Dogism

by Mark Anthony

  I wasn’t one to get dumped and get played, so I knew I would have to bang Scarlet at least one or two more times in order to put some real closure to the situation. And when I set a goal, I don’t stop until it is attained and fully achieved.

  I also knew that I had to quickly correct the situation of neglect I had been dishing Toni’s way. I guess my confidence was slumping so bad to the point that it had become one of the main culprits as to why Toni and I had only been managing to speak on the phone. Unfortunately, we had only been able to see each other once since we had sex. In my heart I felt as though Toni not only wanted to see more of me, but rather, she needed to see me more. I felt like I owed my presence to her, and since Scarlet had basically dissed me, I, too, was starting feel like I needed to see more of Toni in order to confirm in my own mind that I was still “the man.”

  The day after we had sex, Toni, in her own way, expressed to me that she wanted to be around me as much as possible. I had finally gotten a chance to ask her why she had remained dead silent right after our sexual encounter. What she told me was that although she was physically feeling real good, mentally she was actually feeling worthless, cheap, and dirty at that point. Yeah, she confirmed what I knew, which was the fact that I’m a great lover, but she also added that, to her, sex was more than just a physical thing.

  Toni went on to explain that she had never made love to anyone without first getting to know them for a very long time. She added how she really trusts me, but at the point right after sex she felt vulnerable in the sense that she knew that I could hurt her like she’d never been hurt before. All I had to do, she explained, was never speak to her again and go on with life thinking that she was some cheap trick. Toni also wondered if I would drift out of her life just as quickly as I had drifted into it.

  She had me completely misunderstood. See, yeah, I’ll admit that the day after we had sex, that I was second-guessing myself and wondering if Toni was just some nice-complected, good-hair hoe. Or if she’d really felt so good about me that she just felt an urgent need to express her feelings by letting me have some na-na.

  During our conversation the day after sex, I made sure she didn’t have me misunderstood. The first thing I explained to her was that if sex between the two of us wasn’t supposed to have happened, then it would not have happened. I assured her of the fact that since we did in fact make love, it said a lot about how we feel about each other. I explained to Toni that, in the same way, she probably couldn’t explain why she’d gone against her normal rules and made love to me. I, too, was unable to explain why I’d gone against moral rules to be with her.

  With that in mind, I also explained to Toni that there was no way in the world that I was ever going to look at her as just some cheap trick, just as I was confident she wouldn’t look at me as a typical male dog. I gave Toni my word that I was going to sincerely do everything I had to do in order to allow the trust she feels for me to get stronger and stronger.

  There existed a catch-22 in the sense that if I started overcompensating to make Toni feel good, then my wife would be neglected and vice versa. To combat this dilemma, I came up with a well-thought-out plan of action. Actually, it turned out to be a no-brainer. To solve my dilemma, all I had to do was switch my work schedule. Or at least I should say all I had to do was create the illusion in my wife’s mind that my schedule was going to be changing.

  I was prepared for Nicole to flip out, but I knew that if I wanted things to work out then I would have to be straightforward with her. When she came home from work, I told her, “Honey, I know you’re not going to like this, but I’ve thought about it, and I realize that it is gonna be the best situation.”

  Nicole prodded as she asked, “What are you talking about?”

  Being confident and straightforward, I blurted out, “I switched my schedule at work. I’m gonna be working the graveyard shift for about a month or so.”

  Nicole raised her voice as she asked, “You mean twelve at night until eight in the morning?”

  “Yeah, that’s what I mean. But like I said, it’s only going to be for a month or so. Actually, it might be less time than that.”

  “Lance, why didn’t you speak to me about this before you actually did it?”

  Lying through my teeth I answered, “Well, baby, I knew that you would have objected. And . . . but, honey, listen . . . I already worked everything out. The bus will pick LL up in the morning so that’s not a problem, and I’ll still be able to make it to Bible class and all.”

  Nicole shot back, “Well when am I going to sleep with you? We’re married, and we should be together at night.”

