No Wasted Tears

by Sylvia D. Carter

  A hush fell over the room when his voice faded. Both sets of eyes were on her. Miss Betty excused the boys, mentioning taking them to see the grounds around the house. Cynthia knew this meant it was time to tell her story.

  “I went to Clemson, found out I was pregnant, and my life entered what seemed like the twilight zone. Saltine crackers became my best friend. It didn’t take long for me to be the topic of most discussions in the dorm. Dad had given me enough money so I was able to get an apartment off campus…”

  Looking at her parents, Cynthia began to ring her hands. “After the first six months of pregnancy, I met a girl named Crystal in my econ class. She was a great friend. Her family kind of adopted me. After I had the babies, it was her parents who allowed me to live in their vacation home in Charleston. They also hired a nanny to help me with the babies. Without their help, I’m sure I would never have made it. Eventually, things got easier. I got some scholarship money to attend college and keep the bills paid. I went to school at night, and the boys were in daycare until I met my neighbor Miss Sara.”

  She watched both of the faces around her. Her mother smiled, giving her courage. Her father winked at her over his cup of coffee.

  “I got so many scholarships…” She related the story of how she discovered monies she never knew about. “The twins and I lived meager lives, but that was because I didn’t want to waste the money given to me by the college.”

  “They never told you where the money came from because we asked them not to tell you. I thought that if you knew, you would refuse it,” her mother stated. Cynthia shook her head. Her mother was as beautiful as the fashion model Shelia Johnson. But the look on her face was one of regret and sorrow. “Why didn’t you come to us, Cynthia?” her father asked.

  “After you both said how I was no longer your daughter because I wouldn’t have the abortion, I just shut that door. After losing Marvin and losing both of you, my baby was all I had. It was not until…”

  “You were five months when you knew you were carrying twins…” her mother finished.

  Shock registered in Cynthia’s face as she looked at both of her parents. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Excusing herself, her mother left the room, returning with two large baby blue photo albums. She handed both of them to Cynthia. Taking the photo albums, Cynthia rubbed her hands over the silk covers. One had Jonathan’s name and the other had David’s name. Their pictures were on the front. She began to quickly flip through the photo albums. The pictures seemed to have been put in with so much care and love. She went back to the front of the first book, opening up the first page. She chuckled when she saw her two smiling little babies. Each picture meant something to her. There were pictures of them in the hospital, their first birthday, and each of their first steps. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Her sons’ lives were chronicled in these photo albums. Their investigator had gotten all of her negatives; these albums were the proof of it.

  Cynthia blinked away the sudden mist of tears that threatened to overtake her eyes. She smiled at her parents. They had wanted her in their lives all of the time. She began to tell them about each of the pictures as she turned the pages to their individual books. Her sons had her parents love all of their lives, even if they were not aware of it. They were able to attend a preschool at the Charleston Academy, and now she knew it was courtesy of her parents. Her parents had orchestrated the scholarships that she had received. The money was enough to take care of all of the twins’ needs. They were gifts Cynthia couldn’t refuse, as much as it had irked her pride and independence. But she had learned the hard way that as a mom, she had to make decisions based on Jonathan’s and David’s well-being.

  When she left home for college, she was on top of the world. When she discovered that the reason for her weight gain was not the freshmen ten but a set of twins, she’d been shocked and totally unprepared. Now she couldn’t imagine life without them. Just like she could no longer imagine a life away from her parents, Marvin, or Seattle.

  Cynthia told her parents the story of her lost years—a clean, sanitized retelling of her life that left out the ugly parts, the depression, and the tears in the midnight, the insults thrown at her by people she didn’t even know, and the sleepless nights.

  “Life was tough,” she said as calmly as she could. “Some days I thought I’d have to resort to making negative decisions that could have destroyed my life and the twins’ lives. But God had another plan. All of my decisions were based on the twins’ safety and well-being.”

  “You were a better person than your mother and I,” her father said, reaching out to take her hand as she continued to talk.

