The Marvellous Land of Snergs

by Edward Wyke Smith

  “Thank you,” replied King Merse, helping himself to a good deal.” Are grouse plentiful here?”

  “Very plentiful, When you come again we must get up some hawking parties. Mynheer Vanderdecken, this wine is a good breakfast vintage. Let me fill your goblet—But where are our little guests? I heard their merry prattle from my window long ago, when I was having my early hippocras and sandwich.”

  Before anyone could answer, the Lady Ermyntrude came rushing’ into the hall holding her skirts some six inches from the ground to facilitate her movements.

  “Sire,” she panted, “the children cannot be found! I left them about an hour ago in order to powder my—I mean to arrange my coiffure—and they have gone! “

  “Gone where? “exclaimed both monarchs, rising to their feet.

  “Alas, I cannot say. The household varlets have searched the gardens and called to them, but they cannot be found. The guards at the palace gates have not seen them pass.. But they are lost!”

  “Tut, tut!” said King Kul, “that seems impossible. They are playing some prank on you. Have you searched the herbaceous borders?”

  “Yes, sire, everywhere. But they cannot be found.”

  Amid general consternation the Captain of the Gate was sent for and came on the run, bolting a crust and brushing crumbs from himself.

  “Come, come! “said the King angrily, “you must learn to eat in your own time. We like not this munching in our presence. Now tell me if those children passed the gates this morning.”

  The Captain made an effort and bolted what was left of the crust.” No, sire,” he replied.” Only serving-men have passed in or out on your Majesty’s affairs. They and one old man.”

  “What manner of old man? “

  “Of very indifferent manner, sire. He came early this morning to offer fat boiling fowls for your Majesty’s kitchen. He had a thin grey beard and he wore a high peaked hat and a cloak and he rode an ass.”

  “That does not help us very much,” remarked the King, pondering deeply.

  “Not at all, sire. We were glad to see him pass out, for when he had sold his fowls he brought forth bagpipes from under his cloak and played most execrable music. He went out a-riding his ass, with his feet disposed on his two covered baskets that hung on either side, and there were none that did not stop their ears as he passed. My own ears still ding with the fearsome squealing.”

  “Enough of this old man and your ears,” said the King impatiently.” Now let my soldiers search—”

  He was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Gorbo, who darted out from the throng and flung out his arms before him.

  “It’s Mother Meldrum!” he cried.” The old man was Mother Meldrum! She’s got them after all! “

  “Got them where?” roared the King and a few other people.

  “In the baskets! She popped them in the baskets and played bagpipes so that people wouldn’t hear them screaming! Oh!”—here he flung his cap on the ground and jumped on it and tore his hair.

  There was a momentary silence of astonishment. That Gorbo, already widely known in these parts as the prize fool of the strange race of Snergs, should find the solution of the mystery came as a bit of a shock. King Merse stared at him as if he were experiencing something of a miracle.

  “He is right,” exclaimed King Kul.” If this toss-pot and muncher had had the sense to see what is plain to us all”(he forgot that he hadn’t seen it himself until it was shouted at him) “those children would not be now in the power of that wretch. Let no one rest until they are found, or avenged—Ha, here comes one who may help us,” he went on.” Welcome back, Sir Giles. Have you any news? “

  “Ay, your Majesty, lots,” replied that capable knight, clanking up the hall.” But I have not found Golithos. His tower is empty except for miscellaneous rubbish, and the doors swing idly in the wind. He has flown.” His voice was hoarse with weariness and his mail showed signs of hard travel.

  “Flown, has he? And Mother Meldrum? “

  “She also has flown—probably on a broomstick. Her house is dismantled and deserted, and doubtless the foul things of the, haunted woods will hold their revels there tonight. Ugh!” He shuddered, for though he was dauntless where a reasonable number of caitiffs were concerned he had no taste for the supernatural.

  “Strange,” said the King musingly.” The plot thickens—But you are weary, Sir Giles. Pray seat yourself beside us while we consider the matter.”

  “Thanks, sire, but I prefer standing, I have sat some score of hours or more,”

  “I fear you will have to sit some more, good knight, for you must mount and lead your men again. Come, sirs, let us consider what course we are now to take.”

  Captives Again

  In a wood of scattered and stunted trees many miles from Banrive, Mother Meldrum was urging on her heavily loaded ass with. the assistance of a cudgel. Beside her strode the gigantic form of Golithos, with a big bundle tied to his shoulders and carrying his mighty axe. There was a kind of horrible contentment about the two as they went along in silence only broken by an occasional chuckle from Golithos and the thumping of the cudgel as it came down on the animal’s ribs. Round about them walked seven large black cats.

  “We can take it a bit easier now,” said Mother Meldrum at length. She had taken off her cloak and in, her man’s dress and with the false beard removed she looked a particularly hideous figure; the beard had at least hidden part of Her face.” It’s not far now to the barren rocks and nobody ever comes as near to them as this. Everything’s going very nicely.’”

