Never Enough

by Sarah Clay

  After a few minutes of silence, she finally relents, I’d called out to Jason that I would give her a ride and we’d set off for the motorway that would take us out to the western suburbs of Sydney. It was an hour drive to her mums’ apartment and we’d been in the car for about 20 minutes when I noticed she was fidgeting with her hands. Reaching over, I take her hand in mine. She grips on tightly and doesn’t let go. She’s not looking at me; she just stares out the window as I drive. “What if this was a horrible idea?” she asks barely above a whisper.

  My little bird was so brave back at my grandparents, but now that we were getting closer she was second guessing herself. “I’m not going anywhere Eden; I’ll be right here with you.” She looks over to me and I see the uncertainty in her eyes. “I don’t want you to see where I grew up Ry.” I sigh at her admission; I know she’s always protected this part of her life but there is nothing this girl could show me that would make me think less of her. “I’m not giving you a choice in the matter Eden, where you go, I go.”

  Forty minutes later I pull up in front of a sad looking block of apartments and cut the engine. When I look to Eden her eyes are glued to the buildings. Shifting slightly in my seat I reach out for her cheek, gently cupping it; just like she’d done for me earlier. Slowly her eyes come back to me. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and in that moment all I want to do is start the car up and take her away from here. But I know she wants to do this. “You are the strongest person I know Eden, we are going to go in there and check on you mum and once we’ve done that we are going to get back in the car and I’ll take you home, it won’t be like the other times” she’s listening but I can tell she’s still hesitant. “I promise.”

  We’re standing at her mother’s door, I let Eden take her time; knowing that she needs it. Standing behind her patiently. Eventually she tries the handle and it’s unlocked. She pushes it open and steps inside, I follow behind her. Taking a second to look around while Eden’s back is to me. Her pictures really did capture her home perfectly. It’s just what I expected. When I look down to my right I see a small hallway leading towards a kitchen, but that’s not what grabs my attention. It’s the blood I see on the carpet. I had played over the details of that night, everything that Jason had shared with me. I’d done it a hundred times, but seeing her blood there makes me feel incredibly sad for this beautiful girl.

  When I turn my attention to the left I see a lounge room and on one of the sofas is a lady in her late 30s maybe, although the alcohol had done a number on her. She had the same hair as Eden, albeit a little greasy and tangled. Her eyes we’re those of her daughters but unlike Eden’s hers were a dull imitation, bloodshot and sunken. She was glaring over at Eden and I could feel the tension radiating off of her. Eden took a deep breath and walked in to the room further, I stayed back a little but not far. Keeping my eyes on her.

  “Are you okay?” Eden asks in a timid voice. Her mother scoffs in her direction “What do you want Eden, haven’t you done enough here?” I fist my hands down at my sides. “Mum, why don’t we get you in to bed?” Her mother cackles as she picks up her bottle and stands, she takes a step towards Eden and I see Eden take a step back. “You think I want you here Eden, no one wants you” she’s glaring at her daughter “You ruined me Eden so don’t come around here trying to play good girl by helping get me to bed, it doesn’t work like that.” She slurs.

  When Eden had told to me about her life she’d confessed it was easier not to fight her, not to talk back. But right now, I see my little bird puffing out her chest. “Stop mum, that’s enough. I didn’t ruin you. I didn’t ruin anything. I didn’t ask to be born in to this world by you, but I was and you made that decision mum; not me.” I’m so proud of her right now I can’t help the smile that comes over my face. Her mum notices it and glares back at Eden. “What the fuck did you just say to me” she practically spits. Eden takes a deep breath and I see her straighten her shoulders, “I’m sorry my father didn’t hang around to help you mum and I’m sorry your parent’s didn’t support you either. But I have done nothing but love you since I was born, even though you’ve not done much to deserve my love; I do. But for years I have put up with all of your anger because I believed the words you spoke and I won’t do it any more mum. I will always love you, but enough is enough.” I can hear how much it’s hurting her to speak the words out loud but I am so fucking proud of her.

