Never Enough

by Sarah Clay

  He smiles at me and sticks his hand out in greeting. “Jason Lawson.” I don’t return the gesture straight away; he seems familiar but I can’t place him. I take my time appraising him. His hair is a deep brown, cut short, his jaw sharp and I’m almost jealous for a second when I take in his high cheek bones. Straight nose leading down to lips that are full and smiling what seems like a pretty genuine smile. But it’s the eyes that catch me, they make me take pause for a second and I see his hand falter a little. They’re a beautiful mixture of blues swirling through each other. Baby blue and a deeper darker shade. Before I can think about it any longer I stick my hand in to his. “Eden Miller.” I’m still trying to place him when he squeezes my hand a little. Looking back to his eyes, “Do I know you from somewhere, have we met before?” Again I see a little falter in his expression but then he smiles wide and I’m distracted.

  “Trust me, I’d remember If I’d met you before” he winks and I laugh a little. I don’t know why but he seems so comfortable with himself and not at all harmful. I’m nervous about the class, his being nice and his eyes haven’t dropped from my face yet so I guess that’s all it takes. I feel the warmth spreading over my cheeks so I pull my hand from his and tuck my hair behind my ear. Redirecting myself to look straight ahead to the front of the room. I can feel him staring at the side of my face but I don’t look over.

  A few minutes later I’m startled when a hand holding a starburst appears in front of me. Grinning over at him “really starbursts at this time?” he just nods eagerly. Offering me it again. “Thanks, I skipped breakfast.” He looks offended and it makes me laugh again. “Can’t have you doing that, need all the energy you can get to stay awake in this class” he jokes and I nod in return while chewing on the lolly. “Yeah I think skipping food is the least of my problems” Sighing as I feel that niggling feeling start up in my belly again. “Stick with me kid, I’ve got this” he winks and I feel myself smile back at him. I don’t know why but he sets my mind at ease and I’m incredibly grateful he decided to sit next to me now. For the next 10 minutes we talk easily about our class schedules, and we find out we’re both getting a degree in business so his not just here for one unit or term. I’ll have him for the full length of our degree.

  Over the next couple of weeks Bree and I make ourselves familiar with the city, even though we lived in the western suburbs we didn’t really come in to the city at all. We become real tourists, between her schedule at work, mine at school and the bits I do for work. But we still find time for each other. I find myself sitting next to Jason in all of our classes, we spend Monday and Tuesday mornings as well as Wednesday afternoons together. He still brings in Starbursts but only shares them with me if I talk to him. Like today, I’ve found out Jason has a brother, he was born and raised in the area, his Grandparents who raised him and his brother; live about a 30-minute drive away but he doesn’t visit as much as he should.

  His studying to get a double degree in Business and Marketing and he will go on to work for his dads Building and Construction company. His never shy for female attention based on the amount that are vying for it from around the room every time we’re here. Which makes me question why he spends his time sitting next to me instead. But we’ve slipped in to an easy friendship. Unfortunately for him, all his managed to squeeze out of me is that I’m from Penrith; which is about an hour out of the city. I moved in to the city with my best friend to get the ‘full experience’ at least that’s what I tell him; the less he or anyone know about my upbringing the better. He asks about siblings and I tell him I have none that I know of, which he laughs about. And he discovers I have no idea what I want to do with myself after school except be able to support myself and never have to rely on others again. Hence a business degree, I figure this will come in handy wherever I end up. That seemed to peek his interest and I could tell he was going to ask me something else but our teacher walked in and started talking about the assignments we were working on so I smiled and turned my attention to the front again.

  It’s a longer class on Mondays then some of my others and as we are wrapping up I peek at my phone to see a message from Aubree, I click on it.

  Bree: Meet me at Dukes, there’s a heap of talent here ;)

  Me: Just finishing up, talent... you mean eye candy with an attachable penis?

  Bree: Well I’d hope it’s not detachable... don’t need that breaking off anywhere!!