  “I worked and went to school around the twins’ schedule. I never wanted them to go to a day care center. Children are vulnerable. People think—”

  “I know what people think,” Gwendolyn interjected. “I also know that sometimes people don’t think. For you to struggle because your father and I accused you of ruining your life was not fair to you or the twins, and we were awful to Marvin.”

  Cynthia felt her cold heart begin to thaw even more at those words. Her mother’s tone was indignantly protective. It reminded her of all the times her parents took up for her when she was being mistreated as a child.

  “What about your relationship with Marvin? Who broke it off? You?”

  Cynthia nodded.

  “Why?” Her mother narrowed her eyes. The light from the window cast strong shadows, so her face was not easily read. “Because he wouldn’t listen to reason, and he was so stubborn back then?”

  Cynthia laughed in spite of herself.

  “It was a terrible time,” Cynthia explained. “Both of our emotions ran very high on all issues. I wanted to try, and for a while I even considered telling him I was pregnant to see if we could get past it. But I guess that, deep inside, I couldn’t forgive him for believing that he couldn’t trust me. I knew what that meant.”

  “What did it mean?” her father asked.

  “It meant he thought we were…” She wasn’t sure how not to make it sound like a stereotypical case of class envy. “He thought we were rich and powerful, not just in income, but he saw our value system differently from his parents.”

  Her comment was followed by a small silence, but somehow she didn’t feel she’d offended her parents. Her father tapped his fingers lightly on the dining room table. After a few seconds, she turned her head to gaze through the window.

  As the sunset deepened, the landscape lights had blazed on. They could clearly see David and Jonathan, who had run ahead of Betty to the edge of the lawn and were throwing rocks into the lake. If they were concerned about their mother, it didn’t show. They were enjoying themselves.

  Finally, with a sigh, Edward turned back to Cynthia.

  “Men can be very stupid,” he said. “But they do sometimes learn from their mistakes. I did. What I did to both of you all those years ago was wrong. Have you considered the possibility that Marvin has learned from his as well?”

  “I know he has. We’ve seen each other often since I’ve been back. But before I make any major decisions, it was important that I talked to both of you.”

  Gwendolyn nodded. I…probably shouldn’t say this, but it’s fairly clear you still love him, even to me.”

  Cynthia flushed. She opened her mouth to deny it but closed it again. What was the use? She’d already learned that her mother was almost preternaturally astute when it came to reading people. It was one of her many assets as a lawyer.

  “Yes, Mother, you’re right,” she said. “I want us to be a family.”

  “I wonder.” Gwendolyn folded her hands in her lap. “Years ago, my husband did a very stupid thing. It was even worse than what Marvin did in not trusting you. The woman he loved left him because of it, and she didn’t merely break his heart she took it with her. He couldn’t breathe or laugh. It was not until he made a promise to take care of his only daughter and her children in Charleston, South Carolina, that his wif
e returned home to him.”

  The subdued anguish in her mother’s voice shocked Cynthia. She had naively assumed that her parents must always have basked in the glow of their love for each other. The fact that such sorrow could lurk behind Edward Mason’s sparkling smile or Gwendolyn’s gracious poise was almost inconceivable.

  She didn’t have a comeback.

  Her mother lifted a hand and beckoned for Cynthia to come around the table to her side. She continued to extend her beautifully manicured fingers until Cynthia took them.

  “Maybe you should consider telling him everything. He may be willing to forget the past, which is exactly what we all need to do.”

  “But…” Cynthia wondered if her mother or father could understand. She’d already endured years of withdrawal pains. She did want to start over. “If he…if we…”

  Gwendolyn smiled. “I know. That’s the risk, of course. But if I’ve learned anything in my years, it’s this. No matter how much you’d like to be rid of it, love is difficult to kill.”

  They talked, really talked for what seemed like hours. It wasn’t until Betty brought the boys into the room with them saying they were tired that they realized the lateness of the hour.

