The Doomsday Papers

by JanJan Untamed

  I’m crushed. I’m not one of them. I’m not one of anyone.

  “Hold on. I’ll get Jude. You need to talk.”

  I hang up when he puts me on hold and I drop the phone. Mino turns me around in his arms.

  “It’s true. It’s all true.” I sob. “I’m a monster.”

  “You aren’t a monster. You take care of me when you don’t have to. You’re funny and sweet. You are a good thrall.”

  “I don’t want to be a good thrall anymore, Mino. I want to be with you.”

  “Sometimes two beings aren’t meant to be more than this, Dumani.” He says wiping my tears. “Just because we are good together, it doesn’t mean we should be together.”

  “You said you want to settle down and get married again. You said you want a family one day. It’s why you don’t count the bodies. I can be your wife.”

  “I don’t want you to be my wife. You already have a husband. Don’t do this to yourself.”

  My men are prettier than I am. Mino’s fingers reach for the buttons on the front of my shirt dress. He said it looked pretty on me this morning.

  “I’m going to make love to you and then we are going to dress for the party. I’ve decided it’s time to move on, Kitten.”

  So soon? It’s over already? I don’t want it to be over yet.

  “Are we moving on together?”

  “Yes, we are moving on together. Stand up and take off your panties.”

  “I’m not wearing any.”

  I think about my husband after he makes love to me. I won’t let myself miss him. I will never go crawling back. Not after the things he said. Not after the way he treated me. I don’t want him anymore. I don’t want to be one of three wives and a nanny to his multiple children. I want Maximino. I kiss his chest. He toys with the dark hair on my head.

  “I love you.” I whisper with my whole heart. His fingers stop toying. I don’t know what I expected him to do. But, I’m sure that pushing me away and getting out of bed isn’t one them. He paces back and forth beside the bed.

  “Damn it, Dumani. Why did you say that shit? I can’t say it back.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I feel obligated to say it because you did.” I sit up when he sweeps his pants off the floor and shoves his legs into them. “I told you, I don’t do obligations.” He’s getting dressed. What do I say now?

  “Mino, please don’t be upset.”

  “Don’t fucking call me Mino right now. It doesn’t fucking help.” He snaps as he shoves his bare feet into his loafers. He picks up his wallet and keys.

  “Where are you going?” I crawl to the edge of the bed. “You can’t leave.”

  “I don’t answer to you. I’ll send a car for you tonight.”

  “Wait!” I run after him but he keeps going. I stop inside the door. “I take it back! I don’t love you!”

  He closes the door in my face. Goddamn him! Goddamn me. What was I thinking? I love you? Why did I say that? Because I do. I love him. I don’t love Gavin. I’m sure that I never did. It didn’t feel like this. I didn’t feel the sense of loss when I walked away from Gavin that I feel watching Mino walk away from me. He doesn’t want me to call him Mino. It doesn’t help, he said. Help what? I dress and clean his spotless palazzo. When there is nothing else to distract me, I start drinking. I don’t know what is what so I pour a glass from the closest bottle and I sit outside on the patio. I’m hurt but I don’t cry. I’m too numb to cry. Where did I go wrong? Wasn’t I a good daughter? Wasn’t I a good wife? I tried to be. I couldn’t be any of those things because I am a beastie like Maximino. I just want to be a wife and farm.

  “Don’t come crawling back to me because I don’t want you.” My husband’s poisonous words haunt me more than the voices in my head. I wipe my cheeks with my hands. “I don’t want you back.” I am banned forever. Banned for daring to want a little respect. I am being punished for leaving the church. I belonged there hidden away from others. I am not safe to be around. I’ve turned into a leech and a sex crazed whore. I want to fuck Maximino right now. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do I apologize? Do I leave? He obviously doesn’t want what I want. I told him how I feel about him and he freaked out. Freaking out is my job. I’m the one that’s alone. I’m the one who was chewed up by a pack of Goddamn vampires. He has this big circle of friends and family. I have a son who is going to hate me and a husband who already does. I can never hate Judea. I can be angry and heartbroken but the love will always be here. It isn’t enough to go crawling back to him.

