Learning to Love

by Erin Trejo

  I almost chuckle at the amount he drinks this time.

  “What do you get out of it? What do Knights get?” he asks. With a grin on my face, I tighten my grip on Mouse.

  “I get her. I get to keep her safe. I take out her dad and mine. They crossed a line.” Basket nods his head.

  “Damn, Bullet. Your own dad?” he asks. Nodding once, Basket shakes his head.

  “You need an answer today?” I shake my head, knowing he wants to think it over. It isn’t a decision to be made lightly. He would be putting himself into a line of fire that not all people can handle.

  “No. I’d need to know soon, though. We’ve got our own shit to set in motion to get to them.” Basket watches me, looking between Mouse and me.

  “She mean that much to you, Bullet?” he asks in a serious tone. Basket has always been a good friend to me. He’s never let me down before and he knows I’d never let him down either.

  “She means everything to me, man.” Mouse turns her head, her eyes locking with mine.

  “I mean it, Mouse.” A tear slides down her cheek before she presses her lips to mine.

  “Give me a few days and let me talk to my guy’s.” Turning back to Basket, I lift Mouse to her feet before I stand.

  “Good deal.” Extending my hand, he takes it.

  Chapter 60

  Mouse

  I didn’t realize how much I meant to him. He’s willing to do all of this for me.

  We left his friend’s house, but Jace didn’t go back to the clubhouse.

  We have been walking in silence around this little park for a while now. He seems to be lost in himself and I don’t want to get in the middle of that.

  His brows furrow, making me smile. He looks like he’s concentrating so hard.

  I can’t stop the giggle that escapes my lips. Jace looks over, confusion etched across his face.

  “What are you laughin’ at?” he asks. My smile stays in place.

  “You looked so lost in thought. It was cute.” Jace stops walking, turning to stand in front of me.

  “Cute? Like puppy or kitten cute?” God, I love how he looks at me that way. Like everything I say has meaning, like I have meaning.

  His hand comes up, his fingers caressing the skin on my cheek.

  I swallow hard, a knot forming in my throat. His fingers don’t stop as lightning fires through me.

  “What’s wrong, darlin’? Can’t handle me this close to you?” he asks in a husky tone. The way his eyes glisten in the light, I fall right into him.

  How can he do that to me? How can he look at me and make me melt right into him?

  “Why are you doing all of this for me? Wouldn’t it be easier to find someone else?” I ask the question that has been sitting in my mind. His smile fades quickly. His eyes harden, his stare fierce.

  “Is this what we’re always gonna come back to? The same thing? I can’t do this shit over and over, Mouse. I thought I made it clear what I wanted,” he snaps. His hand drops from my face, falling to his side.

  He slides them into his pockets as he watches me, waiting for me to say something.

  “I just don’t like you having to do all of this for me. You deserve more than that.” His eyes flicker with rage. I know I’m pushing him too far.

  “I get that you’re afraid. I get that this is all new to you. I don’t know what the fuck to say here, Mouse. I mean... fuck, I’m willin’ to put my ass on the line for you. If you don’t feel the same, you need to let me know. I can’t get fucked over again,” he snaps at me. Jace turns on his heel, walking away from me. His hands clench at his sides as I follow behind him toward the bike.

  When he finally stops walking, he leans his shoulder against a tree, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Walking up behind him, I slide my arms around his waist.

  “I’m not used to anyone taking care of me. I don’t want to lose you though, Jace.” Jace sighs before turning to me.

  “This is all I know, Mouse. I made a promise to myself that day in those fuckin’ cells. You stole a part of me then. I want you… I want all of you. I just need you to be able to give yourself to me. I can’t promise you fuckin’ flowers and shit all the time. I can promise you that I will do what I have to do to take care of you.” Swallowing the tears that threaten to choke me, Jace pulls me into his arms.

  Chapter 61

  Bullet

  I sit around the bar with the rest of the guys. I take a long pull from my beer before I start telling the guys about Basket.