  Her mum screams at her and throws herself in Eden’s direction with her hand raised to hit her. She’s quick, but not as quick as I am. I grab Eden’s hand and pull her back in to me. It takes her mum a second to realise what’s happened and while she does I pull Eden behind my body. She grips the shirt at my back not letting go, but when I take a step towards her mother she drops it. I glare down at her mother who is standing right in front of me now. “I’ve never hit a woman before, but you touch one hair on my girls’ head and I’ll make a fucking exception.” Her mums mouth drops open but she composes herself as much as possible and smirks over at me. “I don’t know who you are but you’d be best to leave now before Eden can ruin your life too, if you’ve got any sense about you you’d run hard and fast away from that one” She points in Eden’s direction. I scoff at her attempt to belittle her daughter again.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. Eden is the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. She has grown up with a monster for a mother who never showed her an ounce of love but she is the kindest person I know.” Her mum lets out an amused cackle and settles on a fake smile before she speaks. “You’re just saying that to get in her pants and then you’ll be gone, if Eden leaves me she’ll have no one when you’re done with her” her mum knew exactly what she was doing. Picking at her daughter’s insecurities, but she was wrong. “Eden will never be alone, people fall over themselves backwards just to get a second glance from her, she has family and friends that would do anything for her and that includes supporting her in cutting off the one woman who has single handedly tried to fool her in to thinking she was never enough” I shake my head in disgust.

  “It’s sad really, you had years to be the one in Eden’s corner. Knowing my girl, she would have let all that bad crap go and even given you the chance. But you chose to pick that bottle over your daughter and that’s on you. That’s something you have to live with. knowing that although you took part in conceiving this amazing person; that’s your only claim to her.” I look over my shoulder towards Eden, she is just staring at me with a dumb founded expression; but I have to get this out. I look back to her mum.

  “Eden is the best thing to ever happen to me and I will spend every day showing her just how precious she is and making up for all the horrible words you’ve spat at her, I will make sure her beautiful body is never harmed again and I will be damned sure I never let her waste another second of her life worrying about someone that doesn’t deserve it!” I’m about to speak again but Eden takes a hold of my hand and tugs on it. I turn to face her; she’s looking up at me now. Eyes glistening, her bottom lip sucked in to her mouth. I reach up and tuck her hair behind her ear. “Baby?” I’m worried I’ve said the wrong thing. “You promise?” she barely whispers the words, but I hear them as I sigh in relief “It’s the greatest promise I will ever make.” I see her make a decision in that moment and she tightens her grip on my hand. Without another word, she turns and exits the building, taking me along with her.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  EDEN

  We haven’t spoken since we left my mums house. But Ryan hadn’t let go of my hand either. He unlocks his apartment door and holds it open for me. He hadn’t asked me if I wanted to come here, he just knew. I walk in before him and step out of my shoes before I wander in to the familiar apartment that floods me with memories. Warm ones, happy ones, some sad ones. I notice no one is home and I smile to myself. I turn around to find him; he’s leaning against the wall just staring at me. Neither of us move, we just take each other in. It’s only been three months, but it fe
els like so much more time has passed. “I’ve missed you” I whisper in to the room, that’s all it takes for him to push away from the wall and start walking towards me. He doesn’t stop until his chest touches mine and his wrapped his arms around me locking me in place. I don’t mind one bit; I lean in to him resting my head on his shoulder.

  I feel his lips graze against the top of my head. Shifting slightly, I tilt my head up and meet his lips with my own. He moans pulling me tighter against him, kissing me back harder and with a desperation. I slowly twist my arms up and around his neck, letting my fingers play with the hair at the base of his neck. Between kissing him I manage to speak “You got a haircut.” I mumble in to his mouth. He doesn’t respond just keeps kissing me. His tongue leisurely licks along my mouth and I gladly open my mouth to him, letting his tongue meet mine. He moans as his arms shift down just below my bum, before I know it; his lifting me up in to the air. “Ryan!” I squeal, quickly wrapping my legs around him so he doesn’t drop me. The jerk just laughs at me as he walks us towards his room.