  I throw some things into a bag and take what cash I find. I pack a little food and bottles of water in case I end up traveling. I’ll go to a hotel for now. I leave a note explaining everything and thanking him for his hospitality. I’m going home. I can find my own way back. I learn quickly that it’s impossible to find anyone flying into the U.S. The closest I can get is Russia. I will get to Russia and cross somehow. I can enter Canada from the north and hike southeast until I either die or make it home. I can do it. I don’t have a doubt in my mind. What about his party? I was invited and I don’t want to be rude. I should go and thank him for his invitation. I can go to a hotel after.

  I get drunk before I choose my dress. I would never wear anything like this sober. The sales lady said that it is very haute couture. I don’t even know what that means. I like it because it covers me. I don’t have to cover up but I want to. I don’t cover my face anymore and that is good enough. I wear black because I feel like someone died. I don’t have the expertise with hair and I couldn’t straighten it to save my life. I take down my braids and I shake it out the way Judea likes it. He loves it when it’s wavy like this. I damn near poke my eye out when I try to use the eyeliner and it gets abandoned in the trash. Who am I fooling with that stuff anyway? I put on some lip gloss and go down to meet the car. I knew he would be in it to ride with me. He isn’t. I make the ride alone and the walk up to the house alone. What will I say if I see him? There are no take backs in situations like these. I stand outside for fifteen minutes debating on whether or not to go in.

  “Are you going in?”

  I’m not sure. I’m not sure if I can face Maximino after saying what I did. I love you? I regret it but I couldn’t help it. It came out on its own. I want to ask him if we are still moving on together.

  “I’m afraid.” I admit. He laughs.

  “Come on.” The man takes my hand and pulls me inside with him. I almost tell him to let me go until I see Maximino with another woman. Already? Damn that was fast but what can I say? We aren’t together. Not to him. He’s coming over here. I step closer to the strange man for effect.

  “Get your hands off him.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You are acting slutty because you’re mad at me. It’s the oldest play in the book. He’s a dumb bystander. Get out of here.”

  “I didn’t know she was with you, Mr. Vitale. Have a good night.”

  “Wait, I’m not with him.”

  “You are with me.” He grabs my arm. “Where is your collar?”

  I flinch. He’s mocking me. He’s mocking my feelings. A flush travel’s up my body warming my face. The woman on his arm giggles. Who is she? Did he fuck her? The idea fills me with rage. I look from her to him and back to him again. He did. He fucked her. I want to throw up. I’m sweating and shaking with the anger that has taken over me. He’s no better than Judea. At least Judea loves me. He used to anyway.

  “Don’t wait up tonight. I won’t be back.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t.” I laugh bitterly. “I moved out today.” I walk away before I see his reaction. Fuck him. Fuck him to hell and back. I walk outside and keep going. I pass his yellow car as I’m leaving the property. I don’t know what possesses me. I pick up a large rock and smash the windshield. I smash the side windows and bang a few good dents into the door. I toss the rock onto his seat and carry on. The well-dressed people outside are looking at me like I’m crazy. I don’t care.
It felt god. I don’t take the road. That’s too easy and someone might be looking for me. I walk back into the city and climb up the side of his building unseen. He’s out fucking other women. I take the note I left earlier and my bag before slipping out again wearing one of my old dresses and my ancient boots. I tie my hair up and cover my face as I make my way through the strange city. I head north. Home is north. I’m glad for his ring right now. He has no idea where to find me. I walk through the dark places where the unsavory play. I’m being watched. Someone is following me. Who? What do they want? Me. They want me.

