Devil Kickers

by Daniel Marc Chant

  Sister Sarah scrambled to her feet. More demonic locals appeared at the broken hole in the fence and began lumbering towards her. One of them—who looked like an old gameshow host from a time before all this madness—reached out an elongated claw and dove towards the nun.

  Petra let fly another arrow.

  It caught the demonic gameshow host lookalike directly in the forehead. The demon spun backwards, twirling in the air, and with a gush of sulphuric tar it was no more. Sarah stumbled as the creature was obliterated. She looked to the doorway. Everyone, bar Petra, was screaming encouragement. Petra began immediately loading another arrow. Benjamin crouched down and began wrapping more toilet roll around the tips of more arrows. The paper was soaking in holy water and that made it easier to mould it to the tip of the arrow.

  More demons poured in from the hole in the gate, breaking more of the wooden panels as they barrelled their way through. They rushed towards Sarah, who was scrambling as best she could towards the open door. Petra fired another arrow into the chest of a demon nearest her, and it collapsed forward, bursting as it hit the ground. The spray of blood knocked Sarah off-balance slightly, and before she could right herself another monster made a desperate lunge for her. Its claws flashed against her back and she screamed.

  Chris rushed out the doorway. “Motherfucker!” he spat, smashing the butt of the gun into the demon’s face. The creature went down, and he Pete wasted no time in helping the nun to her feet.

  “I told you to stay in the house,” she said. Her eyes were watering from the pain.

  “You're not my mum, Sister,” Chris replied and led her towards the door.

  The demon Chris attacked stood upright once more and roared in anger. That roar was cut short when an arrow caught it straight in the mouth. Shortly after that, its head exploded.

  Pete reached out and helped his brother get Sister Sarah back over the threshold of the kitchen doorway. Petra was still firing away, every shot focused, precise and hitting its target, but with every enemy vanquished another three took its place.

  As soon as all three of the exorcist team were in safe, she stepped back, snatched the kitchen door with the edge of her foot, and slammed it shut. She then sat down with her back against the door and put her bow on the floor. She let out a huge sigh of relief, and Ben immediately went to comfort her.

  Chris and Pete helped Sister Sarah over to a chair, where she sat. She was breathing heavy, and looked exhausted. Claire Marie joined them to make sure she was okay, and when she saw the nun’s back she gasped.

  Claire Marie's checked shirt had been torn, shredded by demon. Four red lines stretched diagonally across her shoulder blades, and her equally torn undershirt was soaking up blood. The wounds were superficial, and thankfully not deep.

  “I know you're trying to impress us on your first day,” Chris said, “but that was ridiculous.”

  Sarah smiled and then coughed.

  “You going to be okay?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  “We need to get you cleaned up and changed,” Claire said. “I've got some stuff you can use.”.

  “Thank you, Claire,” Sarah said.

  Claire helped the nun to her feet and led her towards the hallway. Sarah stopped momentarily and turned back.

  “The van?” she said

  “Is a no go,” Pete answered. “I almost got mullered trying to get it to the door.”

  Sarah gritted her teeth, frustrated by the failure. It had been a fool’s hope of a plan anyway, but it still annoyed her.

  “What are we going to do now?” Jim asked the room.

  No reply. Just the screeching of the damned outside the door.

  Pete Idol looked to the room and began shuffling in his pockets. He pulled out a ragged and squashed packet of cigarettes. Opening the pack, he popped one in his mouth.

  “Anyone got a light?” he asked.

  At first the group were silent, until Jim reached into his jeans and removed a cheap looking lighter. Claire Marie looked shocked.

  “Since when do you smoke?” she asked.

  “I don't. Well, not cigarettes at least,” Jim replied, sheepishly.

  He threw the lighter at Pete, who caught it easily. Pete lit his cigarette and said, “Anyone notice how those things can't take a punch?”

  “What?” Chris said as his brother took another drag on his cigarette.

