The Doomsday Papers

by JanJan Untamed

  “I am not saying it to shut you up. I am in love with you, Dumani. How could I not fall in love with you? I don’t want to love anyone. That’s why I am angry. I love you.” He finally notices his friends and his dates standing ten feet away staring in open-mouthed shock.

  “We’re leaving so you can fight with your… thrall in peace.”

  “She isn’t my fucking thrall.” He yells angrily.

  “We noticed. Mark my words, she is going to be your wife.”

  “She is already married.”

  “I bet it eats you alive, doesn’t it? I have never heard you apologize to anyone before. You will find a way to marry her.”

  “Get out. All of you. Leave and don’t call me for two days.” He herds them out of his palazzo. I open the door and step out into the hallway. I can’t look him in the eyes. What if he didn’t mean it? What if he changes his mind? Mino takes my hand and pulls me against him. He holds me tightly. I can feel the truth of his words in his embrace. Maximino loves me.

  “I love you.” He kisses me with tongue. “I’ve been in love with you since I saw you standing on the beach that night. We are leaving tomorrow. I want to be alone with you.”

  “I’d like that.” I feel happy again. He lifts his shirt off over my head.

  “This is our last night in Rome. Let’s not fight anymore. I love you and you love me. The rest will work itself out, Kitten. I didn’t mean any of the shit I said to you earlier. I want to make love to you. Tonight, is not for fighting. Tonight, is for sweating and fucking and whispering I love you.”

  We do it all and I sleep away tucked into the contours of his naked body. It’s the heat that drags me from the bed towards morning. It’s hotter than hell. Unnaturally hot. Mino is sprawled across the bed in his naked glory snoring lightly. I feel a hit to my gut. I love him so much it hurts inside. I pull on his white shirt not bothering to button it before I walk out onto the patio. The horizon is a brilliant orange and yellow. The sky above is still black as night. What a beautiful sunrise. If it was a sunrise. It isn’t a sunrise. They’re pyres. Someone’s burning bodies. I can feel the heat and smell them. The fires are getting out of control.

  “Mino.” I call to him.

  “What is it, love?” He’s beside me seconds later. He’s a light sleeper.

  “Fucking hell. Get dressed.”

  Rome has fallen. There is chaos and pandemonium within an hour. After a series of phone calls, he announces it’s best to wait it out here. The city will be dead in a few days and we can move without the crowds. I didn’t get to watch when our town fell. I was behind a wall. I watch Rome burn from the patio like box seats at the theater. I watch sick people pouring into the streets begging for help. The survivors beg for food.

  “Come away from the window, Dumani. Come back to bed. There is nothing that you can do. Plague happens from time to time but the humans rebound eventually. Come here.” Mino says tiredly. I’m tired too and sore from his fucking. He’s right. There is nothing that I can do but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch. I crawl back into bed and into the safety of his arms. Nothing can touch me here. After four days, the bodies are everywhere. It makes me nervous. The smell I am sadly getting used to. We are walking out of the city today. The roads are clogged and we will move faster on foot. The knock on the door as we are leaving surprises us. Mino doesn’t even look to see who it is before he opens it. His brother comes in with long dick, and six men at his back. They make the place feel small.

  “I need to speak with you alone.” He is looking at me but I know he’s speaking to his brother. It makes me feel uneasy. They are all looking at me. They are looking at me like they know. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “Give us a minute, Kitten.” Mino kisses me hard before he lets me go. He won’t let them hurt me again. I walk to the bedroom with a sense of dread. If they know, then they are here to kill me. I won’t let them. I put on two pairs of socks and my boots. I strap on my guns and swing on my back pack. I walk out onto the patio prepared to climb down. There are twenty more men on the sidewalk. My heart skips. I look up hopefully. There are twenty more looking down at me from the roof. I’m going to die. They have me trapped and I am going to die. There is no operator when I dial Judea’s old number. I don’t care if he hangs up on me. I don’t care what he says. I want to hear him again before I die. He answers on the third ring.

  “Hamilton.”

  “Judea? Don’t hang up. It’s me.”

  “Dumani, what’s wrong?”

