by Tina Beckett
Concentrate.
“Okay. Organize yourself into teams. I want a mixture of levels of command. Not all surgeons with each other. I want to see a true team of medical professionals.”
As they organized themselves into teams, he got his cards ready and Erica came up beside him.
“I think your prize should be one of Scooby’s house pizzas.”
“That might appeal to some, but really, what’s so special about a pineapple pizza?”
“That it’s one of Scooby’s,” she said matter-of-factly.
He chuckled. “Well, if I’m offering that, I don’t think it’s very fair that you’re participating in this simulation. You’ve already had a taste of the prize. It might drive you to cheat.”
“Are you calling me a cheater, Captain Wilder?”
“If the shoe fits.”
“I’ll have you know…” She trailed off and then the joviality disappeared. “Well, I better get to my team.”
He watched her walk away, and then turned back to see that friend of hers watching them with a strange look on her face, like she’d caught them doing something naughty. What the heck was happening to his hospital?
Since when had he reverted back to high school? Because that was what it felt like and he was not happy about that.
“Can I help you…?”
“I’m a nurse, Captain.” She stepped forward. “My name is Regina Kettle. I’m a nurse on the Hope.”
Thorne nodded. “And is there something I can help you with? Do you have a question about the simulation?”
“No, not at all. My apologies for staring, but I think I know you.”
So that’s why she was staring and why Erica was acting weird. Did this nurse remember him as a patient? Had this nurse seen him when he’d been so vulnerable? That thought made him nervous.
“I don’t think so.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Well, maybe not, then.”
“We’re about to get started.”
“Sure thing, Captain.” She moved past him and returned to her team.
Don’t let her shake you.
It didn’t matter if she remembered him. It didn’t matter if she’d been there when he’d lost his leg. It didn’t make him less of a soldier or a surgeon.
Something it had taken him a couple of years to deal with himself when he could no longer be a part of the Special Ops.
So why is it bothering you so much?
He silenced the niggling voice in his head. When he looked over at Erica she was on the lieutenant’s team and he was leaning over her, whispering in her ear while they went over what supplies they had.
“Lieutenant!” he snapped.
The lieutenant in question looked up, his cheeks flushing with color. “Yes, Captain Wilder?”
“What’s your name, seaman?”
“Lieutenant Jordan Clancy.” He saluted.
“Tell you what, I’d like you to switch places with the Ensign Fitz over here. I think the ensign would benefit more from working with Commander Griffin.”
The blush remained. “Of course, Captain.”
Lieutenant Clancy and Ensign Fitz switched places. Thorne felt a little inkling of satisfaction and then he noticed the nurse was smiling smugly to herself, as if she’d uncovered some kind of secret.
He was not handling this well.
Pathetic.
And he was angry with himself for being so petty. This was what Erica did to him. She made him think and act irrationally. Before she arrived he’d led a relatively quiet existence. He didn’t wrestle with his guilt every day.
What existence?
“All right, I’ll be handing out your scenarios. Do not look at them until I start the clock.” He passed cards to all the teams and then pulled out his timer. “Okay, go!”
The teams began to move quickly, moving through the scenarios and working together with the minimum equipment they had.
There were some promising officers, surgeons and medical personnel training in the simulation today. Erica handled her team efficiently as they dealt with the trauma to the chest wall. She immediately reached for the plastic bag and tape to stop the wound and the patient from bleeding out so they could properly assess them.
It gave him a sense of pride to watch her.
She was incredibly talented, beautiful, poised and a commendable second in command and officer.
And totally off-limits.
At least that was what he kept trying to tell himself, but he wasn’t sure if he wholly believed it anymore.
* * *
“Are you sad your team lost?”
Erica was startled to see Thorne taking the seat next to her at the bar.
“No, not at all.” She took a sip of her drink. “We would’ve won except for Ensign Fitz’s blundering mistake.”
“You mean when he killed your patient?” Thorne asked.
She laughed. “Yes. That does put a damper on the contest.”
“He needed to learn.”
“I could’ve won had you not taken Lieutenant Clancy from me.”
His expression changed just slightly and he shifted in his seat. “Were you mad at my decision?”
“No, other than I lost.” She leaned over. “I hate to lose, by the way. Just for future reference.”
He smiled and nodded. “Noted.”
“So why did you pull the lieutenant from my team?”
“I thought you said you weren’t mad,” he replied.
“Not mad. Just curious. I want to know what drove you to your decision.”
“Ensign Fitz has a lot to learn and you’re a damn fine surgeon.”
Somehow she didn’t believe him. Regina had suggested that Thorne had moved Lieutenant Clancy because he was jealous and possessive at the time. Regina had said she saw the way Thorne looked at her and, the moment Jordan had begun to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, Thorne moved him.
Erica thought the whole thing was preposterous.
