by L A Cotton
My gaze moved to the calendar pinned on the wall. Shit. He was right. My throat tightened. “What do you need?”
“Come over and spend some time with your old man. It’s been too long.”
A year.
It had been a year since we sat together last and remembered.
“I’ll be there.”
“Thanks, kid. And Dennis?”
“Yeah?”
“Bring a bottle of Johnny.”
IT WAS A TESTAMENT to our fucked-up relationship that the one day we put all our shit aside was the anniversary of the day that started our downward spiral.
“Fourteen years, son.” He whistled through his teeth, but it came out more of a hiss. A raw, pained hiss. “And not a day goes by when I don’t think of her.”
“I know, Dad. I know.” I spun the tumbler in my hand, watching as the amber liquid sloshed a messy path up the side of the glass. He was already well past sober. Slouched in his armchair, his white wifebeater and scruff covering his jaw were a sign it had been a heavy morning. Probably a heavy night too.
“God, she was beautiful. I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on her.” Voice cracking, he downed the rest of his drink, then snatched up the bottle at his feet and refilled his glass. “I knew she was mine. Knew I’d put a ring on her finger and marry her and watch her stomach grow round with my son.”
My lips pulled into a tight line. It was nothing I hadn’t heard before, but that didn’t make it any easier.
“I loved that woman more than life.” He tipped his head back, eyes closed, grief radiating from him.
He had loved Mom. Had worshiped the ground she walked on. In some ways, he’d loved her too much, and in the end, that had been their downfall. Because he couldn’t let her go.
And it killed her.
“I really thought we could get through it, you know? Thought we could weather the storm. She knew, she fucking knew who I was. I never kept it from her. Never.” I watched as his fingers curled tighter around the glass, his grief rippling into something darker.
“It’s been a long time, Dad. Maybe it’s time to let go,” I said. His eyes flashed to mine, but I continued. “She loved you. She loved me. But she was sick. She needed help.”
And we hadn’t gotten it for her.
“She left me. She gave up on us. She stopped fighting.” His voice rose, quivering with anger, and I heaved a sigh.
“She loved us,” I repeated. We’d danced this dance so many times. I didn’t know how many more times I could watch him drink his way through the grief cycle as if it had happened only yesterday.
His cold glare cut through me, and his teeth ground together. The air crackled around us. He wanted to lash out, to hurt something, and sometimes, when we did this, he would. I’d picked up the pieces after a Miller Hayes explosion more than once. Even been on the receiving end of one before now. But as his body sagged farther in the chair, the fight leaving him, I knew today was different. He was older, worn down by life and by the burden of his mistakes. And whether he liked it or not, things were changing.
Him.
Me.
The world we lived in.
We were on the same path but moving in different directions. Had been for a long time.
“I’ll make us something to eat,” I suggested, needing some space.
“Yeah,” he grunted, staring off into space, “that’d be good, kid.”
I headed for the kitchen, grimacing when I saw the state of the place. It hadn’t been the Ritz when I lived here, but I tried my best to keep things clean. I’d even suggested hiring a cleaner—my old man could afford it—but the thought of having a strange woman in the house didn’t sit well with him. I dug around in the refrigerator and found a couple of subs that didn’t look like they had a science project growing on them. I’d just added pickles when my cell started ringing.
“Hey,” I said to Jackson, hardly surprised to see his name flash across the screen.
“Hey, man. How are things?”
Rubbing my temples, I let out a heavy sigh. “Well, he hasn’t destroyed the place yet.”
“Good, that’s good. And you?”
“I’m okay.”
There was a beat of silence, and then he said, “Ana told me.”
“Figured she would.”
“Jesus, Dennis ...” The unspoken words lingered between us. “Maybe I should com—”
“No. I appreciate it, I do, but I don’t want you anywhere near this. There are too many players, and things could get ...”
“If you need me, you call. I mean it, don’t hesitate.”