  Chapter Forty-three

  I pick up speed until I am in a full run. He’s running too. I duck behind a car and watch the man run by. I trip him. He skids like he’s belly surfing. I have my blade to his neck before he stops sliding. This is no man. This is no blood sucker. What is it? It looks like a man, with flesh like a man, but it feels like death. It was sent to kill me. I cut its throat down to the bone and snap its neck for good measure. I look around in case another is close by. I’m alone. I take his weapons and remove his head to be safe. I don’t know what I’m dealing with. I cut out his heart too because it’s what they do in movies. I wipe my hands on his nice jacket before running like the wind. I’m moving again. It feels like I’m flying and it feels good. It also feels lonely. I should have kept Judi. He’s good company on long walks. I just cut a man’s head off. What am I thinking? That I miss my son. I did what was best at the time. Maybe I was too hasty when I got into this thing with Maximino. I don’t regret it. I feel his blood in my cells. I shiver with lust. It’s more than lust. I called it love because I don’t know any other word to describe it. We did not speak of love or such things in the church. Marriage is for procreation and being useful to the church. A church that embraces torture and mental enslavement. I fit right in, I guess. It doesn’t matter how late it is or how tired I am, I understand the importance of putting distance between my enemy and myself. I need to push myself until I can’t take another step and then push on. I will run until my body gives out and gives me no choice but to sleep. It happens the next evening. I lay down in a field of grass that is as high as I am tall and I pass out.

  “Get up, damn you.” A foot nudges me. I can’t. I’m too tired. I aim my gun at him. He looks more amused that afraid.

  “Are you going to shoot me?”

  “If you don’t leave me alone, I will. Why are you here?”

  “We are going back to Rome.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Keep going then, you fool. Word is in that London has fallen and it’s overrun with real monsters. Survivors are being stolen and sent to camps. These aren’t American camps. They are blood harvesting camps. You can’t prance around during the end of the world like it’s a fucking state fair.”

  “I can do whatever I want. I am a free woman.”

  “It all comes down to that right?” He snatches my bag from my hands. “You ran off because you got your feeling hurt. You fell in love uninvited. I never told you to love me, Dumani.”

  “I was wrong for saying it. I don’t know what came over me. I’m still sad and getting over my feelings for Gavin. It isn’t love. I like fucking you and it went to my head.”

  His eyes narrow dangerously at the mention of another man. I grab for my bag but he holds it out of my reach.

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t love me.” He steps closer. “Tell me that you love him and not me and I will let you go.”

  “I don’t love you, Maximino. I love Gavin.”

  “Liar.” He hisses between his teeth. “You are a terrible fucking liar.”

  That’s how we end up in the grass naked rolling around like horny teenagers. He feeds me his blood to rebuild my strength. He feeds my soul to rebuild us. I don’t argue when he drags me to feet and drops my dress over my head before I can catch my breath. His cum is wet between my thighs.

  “We have to go, Kitten.”

  “How did you find me?”

  “I am the best demon hunter in the world, I can find my jealous thrall.” He smiles. “Besides, you are a creature of habit. I knew you would head north.”

  He shoves me into his low-slung sports car. It’s hidden behind the stone ruins of what was once a home. I can feel the bodies buried here. Generations of them whose souls have passed on. I ran all night what it takes a few hours to drive. We are stopped at the city limits by armed men wearing masks. They check our temperatures and let us pass. It’s happening again and the streets are deserted. I don’t blame them for staying inside. Maximino has distanced himself from me since I said those stupid words. He’s quiet at dinner and wears pajama bottoms to bed. Tonight, he barely glanced at me when he left for a party without me. He ignored me when I told him how handsome he looked. I lay down and cry myself to sleep. I am awakened by a crash. I hear voices. Not dead voices, human voices. I pull on one of his shirts and creep out of the room with a gun in each hand. Something else breaks. Laughter rings out. Male and female laughter. I step into the kitchen where a well-dressed group has congregated. Maximino has a woman on each arm and he’s making out with one of them like she’s staying over. I can’t believe he brought them here. How can he kiss her the way he kisses me? Someone clears their throat and he finally looks up.

