Never Enough

by Sarah Clay

  “Bree’s going away for a two-week program.” I nod at her again as she looks back at the place on the wall she’d been staring at. “Jase wants me to come over a couple of nights next week to study together and have dinner” I nod again, not sure where she’s going with this. “Is that okay?” I sigh, having Eden in my space confuses me; but I don’t want to tell her that. “Eden, you don’t need to ask” She peeks over at me and I smile at her. She looks so vulnerable in that moment and I can’t help it, I put my arm out; offering a silent invitation. She takes it quickly, scooting in to me and letting me wrap her in my arms. “Missed you little bird” I mumble into her hair; she doesn’t respond just snuggles in closer to me.

  Chapter Twenty

  EDEN

  One week had passed since I’d found Ryan on my doorstep, I hadn’t expected him. I had gone out for a run to clear my mind after a horrendous dream and by the time I made it home I assumed I’d shower and then spend Bree’s last night in town with her. She was going away to teach dance and she’d be gone for two whole weeks. Ever since I could remember Bree and I were together. Never spending long apart before regrouping. We had been spending more time apart since starting University and with her practice schedules, but we still made it work. Even so, to say I was anxious about her leaving would have been an understatement. I didn’t want to rain on her parade though; so I’d put on a happy face. Apparently she could see straight through it though, because I have a sneaking suspicion that’s why Jase was inviting me over so much.

  I’d hung out with him almost every night this week, we’d play the PlayStation or watch a movie. Other times we would study and we’d always eat a meal together. Sometimes it was just the two of us, but other times; like right now there would be Max, Brad and Ryan as well. “what’s cooking, good looking?” Brad booms as he saunters up next to me. I’ve been in the kitchen for the last two hours, but I hadn’t let any of the guys enter the room. Of course they pointed out they could see in to the kitchen from where they sat. But I’d made them all promise not to peek. I was just about to pull the Lasagne out from the oven but Brad walking in and talking caught me by surprise.

  Jerking my hand up against the oven shelf in reaction to him. I don’t scream like you’d think, oh no; I just blow out a deep breath, looking down, inspecting the fresh burn across the top of my fingers. “Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you” quickly grabbing my hand. Brad pulls me over to the kitchen sink, turning the tap to run cold water; he holds both our hands beneath it. “What happened?” Ryan snapped as he appeared next to me, looking way to concerned. Nudging Brad out of the way, he takes over holding my hand in place under the water. “Are you okay?” Jase appears in the room next; followed by Max repeating Ryan’s original question.

  “Oh nothing, I’m fine really, just accidently burnt myself” Shrugging over at them. Really it’s not a big deal at all. “babe you’ve got to be careful, I told you to call out if you needed a hand” I nod, but really they are being ridiculous it’s just a little burn “Yes, but I have two of my own hands and I still do, ones just a little charred now” I smile up at him but it doesn’t make him laugh like it does the other three. “Speaking of, can someone get the lasagne out of the Oven before it joins me in the burns unit?” I throw out there to anyone listening. In unison I hear mumbles of appreciation over the fact we are going to be eating lasagne. Except for Ryan who’s staring intently at my hand in his.

  “You made lasagne?” Jase asks me as he pulls it out of the oven and sits it on the bench. “I did, I hear someone around here is quite fond of it” he laughs over at me but he’s distracted, already starting to dish it out, clearly not one for delayed gratification. “You’re the best Edes, like seriously if Aubree and I part ways… come find me” he raises a brow. I know his joking. Jason and I are completely and utterly one hundred percent platonic. But by the look Ryan’s throwing him, I’m not quite sure he knows it. Jason quickly makes his escape over to the couch with his plate and the boys follow soon after; all wearing matching smirks. Once Ryan is content with the fact that I really am ok we join them in the lounge. I take a seat on the closest recliner next to Max, forcing Ryan to sit next to his brother and Brad. He scowls over at me and I laugh in reaction.

