Devil Kickers

by Daniel Marc Chant

  Pete began unloading, throwing it all into the house. Bags, boxes, metal poles; all sorts came flying through the open doorway. No one caught any. Everyone kept out of the way.

  “Catch,” Pete said, throwing two boxes of ammo at Claire Marie. She caught them, more instinctively.

  Pete glanced back, saw that two demons had managed to scramble inside.

  Chris snapped the shotgun open and held out a hand to Claire.

  “Shells!” he urged.

  Claire took two shells out of the box and handed them to him.

  Pete reached back for the budgie cage. A clawed hand flashed out of nowhere, aiming for Pete’s face. He stumbled back.

  “Get down!” Chris screamed, and Pete did as he was told, diving down and forward with the cage in his arms.

  Chris steadied the weapon, aimed at the first demon, and pulled the trigger. The booming crack was enormous, and echoed in the hallway. The blast caught the monster square in the chest and neck, turning everything from the shoulder up to goo, sending the twisted monstrous corpse hurtling back. The body smashed into the demon behind, and that went sprawling, too.

  The shotgun blast rung in Pete’s ears as he leaped from the van into the house.

  The angry hooligan demon, his face a blackened and broken mess, opened up to roar at Chris. Chris responded by blowing the monster’s head clean off of its shoulders.

  The last thing they saw before Chris slammed the front door shut was its body hitting the grass, where it immediately began bubbling and decomposing into black sulphuric gunk.

  ***

  “Anyone else's ears ringing?” Jim asked, jamming his finger into his own ear and wiggling it about a bit.

  “Sorry about that. Normally we use ear plugs, if we can,” Chris said.

  Pete groaned and rolled onto his side. He placed the cage down the floor. Benjamin looked down at it.

  “What the hell is that?” he asked.

  “Budgie,” Pete sighed, patting the cage.

  Benjamin looked stunned and speechless.

  Chris snapped the shotgun opened and removed the spent shotgun shells. He looked down at his brother on the floor.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  Pete sat up and groaned loudly. “I'm not going to lie to you, bro. I'm having quite a shit day, all things considered.”

  Chris snapped the shotgun shut and held his free hand out to his brother.

  “You and me both, mate,” Chris said.

  Pete took his brother’s hand and used it to get himself up.

  “You look like shit, mate,” Chris told his brother.

  “You smell even worse,” Pete replied.

  “The van is a no-go, then?”

  “Looks like it. They're a lot faster than they look. I barely managed to get here with my face intact.”

  “Shit,” Chris said.

  “What are we going to do now?” Ben asked, panic clear in his voice.

  “We…” Chris said, “Well… we have no idea.”

  There was a moment of silence as everyone pondered the dire straits they were in, until Claire Marie said:

  “What about Sister Sarah?”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  RUN LIKE HELL

  Sister Sarah's heart pounded in her chest. This was what she was made for, what she had trained for. She was serving God and doing what she loved. Maybe she was some kind of religious adrenaline junkie. She could hear the villagers behind her, their growling voices, their unsteady steps. The air rushed in and out of her lungs. Her muscles burned as she moved. She had no idea how far she had run so far, and didn't rightly know where she was. She had to be careful not to take a wrong turn, find herself at a dead end.

  Her trainers pounded the tarmac. Ever since she was a child she had loved to run. She had won competitions, taking part in charity fun runs and even the London Marathon once. Even though she had chosen a more spiritual vocation, she had tried to remain active, and now she was thankful for that. If her cardio wasn't up to scratch, she would have been ripped to shreds by now.

  She headed down a small street, spotted a few villagers running from the houses ahead of her. A twisted, swollen and contorted creature, that looked like it used to be a spotty teenager, was at the front of the pack.

  “Where do you think you're going, whore?” the creature shrieked as it galloped towards her.

  She raced down a nearby alley. The villagers behind her were not quick enough to change direction, and some of them slammed into the oncoming traffic, creating a pile-up of limbs and bodies as they tumbled to the ground.

  Time to double back, Sarah thought as she approached a high wooden gate. She launched herself up in and climbed it with ease. The smell of creosote was thick in the air; clearly the owner of the fence had just lacquered it. Dropping to the tiny path below her, she quickly surveyed her surroundings. There were tall wooden fences on either side of her, with no clear way of seeing which direction was best to go.

  Not good!

  Her heart raced in her chest, but she couldn’t afford to waste any time.

  She listened.

  To her left she heard the oncoming screams of the demonic. She turned right and took a deep breath.

  Right it is, then.

  ***

  “Did you see her where she went?” Chris asked.

  “After she disappeared around the corner? No,” Pete answered. “I can tell you this, though, they were nowhere near catching her when I last saw her.”

  Claire Marie and Petra looked deeply worried.

  “Do you think she is alright?” Petra asked, biting her lip.

  Chris wiped his glasses clean and put on his most reassuring face.

  “Sister Sarah knows what she's doing. At this moment in time, she is the only person who does. She’ll double back. It’s just a matter of time.”

  “Why would she turn around and come back here?” Jim asked.

  “To make sure we made it out,” Pete said.

