Fractured Hearts

by SJD Peterson

  Kegan raised his head and stared at him, his face defeated. He took one last look at Charlie before he slowly rose and followed Trevor out of the room.

  Trevor didn’t stop until he reached the small private waiting room that was reserved for doctors to discuss patient conditions with loved ones. He held the door open and ushered Kegan inside. “Have a seat. It’s not a request.”

  Kegan stared at him for a moment but then followed Trevor’s demand and took a seat against the back wall. Trevor pulled a chair over so he sat directly in front of him.

  “Whatever it is, spit it out. I wanna get back to Charlie,” Kegan said impatiently.

  “You’re not going back in that room until you get your shit together.”

  “The fuck I’m not—”

  Trevor waved at him. “Look at you! You look like shit. When Charlie does wake up, she needs to concentrate on healing. She doesn’t need to worry about you falling over from exhaustion or starvation.”

  Kegan averted his eyes, unwilling to look at him. Shame, regret and guilt were all visible in the man’s body language. “She won’t even look at me.”

  “Dammit, Kegan, you’re seeing something that isn’t there. She barely opens her eyes, she’s so drugged up. I’m not even sure if she is aware of her surroundings, much less that we’re in the room with her.” Trevor ran his hands through his disheveled hair. “She loves you. I watch her with you and pray like hell that one day she’ll love me as much as she does you. How in the hell can you doubt that?”

  Kegan continued to stare at the wall behind Trevor. “I don’t deserve her, never did, and this just proves it.”

  Trevor was pissed, trembling with it, close to losing it and wanted nothing more than to lash out. He wished he could kill the bastard that had hurt Kegan and Charlie all over again. He surged to his feet. “I’m sorry your father was such a sick, twisted fuck and caused you and Charlie so much pain. I wish I could change what the two of you have been through because of him, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is try like hell to make the rest of our lives better and put this nightmare behind us.”

  Trevor stabbed a finger toward the door. “Right now, though, I’m going back to Charlie and you’re staying the fuck out until you’ve had something to eat and have slept. I won’t let anyone ever hurt her again and that includes you. It would hurt Charlie to look at you right now. Not because she blames you for what happened, but because of her, you worried yourself sick.”

  He turned and left the room and closed the door firmly behind him.

  Before returning to Charlie’s room, he arranged for food, a pillow and blankets to be taken to Kegan. He knew Kegan wouldn’t return to Charlie’s room until he got his shit together. He would never hurt Charlie for anything in the world if he could help it.

  Trevor spent the rest of the day at Charlie’s side. Shortly after Trevor returned to her room, Dr. Brooks approached him and suggested that Charlie receive a continuous sedative drip around the clock to allow her body time to rest and heal.

  Trevor agreed and since it had been administered she had not woken once. After battling with more than one staff member and threatening to tear the place down if they tried to make him leave, they finally caved and brought in two sleeping chairs, placing one on either side of Charlie’s bed for him and Kegan. By dark, as Trevor stretched out to get some much-needed sleep of his own, Kegan hadn’t returned. The only thing Trevor could hope for was that Kegan had taken his advice and gotten some sleep, though he doubted Kegan would be able to, no matter how hard he tried.

  He stared at the even rise and fall of Charlie’s chest, letting it lull him. He blocked everything from his mind other than the fact that Charlie was here safe and everything was going to be okay. He held onto that belief, taking it with him into slumber.

  * * * *

  Someone gently shook his shoulder and Trevor woke with a start. He opened his eyes to find an elderly nurse standing over him.

  “Sorry to wake you, sir, but we’re getting ready to bathe Miss McCarty before she has to go down to X-ray.”

  Trevor sat up and looked toward Charlie, who still slept. “Why does she need more X-rays? Is everything okay?”