  “What are you doing up so late? Go back to bed.”

  “I wasn’t up. You woke me with your whoring.” I watch my words have their desired effect. Yes, I said it.

  “You should remember your place and be quiet.”

  “Take your own advice and keep the whoring down so I can sleep.”

  “If you call me another whore, you will sorely regret it.”

  “Why? It’s true. All three of you look like trash and smell like booze and disgusting cigarettes.”

  “This is your thrall? You’re losing your touch, Mino.” One of the women sniffs. I point my gun at her. I don’t care.

  “What was that?” I ask her. She turns red and raises her hands. Maximino steps in front of her shielding her with his body.

  “Put the fucking guns away.”

  “I’d rather not. I feel safer with them. You tell your whore that I will shoot her in the face if she tempts me. I haven’t shot anyone in a long time.”

  “I said put them down.”

  “Take them from me.” I dare him with a wild heart and nothing to lose.

  “We aren’t together, I’ve told you. You’re my thrall and you have no say in what I do.”

  “Well, I quit. I’m not your thrall anymore and I damn sure won’t be ordered around like some maid. Not by an evil, disrespectful, dick slinging bastard like you. Fuck you.”

  “You quit? No, you are fired! Go ahead and leave. Get out and see how far you make it on your own. Where will you go? Good luck finding someone who wants you.” He yells at me. I feel slapped. My eyes water like I’ve been slapped. I drop the pistols and they clink on the floor. I turn away from him and walk away. My head is high but my spirits are low. I won’t let these beasties see me cry. He’s right. Where will I go? Who wants me?

  “Dumani, come back. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, you meant every word. I’ll pack my things and be out of your way in a minute. Then, you will have the apartment to yourself.”

  “It’s a palazzo and you are not leaving. Don’t walk away from me.” Maximino follows me like there aren’t ten people here watching him. He grabs my arm spinning me around to face him. The slap that I lay on him rocks his world.

  “Don’t fucking touch me, Mr. Vitale. You are not my boyfriend. You are not my lover. I am your fucking thrall. You fuck me and make me wear a stupid diamond collar like a fucking pet. I don’t have to take this shit from you. I can find another man to whore for.”

  “I will cut his throat and drink his fucking blood in my cheerios. Find a replacement and I will do the same to him. You aren’t leaving. You’re right, I am not your husband. I won’t let you walk away fro
m me.”

  “You don’t want me. You are bored with me.”

  “I am not bored with you. I will never get bored with you.”

  “Then why are they here?” I put my hand on my curvy hip. “You brought them here to hurt me! Did you fuck them?”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “You brought them here because you don’t want me anymore.”

  “It isn’t like that. Please don’t cry, Kitten.”

  I stomp away from him down the hallway.

  “Thrall, my ass.” One of his friends mutters under his breath. His guests follow us out of the kitchen like they are watching a game of golf. Neither of us gives a shit right now. I walk into the bedroom and close the door in his face. He punches it angrily.

  “Dumani! Open the Goddamn door. I want you. That’s why I brought them here. I brought them home to get you out of my head. All I do is think about you.”

  “Go away!”

  “Sweetheart, please. I do care. I do like you.”

  “You treated me worse than the church. The canings hurt less than this. I’m going to crawl back to them and beg them to forgive me for being your whore. Maybe my husband will let me sleep in the barn.”

  “You are not my whore. I was wrong for treating you like one. You were never my thrall.”

  “Yes, I am. You embarrassed me in front of everyone. I thought you gave me the diamond necklace because you cared about me. I was so proud of it. No one has ever given me anything like that before. Then, I found out it’s a fancy dog collar. I am for everyone.”

  “You are not for everyone.”

  “They hurt me.”

  “They will pay for hurting you.”

  “Send in any of your friends that can use my service. I’ll need the money before I go.”

  “I would never give you to another man. I love you, damn it.”

  “No, you don’t. You are saying it to shut me up.”