  I laugh before quickly catching myself. I look up to check, but thankfully no one’s heard me. Then I slide my eyes to the left and notice Jason’s smiling at me, I feel my cheeks burning. He raises a brow at me, a silent enquiry as to what’s so funny. I roll my eyes but show him my screen any way. He quickly reads it over and then looks back up to at me, “I’ll walk you.” Tucking my phone back in to my bag “It’s okay, I think I can find my way.” Clearly his unaware of just how many times we’ve been going there to eat; he nods. “Yeah, but I’m heading that way any way and you’d be doing me a favour.” Raising my brows at him in question.

  Before I even have a chance to speak he laughs and tips his head towards the tables down in front. I notice a few girls blatantly staring up at him trying to grab his attention, I wonder if they’ve even listened to today’s class. Looking back at him I shrug. “Mmm...” pretending to think it over. Quickly he grabs a handful of starbursts from his bag and throws them down in front of me. I laugh but nod at him while I open one up and pop it in my mouth. He returns the smile and I can see the relief written all over his face, then before I know it, he pinches one of the delicious lollies back. Before I can stop him, in one fluid motion he flicks the wrapper open and throws it back in to his mouth while grinning.

  Jason’s pretty funny outside of the classroom, since helping to discourage his admirers in class he’s been cracking jokes as we walk side by side over to the cafe. Turns out he wasn’t lying; he’s meeting up with his friends here too. His actually really easy to talk and laugh with and his even offered to help me out with the class whenever I let my self-doubt slip in to the conversation. We exchange phone numbers as we attempt to cross the road towards the café.

  I’m enjoying listening to him as he tells me about being chased down by some crazy red head he hooked up with a few weeks ago and never called. Turns out he didn’t even write her number down as she recited it to him. Red wasn’t happy when he told her that and lost it at him; telling him all about this connection she thought they shared. I’m laughing so hard as he tells me of the whole interaction that I don’t even stop to look around when he opens the cafes door for me.

  I only stop when I hear a few people call out for him “Jase! it’s about fucking time man” followed by some hollers and catcalls. He offers me a quick smile before waving over to the table. I turn to where the voices are coming from but quickly look away, it’s a table with a few other guys sitting around it and they are all looking in our direction. I want to be anywhere else. Tucking my hair behind my ear, I start to step away but I realize quickly it would be rude not to say bye so I look up at Jason “Uh… Thanks, for walking me over… I’ll see you tomorrow?” at that remark, a couple of the guys at the table cheer for him and I feel my face heating again. Jason puts his hands on my shoulders and turns us so his blocking me from their view, his actions resulting in some dramatic groans.

  “Your friend here?” at that question I look around and spot her off to the side only a couple of tables between her and Jason’s friends. I nod over towards her and I see Jason follow the direction with his eyes and then stand a little straighter, yep that’s the normal reaction Bree gets. He winks down at me “I think I’m going to like being friends with you if all of your friends look like you two” I have no idea how he can put me and Bree in the same category but I just smirk back up at him, he doesn’t need to know she’s one of my only friends. But his right, I think I’ll like being friends with him too, he is a really easy going guy from what I can tell. I walk away knowing as soon as I sit down my best friend is
going to drill me for information on the little spectacle that just was.

  Chapter Four

  Ryan

  “What the actual fuck?” are the first words out of my mouth when Jase takes a seat across from me. Looking up at me with a sly smile on his face until he sees my face expression and he falters. “What?” he asks a little unsure. “That’s the little bird.” I’d told him about her a few weeks ago, but I’m not even sure if he remembers. Running my hands through my hair, I huff out a breath, shocked doesn’t even cut it. I didn’t expect to see her again after she cut and ran. It doesn’t normally bother me either, I welcome not seeing the same chick more than once. But when she walked in laughing up at my brother like he hung the god damn moon for her, it pissed me off.