  They’ve all started eating but I can’t bring myself to try it, I’ll be so disappointed if it’s bad. “Eden” I look up to see Jase staring at me, “this tastes like my grans recipe.” Nodding back at him “Uh, yeah. Well, I mean that’s good right… it’s okay?” I quickly recover. He doesn’t answer just looks at me for more of an answer. Wiping my hands on my thighs “I called Gran yesterday for her recipe, you’ve been saying how much you miss her cooking and I know her lasagne is your favourite. She gave me the recipe over the phone and talked me through the steps. I’ve never cooked lasagne before. Well I’ve never cooked much of anything before. Is it horrible? If it’s horrible you don’t have to eat it. Oh my god on second thoughts, don’t eat it. It’s probably awful.”

  I finally stop babbling only to have Max quickly grab my plate before Jason jumps on top of me, wrapping me in a giant hug and pronouncing his undying love for me. I can’t help but to burst out laughing at his reaction. “Eden Grace Miller... will you do me the honour…” but before he can finish his sentence Ryan jerks him up and then proceeds to pull me up too; albeit a lot gentler then he had his brother. “Alright Romeo that’s enough of that” he shakes his head but his smiling at his ridiculous brother. He guides me down to sitting on the sofa next to him and points at Jason “You brother, can sit over there. I need to keep this one close in case you decide to maul her again.” Jase shrugs “Can’t blame a man for trying.” Max and Brad are laughing at them both but I hear them chime in their agreeance. I’m still laughing at what just played out but when I get my plate and resettle next to Ryan, I notice his staring off in to the distance, brows drawn together, clearly thinking through something in his mind. I don’t disturb him. Instead, choosing to take my first bite of lasagne, I moan out loud as soon as I do; I did good.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  EDEN

  The next few days play out much the same, but I see a lot less of Ryan. I can’t be sure but I think his avoiding me. It’s the day of my pictures being released and Bree is getting home tonight too. Jase decided we should all go out and celebrate, It’s the last thing I want to do but I didn’t want to say no when he was so excited for me. We’d planned on going out for a nice dinner first and then to some club they frequently visit. I had no idea what to wear. So for the past hour I’d been on the phone to Bree while she talked me through her wardrobe and picked something out for me. I was wearing a tight white dress that somehow managed to scream slutty and virgin at the same time. Bree even directed me to a white pair of 5” heels and some simple jewellery. My hair was up in a loose knot and I applied a little more make up then normal, giving myself a very subtle smoky eye.

  Once Bree had finished talking me out of changing for the sixth time, I made my way down stairs. Just as Jase pulled up in the carpark, getting in and buckling up quickly so I couldn’t change my mind again. Turning to him as I force a smile. “Holy shit my brother Is going to shit himself” darting his eyes down my body. I look away; my fake smile fading quickly. I knew I should have changed; I reach for the clasp on the buckle but Jason quickly stops me. “You look hot Edes, I didn’t mean it like that” his shaking his head now “You have no idea how good looking you are, do you?” He pulls out from the parking lot and heads in the direction of the restaurant.

  I’m startled a little at the thought, I mean sure people have said it before but it’s normally right before they want something. Bree says it but she’s my best friend, it’s kind of part of the deal. I was expecting him to say something about my photos and the article but he hasn’t yet. I look back at Jase and realize his waiting for an answer. “I, um…” really don’t know what to say. “Thank you?” I finally land on. His brows perk up “Is that a question?” I shake my head a little �
�I just, I never really heard that growing up… I’ve never really felt it if I’m honest.” Jason sighs “One day you’re going to sit down with me and tell me more about your life, but yes Eden you are incredibly beautiful” his so sincere and I can’t help but smile up at him, not needing to fake it this time.

  “But I’m not the only one who thinks it either” he sees the puzzled look on my face and finally answers “Everyone does, why do you think Ry goes all caveman over you?” shrugging “Ryan doesn’t want anything with me, his made that perfectly clear” I sigh, looking towards the restaurants that are a few hundred metres up ahead. “Ryan is sorting through his own shit Edes, but he wouldn’t be getting all jealous and shit if he wasn’t interested, I think maybe he just doesn’t want to be interested” he remarks “That come out wrong, I mean if he acknowledges it all, then it becomes very real.” I don’t speak, I don’t even nod. I just continue staring out the car window.