  Chris turned to the others. “I know you guys don't head into the village much, but if someone was going to head this way on foot, which would be the best way?”

  “Well most of us use the back door whenever we come home,” Ben said. “It’s the easiest route from where the bus stop is.”

  “Okay. Here's what I suggest: Ben and Petra, you stay here with Pete and keep watch on the front door. Jim, Claire and I will cover the back.”

  The group nodded in response.

  Chris headed to the kitchen, followed by Claire Marie and the limping Jim. He stopped when his brother called out to him.

  “How come you get to have the shotgun?” he asked.

  Chris turned to his brother and smiled.

  “Because I'm the better shot,” he said.

  ***

  Sarah heard the demons behind her. Were they gaining on her, or was the corridor of fence panels echoing the sound of their chase? She could only be sure of one thing—she had to get out onto the open pavement again.

  The narrow corridor opened up slightly. She increased her pace, and, after turning one last corner, found herself looking out at an opening in the fence leading on to a street. She sprinted towards it, just as a shadow fell across her.

  A large, swollen, and mutated lady in an apron—‘World’s Greatest Mum’, apparently, although Sarah doubted it—had appeared in the entrance and was blocking the way. She smiled a sick grin, revealing a mouth full of blackened teeth.

  Her grin disappeared, however, when Sister Sarah put on a burst of speed, lowered her head, and hit barrelled into the demon’s stomach. Black spew erupted from the creature’s mouth as the air was knocked out of her, and they both went to ground.

  The demon cushioned Sarah’s fall, and the nun wasted no time in getting back to her feet and sprinting away. She glanced across her shoulder as she ran, and saw the villagers stumbling after her, pouring from the alleyway she had just burst from.

  The World’s Best Demonic Mum roared as she pushed herself to her
feet.

  Sister Sarah ran, not stopping or slowing until she reached the junction that led into the suburb of Gallows Hill.

  ***

  Pete glanced out at the front garden from the small window by the front door. It was difficult to see beyond the battered and bruised white van that sat achingly close to the doorway.

  A group of demons stalked back and forth outside the house, watching and waiting.

  “Bollocks,” Pete sighed.

  “What is it?” Ben asked.

  “Well firstly, there’s no way Sister Sarah is going to be able to make back into the house from this direction.”

  “And secondly?” Petra asked.

  “I left my mint humbugs in the van,” Pete said, forlornly.

  Petra took a closer look at the group outside. She shuddered.

  “How did Sarah make it through last time?” Ben asked.

  “Holy water,” Pete said.

  “That stuff she sprayed in the face of that… thing that almost killed Jim?”

  “Yep. It’s just water to us but, works like battery acid to those ugly bastards. She tipped the whole of a canister over herself and then took off like a rat up a drainpipe. Those things were afraid to touch her. That’s how she got a head-start.” He rubbed his stubble-chin and smiled. “Pretty bloody clever, all things considered.”

  “Do you think we can use that to get out ourselves?”

  “I doubt it. We don't have that much of it, and those things aren't going to fall for the same trick twice.”

  Petra took a step back, gazing off into the distance.

  “What is it, P?” Ben asked her.

  “This water. It can kill them, yes?”

  “If it’s used in the right way. Why?” Pete said.

  “I have an idea,” she replied, before looking to her boyfriend. “Ben, could you get me a roll of toilet paper, please?”

  “Uh yeah, okay.” He darted up the stairs.

  “Mr Idol,” Petra began.

  “Call me Pete,” he said. “We're all in the worst situation in the history of bad situations, so I think we're past the point of being formal, don't you?”

  “Pete,” Petra said. “May I use one of those canisters”

  “That depends. Not planning on drinking it, are you? Because I can't see how that would help.”

  “Nothing like that.” Petra briefly smiled. Ben came bounding down the stairs, waving a roll of white toilet tissue around.

  “Got it,” he proudly exclaimed.

  “Thanks, baby,” Petra said, crouching to open the case with Mathews Conquest 4 embossed upon it.

  ***

  Sister Sarah crept slowly around the corner and looked down towards the house at the end of Gallows Hill. What she saw made her heart sink. She saw the white van, parked askew in front of the house. Around the van, and stalking the front garden, were a small group of demonic locals, all looking towards the house.

  They can't get in. The protection is still working, she thought, before realising that their ad-hoc plan to escape the village had not worked.

  She began to worry. What if someone had been hurt, or worse? This had been her plan. She would never forgive herself if anyone got hurt?

  She grited her teeth and forced those feelings to the back of her mind. She had to stay focused. She needed to get a closer look.

  Howls carried across the night on the wind.

  She didn't have much time.

  She darted across the road and snuck behind the line of parked cars where the Idols’ vehicle had been initially parked. Glancing over to the house again, she saw that the demons were waiting for the right moment to strike.

  She crept slowly forward, keeping low, found herself crouching behind the final car in the row.

  There came a low, guttural growl from the other side of the car.

  She froze, held her breath, and clenched her fist.