  I can see his confusion and then in a split second it breaks in to amusement. He laughs as he looks back over to where her and a cute blonde sit and then back to me. “Of course she is” he laughs again shaking his head before grabbing the coke off the table sitting in front of me, effectively dismissing the conversation. Max and Brad are puzzled and I’m happy to leave it that way, I saw the appreciation on their faces when they spotted Jase with her. A fucking blind man would never know the disappointment he should feel by not getting to see that face and that body. But Jase decides it would be funny to rehash the story while we wait for our burgers to arrive.

  The guys are giving me shit, but I can see their interest is piqued as well. I don’t get rejected, hell I don’t even chase. Apparently I’ve got a sign plastered to me saying ‘BROKEN’ and that’s all it takes for a chick to think she can fuck you in to a new personality where you give a fuck about them. It’s a wash and repeat notion. “Fuck it, let’s go boys.” I say while standing and pushing my chair back. I see their puzzled expressions reappear, but the second I nod towards the table across from us they jump up all to eagerly. “Leave them be Ry” I hear Jase mutter, but that’s not going to happen and he knows it too; because his already rising from his chair.

  I make quick work of weaving between the other tables. Blondie at the table sees me coming and is grinning but the little birdy can’t see because she’s sitting with her back towards us. She startles a little when I pull the chair out next to her and take a seat. I sling my arm along the back of her chair and wait for her to look at me. The guys follow suit and make room around the table. Blondie has a big smile on her face now and isn’t bothered at all by our interruption. Birdy shifts a little and looks directly up at my brother instead of me. She offers him a shy smile as I take her in. She’s as hot as I remember but it bothers me she acknowledges him before she does me. “Hey Eden, we thought we might join you two” Jase offers in way of an explanation. Eden, so that’s her name. He makes the introductions to Max and Brad first and both girls say hi.

  Then blondie who I now know goes by the name of Aubree gives me a confident smile and hello; I wink back at her, already drawing my attention down to Eden who’s under my arm. She hasn’t made eye contact with me yet; I can tell the second she does because her eyes go wide and she chokes on the drink of water she’s just taken a sip from. She looks between me and Jase, back and forth over and over. Both of us smiling at her. Finally, she settles on rolling her eyes. “You could have mentioned you have a twin” she accuses Jase, he laughs back throwing his hands up in surrender “I told you I have brother, this is Ryan.” He smirks as she glares at him.

  “Brother yes, an identical twin though might have clued me in to why you looked familiar.” That grabs my attention, “Not Identical. Remember me though, huh?” I say proudly down at her and she turns and faces me while tucking her hair behind her ear. “Well yeah, you spilt my coffee everywhere and I was late for enrolments.” She says it like duh. This causes the guys to laugh and I can’t help but grin too. “Ahhh I do recall offering to replace it.” I wink and she just shakes her head and looks back at Aubree almost as if asking for help. She’s been watching our whole interaction with dancing eyes, “Ahhh, so this is the cocky bastard who assumed he had you in the bag” she tuts at me. I smile back but before I can say anything, we’re cut off by our food being delivered.

  They clearly figured out we’d moved tables. One of the waitresses slips me a piece of paper with my cutlery and I notice her phone number scrawled out on it, looking up at her with a smirk as I pocket it. She walks off giggling with her co-workers. I reluctantly remove my arm from the back of Eden’s chair and grab my burger with both hands taking a huge bite before tuning back in to the conversation. “So what are you two doing this weekend?” Max was asking the girls. “Because we are throwing a little soiree at ours Saturday, you should both stop by.” Aubree jumps on it, ignoring Eden shaking her head in protest. “Sounds fun, you’ll have to give me your number and send me the details” she winks at him and he trips over himself exchanging numbers. Eden and Jason talk freely about the class they just had together and I flirt relentlessly with her for the next 30 minutes in between us all eating our meals, but she just deflects and laughs at my attempts.