  Her mother was on her feet, looking at Cynthia and then casting a look at her husband as if to say, “help me out here.”

  Her father eagerly jumped into the conversation. “Cynthia, please don’t leave. As a matter of fact, we have something to show you. We never knew if this opportunity would present itself, but we were always prepared just in case you and the twins came home.”

  “We designed a whole suite just for the twins. We want you to stay the night. Come on. We’d love to show it to you.” Smiling, her father grabbed the twins’ hands, heading for the stairs.

  Giving God the glory, Cynthia followed her family up the stairs.

  Chapter 30

  Destiny jumped at the sound of the doorbell. Laughing at herself, she couldn’t believe how nervous she was. It was Adam, always on time. Not wanting to wake anyone, she rushed to the door. “You have perfect timing. I’m ready,” she said, unlocking both the screen door and front door.

  “I can’t believe how warm it is already, and it’s not even eleven o’clock in the morning yet,” she said, running her hands up and down her arms. “Come on in. Would you care for coffee?”

  Adam grinned. “Yeah, coffee would be great. That always helps to get my day started, other than prayer. Everyone’s still asleep?” Adam asked, looking around.

  “Yes, everyone’s still asleep. It was a long but wonderful day yesterday.” She looked around at him while walking toward the kitchen.

  “Your parents are a joy.”

  Destiny was rambling, but she was also conscious of the fact that Adam watched her as she led the way into the kitchen. She wore a beautiful dress with a pretty lavender floral print, accented by a patent leather black belt and a pair of strappy-heeled sandals that showed off her long legs. After filling a mug for Adam, she paused to ask how he liked his coffee.

  “A little cream and sugar,” he requested. After doing as he asked, she handed it to him. “Like I said, nothing beats a good cup of coffee to start the morning. Mmmm,” he murmured, taking a sip. “That’s good.”

  “I made some biscuits this morning. Help yourself because if the twins were up, there wouldn’t be any left for you.”

  By the time she came back into the living area, she was carrying her garment bag from her room.

  He was dressed simply in a pair of blue jeans and a red polo shirt. He looked good for their journey to Tacoma. To divert her thoughts, she said, “I’ll get my handbag.”

  Destiny’s heart had stopped racing. She really had no reason to be concerned about their trip. Adam had promised her that the rooms would be adjoining.

  “Ready?”

  “Yes.” Destiny was happy when Adam took the suitcase. Looking around, she was satisfied that she had left nothing to do before they went out the door. She set the alarm. Adam walked with her down the stairs.

  After placing her bags in the back, he turned to her, helping her into the SUV without comment. Once she was settled, he crossed to the driver’s side and climbed inside. Seatbelt in place, Adam took Destiny’s hand, saying a prayer before they left. They were traveling along the interstate, which was crowded with the early morning traffic. Neither of them said anything. They were focusing on the passing scenery. The driving distance between Seattle and Tacoma was approximately thirty-four miles, but he’d planned for them to stop for lunch.

  Destiny was doing her best to hide her nervousness, Adam seemed to see right through it. “Destiny, are you okay?” he asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. She smiled and relaxed her hands by rubbing them down her sundress.

  “Of course, I’m fine. Just trying to relax a little.” Destiny knew he had a wonderful trip planned for them. She had made up her mind to trust Adam so that they could enjoy themselves.

  “Well, I am excited about these two days that we’ll be spending together.” Smiling, he looked over at Destiny. Taking her hand, he kissed it.

  “So what are we going to do first?” she asked.

  “We’re going to check in, and then I thought we’d enjoy the sights around the hotel.”

  “Sounds perfect.” She smiled.

  They arrived at the Hotel Murano in the heart of downtown Tacoma. After settling in, they met in the lobby. He smiled automatically when he saw her. “So where are we going?” she asked.

  “I thought we’d go over to the Proctor shopping district. There’s a festival in town, so there are a lot of visitors in the city. I thought you’d enjoy it,” he answered, taking her hand.