“Got it.”
He mumbled something under his breath, and I could sense his frustration.
“Listen, I need to go. He’s waiting for me.”
“Check in soon, okay? Ana sends her love.”
We hung up, and I gave myself a minute before going back into the living room. Jackson meant well—and I loved him like a brother—but he’d gotten out. He and Ana had gotten out of this life, so while he was only trying to help, I couldn’t pull him back into this world.
I wouldn’t.
BY THE TIME I LEFT my old man, he was snoring in his chair, sleeping off what I could only imagine would be one hell of a hangover in the morning. But it was better than the alternative. I was too wired to go home. What I really wanted was to head to the gym and beat the shit out of the bag, but the whiskey coursing through my veins told me it wasn’t a good idea. So I headed to Baller’s. It was a ten-minute walk, but I appreciated the fresh air. Letting it sink into my bones, I filled my lungs until I could breathe easier. With every step, thoughts of my mom and old man melted away. The only problem was, they were replaced with thoughts of Cassie.
Baby.
She had a baby.
Jesus.
It was going to be a long fucking day.
I shouldered the door to Baller’s and slipped inside, relieved when my eyes did a quick sweep and saw it was still pretty empty. But then a familiar voice said, “Den, over here,” and I swung around to find Brett and a couple of the guys in one of the booths.
“Let me get a beer,” I said, heading for the bar. Ginny, the bartender, flashed me an overzealous smile, and I was already regretting my decision to come here. But that was Stonecreek for you; no place to hide.
“Hey, Dennis.” She leaned forward on purpose, letting me get a good eyeful of her cleavage. But I kept my eyes on her face, tipping my head in greeting.
“Usual?”
“Yeah, make it two.” Something told me I was going to need it.
“Sure thing,” she drawled, sauntering off to get my beers.
When she returned, she flicked her long blond hair off her shoulder and placed the bottles on the counter. I gave her a twenty and waited for my change, hoping to make a quick getaway.
“Thanks, Gin,” I said, getting ready to leave. Her hand slid over the counter, and her fingers curled around my wrist.
“I get off at seven.” Expectation lingered in her hooded gaze. She was pretty. Tall and lean with curves in all the right places, and she’d been sniffing around me for months. Anyone else would have taken her up on what she was offering ... but I wasn’t anyone. And I didn’t make a habit of screwing around.
“You should come have a drink with us then. I’m sure Brett would like that.” I nodded and got the hell out of there.
Brett grinned as I approached. “What was all that about?”
“Nothing,” I ground out as I slipped into the booth.
“Still blowing her off?” Amos, Brett’s friend, said, and I grimaced.
“Oh man, I’d pay to have her blow me.” Brooke’s chest rumbled with laughter as he high-fived Brett, and I shot them all harsh glare, silencing them.
“Come on, Den,” Brett said, “we’re only yanking your chain.”
“Well, drop it. I’m not interested in Ginny. Never have been.” I took a long pull on my beer.
“She did a re
al number on you, didn’t she?” My head whipped over to my cousin’s, a low growl clawing up my throat.
“Whoa, easy.” He threw up his hands. “I didn’t mean to offend. I just ... shit, man, it’s been four years since you came home, and you’ve barely looked at a piece of ass.”
He didn’t know about Cassie; I’d never uttered a word to him. But he did know there had been someone at college. And the little shit was better at reading me than I gave him credit for.
“Remind me why I bother to hang out with the three of you?” I arched my brow.
“Because, cousin, we’re all you got.” Brett sat a little taller. He wasn’t a bad kid; annoying as fuck maybe, and ambitious to a fault, but he had always tried to be there for me. And in a town like Stonecreek, family was all you had.
The three of them chatted and joked about everything from football to women to business while I nursed my beers. They knew the drill by now. Besides, their voices eventually created enough white noise to drowned out my thoughts. And if I was going to figure out what the hell I was going to do about Cassie, I needed to get out of my head long enough to think straight.