  “She’s fine. Dr. Brooks just wants to check and make sure he didn’t miss any broken bones. It’s difficult to get accurate pictures when there is a lot of swelling. Since the swelling has diminished considerably, he just wants to be sure he didn’t miss anything.” She patted his arm reassuringly. “Go on and have some breakfast, get yourself cleaned up. Dr. Brooks has ordered that the sedative be reduced so she should start waking up later this morning.” She winked at him. “I’m sure you’ll want to look your best when she opens her eyes.”

  Trevor ran a hand over his three-day growth of beard. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Have you seen Kegan this morning?”

  “Sorry, I just came on duty and haven’t seen him. You might want to check with the night nurse on your way out. Perhaps she’ll know.”

  “Thank you. I’ll do that.” He stopped at the door and looked back at Charlie. “I won’t be gone long. You’ll call if anything happens, right?”

  “Go. Nothing is going to happen, she’s fine.”

  Trevor glared at her.

  “I’ll call, I promise. Now go so you can get back here before she wakes up.” She gestured him toward the door with a stern look.

  “Thank you.” He snuck one last peek at Charlie before he quietly eased out of the room.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Charlie blinked a couple of times, trying to clear the fog that had enveloped her brain and to get a fix on the unfamiliar surroundings. She tried to lift her head but pain shot through her.

  The memory of Drake rushed back and reminded her of why she hurt so badly. She remembered seeing Kegan as he lifted her into his arms and the feeling of being safe.

  Was it a dream? Kegan? Drake? All of it?

  She turned her head a fraction to the right. White sterile walls and blinking monitor screens… She remembered these scenes with Gram and instantly recognized she was in a hospital room. Her eyes traveled downward and warmth filled her chest. Lying in a chair next her bed, his dark curls tumbling haphazardly around his gorgeous face, was a sleeping Trevor.

  Charlie tried to turn to the left and seek out Kegan, but the pain on that side of her face and the useless swollen left eye made it impossible to see. She tried lifting her head, but once again agonizing pain shot up her neck, exploding in her head, and she was forced to lie back. She squeezed her eyes shut with a frustrated moan. She needed to see Kegan, to know he was here and safe with them.

  Warm hands caressed her arm. “Hey.”

  Charlie opened her eyes to a see Trevor’s concerned face just inches from hers.

  “How are you? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?”

  Charlie tried to smile but winced at the effort. Her lips felt huge and uncooperative. Charlie lifted her hand and placed it against Trevor’s chest. He instantly wrapped his hands around it.

  “What do you need, baby?”

  “You,” she murmured.

  “Ah hell, Charlie, that’s an easy one. You got me, babe, all of me.” The brilliant smile across his face melted Charlie’s heart.

  “Ke—” She swallowed hard and licked her dry lips. Kegan’s name came out nothing more than a whisper, but Trevor knew what she wanted.

  Pain flickered in his eyes for the briefest second, but then disappeared again and made her wonder if she had actually seen it. He kept one hand pressed against hers that covered his heart, and with the other, he pushed back the stray hairs that surrounded her face.

  “Kegan is fine. He’ll be back soon.”

  Charlie couldn’t help but notice the look of doubt on Trevor’s face. The smile didn’t reach his eyes, and hard lines around his mouth and eyes betrayed the effort it took. A twinge of pain hit her heart. Something was wrong. Was Kegan hurt? Had she only been dreaming that he had lifted her into his arms and c
arried her away from Drake? Nausea threatened her stomach at the thought of Drake, but she pushed it down.

  “Is he okay?” Her words sounded mumbled and unidentifiable.

  “Shh, he’s okay, I promise. He just needed to get something to eat and some sleep.” Trevor stroked the skin below her ear. “You’ve been asleep for two days. He’s gonna be pissed he missed you waking up.”

  Two days? The last thing she remembered was Kegan’s arms, feeling safe.

  “He…he carried me from…”

  “Yeah. Shh, don’t think about that right now. Concentrate on healing so we can take you home.” He laid his head on the pillow next to hers. “You’re safe now, that’s all that matters.”

  Home. Damn that word sounded so good.