  In my head I was like, Oh, boy. Here we go again. My wife isn’t a nag, but lately she had been getting on my nerves, constantly objecting to this and that. I could already see that that was one good thing about Toni in comparison to Nicole. Toni seemed like she would be more than willing to let me wear the pants in the relationship. She seemed like she knew her place and would be more submissive.

  I put my wife’s fears aside and told her that we would spend our nights together on the weekends. Again I let her know that it would only be for a few weeks. Unfortunately the new nag in Nicole wouldn’t let things die as she stated, “Well, I don’t . . . I mean, you still haven’t told me why all of a sudden you decided to change your schedule.”

  Enough with this nagging, I thought. I calmly but sharply snapped at Nicole. “Look, Nicole, I’m switching my hours, all right? That’s it. If you want to know why I’m changing my schedule it’s because I need to spend more time by myself. I figured when I get off work in the mornings I’ll be able to relax by myself. I can hang out, sleep, or do whateva it is that I want to do by myself.”

  Nicole was about to cause me to drive my fist through the kitchen wall as she would not let up. “Oh, so you’re trying to say that I’m stressing you out? Oh, what, you would rather spend as much time away from me as possible? Is that it?”

  I looked toward the ceiling and slowly counted to ten before I responded. I didn’t want this to escalate, and I knew that it would if I kept adding fuel to Nicole’s fire. I calmly answered in the softest tone of voice that I could muster, “No, honey, that’s not it at all. Listen, I don’t want this to escalate into a big argument or anything. All I’m saying is that I want to spend some time alone for a few weeks.”

  Nicole sucked her teeth and asked, “Well, when do you start this new shift?”

  “Sunday night,” I replied. “I’ll be working it Sunday nights through Thursday nights, and we can still spend Fridays and Saturdays together.”

  My wife didn’t respond, and I was glad she didn’t. I was expecting Nicole to remind me of the fact that I have a son who I should have thought about before I made my decision to switch shifts. Man, I was getting all this static, and I hadn’t even cleared things with Toni. See, what I really planned to do was continue working my normal 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., Monday through Friday schedule. But see, Nicole would be thinking that I was home during those hours. When in actuality I’d be coming home from work like normal at four o’clock and go about the remainder of my day like I would on any other day. Then at night, all I would have to do is get dressed like I’m going to work and head straight for Toni’s crib and spend the night there every night. Yeah, I know it’s a brilliant plan, one that only a dog in heat could think of.

  One of my biggest concerns was the fact that I wondered if Toni’s parents would object to me spending the night with her every night. I knew from experience that Haitian parents are mad old-fashioned and strict. However, my concerns were eased as I remembered that Toni had already told me how hard her parents work. They were rarely home during the week, and when they were, they usually came in very late, ate, and went straight to sleep. So in reality it’s like Toni lived by herself, especially considering that she had a separate apartment and a separate entrance. Therefore, I doubted that her pops would even be home to object to anything.

  SIXTEEN

&
nbsp; Steve and I hadn’t hung tight in a while, so when Friday rolled around, I decided to go by his crib after work and kick it with him. When I reached Steve’s house I put him up on all of the latest details between Toni and myself. I especially made sure to tell him about the sexcapade that Toni and I had. To my full satisfaction, he admitted that he was grossly jealous. Although Steve gave me my props, I made sure to remind him of how, only a few short weeks ago he had been laughing at me. Revenge is so sweet, because now I was the man.

  As I gloated and rubbed my success in Steve’s face, there was one thing that I didn’t like. That was the fact that Steve, from out of nowhere, started talking subversive. He began talking like I’d never heard him talk before. Granted, he asked me about every nook and cranny of Toni’s body, including wanting a detailed description of her vagina, but that was only normal for him. Then Steve totally flipped the script.