  As soon as he closes the door behind us I’m engulfed with the familiar and comforting smell that is him. I pull back slightly and stare down at him. He looks worried, like I’m about to put a stop to what I know is about to happen. But before he can speak I shift in his arms forcing him to let me go as I slowly unlock my legs from around him and lower them to the ground; sliding down him. He sighs and steps away from me pulling his hands through his hear. “I’m sorry, this isn’t what I’d planned to do Eden.” He lets out a heavy breath “I’m fucking this up again aren’t I” I shake my head slowly at him and he stops pulling his hair and meets my gaze.

  Just as quickly his gaze drops to my hands. He watches them move from the first button on my dress to the next and then the next. He stares at me until I reach the last button and it drops from my shoulders to the floor. He hasn’t made a move to come closer yet and I’m starting to feel unsure, but I want this and I know he does too. So I reach behind me and unclasp my bra, slowly letting it fall down my arms before dropping it on top of my dress. When I look to his face this time his eyes are dancing, not sure where to look first. He licks his lips just as I start to pull my panties down over my hips and down my thighs. Finally, stepping out of them.

  I’m standing here in Ryan Lawson’s room completely naked, again; while he is completely dressed. But I’m trying not to feel self-conscious. I sit down on the edge of his bed and scoot back up, laying my head down on his pillow, smiling over at him. His body hasn’t moved, but his eyes won’t stop. His taking everything in and I feel myself blush under his gaze. As soon as he notices he toes off his boots. And walks towards the bed, the next thing to go is his shirt; I can’t help but drop my gaze to his impressive chest. I hear him laugh but he doesn’t stop undressing, pulling his pants and briefs off in one motion.

  He kneels one knee on the edge of the bed beside me, I can’t help but drop my gaze lower. Oh god, his cock is huge, standing at full attention. Swallowing hard; my mouth suddenly feeling dry. He smirks at my reaction. But then I’m distracted when he lowers his mouth back down to mine. Reaching up I pull his weight down on top me kissing him back. After a couple of minutes, he moves away from my lips and trails soft, slow kisses down my neck. “I’ve dreamt of these tits” he groans, bringing his mouth to my nipple while pinching the other. I moan in to him, urging him on. His hand starts to trail lower, slowly gliding down my skin until he finds the spot I want his hand. I raise my hips urging him to keep going, he chuckles, bringing his mouth back to mine for a quick kiss before he lowers himself down on the bed.

  I grip on to the sheet unsure of how I feel about what’s about to happen. He nudges my leg with his nose, I open them hesitantly. “Relax baby, you’ll enjoy this” he purrs. I try and relax to the feel of him peppering kisses to the inside of my thigh. His finger brushes up against my centre before he trails it back down. I feel the warmth of his tongue as he spreads me open to him, I practically buck up from the bed. He throws his forearm over my hips to keep me in place and then goes back to running his tongue from my top all the way down.

  I reach down for his head just as he opens his mouth and flicks his tongue over and over on the same sensitive spot, instead of pulling him away I hold him in place. He moans in to me and I feel the vibrations. I’m trying to rock my hips but his still holding me in place, with his other hand he coats a finger with my wetness and slowly pushes it in to me, I turn my head in to the pillow and moan.

  “Fuck baby, you’re so tight, relax.” He pulls his finger all the way out and pushes back in, repeating the motion; starting his own rhythm. His mouth goes back to my clit and I’m already feeling the warmth building up as I hold his mouth in place and move against him. He eases up his grip on me and lets me start grinding against his mouth as he pushes a second finger in. I quicken my pace and he matches me. “That’s it baby, you’re so fucking wet for me.” I blush at his words but I’m so turned on they only push me closer. “I want you to ride my tongue baby, I’m going to lap up everything you’ve got to offer” his fingers are pushing in and out and all it takes is one flick of his tongue to my clit for me to let go. I moan his name in to the room. Ryan continues to fuck me with his fingers and tongue while I ride out my orgasm.

  I slowly come back to as he kisses up my body and then hovers over top of me, smiling down at me smugly. I smack at his arm and cover my face with my hands. “Don’t go shy on me now baby, that was the hottest thing I’ve seen. I’m going to make this a regular occurrence.” He leans in and kisses me and I can taste myself on his lips. He knows exactly what his done because his smirking at me “I think I have a new favourite.”