  “Yes, isn’t it,” he said.” Do you know I got very worried, waiting outside the town with your bundles and the cats. I thought you’d never come. I was afraid something had happened and you couldn’t find the little ones.”

  “That’s because you’re a fool,” she said, with her usual candour.” I got them almost at once, as I knew I would. Don’t you start complaining about me! “

  “No, of course not; But the cats worried me so much—snarling and rolling about and getting their ropes entangled. And when I tried to sort them out they simply bit pieces out of me. Look at my hands.”

  “Glad they did; I wish they’d done more to you. You lost one of my cats, too, you lout! If it doesn’t come along soon, I’ll remember it when we settle up.”

  “But it really wasn’t my fault,” he said quickly.” I just untied it a moment to disentangle it and it clawed me and bolted off. It’ll come along all right.”

  “There’ll be trouble for you if it doesn’t. Now let’s stop a bit and see how things are.”

  “Yes, let’s,” said Golithos eagerly.

  “You keep away! No touching.” She lifted up the lid of one of the baskets on the ass and untied the neck of a coarse sack within.” Aha, you’re tired of grizzling now, are you? That’s a good thing for you.”

  The head of Joe came out and stared at her, white and horrified.

  “Get out and walk! “she ordered.” No, wait a bit: I’ll have to tie your hands behind you.”

  She tied him up and lashed the rope to the huge bundle that formed the principal load of the ass. Then she went to the other basket and liberated Sylvia.

  Poor Sylvia’s eyes were swollen with weeping and her face showed a stunned horror. She shook with fear as she got out, her pretty silk dress with the golden flowers and bees all crumpled and stained with the filthy sack she had been tied in, and looked up in the old witch’s face.

  “Keep apart,” she shouted, for Joe had got close to Sylvia to give her what consolation he could, which was not very much.” One on each side. Now march! “

  They started off again, Joe and Sylvia walking in a dazed way on either side of her, Golithos coming behind with his load and leading the ass, and the cats surging about them like a pack of grim black hounds.

&nb
sp; “You were clever. to get them, the way you did.” said Golithos, to put her in a good humour.” You seem to manage everything the way you want it.”

  “Oh, I’m clever enough. I just went in with my half-dozen fat hens and offered them for next to nothing, and I talked to the fat old cook about things in general until I saw these brats coming along and looking for something new. They got something new all right enough. I just gave them good morning and asked them if they knew of a nice quiet place in the garden where I could turn a little rabbit loose, because it was so cruel to keep a rabbit cooped up and it’d be much happier in the garden. And they took me to very nice quiet place, all thick bushes and the like. Ho, ho, ho! I had them twisted up in two sacks before they could begin to think what was happening. And by the time they’d started to yell I had them in the baskets and hopped on top of the ass and started the bagpipes. And some gardeners and people came running up and out but I went a-galloping and blowing the pipes and all they wanted was to see the last of me. And out in the street some stared at me and some pitched carrots and things at me, but I didn’t stop blowing until I was clear out of Banrive. Ho, ho, ho!”

  Golithos laughed hideously and the children cowered as they stumbled along. Mother Meldrum jerked furiously at the ropes that held them and told them to step out smartly if they didn’t want some extra trouble.

  “Don’t make them walk too fast,” said Golithos.” Poor things, it won’t do to get them too tired! Children do get thin so-easily,” he added with a touch of pathos.

  “They’ll walk and you’ll walk and I’ll walk just as long as it suits me!” she shouted with one of her sudden changes to fury.

  “Oh, yes, of course,” he said hastily.” I was merely suggesting—”

  “Well, don’t. You’ve got your job to attend to before you need worry whether they’re thin or fat. As soon as we get beyond the barren rocks you’re finished with them until you’ve done your job.”

  “Oh, I’ll do it all right,” he said, twirling his gigantic axe.” The sight of them has done me ever so much good. I’ll go back and just hide near Banrive until I get my chance. It won’t take long because you tell me the King goes out hawking every other day or so and it won’t be at all difficult to creep up when he’s sitting on his fat old horse and staring up in the sky. I’ll have him hacked to bits in no time. And if any twenty of his men come up I’ll cut them all down, as I used to do in the fine old days.” He roared with laughter and made the air whistle as he swung the axe over his head.

  “At last I’m getting part of what. I want,” said Mother Meldrum as she watched him approvingly.” Only part, because there’s others in the town I’m going to get square with. Wait till we’re comfortably settled beyond the barren rocks and we’ll be able to do quite a nice lot of damage one way and another. When they find their little children disappearing every now and then they’ll wish they’d left me alone in my comfortable little town business and not got the King to turn me out.”

  Golithos did an ungainly dance of joy at the mention of a good supply of his natural food.” I suppose,” he said when his transports had calmed down a little, “there’s no chance of their finding the way through the rocks? “

  “Not a bit of chance. The way through is by a hole just near the top of the big cliff, and even if they found the hole they’d lose their way in two minutes if they tried to follow the road. There’s fifty little tunnels branching in all directions and I’m the only one who knows the right one. Besides, they wouldn’t dare to follow us in: there’s other things there besides bats and darkness. No, we’ll be comfortable enough. There’s an old tower which you can take for your very own, and there’s a little house in the trees that will just suit me and I’ll settle down very comfortably with my cats.”