Although the “sweet nothings” wasn’t totally off; Lieutenant Clancy had been flirting with her, telling her how good she looked and asking her out for a drink later—which Erica had promptly turned down, much to Regina’s chagrin.
“It’s Captain Wilder, isn’t it? You have the hots for him.”
“I don’t have the hots for him, Regina. I just have no interest in dating a superior or any officer.”
Regina had rolled her eyes. “Then who are you going to date?
“No one.”
“You’re hopeless.”
This was why Erica didn’t date. Maybe she was hopeless, but there was good reason. Her career was too important.
She would never risk that for anything. Even a stolen moment with Thorne.
“Thank you, Captain. I appreciate the compliment.”
“Thorne, remember? We’re off duty.”
“Right.” She began to peel at the label on her domestic beer. The happy-looking squid was starting to lose tentacles as Erica nervously shredded the label, which was soft as the water was condensing on the outside of the bottle.
Don’t think of him that way.
“So what did you think of the simulation today?” he asked.
“I thought it was good. Better than some other simulations I’d been involved in. Some are just endless lectures.”
“I don’t lecture.”
She laughed. “I saw you tear down Ensign Fitz when he killed our robotic patient.”
“That’s a stripping down. It’s not a lecture.”
“It sounded like one of my father’s.” She took another swig of beer.
“Your father served, didn’t he?”
“He did. He was a good officer, but I’m not like him.” She didn’t want to talk about her father. Not because she wasn’t proud, but because people’s condemnation and their scrutiny of her father cut her to the quick.
“How do you mean?”
She shook her head. “I’m not as strong as he was.”
“You’r
e just as strong. I see it.”
“He wasn’t called mentally unstable while he served.”
It was only after.
She sighed. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I apologize for that. It was uncalled for.”
“I’m used to it. It seems wherever I go I’m judged on that. Judged for making one mistake. I’ve had so many psychiatric evaluations and understanding conversations…”
Thorne held up his hands. “Erica, I was just making conversation. I don’t think that at all.”
Had she just heard him right?
“You don’t?” she asked in disbelief.
“Why would I? Why I would judge you on the mistakes another made? You’re a totally different person—I think, perhaps, stronger with all you’ve had to deal with. Was your father a medical officer?”
“No.”
“Well, then, I don’t know how you can be held to the same standard as him and vice versa. Serving as a medical officer is totally different than a plain officer.”
“And being a Special Ops SEAL is so much more.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Did you deal with PTSD when you returned home?”
“That’s classified.” He winked.
“I can always request your medical record as your surgeon.”
He leaned over and she felt his hot breath as he murmured in her ear. “You can’t. You’re not on my record. It was wiped. I have never been on board the Hope.”
“That’s terrible! So who did they say did the surgery, then?”
He shot her a wicked grin. “Me.”
“You?”
“Me. I was the medical officer with the unit.”
“So you amputated your own leg, in the field in a very neat and dare I say brilliant way?”
His blue eyes twinkled. “You got it.”
“You’re not serious, are you?”
“Would I lie to you?”
Erica laughed. “Really, we’re going to head back into that territory, are we?”
Thorne shrugged. “I’m absolutely dead serious. According to my official medical file out of San Diego where I recuperated, I was the chief medical officer in my unit, and I alone amputated my own leg.”
Erica muttered a few choice curses that were quickly drowned out by an inebriated seaman shouting for music.
“No problem!” Scooby got up and selected music on his tiny digital jukebox, blasting a song at an obnoxious level as people crowded the dance floor.
Thorne laughed. “Do you want to dance?”
“Are you insane?”
“No, I’m serious. Come on; this is a fun song.”
Erica shook her head in disbelief as a weird, drunken crowd formed on the small dance floor in front of them.
“I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”
“What, the dance or the crowd?” Thorne teased.
“Both.” Erica took a swig of her drink. “I’m surprised that no one is filming this. This is going to end up on the internet.”
“Good idea.” Scooby scurried away.
Erica gave Thorne a sidelong glance. “You don’t think he’s going to get a camera, do you?”
“Don’t put it past him. He might actually still have a camcorder back there.”
Scooby returned and held up his phone. “Come on, Captain Wilder and Commander Griffin. Get out there and dance.”
“She said no, Scooby.”
Scooby frowned. “Why?”
“I don’t dance in such an organized fashion.” She winked at Thorne, who was laughing.
“Bah, you’re no fun. I’ll film you anyway.”
“I have to get out of here,” Erica shouted over the din. She set the money down on the counter. “Do you want to get out of here, Thorne?”
“What?” he asked, wincing.
“Let’s go!” she shouted and took his hand, pulling him out of the bar. They managed to avoid Scooby’s camera by disappearing in the throng of people that was now gathering around the edge of the dance floor.
She hated really thick crowds in small spaces. So it wasn’t that she was afraid of dancing, or being caught on Scooby’s video and ending up online, she just knew it would be a sudden crush of people and she didn’t want to have a panic attack in front of Thorne.