  “He seemed to be in. He’ll let me know soon,” I say. Bomber nods before Stryker talks.

  “I got with Raiders. They’re all in. Bricks and Stones are in, too. We just need to make a plan and fuckin’ do it.” I grunt my response before Micah glares at me.

  “What?” He chuckles before looking around the room.

  “What else happened? I can see somethin’s off in your eyes,” he says. Blowing out a breath, I might as well tell them about Mouse.

  “She doesn’t trust me. At least that’s what I feel like. She doesn’t think I should be doin’ all this for her.” Link glances around before resting his arms on the counter in front of him.

  “She’s scared. She doesn’t know what she needs, Bullet. She lived in a world that didn’t show her what this shit was like. I know you’re sick of hearin’ it, but give her some time to adjust,” Link says. He’s right. I know he is.

  It’s hard for me to accept that. I’m a caring guy when it comes to something I care about.

  “She’s a good girl, Bullet. Just show her that,” Bomber says as he shoves off his stool before walking toward the office.

  “I need to make some calls. Get some shit in place.” Stryker moves next.

  I decide that I need to really sit down and talk to Mouse. If she isn’t all in, I can handle her telling me that. I can’t handle being with her and finding out later. I’ll still make her safe. I’ll still do what I said and kill those motherfuckers for hurting her, but I can’t keep what doesn’t belong to me.

  I shove off the stool and head toward the room when I spot her standing in the hallway. Her hands are against the wall, her head dropped forward.

  She looks a little lost in herself.

  “Everything okay?” I ask. She doesn’t look up and that kills me. She’s hurting and I know it.

  I wrap my arms around her, pulling her into the bedroom. Closing the door behind us, she starts to cry. My chest tightens, anger boiling inside of me.

  “Why does he hate me, Jace? Why hate your own child?” Fuck, this is about her dad.

  “I don’t know, Mouse. We didn’t deserve to be hated by our parents. I was mad when I found out my dad was in on this shit, too. My picture of a real family has been tarnished. You have to understand that there are people that can stand in, though. I have that here. I can be that for you.” Her eyes slowly come up to meet mine and I’m lost as hell.

  The sadness that’s inside of her is consuming her happiness and I never want to see that in her.

  My hands come up to her face, gripping it.

  I swallow hard before the next words leave my mouth.

  “I want to love you, Mouse. I want to take care of you. I want to be the one that holds you when you’re sad or hurt. I want you to be with me, and only me. Just give me that, Mouse. Give me yourself.”

  Chapter 62

  Mouse

  Giving myself to Jace is hard. He doesn’t understand the inner battle that I’m having with myself right now. It’s one I never thought I’d have.

  I always knew my father didn’t want me but what if Jace doesn’t want me later either? I don’t think I could handle that. My life has always been hell, but losing Jace? That would rip me to shreds. I can’t let that happen to me.

  I’m hesitant as Jace stares into my eyes. There’s so much compassion and caring inside of him and I want it. I want all of it, but at what cost to my heart?

  “I don’t know what to say to you, Jace.” Sha
king his head, his grip on my face tightens.

  “All you need to say is that you trust me. Tell me you trust me to take care of you and love you, Mouse. That’s all I want,” he says. Again, this is hard for me. I don’t want Jace hurt because of me and I don’t want to bring his club down, but I do want Jace more than I’ve wanted anything in my life.

  “Can I say that I’ll try?” I ask. His smile widens before he leans in closer to me.

  “As long as you know you will at some point, I’m good with try. I’ll show you, Mouse. I’ll show you I can be what you need.” As the words leave his mouth, my world spins out of control.

  His lips caress mine, so sweetly, that I never want him to stop.

  His fingers glide over my skin like it’s the softest silk before he reaches for the hem of my shirt.

  Dragging it over my head, he tosses it to the floor before sliding down my body.