  He lowers himself down and continues kissing me, I don’t know how long we stay joint like that but I can feel his hard length straining against me. I start to grind up against him and he gets what I’m trying to say without me having to speak, between kissing me he speaks “we don’t have to, not tonight” I pull back slightly and he stops kissing me, looking down at me “I want to Ry” he studies me making sure it’s what I want. “Please.” He moans and grinds against me causing me to smile. He reaches for to his drawer in his nightstand, pulling out a condom. I watch as he rips it open and pulls it down over himself. I pull him back to down again while kissing him, he starts kissing down my cheek and to my neck sucking just below my ear. Placing my hands on his shoulders I trace the same path on him.

  Pulling back from me, he looks down at me again. “You sure you want this Eden; I’ll try be as gentle as I can?” I don’t answer immediately, thinking it over in my head. Yes, I want this. More than anyone else, Ryan is who I want to experience this with; I am in love with him. My first time will be with someone I love. I look up to him and smile, he leans in kissing my dimple but pulls back waiting for my answer. “That damn dimple will get me in to trouble one day” he jokes. “I want this Ryan; I won’t expect some happily ever after from you if that’s why you’re hesitating. I get it Ryan, but I still want this” I see his brows bunch and eyes pinching in confusion, then he shakes his head at me. “Eden, did you not listen to a single thing I said to your mum?” It’s my turn to be confused, of course I did. Didn’t I?

  “I want to give you that happily ever after because I love you Eden, I am in love with you.” I don’t know what to say “Oh.” Is my great response. I can see how vulnerable he is in the moment and I feel the tears burning, threatening to break away. “It’s okay, I don’t deserve you and I know it Eden… fuck some of the shit I’ve pulled. But I’m going to do my best to show you every day that maybe one day I can be exactly what you need” the tears finally break away and I feel them roll down my cheek. “Fuck, Eden. Baby don’t cry.” I laugh at his response. “Shut up Ry” he rears back at my reaction, he tries speaking again and I silence him, placing a finger over his mouth. “Stop talking Lawson.” He frowns, waiting for me to explain. “I love you too.” It’s the only explanation he needs because he nips at my finger, pushing it
aside before diving for my mouth again, kissing me so deeply his pushing me in to the mattress below us.

  He keeps kissing me as he positions himself between my legs, “Say it again” he demands as he guides himself to my opening. “I love you” I whisper back and he drops the sweetest smile on me before he kisses me once more, his hand finds my nipple flicking it before massaging. I moan in to his mouth. I feel the intrusion as he pushes in to me and I lock up feeling unsure. He keeps kissing me, I relax a little more into his touch. “I love you Eden” he says as he pushes himself in to me in one swift motion. I scream out a little in pain but he takes it away with is gentle kisses. He reaches up and cups my face “Shh baby, relax for me” his squinting down at me and I realise I’ve clamped down hard around him.

  After a moment the pain starts to fade and he most feel me relaxing more, slowly he starts to move, pulling out and pushing back in. His hands come up to hold my wrists on either side of me while his tongue flicks over my nipple, biting down and then caressing with his tongue. I moan in to him and try pull my hands up to tug on his hair but he doesn’t let my wrists go, just keeps alternating between my boobs. “Fuck, so tight” he moans as he starts moving quicker. I wrap my legs around him and push my heels in to his back, forcing him in a little deeper. He smirks up at me as he lets go of my wrists.

  Finally, I grip his hair as he picks up his pace. Pulling all the way out and slamming back in to me. I’ve adjusted to his size and I’m feeling that same sensation building up again. “You feel fucking amazing.” I pull his face down to me and kiss him roughly “Fuck, Eden, I don’t want to hurt you” he moans between meeting my kisses. “I can take it” Biting my bottom lip as he tries to stay with his slow pace but it doesn’t last long before he starts pounding in to me harder, “fuck” he growls. He brings his fingers down to my clit and starts rubbing while his thrusts get rougher. “Ry, Ry” I pant out feeling like I’m about to burst “You like that baby, you going to come for me?” I don’t answer just nod and he flicks my clit at the same time as he pulls all the way out and slams back in, I scream out his name and let go. He drops his hands and pounds in to me a couple of times before I feel him tense up. “Fuck, Eden” He growls in to my neck as he drops his head and stills.