Learning to Love

by Erin Trejo

  “Then you know I’d never hurt you, Mouse,” I say in a softer tone. I hold my hands up so she can see that I don’t mean her any harm. I’d never hurt her.

  She looks at me strangely for a second as I slowly walk toward her.

  “You said we took you. Who is we?” Oh, shit. I didn’t think that one over. I bet she has all kinds of shit running around her head.

  “Me and my club, Mouse. We don’t want to hurt you. We were gettin’ you away from your dad.” I tell her the truth. Reality must be a bitch for her. She flinches at the slightest mention of that asshole.

  “Why? What do you want?”

  “Just to keep you safe, Mouse. That’s all I wanted to do. Give me the gun, we’ll talk.” She shakes her head rapidly. My heart keeps slamming into my ribs, my palms aresweating. I don’t want to hurt her but if she doesn’t put that gun down—I’ll have to get physical.

  “Why, Jace? Why do you care what happens to me?” She would ask me that after everything else we’d been through?

  “I care about you, Mouse. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Her arm slowly falls to her side, the gun going with it.

  I move in quickly, pulling the gun out of her hand before tossing it on the bed.

  Wrapping my arms around her body, I pull her against me tightly.

  “You’re gonna be okay.” Whispering in her ear, she begins to cry.

  I hate this for her. I hate to see her this way. She’s so fucking beautiful. She deserves more than this.

  Chapter 21

  Mouse

  I am such an idiot to believe that the one person that kept me alive in that cell would hurt me. I’ve dreamt of him coming for me, of him saving me somehow. I never expected it to be a reality, though.

  Jace sits on the edge of the bed next to me, his fingers wrapped around mine.

  “This is Aubrie,” he says. The girl in front of me smiles down at me. I know her!

  “You were at the hospital,” I say when I recognize her slightly. Aubrie smiles and nods her head.

  “I was your nurse.” I’m so confused. How is she here?

  “She’s the one that told me you were there,” Jace says. Glancing over at Jace, I’m even more confused.

  “Let her check you out, Mouse. We’ll talk when she’s done,” he tells me. Nodding my head, Jace releases my fingers before standing.

  “I’ll be at the bar.” Aubrie nods at him as he walks toward the door. Before he goes out, he stops, turning to look at me before giving me a soft smile and leaving.

  “I don’t know what the hell you did to him, but I like it.” Aubrie grins at me before pulling things out of her bag.

  “I don’t know either. Is this ok? I mean, I don’t know where we are,” I say. Aubrie pulls out a stethoscope before nodding.

  “You’re at the Knights of Sin clubhouse. You’re safe here.” Knights of Sin? What the fuck? I’ve heard of them before.

  “The motorcycle gang?” I ask. Aubrie giggles as she listens to my chest.

  “Not a gang. A club. And yes, that’s the one.” What the hell did I just get into now?

  “Jace is a member?” I ask confused again. Aubrie looks at my eyes with a light before sitting next to me.

  “He goes by Bullet here, but yeah, he is.” She checks my pulse which I’m sure is racing. This is crazy.

  “How do you fit in?” I ask her. Aubrie smiles once more before shifting to sit in front of me.

  “I’m Micah’s old lady. He’s the VP here. Trust me when I say, these men won’t let anything happen to you.” Her smile is reassuring but everything else is completely insane. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now.

  “Bullet, I mean... Jace will explain anything you want to know. You look good right now. Are you in any pain? Those wounds are deep,” she says. Looking down at my wrists, I shake my head.

  “I’m okay. Just confused.” Aubrie puts her arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her side.

  “Everything will be fine. Let’s get you something to eat.” Nodding, I stand next to her and follow her out of the room.

  Chapter 22

  Bullet

  I let out a sigh before running my hand through my hair. It’s hard for me to focus, knowing Mouse is in my room.

  I grab the beer off the counter, bringing it to my lips.