  They trudged on in contented silence for a time. Sylvia and Joe were, luckily for them in one way, too stupefied with horror to realize the hideous fate that had come upon them and they went on as well as they could, Mother Meldrum occasionally hinting by a ferocious pick at the ropes that they were not walking fast enough.

  The Barren Rocks

  Half an hour later Mother Meldrum gave a grunt of satisfaction.” Here we are at last,” she said.” Look up, little dears, and see where you’re going to climb to.”

  They had passed out of the thicker part of the stunted trees into an open space, and the shuddering children saw before them a deep ravine of dry and jagged rocks. On the farther side the walls rose in a cliff which, though not very much higher than they were standing, was very precipitous and evidently difficult to climb for anyone who did not know the path. Nowhere about the rocks was there any sign of life or vegetation. It was a new strange land on which a blight had fallen; a land over which a dull horror seemed to brood.

  “We’ll go down a nice little path I know of,” said Mother Meldrum, with a deep chuckle, “and then we’ll go up a nice little path I know of. And close to the top is a nice little tunnel I know of, and we’ll go ever so far through it until we come to a nice little house I know of. Now don’t you wish you hadn’t run away from dear old Mother—”

  She stopped and turned round and stared. Golithos, who had been grinning savagely at her words, stopped and looked quickly in the same direction.

  “I thought I heard Gubbins,” she said (Gubbins was the missing cat).

  “Oh, I’m so glad! “he said, “I wouldn’t have liked you to lose him. He must have caught us up. Ah, there he is! I thought he wouldn’t be long in finding us.”

  “Yes, you fool!” snarled the old woman, choking with rage.” And see who’s coming after him! This comes of trusting a lubber like you! “

  “It’s that Snerg again,” said Golithos uneasily;

  The children’s hearts gave a bound of joy and hope. A long way off, and far beyond the black cat that carne trotting up, they saw a little figure running. It was Gorbo, and the dead weight of terror seemed to lift from them at the sight.

  “I don’t seem able to shake him off somehow,” went on Golithos, not at all with the air of a man who was ready to do great deeds.” But he hasn’t seen us yet because we’re hidden by these trees. Let’s get into the thick part and hide until he comes up and then I’ll jump out and cut him down before he can shout.”

  ‘“Come along, you brats, or I’ll murder you here!” shouted Mother Meldrum.

  She dragged fiercely at the ropes and they had to follow her into the trees. Golithos hauled on the leading rope of .the ass, and the ass, as its nature taught it to do, hauled back. With a howl of rage he took a firmer grip of the rope and dragged the ass a few feet. Then the rope snapped and the animal turned and trotted back on the path they had come.

  “Now you’ve done it, you great lout! “screamed Mother Meldrum.” Now he’ll know we’re here! Oh, I’ll settle accounts with you, Golithos, once we’re out of this! “

  “But there’s no great harm done,” pleaded Golithos.” He’ll come along looking for us just the same. Oh, please keep quiet, he may be corning along now. If he hears us I won’t be able to jump out on him!”

  The old woman controlled herself sufficiently to keep silent, though her face was livid with rage. She dragged the children into a thicker part of the trees and pushed them over and crouched down by them, surrounded by her cats, who stopped still at an order from her and lay quiet on the ground. Golithos stooped behind a tree with his axe ready.

  Gubbins, the missing cat, came trotting up. They could see him stop and sniff about. Then he looked back invitingly and saying “Me-reow! me-reow!” in a high and strong voice, came purring in among the trees and greeted his mistress and his brother cats. Mother Meldrum silenced him with a clump on the head and he too crouched down.

  There was a dead silence for a minute or two. Then suddenly the witch gave a little grunt, for Gorbo came into view, walking with a silent tread and peering in all directions, with an a
rrow fitted to his bow.

  How Gorbo Found the Way

  The measures taken by King Kul to search for the children would have, by themselves, resulted in failure and a tragedy. Though of an estimable character he was not remarkable for handling difficult situations, especially those which for want of a better term we must call matters of police. His dominion had been peaceable so long that he had lost the knack of it; besides, his subjects, an amiable but rather muddle-headed offshoot of medieval days, were of little assistance in the case, for no one could give information as to the road taken by the alleged old man with the ass and big baskets and bagpipes. The knights too—with the exception of Sir Giles, who had plenty of ginger in him (which is why he had secured the prettiest girl at court)—were rather lacking in practice owing to the decay of dragons, caitiffs, and other undesirable inhabitants, and they rather played at chivalrous doings than took any active interest in them. Consequently, though troops were sent searching in all directions, they went without definite instructions, and they merely wandered about, putting innocent people through severe cross-examinations, inspecting cock-lofts in lonely but peaceful farmhouses, and generally making themselves thoroughly disliked without obtaining any useful hints.