  “Judea…” I cry pitifully. “Oh, Judea. I’m going to die. Monsters are here to kill me and I am going to die. I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way we planned. I love you and Judi so much. I am with someone else, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Tell my brother and my baby that I love them.”

  “Where are you?” He asks carefully.

  “This is how it’s supposed to end, Judea. I am going to die with my lover like a twisted Shakespearean play. Why wasn’t I good enough for you? Why did you push me out?”

  “Tell me where you are.” I jump when his fist slams into whatever he just hit. A cow moos. He’s in a barn.

  “I’m in Rome. In a palazzo that used to be a library. The city has fallen and—”

  The line goes dead. “Judea? Are you there? Judea?” The phone is snatched from my hands and thrown out the window. They walk me out of the bedroom at gunpoint. Mino is restrained with guns aimed on him too. I run to him and throw my arms around him. I hold on to him for dear life while I still have one.

  “It took me a while to figure it out. She doesn’t look like a witch and she damn sure doesn’t behave like one. I get nothing from her, not even now. It was Miguel who came forward with the truth. Take off the ring, witch. Take it off or I’ll kill him.”

  I tug it off and throw it onto the floor. I am thankful that the whispers don’t start immediately.

  “Dumani isn’t like the others. She isn’t a threat. She’s in love with me. I don’t know why, but she is.”

  “There are rules, Maximino. What were you thinking? Is she worth your life?”

  “I love her. I can’t let you kill the woman I love. She’s worth your life too.”

  “You are being transferred to the dungeon to await your trial and execution for treason. She will be confined here to await hers.”

  “I can’t let them kill you, Maximino.”

  “I broke the law, Kitten. I will die ten times to love you once. I love you so fucking much. We will be together one day, but this isn’t our time. Don’t be sad for me, Dumani. Run. When they take me away, run and don’t look back.”

  “Mino, I can’t let you die for me. I love you.” I turn to his brother. “I bewitched him. I knew a man like him could never love a woman like me. I had to have him. Let Mino live. I am willing to accept my fate.”

  “Shut up, Dumani. Don’t listen to her. She’s lying to protect me. She doesn’t speak for me.”

  “I won’t kill my brother because you cursed him, slut. I am going to kill you, though. I think I might fuck you for a while first. Remember the last time? We sure had fun.”

  “If you touch her again, I will kill you.”

  “Like this?” The brother tears open the front of my dress. I reach for my boot knife. Something hits me like a truck and I go down. My hands are quickly handcuffed behind me.

  “It’s a cattle prod. Being a farmer, you should recognize one. I’m glad we brought it. Turn her over. If you fight me, I’ll let them all have a turn.” He shocks me again.

  “Don’t do this, Benedict. I’m begging you. Not her. Leave her alone.”

  Mino looks away when his brother thrusts into me. The brother rapes me while the voices are whispering in my head. I hope he kills me afterward. He doesn’t. He uncuffs me and drags his fighting brother away. I get up shakily and walk into the bathroom after they’re gone. Whore. Slut. This is my own voice, not the ones that I ignore. I am going to die and I don’t care. No
t anymore. He took Maximino. He took him away from me. I lay outside and cry. I feel sick with worry and disgust. Why did he rape me? Why? I should be thankful it wasn’t long dick. I’d be fucked up again. I watch the sun rise and set twice from this very spot. Waiting. Always waiting. Waiting to die. It’s the explosion that drags me to my feet. Gas lines are going up all over the city. The explosion is followed by gunshots. I watch the building across the street implode on itself burying the bodies piled in front of it. The smoke and dust blinds me. The wind picks it up and carries it away long enough for me to see him. I get a sick feeling. I’d know him anywhere. He’s in full gear walking down the street with the city burning behind him. His face tilts up. He sees me. Judea.

  Chapter Forty-four

  I watch him climb the wall like a spider. I take ten steps back as he pulls himself over the railing. I wring my hands and look down at my shoes. I don’t know what to say.

  “Are you coming or not?” He snaps angrily. I grab my bag and when I turn, he’s already halfway down again. My hands are shaky and my feet slip a few times. I’m scared. Judea reaches up and lifts me down the rest of the way.