  Micah sits next to me before he says, “You doin’ okay?” I glance over at him, shrugging my shoulders. I don’t know if I am or not. I had just kidnapped that girl.

  “She say anything?” he asks. Shaking my head no, I hear Aubrie talking behind us. I turn in time to see her walking with Mouse into the kitchen. The sight of that girl does something to me and I’m not sure how to handle that.

  “She looks good.” Turning back to Micah, I huff.

  “Yeah, she looks perfect, but she’s not. She’s fucked in the head, brother,” I tell him. God, what happened to her in there was hell, but I find myself wondering what happened to her before she ever got there. She wasn’t whole to begin with.

  “We’re all fucked in the head, Bullet. That doesn’t mean shit.” Slamming my bottle on the counter a little harder than I needed to, I glare at him.

  “She isn’t us, Micah. We can handle that shit. We can handle the demons and dark shit that floats around inside of us, I don’t think she can,” I roar. It’s true. Look at her. She tried to kill herself. Wonder why that is!

  Micah roars next to me, “Push her away, Bullet. That’s what the fuck you do.” Shoving off his stool, I’m right behind him.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I stalk behind him toward the kitchen before he spins around and faces me.

  “You know exactly what the fuck I mean! You remember when we came home?” he hollers. I don’t need to ask when I know what he’s getting at here and I don’t like it.

  “Not the same thing, Micah!” Gripping the front of my cut pisses me off but Micah moves in any way.

  “You pushed…. You pushed everyone away until you fuckin’ broke!” Shoving me a little, I know what he’s talking about.

  “Why the fuck would you bring that shit up now? Huh? Fuck off, Micah. I don’t need your shit on this one.” Slamming my hands against his chest, I shove him back before Aubrie speaks.

  “What’s going on?” Her little voice invades my thoughts. My fists clench and unclench at my sides. She can see it, so can he. He wants a fight, I’ll give him one.

  Before I can move though, her fingers intertwine with mine. And just like that, everything else fades away but her.

  Mouse.

  Just like in that goddamn cell—I calm at her touch.

  Chapter 23

  Mouse

  “If I shouldn’t be here, I can leave,” I say. I can tell that this is affecting all of them and I don’t want that.

  “You see! That’s what I mean!” Micah roars behind us, but all I can see is the look in Jace’s eyes. He’s so lost right now.

  “Get out of this kitchen!” Aubrie yells at him before I hear the kitchen door close.

  I don’t let go of his hand, though, I can’t. It’s the only lifeline that I’ve had in a long time and I can’t force myself to let that go just yet.

  “I can go, Jace.” He blinks rapidly before pulling his gaze to meet mine.

  He licks his lips before he speaks.

  “It isn’t about you, Mouse. It’s about me. I just don’t know what to do now. Knowin’ you were there and hurt...” Jace scrubs his hand roughly over his face, his fingers tightening around mine.

  “I understand, but I don’t want to be in the way or cause any problems here,” I tell him. His green eyes break me down. They pull me in and hold me hostage as he stares at me.

  “You’re not in the way. The only problem here is me, Mouse. I’m no good for you—for anyone. I brought you here for my own selfish reasons. I thought... fuck, I thought I could keep you for myself. I thought I could have somethin’ real for a change,” he says. Jace takes a step back before I s
tep forward, never releasing his hand.

  “Do you know what I thought about when I tried to kill myself?” I ask him. Jace releases a shuddering breath.

  “I can’t do this, Mouse,” he says. Shaking my head, I don’t care what he thinks he can do.

  “I thought, what if Jace was here. Would I still want to do it? Would he stop me like he did before?” My eyes fill with tears. Jace looks as though he wants to say something, to stop me from going on but he doesn’t.

  “I wished for you. I wished that you would save me like you did before,” I tell him. A tear falls down my cheek as his eyes follow it.

  “I don’t know if I can, Mouse.” I reach up with my free hand and cup his cheek.