  He started kicking this mess about how he was really starting to feel for Nicole. He asked me had I ever really considered what I was doing to my wife. Steve also managed to throw in a bunch of “what if” statements to the effect of, what if Nicole happened to find out about me and Toni or me and Scarlet?

  For the first time that I could remember, I felt like col’ punching Steve right in is ugly mouth. I mean, from one playa to another, Steve was breaking all kind of playa rules. I knew that he was probably just jealous ’cause he didn’t have the ability to scoop women like I did. Then I started thinking. What if Steve had plans of snaking me? Yeah, he probably saw how easy I tapped Toni and had secret thoughts of doing the same.

  If there’s one thing I hate, I mean hate to the core of my insides, it’s jealous, envious niggas. As I spoke to Steve I was getting more vexed by the minute. He was sounding worse than those male-bashing women in Toni’s beauty salon. Steve was just ripping into me and totally blowing up my spot so bad that I almost blew my top.

  For a split second, I really had thoughts of murdering Steve. Not because he might be trying to snake me for Toni, but rather, what if Steve was trying to backdoor me and play in my own backyard? Yeah, Toni is all that, but Nicole is my true dime piece. And I knew that Steve, like any other of my so-called homeboys, if given the chance, they would run all up in my wife.

  After Steve had gotten all of the pertinent details he needed in order to satisfy his own innate desires, such as asking about Toni’s nipples, he once again, uncharacteristically began ripping into me about how I should be thinking about LL. He started saying that although LL is young, he still probably understands what is going on with me and Toni. He asked me if I wanted LL to grow up and do the same things I was doing.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. Who the hell did Steve think he was? I’m sayin’, he was coming at me all self-righteous and all. Sounding ticked off, I asked, “Yo, Steve, get at me. Where the hell is all of this coming from?”

  Steve, seeming as if he had no idea what I was talking about, asked, “Where is what coming from?”

  “Steve, don’t play stupid,” I barked. “I ain’t never heard you talk like this in my life. Now all of a sudden you trying to label me as a dog or something.”

  Steve immediately came on the defensive. “Yo, Lance, come on, man. You know you my boy. Why you trippin’?”

  I yelled, “Why am I trippin’? What do you mean why am I trippin’?” Now I was really beginning to believe that Steve was hiding something from me. I yelled, “You know exactly why I’m trippin’.”

  Steve raised his arms in the air to show surrender. He proceeded to acknowledge me by my street name, “Yo, L, what’s up? You lost me, brotha. All I’m saying is that sometimes as men we have to—”

  I interrupted Steve ’cause I knew exactly where he was headed. With a screw face, I angrily said, “Yo, Steve, check this. I ain’t stupid, man. Nicole is bad! She’s got a big butt and all that. Her head is on her shoulders, and she’s making dough. I see the way you be looking at her—”

  Steve swiftly interrupted me, as he yelled, “Oh, hold up. Hold the hell up.”

  Like a lion, I roared right back, “Nah, you hold up.” After Steve realized I was a more powerful lion, he backed down. With his lips twisted, he looked at me and didn’t speak.

  I continued, “Steve, I’m sayin’. I see the way you be looking at my wife. But see I always let it slide ’cause I know that she has a bangin’ body and niggas probably can’t help but to look. But Steve, I’m sayin’, I never thought twice about you back-dooring me.”

  Steve, who now was seething with anger, yelled, “Lance, I know exactly what you’re thinking, and I can’t believe you would—”

  I cut him off again. “Yeah, you can’t believe I would think you would try to snake me, right? Steve, come on, man. I’m a man, and I know how men think.”

  I got closer to Steve, and in an attempt to intimidate him, I let him know straight up, “Steve, I don’t know where all this ‘I should think about Nicole crap’ is coming from, but let me tell you this, if you ever try to snake a nigga, I’m telling you, I’ll murder you. Word is bond.”