  This girl is going to give me a complex. The conversation is flowing easily and Aubree is keeping everyone engaged. When they start talking about University and classes again, Eden turns to me slightly and asks me what classes I’m enrolled in; but before I can answer her I feel a hand wrap around the side of my neck. “Hey Ry, I’ve been hoping to run in to you.” I drag my eyes from Eden, this one’s a pretty little thing, sure, I’m almost certain I’ve seen her around the boys’ parties a few times. But I have no idea of her name, I give her a half smile; one that I know they all love. “Hey yeah, just having some lunch and about to head out.” This gets her attention, “Oh well I’ll wait around for you then, come find me when you’re done” she leans in pecking my cheek before strutting away.

  Turning my attention back to the group, the guys are smirking at me. Jason and Aubree are exchanging a look and Eden’s wiping her hands pulling herself up from her chair. Brad pulls the chair out a little more for her to make it easier and she smiles over at him in thanks. I can see exactly what’s running through his mind right now and I laugh, it’s not going to happen. Well not until I get my serving first. We all stand, getting ready to head out. Max throws down some cash to cover the bill, but Eden refuses to let him pay for her. Looking over at me confused, his never had a female not allow him to foot the bill; none of us had. I shrug back, no help at all. “Really Eden its fine, more than fine” he offers. She looks over at Aubree and their eyes hold a silent conversation before she stops trying to force his money back in to his hand, instead she wraps her arms around him in a hug.

  The second she does it he reciprocates the hug and based on his face expression his loving every second of having Eden tight up against him. I on the other hand don’t like it one bit. She pulls away quicker then I’m sure he wanted her to and bends to pick up her bag, but before she can leave Brad sticks out his bottom lip and pretends to be offended he didn’t get the same hug. She laughs good naturedly and swats him on the shoulder as she walks off to link arms with Aubree who calls out goodbye as they walk away. Max, Brad, Jase and I just watch them go before we look at each other. I can’t help but laugh, “Fuck me, hope they come” Brad winks at his double meaning. I hope so too, maybe then I could hook up with her and be done with this weird infatuation. I bid the guys farewell to go in search of my little visitor from earlier, I’ll just have to distract myself from thinking about it any further.

  Chapter Five

  EDEN

  It’s late Saturday afternoon and I’m spread out across my bed, I’d completely forgotten about the invite to Jason’s friend’s house but apparently Bree hadn’t. The last thing I felt like doing was going out, I just wanted to curl up in bed and binge watch something on Netflix on Bree’s laptop. Maybe even try and get some sleep. I scowl over at her as she throws a dress my way. “Go get in the shower, you smell” she calls over her shoulder as she goes through my drawers. “Bree, I’m tired. I just want to stay in.” I start but she c
uts me off with a glare. “We haven’t been out once since we moved in, and being tourists during the day doesn’t count. Now we’ve got some real nice eye candy sending us an invite to a party with free booze and you’re trying to get out of it, Ahhh nope not happening.”

  She’s right I know she is, but I don’t tell her that. She deserves to have fun, she has done so much for me over the years; the least I can do is throw on a dress and show up. “You know they probably invited everyone in breathing distance tonight right?” I question her but she just scoffs “Maybe so, not our problem. I’m not saying we have to express our gratitude by dropping our panties… we can just hang out and dance.” She raises a brow, Bree knows I’m not a big drinker and I’m glad she thought better of using that incentive again. I mean I’m not a nun, I’ll have a drink but I still prefer to stick to water. I’ve seen firsthand the effects that alcohol can have. But we haven’t danced together in what feels like forever, it might be fun.

  Bree is an amazing dancer. She’s been doing it since she was 3 and thanks to her mum I’d even been doing it for a little while too. From the age of 7, after 2 years of me and Bree being attached at the hip her mum realized it would be easier to just take me to classes with them instead of listening to Bree complain about not wanting to go so we could hang out instead. So that’s exactly what she did. I thought I was going to get to watch her do her routine from the sidelines but instead I was enrolled on the spot and a uniform pushed in to my arms as I was ushered away to get changed and hurry in. It wasn’t the first time Bree and her family had done something for me that wasn’t their responsibility and it wouldn’t be the last, but I was forever grateful to them for it.