  The only thing she wanted to do was snuggle between her two wonderful men and forget about all the ugliness that was Drake. How he had nearly taken her away from Kegan and Trevor and the pain when she’d thought she was going to die without them knowing how she felt about them. They had both told her how much they loved her, but she had never told them. Charlie wrapped her free arm around Trevor’s neck, held him close and whispered, “I love you.”

  His body stiffened and he wrapped his hand tightly around hers. Hell, maybe this wasn’t the right time to tell him. What if Drake was right and she was damaged goods? They might not want her anymore after Drake had touched her. The silence that stretched out was awful. She hadn’t wanted to make him feel uncomfortable after everything he had done for her. “You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay… I…”

  It hurt so much to speak, her lips and throat were raw, but nothing compared to the pain in her heart. Trevor pulled away and she wanted to weep at the loss, of what Drake had stolen from her. She expected Trevor to turn away in disgust, but he hovered over her face. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and his gaze burrowed right into her soul.

  “You don’t know how scared I was that I would never get the chance to hear those words. Christ, Charlie, I love you so much.”

  Charlie’s heart soared. He still wanted her, loved her. The light feeling in her chest and the miraculous joy surging through her made the sting of pain from Trevor peppering her face with kisses almost bearable, but she couldn’t quite swallow down the whimper that the sting demanded.

  “Fuck! I’m sorry. Crap. Did I hurt you?” He jerked back, but Charlie tightened her grip on his hand, refusing to let him pull away too far.

  “It was worth it.”

  He raised her hand to his mouth, kissed each one of her knuckles. “I promise I will never give you a reason to regret loving me.” He pressed a gentle kiss to the delicate skin of her wrist. “Thank you.”

  Charlie rejoiced in Trevor’s admission, her heart so full it was nearly bursting.

  She couldn’t help but feel the loss of Kegan not being with them. Her heart was only truly full when the three of them were together.

  * * * *

  Over the next two days, Trevor was obsessed with caring for her. He refused to let her stand without him at her side, plus fed and bathed her, brushed her hair for hours on end and soothed her with soft words and warm caresses until she fell asleep.

  Under his gentle care, she grew stronger. The swelling to her face was nearly gone, just the ugly black and yellowish bruises remained. She looked like a circus sideshow freak, yet Trevor looked at her in awe, as if she were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She was amazed at how the normally forceful, commanding man could be so giving and nurturing.

  As wonderful as he had been, as beholden as she felt, at this moment she was enraged at him. She stared at him, fire in her eyes and arms crossed firmly across her chest and dared him to avoid her question.

  “Where the hell is Kegan? And if you tell me one more time that he’s sleeping or eating, I swear to Christ, I’ll come up out of this bed and spank your ass.”

  “Mmm, my baby is feeling better. I think I may enjoy being spanked by you.” Trevor smirked and waggled his brows.

  She shot him a look that should have fried him where he sat. “Trevor, you’re avoiding the question. Stop pacifying me and tell me what the hell is going on. You don’t think I haven’t noticed that he’s been absent for the last two days? I swear on all that is holy, if he’s hurt and you didn’t tell me, there won’t be a place in heaven or hell for you to hide.”

  He turned his back on her and resumed his task of packing up her belongings. She was being discharged and as excited as she was to be going home, she couldn’t ignore the heaviness in her heart at not seeing Kegan.

  Rae, Dr. Stone and most of the ranch hands, including Cade, had stopped by to see her. She had been grateful for their company, but it still hadn’t been enough. She needed Kegan.

  Trevor had told her over and over that Kegan hadn’t been hurt, not so much as a scratch anywhere on his body. If that were true, then she could only think of one other reason that he wasn’t here with her. The anger she felt at Trevor for being so damn evasive drained away with the notion that she already knew the answer.

