni was off the meat rack.

  I realized, though, that if I was serious about pulling off this balancing act of being with both my wife and Toni, then I couldn’t allow myself to get all worked up, worried, or bent out of shape over the evil I’d just done and all of the minor setbacks, such as dealing with a slashed tire and trying to pacify a good-looking, full-bodied bangin’ stalker like Scarlet del Rio, which came with the territory of being a dog.

  When I pulled up to the front of my crib, the house was in total darkness. While unlocking the door, I felt as if I was an intruder or something. For some reason it was like every step that I took was magnified. Although I was trying to creep as quiet as a cat burglar, I still heard every crack and every squeak on the floor as I walked. I thought about jumping straight into the shower, but I really didn’t want to wash Toni’s scent from off my body, not just yet anyway. Like a little teenager I couldn’t stop sniffing my fingers simply because they had Toni’s dried-up juices on them.

  After reaching my bedroom, I switched the lamp on very dimly. I was trying to be as silent as possible, but Nicole woke up. She immediately asked, “Honey, are you alright? You had me worried sick. Where were you?”