  I prepared to leave Steve’s crib, and I could have cared less if I ever spoke to him again. As I made my way to my car, I knew that, like a woman, Steve would be determined to get in the last word. I was about two seconds from knocking him flat on his back, when he added, “Lance, man, you don’t even know who your boys are anymore. All I’m saying is that I personally know that I ain’t ready for marriage, but it comes a time when we have to just stop thinking about the booty, ’cause there’s more to life than that.”

  “Yeah, whateva,” I snapped back.

  I jumped in my car and was about to pull off. And just as I figured he would, Steve made sure to throw in the last statement as he said, “Lance, all I’m doing is telling you the same words that you used to kick to me. And I know you know exactly what I’m sayin’, ’cause remember you’re the one who used to kick all that religious holy-roller BS.”

  With Steve having dropped his final line, I took off in my car. I made sure to make the loudest screeching-tire sound my car could muster. I couldn’t believe Steve was acting so shady. Although I knew that he might have been right, all I’m sayin’ is that he shouldn’t have come at me like that. I mean, I don’t think he has plans for Toni ’cause he knows that she’s out of his league, but I know he might have had plans of creeping with my wife. I was just making sure that I had deaded any of that before it began. As for our friendship, I really could have cared less if I didn’t speak to him again.

  Steve had me heated, but I wasn’t gonna let that situation undermine the rest of my evening. Later on, while it was still early, I played Nintendo with LL for about a half hour. One thing about children is that whatever they engross themselves in they manage to bring with them a sense of solace. If they are playing Nintendo, it’s like nothing else in the world matters. The same goes for if they are watching cartoons. It’s like to them at that moment the only thing in the world that matters is cartoons. I really needed to spend more time with LL just to learn that same sense of serenity.

  I couldn’t play Nintendo with LL for very long because Nicole and I had to drop him at my in-laws. The reason being, we had tickets for the Kenny G/Toni Braxton concert. The concert, which was being held at Radio City Music Hall, was scheduled to start at eight-thirty. By the time we left my in-laws, who live in Brooklyn, it was 7:45. Believe me, when you are driving into Manhattan, a forty-five-minute cushion is nothing. So to say the least, we were running late.

  I have a bad habit of getting angry whenever I’m running late for something. That anger usually leads to a lot of horn-honking, reckless driving, which Nicole hates. The fact that I was still kind of ticked off because of what had transpired between Steve and me, coupled with the fact that we were now running late, I had to make a concentrated effort not to let my anger show. I simply focused on how great it was that Nicole and I were actually going out on a date.

  With the Manhattan skyline in full view, we drove across the Bro
oklyn Bridge, and my wife commented on how beautiful the New York City skyline looked.

  I joked as I said, “Honey, do you realize that every time we come into the city you say the exact same thing?”

  Nikki replied, “Well, it’s true.”

  Then from out of left field, I asked, “Baby, do you ever think about cheating on me?”

  Taken aback, Nikki asked, “What? Where did that come from?”

  I tried to downplay things with laughter, as I added, “Not that I’m accusing you of anything, but I just be thinking sometimes about whether or not I’m good enough for you. I mean, I know every day you have to interact with successful judges and lawyers and what-not. I just be wondering if you ever thought about . . . well, you know . . . cheating on me.”

  Nicole frowned as she sincerely replied, “Lance, I would never ever cheat on you. Never. You mean everything to me.”

  Although I knew that Nicole would never really stoop to the infidelity level, I just wanted to hear it from her lips. Her words relieved me a great deal. Then Nicole blew up my spot and asked, “Well, since you brought it up, have you ever thought about cheating on me?”

  I wanted to blurt out the fact that not only had I thought about it, but I had come full circle with it. As I continued to drive, I thought that it probably would have been better for me to jump into the East River and commit suicide than to come clean with Nikki.

  So as not to lie, I answered my wife’s question truthfully. “Yeah, baby. As a matter of fact, I have thought about it. That’s why I asked.”

  Nicole seemed shocked as she said, “What?”

  With Nicole staring at me and waiting for me to expound, I began thinking, Man, why did I open up this big can of worms?