  “You’ve gotten sloppy.” He says pressing a pistol into my palm. It’s like old times. Except, he hates me now. I can smell his disdain for me like sweat. It makes me want to start crying again. What happened to Mino? Is he okay? Run, he said. Run and don’t look back. I do look back. I stumble over the decomposing body of a child lying face down. I can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl but it affects me all the same.

  “Watch where you’re going.” Judea hisses. “Stay behind me.” He shoves me away after I catch my footing. It makes me feel unwanted. It makes me feel like an outsider. I don’t stumble anymore or look back again. I follow Judea’s back through the death and destruction. I stay behind him and I stay close. I don’t look away. I don’t want to. He’s taking me home to Judi. The church jet is idling on a private airstrip five hours outside the city. It is at the bottom of the stairs when Jude finally turns to see if I am still behind him. I’m covered in soot and concrete dust but I’m alive. He pushes me up first and it isn’t until I am belted into a seat and we are taking off that I finally relax. Judea is sitting somewhere behind me speaking into a phone. I found her. We are in the air. Do I hear a hint of relief in his voice? No. It’s wishful thinking.

  I curl up in the soft leather seat the way I curl up in Mino’s lap because it is the only comfort being offered to me. I cry silently. Brokenly. Endlessly. I can’t cry any other way. Once again, I am being torn from my safe place and thrown into the unknown. I don’t care if he was sent to kill me. I love him. I’m so tired and so hopeless that I welcome sleep to take the emptiness away. I wake up screaming. A light clicks on over my head.

  “You are having a bad dream.” His voice is gruff but his hand strokes my hair. “Soon, you’ll be back with your family.” Judea. I sleep uneasily but I sleep. I sleep across continents and seas. I sleep until we land. I look around and I recognize the scenery instantly. We landed on Route 11. My house is a quarter mile to the right. His is a quarter mile to the left.

  “Your mother is expecting you. She lives alone and you will be safe with her.”

  “Judea.” I call after his retreating back. He turns. “When can I see my son?”

  “In church on Sunday. Good day, Miss Dare.”

  I don’t argue. I can wait two days. I’m home. It’s quiet and noisy all at once with the insect chirps and singing birds. The rustling leaves and the whistling wind is music to my ears. I stand in the middle of the road with my eyes closed taking it all in. I smell earth and the stand of pines nearby. I smell life. I smell home. When I open my eyes, Judea is standing up the road watching me. He turns and continues on. I run home like a child coming in from school. I scale the high wall like a five-foot fence and run across the north pasture.

  “Momma! Momma, it’s me! I’m home!”

  The goats in the yard ignore me when I run up to our well-tended house. Momma is a good and able wife. I run from room to room but she isn’t here. She’s probably in the field. The house is spotless and there is a fresh pie on the table. I find her in the burned out south field swinging from a maple tree by her neck. Her dress is catching the wind making her sway back and forth and twirl at the same time. She hanged herself. I cut her down with my knife and unpin the note from her dress. It’s a letter for me. She apologizes for being a coward. But, now she’s free. That’s it. Nothing about us being witches or my real father. Nothing.

  “I’m sorry, Momma.” I sob as I shovel the last spade full of dirt into her grave. It took me a full day to dig the six-foot hole and another ten hours to fill it in properly. I’m tired and weak. I take a cold bath in the tin tub and climb into my loft in the barn. It’s spotless too. I light a candle and undress the way I have done thousands of times before. My old nightgown swallows me. I blow out my candle and lay on my narrow brass bed. I want to be here, don’t I? This is where I belong. My son is here. My family is buried here. My mother is here. I had no business running off to Italy. I had no business falling in love. I had no business crying for him while I buried my mother. Maximino. Where is he? Will he come for me when he gets away? Please come for me. We can live here close to my son. Judea has no say in who I live with.