  A demon came around the side of the car. It was a tall, awkwardly moving creature that looked as if it used to be a female. Like the others, she was blistered and malformed, and her eyes gave way to dark pits of evil. Large hooped earrings hung from her ears, and her hair was pulled back so tightly that it gave her a complete face-lift. Her pale blue tracksuit was blackened and bloodied, but the word 'Juicy' could still be seen on the back of her trousers.

  Its bones cracked as it moved. For a terrifying moment, Sarah thought the creature was going to spot her, but it turned on its heels and stumbled over towards the house.

  Sister Sarah sighed with relief, and then poked her head up over the car to see what the situation was.

  The van had not moved; didn’t in fact look capable moving. The back doors of the vehicle were open, obstructing her view of the house. She noticed that the front door was shut, and another jolt of hope passed through her. She glanced at the mess of what used to be the windscreen, and that hope was shattered.

  Things had obviously gone very badly. She edged closer to get a better look.

  There was no body in the driver’s seat. No bloody mess. No carnage. Nothing human was alive or dead in the van. Relief coursed through her for a moment, until she snapped back into focus.

  I need to get back into that house.

  She rose up, and—

  “Where do you think you're going, bitch?” a voice growled from the darkness.

  ***

  “I can see her!” Pete cried.

  Chris came rushing out from the kitchen, shotgun in hand, quickly followed by Claire Marie. “Where is she? Is she okay?” he asked, stepping up to his brother’s viewpoint.

  “She's over there, just behind that chunky Volvo estate.” Pete pointed to where he had seen her.

  Just then, Sister Sarah popped up from behind the back of the car and looked towards the house. Even from this distance, her red hair was striking.

  Then they saw the huge demon behind the nun.

  “Oh shit!” they cried in unison.

  Chris went over the door as Pete continued to watch. He watched as Sister Sarah spun to see the monster behind her. Watched as it swung a huge, elongated claw at her. If she hadn't have performed a perfect forward roll to dodge it, she would have been cleaved in two. The claw smashed into the back of the car, shattering its large back window.

  That got the attention of the others demons.

  Sarah sprinted across the road towards the house.

  Chris yanked the door open as she did so.

  “Sister!” he cried, but then she changed direction, heading away from the front door.

  A demonic toddler waddled up towards the doorway and hissed. Pete grabbed a small potted plant and launched it at the little beast. Its smashed on its little head and the demon toppled backwards, screaming.

  “Piss off,” Pete sneered at the creature.

  Chris looked concerned.

  “Where’s she going?” he asked the students.

  “She's heading for the back door,” Ben said. “Theres a bunch of footpaths that all converge on one another behind the houses. She'll have direct access to the gate at the back of the house.”

  The group rushed to the kitchen, where Jim sat waiting, watching over the back garden with the back door open. He was holding his side and wincing.

  “Jim, she's heading this way!” Claire Marie said.

  “I know. I heard you from in here. There’s none of those things out there yet, so if she gets here soon, we'll be ready.”

  Chris asked them to step aside and held his shotgun ready. He wasn't smiling. Neither was his brother.

  A moment passed.

  Then another.

  They all heard the demons, but there was no sign of Sister Sarah. The high fences out there were obstructive.

  “Come on, Sister,” Pete mumbled under his breath.

  “Do you think she'll make it?” Jim said.

  “She'll make it,” Chris replied, not taking his attention off of the gate. He repeated the words again, but quieter and to himself.

  Everything
went quiet for a moment. The silence hung in the air, and then Sister Sarah smashed through the wood of the tall back gate, sending bits of wood in all directions. Unfortunately, she was not alone, and tumbled backwards as a mean-looking demon wrestled her to the ground. They hit the turf with a heavy thump and rolled on the small patch of grass leading towards the back door.

  Chris raised the shotgun and took aim.

  “STOP!” Pete cried, knocking the gun away. “At this range, you will shred her to bits!”

  Chris set one foot outside when—

  “STAY WHERE YOU ARE!” she yelled, holding the vicious claws of the Hellspawn at bay. The brothers could only watch in horror as Sarah struggled with the beast.

  Pete couldn’t bear it. He had to help her. Had to—

  In the distance, he heard a voice cry out a single word that hung and echoed in the air.

  “Mmmmmmoooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee!” it said

  Petra moved into the open doorway. Her pose was rigid, and in her hands she held a large, imposing compound bow. It was loaded up with an arrow. Soft, wet toilet tissue seemed to be wrapped around the tip of the projectile. Her bicep flexed as the bowstring was pulled back tight, and Petra's face became one of complete focus.

  Pete was still trying to get his head around what on earth was going on when he saw Petra take a deep, controlled breath, adjust her aim, and let the arrow loose.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  SHOOTING GALLERY

  When the arrow hit the monster in the chest, the effect was instant, and horrific. The creature tumbled off Sister Sarah, clutching at the arrow. Immediately the demon began to swell.

  Then it exploded.

  Thick, black liquid burst forth as its torso burst like a balloon.

  “HOLY SHIT!” Benjamin cried.

  His girlfriend, on the other hand, said nothing. She was too busy reloading another holy water-soaked arrow into her bow.