  Drake had beaten her until she was horribly disfigured, and though Dr. Brooks assured her repeatedly that the damage wasn’t permanent, it was still damn awful to look at. Hell, she didn’t want to look at herself, so she avoided mirrors like the plague. She supposed she was damaged goods now, wasn’t that what Drake had called her? Was that why Kegan wasn’t there? Was the thought of her being touched by Drake so repulsive to him that he couldn’t stand to look at her without being reminded of what had happened? She really didn’t want to hear the answer but she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

  “He’s leaving me again, isn’t he? Is that why you won’t tell me anything?”

  Trevor shrugged, his back still to her. “I don’t know, Charlie.”

  With one small sentence, Charlie was hurled back in time to when she was eighteen and had first realized Kegan wasn’t ever coming back for her. The agony, grief and heartbreak were as fierce now as they had been then. How the hell was she going to survive them this time? Now that she knew what it was like to feel his love, his body against hers, inside her.

  She didn’t have to try to come up with fantasies about what his lips would feel like against hers or the way he’d aim that shy smile at her when she woke up in his arms in the morning. She knew exactly what she was losing this time. As hard as it had been the first time, there was no way it was going to compare to the sheer torture of going back to a life without Kegan.

  She scooted off the bed and headed for the bathroom. She avoided looking at her reflection as she splashed water on her face. She had survived Drake and she had survived Kegan leaving her before. She wasn’t that same stupid little girl she’d once been. She was now strong and independent.

  You might as well crawl away somewhere and say fuck it because you are never going to get over him. You want him, want Trevor, you want it all. What the hell have you ever done to deserve it? Grow up! When have you ever been enough for anyone?

  Charlie dropped to her knees on the cold, hard tile floor and squeezed her fists so tight, she could feel her nails cut through her flesh and hoped the pain would drown out the voices in her head.

  Everyone always leaves you.

  She squeezed harder.

  Trevor will be next. He loves Kegan and will follow him.

  Her palms burned.

  You were born to be alone!

  A sob broke from her throat as she felt the blood start to ooze from between her fingers.

  Trevor rushed into the bathroom, knelt next to her. “Baby, what is it? Are you in pain?” He tried to wrap her in his arms, but she fought against him.

  “It’s okay. I got you.”

  “Let me go,” she cried, her nails still buried deep in her flesh, the pain something other than her heart to focus on.

  He tightened his arms around her as she continued to struggle. “Baby, listen to me. Please.”

  Charlie continued to battle helplessly against his strength un
til her body finally gave out and she slumped against him. “I can’t… I can’t do this again.”

  Trevor picked her up into his arms and carried her from the bathroom then sat in the large sleep chair with her cradled against him. Charlie gave up on holding back the tears that had welled up in her eyes and let them flow as Trevor rocked her gently. He didn’t try to talk or reason with her, simply allowed her to lie against his warm body and let the tears come until she couldn’t cry anymore.

  “I’m sorry Kegan’s not here. So sorry that it’s causing you so much pain.” He placed kisses against her hair. “He shows up here every night while you’re sleeping and just sits in the chair staring at you.”

  Charlie sniffed. “What?”

  Trevor looked down at her hands, at the blood that had bubbled up between her fingers. “What the hell?” He pried her hands open, looked at the mangled mess of her palms and hissed, “Jesus, Charlie.”

  She pulled her hands free and bunched up the hem of her gown in each hand to put pressure on the cuts. “They’re fine. What do you mean he comes here at night?”

  “He just sits there staring at you. Doesn’t touch you, won’t look or talk to me, just stares at you.”

  “Why doesn’t he want me to know he’s here?”

  “He’s hurting, Charlie. He loves you so fucking much but he’s blaming himself for what happened to you.”

  Trevor’s beautiful dark eyes filled with such sorrow it nearly stole her breath. Kegan had told her that he’d stayed away from her before because he didn’t think he was good enough. He couldn’t possibly still feel that way after what the three of them had become together, could he?

  You’re starting to hope again, Charlie. What good has hope ever done you?

  “But he saved me?”

  “Kegan has never thought he deserved you, never thought he was good enough for you. Now with what happened to you because of his own father, he thinks he finally has proof that his beliefs were justified.”