  “I’m scared too, Jace, if that means anything. I’ve never felt alive when I’m around anyone but you.” His eyes close, my thumb traveling over his bottom lip. He’s so perfect, yet damaged.

  “I can make sure you’re safe. I can protect you from your dad. I don’t think I can go any further than that,” he says. Shaking my head, I won’t let him push me away like this. I need him.

  Pushing up, I brush my lips over his. They are as soft as they look. They are as good as I dreamed.

  Jace’s free hand moves to my hip, pulling me closer to him.

  Our kiss becomes heated. My heart fills with so much more than I ever thought I’d feel.

  Chapter 24

  Bullet

  God help me, she tastes like heaven. She’s soft and perfect.

  My tongue snakes its way into her mouth, slowly slipping against hers.

  I release her other hand, bringing it up to the side of her neck, holding her in place.

  My dick hardens in my jeans from just the kiss. Fuck, this feels so right.

  Mouse pulls back breathlessly, with a smile curling her lips. It’s a beautiful sight to see.

  “If I knew that’s all it would take to calm you down, I would have done it a long time ago.” Her eyes are bright like she’s happy. I love it, I love that she feels safe with me. Enough so to look happy.

  My fingers stay threaded around her neck, holding her in place.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I tell her. Her smile gets bigger before she moves back in on me.

  Her lips slowly touch mine and everything else fades away.

  “You can take me back to your room,” she whispers against my mouth, but there is no way in hell that I can do that to her just yet.

  Shaking my head, her smile fades as she watches me.

  “When I take you for the first time—I want you to be ready for me. I want you to wish and wait for every touch that I will give you. Every skim of my fingers over your skin—every flick of my tongue on your flesh. I want you to be insanely wet for me.” Running my tongue over her bottom lip, she moans, closing her eyes.

  The way she pants in front of me has my dick stirring and making me wonder why the hell I’m waiting.

  “Hmm. Fuck, Mouse. I never thought you’d want me like that.” Our lips are so close to touching. Fuck, it takes all the restraint I have not to fuck her on this counter.

  “You made me want you, Jace. You kept me grounded. You made me believe in you.” My chest tightens with her words. That’s something I never thought I’d hear coming out of her mouth.

  “You are makin’ this really hard for me.” Her eyes dance with life. A life that her father and those other assholes ripped away from her. It’s a beautiful, yet scary sight to see in front of me.

  I know I can protect her, it’s what I do, but I don’t know if I can keep her heart safe.

  I’ve never had one in my grasps before. I’ve never loved, and I’ve never had a steady relationship. None of that was in the cards for me.

  “There’s a lot that’s hard on you.” Her fingers roam down my chest, to my abs, before stopping on my dick. The way she touches me gently, I may lose it in my pants.

  “What am I gonna do with you, Mouse?”

  Chapter 25

  Mouse

  I watch the way he moves. The way his muscles work under his t-shirt. The outline of those muscles that scream to be touched.

  Jace turns me on in ways I never knew a man could. Just his movements right now have me aching for his touch.

  It’s a strange feeling to have after everything I’ve been through, but I’ve always known Jace was different.

  Sitting on the counter where he placed me, I watch as he dances slightly in front of the stove.

  It’s amusing to watch him like this.

  He glances over his shoulder, giving me a cocky grin.

  “Now, I know you are used to that rich food and shit, but babe, you have never tasted my cookin’,” he says. Winking at me, I can’t help but smile.

  He puts the food on a plate before moving toward me, setting it on the counter next to me.

  He looks like he’s in his element. So alive, and happy.

  “What are you smilin’ about?” he asks. Pushing himself between my legs, he grins at me.

  “You look happy,” I tell him. His smile starts to fall before I shake my head.

  “I like it, Jace. I like that your home and not in that hell.” I press my lips to his, savoring him in ways I never thought I’d get to.

  “It’s new to me, Mouse. I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything like that. I don’t know... shit, I don’t know how to do any of this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” My heart melts when he speaks.

  “You’re doing perfect.” His smile comes back full force.