  He presses kisses to my stomach, to the scars that the assholes that took us left. I know I should feel self-conscious about them, but with Jace, I feel beautiful.

  “Tell me what’s goin’ on in your head right now.” He looks up at me with those dazzling green eyes.

  “I was thinking I should feel ugly with those scars but you make me feel beautiful.” The smile I get in return tells me I gave the right answer no matter how I feel about it.

  “You are beautiful. These scars don’t define you. They may alter what you look like but your beauty isn’t just on the outside, Mouse.” Unsnapping my jeans, he slides them down my legs, taking my panties with them.

  “Are you gonna let me have you, Mouse?” I know I’m panting already and he can see just how much I want him.

  “You’ve had me for a long time now, Jace.” The growl that rips from his throat excites me even more.

  Chapter 63

  Bullet

  The smell of her arouses me in ways I never knew possible. No other woman has affected me like this.

  Mouse is a force to be reckoned with. I just need to get her fully on my side, but for now, I’ll take that she’s trying.

  Our lives were never the picture-perfect ones and they never will be. We both lived in worlds that were harsh and unforgiving. What I do know is that it will never change. Things will always be touch and go, especially in this lifestyle.

  The thing about Mouse, though, I want her with me. I want her here and I want her to be mine in more ways than she knows. I don’t know how to wrap my head around her not being here. She’s mine in every way, but I need her to realize that.

  I lie on my back as Mouse licks her lips, straddling me. The sight of her naked body over mine ignites a fire that can’t be extinguished.

  There’s a fire in her eyes. I know she has strong feelings for me, I can see it all over her face. Letting herself go and trusting in me is a whole other story, though. I can’t say that I blame her either.

  Her dad really fucked her over and she is going to have a hard time regaining any kind of trust after that kind of betrayal.

  “Are you gonna look at me or ride me?” I ask. Her eyes dance with light as she raises her hips. She takes my dick in her hand, positioning herself before slowly lowering down my length.

  The growl that rips out of my chest must turn her on. She lets her body fall the rest of the way before I let out a strangled scream.

  “Jesus Christ, baby.” My hands lock onto her hips, holding her in place.

  “You said you were mine,” she says. The way she chews on her bottom lip, I want to suck it into my mouth.

  I reach up and drag her face down to mine and do just that. Sucking and tugging, I feel her pussy clench around me. Fuck, that is the best feeling I’ve ever had.

  “Ride me, Mouse. I’m yours. You can do whatever the hell you want to me.” Releasing her, she shoves back up.

  I slide my hands behind my head, propping myself up to enjoy the show.

  Mouse’s eyes never leave mine. That right there is hot as fuck. Watching what you do to someone else in this time of ecstasy has to be the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced.

  Her fingers trail over my chest as her hips begin to move. The feeling of being inside of her should be overwhelming, but it feels just right. It feels like we’re the perfect match for each other.

  I never thought that I’d find someone like her again. After my hell of a past with women, I never thought I’d be looking.

  The whole time she rides me like a cowgirl on her favorite horse, my eyes stay glued to hers. The depth of this woman is causing me to unravel right beneath her.

  I watch her mouth form the perfect “O” before I can’t handle anymore.

  I remove my hands from the back of my head and lock them around her waist.

  “Ride me, cowgirl.” Forcing her down on me, she cries out from the force. I love every goddamn second of it, too.

  Chapter 64

  Mouse

  I sit contently in Jace’s lap while he talks and laughs with the guys.

  It’s a strange feeling being here with all of them so welcoming. I’ve heard stories about MC’s when I lived with my dad, but I never sought out the more inner workings of them. It was none of my business, although now I have to wonder if I should have. I know not everything they do is legal. I mean, hell, Jace did kidnap my ass from a hospital!

  “Heard from Basket yet?” Micah looks over at Jace, but his face is nuzzled into my hair.

  He inhales deeply, as though he’s trying to keep my scent with him for as long as possible. A shiver runs over my body.