  “They look ugly as sin, but when you hit them they crumple like an old bag of crap.”

  “You're right,” Sister Sarah said. “The complete possession and mutation of those poor souls out there must have come at a price. The degradation of the bodies is happening at a rapid rate. They certainly don't move as quick as I thought they would.”

  “So that means we can wait them out, right?” Ben said.

  “I don't think so. That only means that they have to get in here as soon as they can if they want to kill us,” Chris said.

  “Fuck,” Ben said.

  “This house is a fortress right now, but they can't wait forever, and as long as those things are out there, we're not going anywhere. We can't wait for help to arrive. The way I see it, that leaves us with only one option.” he said, commanding the attention of the room. He took another puff on his cigarette. Chris rolled his eyes.

  “Stop being a drama queen, Pete. Just tell us what you suggest we do.”

  Pete smirked at his brother. “My suggestion, dear brother, is that we don't wait for them to figure out how to sneak in. We let them in ourselves.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Jim said, shocked.

  “Yeah, I'm with Jim on this one,” Chris said. “Have you completely lost your marbles?”

  “They have no idea what we've got in here. What we can use. They think we're in here, panicking and scared to death.”

  “You aren't?” Claire said.

  “I'm pissed off, is what I am,” Pete said. “Don't know about you lot, but I'm sick of these wankers trying to kill me. I'm not saying we open the door and let them pop in for a chinwag. I'm saying we use what we have at our disposal, organise ourselves.”

  Pete had fire in his eyes.

  “And when the time is right, we kill every last one of them.”

  Pete's rousing speech didn't have the effect he thought it would. He was hoping for a real Independence Day kind of moment, but instead of cheers he was met with stunned silence. He looked at his brother.

  “I do have a plan, you know,” he said.

  “Really? How solid a plan?”

  “Fairly solid. Thicker than custard, at the very least.”

  “Well, that’s great,” Chris sighed. “I can see this working out perfectly.”

  Sister Sarah stumbled towards the brothers, wincing.

  “Peter, what do you suggest?” she said.

  Pete smiled and took another drag of his cigarette.

  “Well, we're exorcists, right? We have all the tools and knowledge to force demonic spirits from their hosts.”

  “Yes, but this is not one individual we're talking about, Peter. This is a whole village,” Sarah replied.

  “I'm not talking about a person. I'm saying we exorcise this whole fucking house.”

  “Okay, before we go any further, we need to take a moment. Ben, would you make us all a cup of tea please?” Chris looked at Ben with a calming smile on his face. The young man responded with a nod and stepped over to the tea-making station he had been using all day. Petra joined him, her hand on the small of his back.

  “Claire, could you take Sister Sarah upstairs and get her bandaged up, please? Jim, you can go with them too. You need to get some rest.”

  “What are we…” Sarah began, before Chris cut her off.

  “It's okay, Sister. Everything's fine, and we'll discuss our options in a bit. I just need to talk to my brother for a second first.”

  Sister Sarah nodded, and Claire led her out of the room. Jim followed them. When they were gone, Chris removed his glasses briefly to rub the bridge of his
nose, and then took Pete to one side.

  “What the fucking hell are you going on about, Pete? Are you trying to scare the hell out of everyone in here? And what the hell do you mean, exorcise the whole house?”

  “Exactly what I said, Chris. We've got the equipment, we know the rituals. All we have to do is,” Pete thought about the words for a second, “Widen the field of it.”

  Chris suddenly understood what his brother was suggesting. “The crossfires?” he said

  “Exactly. Normally we set them up in a small area around a possessed individual, and when we switch them on it keeps the demons from legging it. What if we were to do that in a wider area, and catch a whole bunch of them in it?”

  “How big an area?”

  “The whole of the ground floor should suffice. Might have to poke a few holes in a wall or two to keep the beams clear, but I don't think these guys will mind. They're not going to get their deposit back anyway after today.”