  I regret coming to church the moment I step foot on the grass. I walked the whole way carrying my father’s old bible. I wear black out of respect for my mother. No one looks at me or speaks to me. I can tell they are uncomfortable with me being here. I’m sweating myself. I shouldn’t have come. After the service, everyone meets outside for a potluck. I stand off to the side being ignored. I would leave but I can see my son from here. I feel their hateful eyes on me. The men notice my transformation. I am not the same Dare girl. Where are Judea’s wives? Which children are his? I stand in my hot, black dress, not realizing how becoming it is on my curvy frame. Not realizing how straight my back is or how nicely my black satin bonnet frames my face. I worked on this all night. I made it from my step mother’s black curtains. I don’t belong here. They don’t want me here but I can’t leave. I would rather be among people that don’t want me than be alone with the dead. I don’t hear the voices anymore. They stopped when Judea showed up. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

  “Miss Dare, I brought you a cool drink. Maybe you should find a seat in the shade. You don’t look well.”

  “Thank you. I am sad to say that I buried my mother the other night. She hanged herself from the big maple tree before I arrived home. It will get easier as time passes.”

  “I am so sorry to hear that. May God rest her soul.” I stiffen when he covers my hand with his. I’m shocked. How dare he touch me? I snatch my hand away. How dare he? Because I am the whore who ran off with another man and they all know it. I belong to no one. Not even my mother.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Dare. I am glad to see you reaching out to the men of the church. Many of them have lost their women and can use some comfort. I didn’t see your mother here today. Is she ill?”

  “Good day, Reverend Hamilton.” I walk away stiffly. And so it begins.

  “If you touch her again, I will cut off your fucking hand. Do you understand me?”

  “Reverend, she was upset. She came home and found her mother dead. The woman hanged herself. I was offering comfort.”

  “Don’t comfort her.”

  “Yes, Reverend.”

  The church is far from home but I’ve walked it on numerous occasions. Today, Judea preached about adultery and sinners finding salvation. He was preaching about me. Where was Titus? I didn’t see Belle either. Why haven’t they come to see me? A horn honks behind me.

  “Get in, I’ll take you home.”

  I don’t even know this man. I know that he’s part of the church but I don’t know him. I keep walking. Do they all think that I’m for them?

  “It’s a long way to the Dare farm.”

  He drives on and I struggle to hold it together. Judi recogn
ized me today and cried for me the entire time. I got to hold him for fifteen minutes before I start the long walk home.

  “Get in.”

  “I’ll walk.”

  “Get in the truck, Dumani.”

  If my son wasn’t strapped in the backseat, I would walk. He smiles at me. I smile back.

  “I’m sorry about your mother. She hasn’t been the same since Titus and your father died.”

  “Titus died?” That’s why I haven’t seen him. It’s a heavy blow.

  “They got sick and died in Texas. I know how much he meant to you. It killed my third wife and infant daughters too.”

  “And your second wife?”

  “I killed her myself.” He says tilting up his cowboy hat to show me his eyes. “How long do you plan on staying? Or, do you plan on running off after another man?”

  Poor Judea. He doesn’t know about Mino. He wouldn’t understand our love.

  “No. I want to be close to my son. I plan on staying.”

  “You’ll be here for my wedding.”

  “Wedding? You’re getting married again?”

  “I’m a young man and I need a good woman. I need a wife to look after my son and keep my house. I need a lover in my bed every night.”

  His words shouldn’t devastate me but they do. I am in love with someone else too so why should I care. Because he’s still my husband. That’s why. I don’t speak to him for the remainder of the ride until he is at my gate.

  “I would like to get my son during the week. I miss him.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “I’ll see you next Sunday, Judi.” I lean in back to kiss him. “Thank you for the lift.”

  I catch him looking at my ass when I turn around. I get out and go inside. He drives away and I lock the gate. I cry for my brother now that Jude’s gone. The dogs follow me back to the house. They remember me. At least they like me. It’s sad. Is this going to be my life now? Hated by everyone forever? I wipe my eyes and climb the ladder into the loft. I can’t bring myself to sleep in the perfectly good house because I was never wanted there. I am comfortable here. This is what I know. I stand beside the bed thinking how much I miss Maximino. I am lovesick. That’s why it takes me so long to notice him standing in the shadows. I blink a few times and pinch myself. It can’t be.