  “I don’t know if this is what you want. You have to tell me what you want from me, Mouse. I don’t wanna go too far, or too fast,” he says. Shaking his head, I love it. I love how he’s looking at me so shyly and unsure of himself.

  “Just relax, Jace. You’re doing fine. I promise.” Sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, he groans against me.

  “I need to feed you before we do anything else. God, I want to do somethin’ else, though. You know what, I’m takin’ you out later. Do you feel like goin’ out with me later? Shit, you probably don’t...” I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles out of me. He’s adorable.

  “Jace, I’d go anywhere with you.”

  He’s so nervous. You can tell he hasn’t had a real relationship in the past. It warms my heart to see that, too.

  He has his focus on me, but I can tell he’s worried about all of this.

  Chapter 26

  Bullet

  What is she doing to me? What is she doing to my dick?

  I left her with Aubrie while we went on this run. It’s a short run so it shouldn’t take long and right now, I’m thanking God for that.

  We’re already at our drop off location.

  I smoke a cigarette while the other guys unload their shit.

  “I think she’s good for you, brother.” Bomber steps up next to me, leaning against the wall.

  “I don’t know about all that,” I say, grinning up at him. He laughs before lighting up his own.

  “I can see it. I like it, though. You need someone to ground your ass sometime.” Shrugging my shoulders, he may be right.

  “It’s a war, though. We all know it. He’s gonna figure out someone has her,” I tell him, knowing it’s true. Bomber shakes his head, shoving off the wall. Looking me dead in the eye, I wait for it. I know it’s coming.

  “No one saw us get her. For now, we’re good. You wanna hang out somewhere with her for a few weeks? I’m all in. I know eventually there will be a war, but for right now? We’re good, Bullet.” He’s right. No one saw us take her. No one can place us there. At least for the time being.

  “I was thinkin’ I’d go see my mom and dad. I heard my sister had a kid,” I tell him. Bomber looks surprised when I say that.

  “What’s the look?” I ask. Crossing my arms over my chest, he grins.

  “Nothin’. I think it’d do you some good. She needs to rest, too.” Bomber was the last person that I thought I’d hear say that to me.

  “You s
ure about that?” I ask to be sure. Nodding his head, he smiles at me.

  “Yeah. Club’s runnin’ smooth for now. Take all the time you need, Bullet. I need your head in the game when shit comes at us.” When have I not had my head in the game? I get where he’s coming from but it still pissed me off slightly.

  “Don’t look like that, Bullet! I didn’t mean shit by that and you know it,” Bomber says in his own defense. Nodding once, I shove off the wall and head toward Link.

  I need him to find me an address since we haven’t talked in so long. I don’t even know if they live in the same house anymore. The last place I heard of, they moved to when my dad got a new job.

  “Hey, Link. Need a favor when we get back.” He glances over from where he stands. His eyes jerk back to what’s going on in front of us.

  “These motherfuckers should get a better system,” he says. Shaking my head, he’s always looking into the logistics of things.

  “What is it you need?” Bringing his eyes back to meet mine, I shake my head.

  “I need you to find out where my parents are.”

  Chapter 27

  Mouse

  “You’re welcome to anything in my closet. You are a little smaller than me, though.” Aubrie smiles as she opens the closet door.

  “I’m sure Bullet will get you more stuff when they get back,” she says. Grabbing a pair of jeans, I turn to face her.

  “I just don’t understand all this. Do you live here?” Aubrie nods her head before sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “Some of the guys have houses outside of here. Most just stay here, though. It works out easier for them,” she says. A knock on the door pulls her attention from mine.

  “It’s open,” she hollers before the door opens. A tall, nice looking guy, walks in with a smile plastered on his face.

  “Bullet called. He asked if you can get her a bag ready.” He’s looking at Aubrie but I’m sitting right here.

  “Where am, I going?” I ask slightly nervous. He pulls his eyes over to meet mine before a small smile pulls across his face.