  ***

  When Phil Harrison crossed into Hullenbeck, he was immediately struck by an odd sense of dread. The village had creeped him out earlier when he’d dropped Sister Sarah off, but now it felt like the atmosphere had intensified tenfold, and he wasn’t sure why.

  He was overcome by the feeling that something was deeply wrong. As he drove the black Sedan through the deserted streets, he noticed how oddly quiet it was. Not only that, but the whole place looked a lot messier than it did earlier. Had there been so many smashed windows when he passed through it earlier?

  As he pulled up to a red light, he looked at the Sat-Nav mounted in the dashboard. It was flickering. Grumbling, he gave it a tap to try and clear the screen. The device went black.

  “Bugger.”

  He looked around at the streets, and didnt recognise any of it. He had orders, though, so there was literally no turning back.

  Hullenbeck isn't a big place, he thought. I’ll find that creepy-ass church.

  As the light changed to green, he pulled away, still trying to convince himself he wasn’t lost.

  ***

  Sister Sarah looked fresh when she entered the kitchen a few minutes later. When the Idol brothers saw her, they met her with an approving gaze.

  “I didn't know you liked Brit-Pop, Sister!” Pete chuckled, motioning to the design adorning the front of her borrowed t-shirt. He could see from her expression she had no idea what he was talking about.

  “So what’s the plan?” she asked.

  Chris allowed Pete to tell her the plan. When he was finished, Sarah took a moment to contemplate it.

  “And you think that will work?” she asked.

  “Of course it will. We've got God on our side, haven't we? He won’t let us down when we need it most.”

  Sarah nodded. “So, what’s the first step?”

  “Well first,” Pete said, “we lock these guys upstairs in one of the bedrooms. Put a holy protection barrier on it, the whole nine yards. That should keep them safe.”

  “Safe? What about you?! You can’t expect us to leave you alone down here!” Claire Marie protested. Chris stepped up to her and placed a reassuring arm on her shoulder.

  “The whole reason we are here is so that no one in this house gets hurt by the forces of evil. You guys have already helped us out enough already, and you’ve been through enough, Claire.” He caught her gaze and held it. “We know what we're doing. We need you to trust us one more time.”

  Petra stepped up and put her arm around Claire. They looked towards Sister Sarah.

  “Everything will be okay,” the nun assured them. “You will all be safer in a place of sanctuary until we finish the process. “The Idol brothers have God on their side, and his will shall be done this day.

  “You’ll all be safe in the highest part of the house. Which room is that?” Chris asked.

  “That is my room,” Petra replied.

  “Good. Take anything you need up with you.” Sarah picked up one the salt canisters. “Once I've blessed the entrance, you must stay there until we come get you. Do you understand?”

  The group nodded, but didn't look convinced.

  Sarah looked at Claire, fixed her with a stern gaze and repeated herself: “Do you understand?”

  Claire nodded.

  “Okay then. If you'd like to head up to the room, I shall be there shortly.”

  The group obliged and began to leave the room. Before they disappeared completely, though, Pete caught their attention. He jogged across and picked up the cage containing the budgie, who had been quietly sitting upon his perch. Pete held it out towards Ben.

  “Could you take this little fella up with you as well, please? It might get a bit chaotic down here, and he'll be chirping his nut off.”

  Ben took the cage.

  “Just pop this over the cage and he should keep quiet,” Pete added, handing Ben the sheet.

  Benjamin nodded, and then followed his friends, carrying the cage out of the room.

  Pete turned to find his brother giving him a look.

  “What?” he protested, “Oh come on! You know that little bugger would have been cheeping its little face off. That’s not what we need while we're trying to work.”

  After a moment passed, Petra came back in again. She didn't speak, and made no eye contact with anyone. Instead she simply slung the bag of remaining arrows over her shoulder, picked up the bottle of holy water, and tucked under one arm, along with the toilet roll. She picked up her compound bow before turning around and leaving the room to join her friends. When Sarah looked at the Idol brothers, they could see the slight nervousness in her eyes.