  “No. He won’t take too long. I was thinkin’ though. I want to get my dad before we get Huffman,” he says. I can feel the way his body tensed beneath me.

  “What are you thinkin’?” Bomber shifts in his seat, his eyes coming to rest on me. I wonder if that’s my cue to leave?

  “She can stay.” Jace’s voice is firm. It was my cue, but since he gave the ok, the guys all look a little more relaxed.

  “I wanna head out to my mom’s. I need to let her and my sister know what the fuck is goin’ on. I don’t want them blindsided by this shit,” Jace says. I can feel his arms tightening around me. I know this has to be hard for him. That’s his father, his family, the man that gave him life. It isn’t the same as me.

  I only have my dad, there is no other family. Jace has his sister and nephew. His mom. What will they think when he tells them? Will they hate him? Or try to help his dad?

  “I know the wheels are spinnin’ in there. Stop it.” Whispering in my ear, I startle slightly. How does he know when I’m thinking things?

  The guys are silent for a minute, looking at each other.

  “I don’t want you ridin’ alone. You go, you at least take a prospect with you. I don’t trust that fucker won’t come at you again, Bullet.” Bomber’s face is serious. It makes my insides churn to think of anything happening to Jace.

  “Will do. I’m gonna give them a call today and see what they say about a visit. I don’t want to throw that bastard off, but if he’s gonna be there, hell, I will be too,” he says. His words are deadly. I can hear it in his tone.

  “I wouldn’t expect any less from you. Let me know the details. I’m all for you talkin’ it out with your family, but I also want you meetin’ with the Raiders while you’re there. You can get a feel for the guys, and Tony wants to meet you anyway,” Bomber says. I don’t know what any of this means, but I’m sure Jace will enlighten me later.

  Chapter 66

  Bullet

  “What’s wrong?” she asks. I pace the yard out back of the clubhouse, working things over in my head.

  Mouse stands there watching me, knowing that something’s off. I’m torn right now. I know the guys can protect her if I leave her here, but I don’t want to... I don’t want her anywhere except next to me.

  Does that make me selfish? I don’t really give a shit, it’s just what I feel. My instincts have never proven me wrong before so why the fuck am I letting in an ounce of doubt now?

&nb
sp; Fuck that! I know why... I want her safe. I don’t want her hurt in the middle of all this shit. I love that girl. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, I do.

  “Jace,” she snaps at me. My eyes snap to hers at the way she says my name.

  I motion for her to come to me. My heart skips a beat when she does.

  Sliding my arms around her waist, I pull her against my chest.

  “There’s a lot that’s gonna happen pretty soon. There will be times I can’t be here with you, Mouse. As much as I fuckin’ hate it, it’s the truth.” She looks saddened by that. Not what I was going for.

  “I need to go talk to my family, but I’m torn on what to do with you,” I tell her. Her eyes meet mine and I can see the understanding in them. She’s so goddamn beautiful, I can hardly stand the sight of her looking sad.

  “I get it, Jace. I’ll do whatever you tell me to,” she says. What the hell? Isn't she going to fight me on this?

  I cock my head to the side, taking her in for a minute before she laughs.

  “I’m not stupid, Jace. I know you’re trying to keep me safe,” she says. She has no idea how much that meant to me. Knowing that she can see what I’m doing for her.

  “Takin’ you is a risk, but so is leavin’ you behind. If he knows you’re with me, he may try to come after us both. If he knows I left you, he may come lookin’ for trouble knowin’ I’m not around,” I tell her. I blow out breath before her lips are on mine.

  Kissing me like I’ve never been kissed, the world slowly stops around us.

  There’s nothing more than me and her, in this moment of heat.

  When Mouse finally pulls back, I gasp. She’s here, she’s with me and I know from that kiss, that I can stop worrying about her going anywhere. She’s mine now.

  Chapter 67

  Mouse

  “Jace?” I say his name. Looking over my shoulder, I thought I heard the door open. I could be wrong.