  Jase pulls up on the street outside the restaurant and jumps out coming around to open up the door for me, I accept his hand to help me out of the car. The last thing I want to do is flash anyone in this dress. I’m rethinking it again as I try to pull it down, hoping it will magically grow a few centimetres. “Come on Edes. The boys are already here; they’ve been drinking since this afternoon.” As soon as we enter the building I’m greeted with an amazing aroma of spices and smoked meats. The restaurant is beautiful, there are a lot of tables and they are completely full. The entire back wall is a bar and to the left is a door leading to a wine cellar. The maître d greets us and Jason informs him we are meeting our party here; he nods before leading us through all of the people to our table. I pull on Jason’s arm causing him to look down at me “This place looks really expensive Jase” I’m worrying my bottom lip through my teeth, but I can’t help it.

  I know the job paid well but I still need to save as much as possible. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and continues walking, leaning in to my side he whispers “I’ve got this kid.” I’m looking at the floor as we walk and I try to shake my head at him but he plants a friendly kiss on the side of my head. When I look back up we’re standing in front of our table and everyone is staring at us. Jase greets them all before slipping his arm off of my shoulders. Max stands to give me a quick hug along with some congratulatory comments for my photos. “Damn Eden, you look amazing” Brad rushes out while pulling me in to a hug. I return his hug with one of my own before looking over to Ryan. I see his standing now; I’m confused but he gestures for me to take the seat next to him. He pulls it out for me and waits as I take a seat; then settles back in to his own.

  The serving staff come by the table and everyone except me orders a drink. “Come on gorgeous, you’ve got to have a drink with us to celebrate.” I roll my eyes at Brad but shake my head. They’ve started to cotton on to the fact that I don’t really drink. When the boys across from us start talking I try to tune in but I’m distracted by Ryan slinging his arm around the back of my chair, just like the time I’d first ‘officially’ met him. “You look stunning Eden” he slurs a little, causing me to look back at him. “How much have you had to drink Ry?” he just smirks at me but doesn’t answer. Finally, after a minute of just staring at each other, he reaches down for the bag that was sat beside him; lifting it up on to the table.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  RYAN

  I could barely breathe when I first saw Eden at our table, not sure if it was because she looked fucking incredible or because my brother’s lips were resting on the side of her head. One look at me and he finally removed himself from her side. When Eden met my gaze I felt breathless all over again, her eyes were glowing under the lights in this place. I’d been keeping my distance from Eden this last week. The night she cooked us Lasagne was a tough one. I’d been watching her all evening while she cooked away in the kitchen, she was fascinating to watch. But not as fascinating as when Brad scared her and she’d burnt her hand, it must of hurt, she’d left burn marks across the top of her fingers; but she hadn’t even flinched when she’d done it. She didn’t even throw Brad under the bus for causing it either.

  Then when my brother discovered she’d gone to the effort of calling our Gran for his favourite recipe and declared his love for her I’d felt a tinge of something, I’m not quite sure what. When the boys had all chimed in that they were also keen on her, joke or not I’d felt really uneasy. I’d realised how much I enjoyed Eden’s company. But one day she would find someone that would jump at the chance to be with her in a way I couldn’t; then I would barely get to see her. And if I felt this way when we were just friends then I knew it would hurt a fuck load more if we were anything more. So I decided I was going to do the smart thing and start getting back to my pre Eden life one step at a time. The first step being, not spending every evening talking, laughing and hanging out with her. It had been going fine, until I saw her in that tight white dress and noticed other guys around the room appreciating it just as much.

  The serving staff comes by the table and I notice everyone orders a drink except Eden. Of course Brad had to chime in again, he’s an idiot if he doesn’t think I realize how smitten he is with her. The guys across from us start talking shit so I decide to tell Eden how good she looks, no harm. Slinging my arm around the back of her chair to do so. “You look stunning Eden.” I keep my gaze on her as she brings her eyes to mine, scrutinizing and studying me. Eventually stilling and I notice she’s frowning slightly “How much have you had to drink Ry?” I can barely hear her over the chatter coming from all the other patrons. Max, Brad and I had all met up this afternoon for a few drinks and to shoot the hay before we came out to celebrate with Eden for her big sole project. Speaking of which, I smirk over at her. Grabbing the bag, I’d brought with me, inside was todays paper. I’d had to get one of the guys on site go put it in here for me so I didn’t peek. We had all agreed not to look at it until we went to dinner tonight. Although Eden has no idea of our little amigos pact.