  “I'll do what I can, but are you sure it's the right decision to put them all in one place?”

  “It'll make things easier. We need to make sure we set the equipment up correctly or it won’t work,” Chris replied. “Plus, did you see what Petra just took with her? After seeing what she can do with that bow, I almost feel sorry for anything that attempts to get in that room.”

  Chris picked up a large wooden box and handed it to the nun. It rattled when she grabbed it.

  “What’s this?” she asked.

  “Protective crosses. We brought enough for all of them, so make sure they put them on. When we initialise the equipment, it will send off a charge that affects any demonic entity, forcing it out of its current host. That usually means they go looking for new hosts. These crosses stop that from happening. If the creatures have nowhere to go, they'll have to go back to where they came from. That's the theory, anyway.”

  “What about us?”

  “Well I doubt you go anywhere without your cross, Sister. As for me and Pete? We're already packing as well.” Chris tapped at his shirt, where a cross resided beneath.

  Pete brandished one of the Crossfire poles in his hands and looked to his co-workers.

  “Right then, chaps. Shall we begin?”

  ***

  The brothers moved into action, finally doing what they were good at. Yes, it was on a bigger scale, but at least to them it felt a bit more familiar.

  Pete got to work placing the poles in their positions and lining everything up. They were all too aware of the noise of the demonic rabble outside, but knew that now was no time to be distracted.

  That didn't stop them complaining about it though.

  “I wish they'd go back to standing around silently, looking creepy again,” Chris grumbled. “All that noise is enough to give me a headache.”

  Pete looked across the hallway into the living room, lining up the large, awkward looking bulge of wires and metal at the top of the pole.

  “Look on the bright side. At least they're not Jehovah’s witnesses. They'd be knocking on the doors constantly, as well.”

  Chris picked up the strap with the large metal disc at its centre. It dangled from his grasp like an old Olympic medal.

  “On the long list of stupid things we've done in this job, this has to be near the top.” “That’s why it’s going to be extra awesome when it works,” Pe
te beamed as he made sure the crossfire pole was firmly in place, before walking over and giving his brother a cheerful slap on the arm. Outside, the demonic grumbling suddenly decreased in volume. Both Idol brothers stopped and listened intently.

  “We'd better hurry up,” Chris said as he picked up the shotgun. He popped a handful of shells into his jacket pocket. “I've got a bad feeling they're going to make their move sooner rather than later.”

  His brother picked up a hammer in each hand and swung round to look back at Chris.

  “If they do, we'll be ready.”

  ***

  The students all placed the large silver chains over their heads, doing what Sister Sarah told them before she set about placing one more protective barrier over the doorway of Petra’s bedroom. Ben looked at his girlfriend and smiled.

  “I look like Flava Flav,” he said.

  “He wears a giant clock, mate, not a stonking great cross,” Jim replied.

  “Well, I look like some kind of rapper, at the very least.”

  “How much rap have you ever listened to?”

  “I like a few Will Smith songs.”

  “Dear god,” Jim wheezed a laugh. Claire Marie playfully elbowed him to make him stop. Petra looked up at her boyfriend and smiled.

  “I think you are looking very handsome,” she said with a smile that Ben returned.

  Sister Sarah stood up, dusted her hands off, and looked at the group all huddled together on the bed.

  “Okay. That should do it.”

  “What happens now, Sister?” Claire Marie asked.

  “Now you stay here, and no matter what you hear, do not leave this room under any circumstance until we come and get you. I promise you that everything will be fine, but do not leave this room until we tell you it’s safe.”

  The group nodded their understanding, which Sarah was grateful for. She was too tired to have an in-depth discussion on why leaving the room was a bad idea. She turned to leave.

  Claire Marie bounded over to her and wrapped her arms around her. “Good luck, Sister. I'll be praying for you.”

  Sarah smiled. “Thank you, Claire,” she replied, before leaving the room and pulling the door shut behind her.