A baby changed things. I had no experience with kids, but I’d watched enough NatGeo with my old man to know the lengths a mother would go to protect her young. Cassie wasn’t only looking out for herself now; she also had a baby to think about. Her walls would be fortified and then some. But I had to find a way through. Even if I didn’t like what I found on the other side. Even if the truth hurt more than I could bear. Even if Cassie still didn’t want anything to do with me.
I wouldn’t be able to rest until I did.
THE SECOND I TURNED onto Cassie’s street and saw the flash of blue, I pulled over and jumped out of the truck.
“Cassie ... Cass?” I stormed up the driveway, paying no attention to the EMT rushing back to the ambulance and slipped inside.
“Cassie?”
There was no answer, but I followed the baby’s cries farther into the house until I came to an open plan kitchen. Cassie’s head snapped over to me, the kid cradled in her arms, as she watched another EMT work on the older woman on the floor.
“Dennis ... you can’t,” she choked, tears streaming from her eyes. Her distress seemed to rile the baby more, and she grappled to keep the child still. “I can’t ... you can’t ... my aunt, she’s ...”
Without thinking, I went to her and scooped the baby out of her arms. “I’ll take her. See to your aunt.”
Her eyes pleaded with me, some unspoken message passing between us, but the moment was lost when the second EMT returned and started barking instructions, none of which sounded good.
“Hey, baby girl.” I stared down at her, and she looked up at me with wide knowing eyes. Her cries subsided, the faintest of smiles tugging at her mouth.
“Lilly, her name is Lilly.”
My eyes lifted, settling on Cassie’s tear-stained face as I swallowed over the giant lump in my throat, but another frenzy of activity behind us pulled her attention. “Go, I’ve got her,” I urged, moving to the sofa on the other side of the room.
I didn’t know the first thing about kids, but how hard could it be?
“Okay, little one. We’ll just hang out here while your mom checks on her aunt.” My eyes darted around the room, and I spotted the basket of toys. Shimmying along the edge of the couch, I reached over and grabbed a stuffed toy, dangling it above Lilly. She cooed, stretching her pudgy little arms toward it.
“You like that? Here you go.” I gave her the toy and bounced her gently in my arms, flicking my gaze to the commotion in the kitchen. “I knew your mom once. We ...” My mouth dried as a string of images flashed through my mind. “She was important to me. And now you’re important to her. Yeah.” I stared at the mini version of Cassie, my heart clenching. “You’re all her, aren’t you?”
We sat like that until the EMTs got Cassie’s aunt loaded onto a gurney and started wheeling her out of the kitchen.
“I need to go with her.” The pain in Cassie’s voice cracked my chest wide open, and I leaped up with Lilly still in my arms, happily chewing on the toy.
“What do you need?”
“I—”
“If you’re coming,” one of the EMT’s reappeared in the doorway, “we need to leave now.”
“Oh god, I don’t know—”
“Go. I’ll follow with Lilly.”
“I don’t know, Dennis.”
“Is there anyone else you can call?”
She shook her head softly, more tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Miss, we need to leave now.”
“Coming, I’m coming.” Cassie started backing up toward the door. “Her car seat is over there by the counter. Grab her bag, it has everything she needs. Make sure you belt it in real tight and I’ll see you there.”
“Go. We’ve got this.” I held her conflicted gaze, and then dropped my eyes to the baby in my arms. “Right, baby girl?”
She let out a little squeal of delight, and the lump in my throat doubled.
“The hospital is on Low Street. Follow the road out of town and you can’t miss it.”
“Got it, go.”
Cassie let out a resigned sigh, her gaze lingering on her daughter, and then followed the waiting EMT out of the room.
“Okay, then.” I looked down at Lilly and forced a smile. “It’s just you and me, kid.”
9. Cassie
“Dennis?”