  Sweet peace filled the air, lifting their spirits as they strolled out of their hotel. They were both silent, reflecting on their own thoughts. There was a feeling in the air that gave each of them a sense of peace. They were able to relax and enjoy each other without the feeling of being watched by people who may have known them.

  Destiny thought Adam had planned a perfect trip. It gave them the time they needed to relax and enjoy each other.

  Every now and then they’d exchange a look, smiling as they held hands. They finally made it to the Proctor district, a quaint three-block shopping district. The scent of warm bodies and cinnamon roasted almonds mingled in the gentle breeze.

  Strolling hand in hand, Destiny and Adam laughed and talked continuously, enjoying themselves. There was a small jazz band playing, and Adam stopped, pulling Destiny toward him as they joined the other couples dancing on the lawn. Gently squeezing her fingers, he asked, “Are you having a good time, sweetheart?”

  She smiled, loving the sound of him calling her sweetheart. “I’m feeling like we are the only two people on the earth.”

  He took her hand. “It’s only you and me for right now. Let’s enjoy our time together.”

  They were having so much fun. Destiny enjoyed all of the goods from the local vendors. She brought a pair of earrings to wear with her suit tomorrow night. She also saw a pair of cufflinks that she purchased for Adam.

  After returning to the hotel, they went into the Bite restaurant, which overlooked four floors, giving each guest a view of the art below. There were several couples enjoying this local festival. Many of them were staying at the hotel. They were content watching the couples in the lobby mingling with each other below. Then they decided that they would have something light to eat, and afterward they’d return to their individual rooms for a nap before their evening activities. Sitting down at their table, Destiny looked at Adam.

  “What?” he asked, noticing her stare.

  “Oh nothing,” she replied, smiling. “I’ve had a wonderful time, and we’ve only been here a few hours. I love spending time with you.”

  “That’s wonderful to know because I love spending time with you as well,” he said, giving her a quick wink.

  Destiny finished her salad and rested her chin on one hand, still observing him. “I’m
so honored that you asked me to accompany you on this trip. I hope that it doesn’t cause problems tomorrow night at church,” she said casually.

  “Wha…what?” he asked, his forked paused halfway to his mouth.

  “Since we’ve been seeing each other more, I have noticed some changes in some of the women at our church,” she continued cautiously, not wanting to offend or cause him unnecessary stress.

  “I’m not concerned about what anyone thinks. That goes for anyone at Greater Community or the church tomorrow night. This relationship is between you, God, and me. Everyone else doesn’t even matter, we’ve been through this now on several occasions,” he insisted hotly.

  “Okay, just checking,” she said soothingly. Adam stabbed his sandwich and avoided making eye contact.

  “It’s okay, but this is between us”—he pointed at the both of them—“and I want to enjoy what’s happening between us without outside influences. Tomorrow will take care of itself, all right?” He took the final piece of his sandwich, popping it into his mouth as if to say that this subject was finished. Destiny looked at Adam, smiling. She loved him. He made her laugh. Each time he laughed, it caused her heart to swell all the more.

  Taking out the small package from her bag, she handed it to Adam. “I saw these and thought they were perfect for you.” Destiny watched as Adam removed the wrapping.

  He couldn’t hide his surprise. He admired the cufflinks that were a black-and-white checkerboard pattern. She had pictured how wonderful they would look with any of the suits he had in his wardrobe.

  He smiled. “I love them, thank you. I’m going to wear them tomorrow,” he said, putting them back in their case.

  “I’m glad you like them.” Destiny was elated. She’d never bought a gift for a pastor before. Adam kissed Destiny softly on the cheek. “I love them, and I love that you brought them for me. It means a lot.” He then placed a bag in front of Destiny. She watched as he pulled out a box. Handing it to her, he requested that she open it. When she did, she was shocked to see a pair of expensive stilettos that were in the window of the hotel’s lobby. “The moment I saw you look at these in the hotel boutique, I knew they would look extraordinary on you.”