When they were outside Erica took a breath of fresh air and began to laugh. “That was crazy. I didn’t think Scooby had that repertoire of music.”
“He has all kinds.”
“I thought he only liked Elvis?” she asked.
“He’s a man of many layers. Like an onion.”
They began to walk along the sidewalk. The stars were out and a large full moon was casting an almost near-perfect reflection on the water of the bay. The Hope loomed up out of the darkness. The white color of the ship caught the light from the moon and the bridge was lit. She knew Captain Dayton was up on his bridge overseeing some of the minor works before they set back out on the ocean again the day after tomorrow. The major retrofit would happen when they docked in San Diego.
“Do you miss serving on the ship?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“Sometimes,” Erica said. “I wanted a change. I like the different opportunities. I’m pretty blessed to do what I love to do.”
“I get it.”
“Do you miss being a part of Special Ops?” she asked.
He cocked his eyebrows.
“Yeah, I know, a dumb question. Of course you do.” She sighed. “It’s a beautiful night; do you want to walk down to the beach?”
“No, my leg isn’t so good on the sand at the best of times. I don’t want to be stumbling at the moment.”
She didn’t know what he meant by that, but they kept on the main path toward the officers’ quarters.
“What do you remember of that day?”
“What day?” she asked.
“I guess I should say night, but I’m not really sure if it was night when you took my leg.”
“I didn’t take your leg, Thorne.”
“I know—when you operated,” he said, correcting himself.
“I remember everything.”
“You do?” he asked, surprised.
“I do. I wondered what happened to you for so long.”
“So it was just curiosity about my well-being?”
“No, there was more to it.” They stopped in a small green, which was between the hospital, the docks and the officer quarters. Suddenly she was shaking and she didn’t know why; she was falling fast and she was so scared about taking the step.
What if I get burned again?
“What else?” He took a step toward her, his hands in his pockets, like he was trying to stop himself from something.
“Your eyes.” Then she reached out and lightly touched his face. “You were scared, but I don’t think it was fear. It was something else. Your eyes haunted me.”
“So my eyes haunted you?”
“You mentioned someone: Liam. Who was he?”
Thorne stiffened at the name. “Someone I knew a while ago.”
It was apparent that the topic of Liam was off-limits.
“You said I was as beautiful as an angel.” Her cheeks burned with heat; she couldn’t look up at him and when she did he ran his thumb over her cheek.
“You are,” he whispered. His eyes sparkled in the dark; her pulse was thundering between her ears and her mouth went dry. Thorne’s hand slipped around her waist, his hand resting in the small of her back. He was so close, they were so close, and all she wanted him to do was kiss her again.
You’re so weak.
She couldn’t let this happen again but she wanted it too. She was so lonely.
“Thorne, I don’t know… This isn’t right.”
He took a step back. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. I want to, trust me, but… I can’t. I don’t have room for anyone in my life but me.”
“Neither do I, Erica. I can’t promise you anything.”
&nb
sp; “I don’t need promises. I’ve had promises made before and they were always broken. I don’t rely on them.” This time she was the one who closed the distance between them. “I don’t expect any promises.”
“Then what do you want?” he asked as he ran his knuckles down her cheek.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted. She wanted to be with Thorne in this moment, but what would it do to her reputation? Could she just have one night with him?
That was what she wanted.
Just one night of passion.
Perhaps, if she fed the craving she had for him, then it would burn him from her system and she could move on. It would clear the air.
You’re weak.
“What do you want, Erica?” His voice was husky as he whispered the words into her ear.
“I want you to kiss me.” She reached out and gripped his shirt.
He leaned forward and she closed her eyes as he kissed her. And then it deepened and she was lost.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ERICA WASN’T SURE how they got to Thorne’s door. All she knew at that moment was she had him pressed against the door, was melting into him. His kiss made her weak in the knees, senseless, and she didn’t want it to end.
He gently pushed her away and she moaned.
“What?” she asked.
“I have to open the door,” Thorne answered, his voice husky with promise.
“Good; I thought you’d changed your mind.”
“No, never.” And then he pulled her into another kiss, which seared her blood and made her swoon against him.
“Open the door.” Erica let him go for just a moment as he unlocked the door. Once it was open he scooped her up, causing her to shriek.
“What’re you doing?”
He shut the door behind him with a kick from his right leg. “Carrying you to my bedroom.”
“You can’t.”
Thorne kissed her. “Watch me.”
And he did carry her to his bedroom, then set her down on her feet. She slowly slid down the length of his body, feeling the heat of him through seemingly many layers of his clothes. Clothes she wanted gone as soon as possible.
“You look good enough to eat,” he whispered against her neck.
Her pulse quickened. “Pardon?”
“You heard me. I’ve been fighting it all evening. Seeing you in the bar by yourself… I’ve been fighting the urge to take you in my arms from the moment you landed in Okinawa.”