I ran toward them, relief sinking into my bones. Scooping Lilly out of his arms, I hugged her close. “Thank you.” My eyes met his, trying to convey my gratitude.
“I’m guessing you found her?” the receptionist said with a smile, and Dennis gave her a tight nod, turning his attention to me. “How is she?”
“They took her straight into surgery. They wouldn’t tell me anything.” My lip quivered, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, guiding us over to the row of seats.
“Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?”
“No, I don’t think I could stomach anything. She was okay?” My weary gaze moved to Lilly.
“She was fine. Once we figured out how to belt the car seat in.” He smiled, but I saw the reality of the past thirty minutes glittering in his eyes.
“Dennis, what you did ...”
“Don’t sweat it. You needed help, and I was there.”
He wasn’t supposed to be there, but he was. And for that, I would be forever grateful, but it didn’t change anything. “What were you doing at the house, Dennis? I told you not to come by again,” I whispered.
“Later,” he said. “We can talk later. Right now, you have more important things to deal with. Is there anyone else who can watch Lilly?”
“I have a friend at the bar who sometimes takes her. God, what I am going to do?” My resolve snapped, and I started sobbing again.
“Shh.” He pulled me to his side, and I allowed myself to take what he was offering. “We’ll figure it out.”
We sat like that for what felt like forever. It had been four years since he touched me, but at that moment, it was as if we’d never been apart. And part of me couldn’t help but wonder what was running through his mind. But I wouldn’t ask.
I couldn’t.
THE RIDE HOME WAS QUIET. I was exhausted, and Dennis was giving me space.
“How old is she?” He finally broke the silence, eyeing the sleeping baby in the rearview mirror as he pulled into the driveway.
“Almost seven months.”
“She’s beautiful, just like her mom.”
“Dennis, I—”
“Let’s get you two inside.” He cut me off, and I was relieved. It was too much. Him. Me.
Us.
I had more important things to think about.
Dennis unbuckled the car seat from the truck while I got the door open.
“I’d better put her down.” Taking the car seat from him, I placed it on the table, carefully taking Lilly out. She murmured softly but didn’t
wake as I grabbed everything I needed to put her to sleep.
When I returned downstairs, I paused, just for a second. Dennis was at the coffee maker, making himself at home. The scene hurt far more than I expected.
“You didn’t need to do that,” I said, and he turned to meet my eyes.
“I figured you could use one.” He held out a mug, and I raised an eyebrow.
“It’s almost two in the morning. I think coffee is the last thing I need.” Something passed between us. I wanted to ignore it, to push it down with all the other crap I wasn’t ready to deal with. But as he looked at me, fire burning in his eyes, I felt it.
Our history.
Our story.
With a little shake of my head, I broke the connection and went to him, taking the mug from his hands. “But thanks.”
“I’m sorry about your aunt.”
“She was fine.” I took a seat at the table. “One minute, she was fine, and then she just...” My voice cracked as tears welled in my eyes.
“She’s in the best place, and the doctors seemed positive.”
“I just don’t know what I’ll do without her.” I couldn’t go there. Not now. Not with him standing right there.
“Cassie, what happened?”
My eyes fluttered shut as I inhaled a deep breath. When I opened them again, they settled on Dennis’s face, and the emotion he wore gutted me, ripping open old wounds. I felt like my heart was being torn clean in two.
“It’s a long story, and I’m tired. I’m so tired.”
His gaze softened but I felt him pull away. And I didn’t blame him. Who wanted to deal with this?
I certainly didn’t.
“You should get some rest,” he said, placing his mug in the sink. “I’ll see myself out. I hope your aunt makes a speedy recovery, Cass. If you need an—”
Lilly’s cries pierced the air, and I leaped up. “Thank you, for everything. I’d better check on her.” I moved to the hallway, glancing back at him. “Goodbye, Dennis.”
It was right there. Written all over his face.
He wanted me to ask him to stay.