  Throwing a quick glance back at Eden, she seems hesitant but when I drag my eyes over at the boys, their all grinning. “Miss Miller” I start “If you would please open the bag, we are all very impatiently waiting to see these photos” I chuckle at my admission while holding the bag out to her. “Wait, what?” She scrunches her brows up, not even attempting to grab the bag. “You haven’t seen the article?” she looks to me and then over to the guys. Shaking our heads in unison, but Jase speaks for us. “We wanted to wait and look tonight while we were out having a celebratory meal with our famous friend.” He tries for flattery but it lands short. She looks straight back at the bag “Oh no, don’t be silly. You can look at it another time, let’s just enjoy each other’s company.” Making a grab for the bag. I clumsily pull it back away from her, “Uh uh sweetheart” pulling the paper out. I let the bag drop back down to the ground.

  I chance a glance back at Eden and notice how worried she looks, but I’m sure she’s just nervous for our reactions. Laying it out on the table, I flick the pages over until I find what I’m looking for. And there it is, a huge double page spread, there’s a big bold heading. ‘Alcoholism: The Inside View.’ I scan over the text and find what I’m looking for; reading it out. “Article written by blah blah blah, uh-huh.” I cough “Photos provided by Eden Miller” the boys all cheer.

  That’s when the paper is snatched from my hands; Max. I hadn’t even had a chance to look at the photos. “Wow.” Max remarks as Brad snatches it off of him. “Shit Eden, you’re good.” I look over at Eden to gauge her reactions to the compliments and she’s smiling, but it’s a cautious smile. Jase grabs for it next, taking his time looking them over and obviously reading the article too. Impatiently grabbing my drink, I down it just as the server comes past and I order another. “Edes, these are amazing… You’ve really caught everything that the article mentions” he looks up from the paper to her and she offers another fake smile over the top of her glass. Finally, I’ve had enough of waiting so I rip it out of his ha
nds and smooth it out in front of me.

  I look over the photos, one at a time. The first photo shows the view of someone’s kitchen, it’s an aged room. Dirty walls covered in years of filth, faded linoleum runs the length of the floor with some sections missing or ripped up. There’s an old kitchen table with thin metal legs; that looks like It’s seen better days. Two metal chairs sit aside, one of which only has three legs remaining. The bin isn’t actually a bin at all it’s the cardboard box your beer comes in when you buy a carton. There are empty Jack Daniels bottles and beer bottles sitting on basically every flat surface possible along with one that’s been knocked over and has spilt out over the outskirts of the room. The photo is haunting but then I peer over at the next one. And then the next. There’s photos of a hallway with wooden frames hanging on the walls, you can’t really make out the photos in them. But a lot of them are smashed up. Some glass still remaining on the floor beneath them. The carpet that’s there is old and even though I can’t smell it, I can only assume it’s putrid; stains marring majority of it. It’s ripped in sections and fraying in doorways. Another photo catches my eye. It’s of a lone cake atop that same metal kitchen table. There are no candles on it. But it sits proudly in the centre of the table. It’s a god awful looking thing, but it stands out so brightly against the cold table top littered with empties.

  I look over them again and again until I hear someone say my name. Bringing my eyes up to meet Eden’s, she’s studying my face intently. “So…” she questions, wanting to know what I think. “They’re incredible Eden.” But then I look back to them and wonder for a second, where she would have gone to take these. This is obviously some drunks house. I get angry just thinking about the fact that she obviously went by herself to get these shots. “When did you take these?” She just shrugs her shoulders not giving me an answer “Eden, some filthy ass drunk obviously lives here and I don’t even want to let myself imagine you just walking on up to someone’s house off the street and them letting you in to take photos of their fucked up house” I grab my drink that had been delivered and throw it back in one hit. Eden doesn’t answer though she just watches me swallow it down. “Eden, seriously though… it must have been fucking disgusting going in to this shit hole to get photos” Brad jokes, but she barely smiles over at him “something like that.” The conversation comes to an abrupt holt as the server comes to take our orders. After everyone picks out their meals, I decide to let this annoyance I’m feeling go for now. I don’t want to ruin the night.