by Tina Beckett
“Tell me more.”
Thorne moaned and held her tighter. Her body was flush with his and Erica wanted the layers separating them to be gone. She wanted them to be naked, skin to skin.
“Do you want me to tell you or do you want me to show you?”
Erica didn’t respond to that, instead she used her mouth to show him exactly how much she wanted from him. She was tired of being alone and for once she wanted to feel passion again, even if it was only fleeting. Thorne was worth it.
The room was dark except for a thin beam of light through the curtains and she was aware how close they were to Thorne’s bed. She was suddenly very nervous. It had been so long since she’d been with a man. It felt like the first time again.
“What’s wrong?” Thorne asked, brushing her hair from her face. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No. No, I’m not having second thoughts. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been with a man.”
“It’s been a long time for me too.”
“I want you, Thorne. All of you.” And she wanted it. She wanted him to possess her. For once she didn’t want to be the woman men were afraid of because of her rank and her training. Tonight she was just Erica. She was just a woman and he was a man.
He kissed her again, a featherlight one, then buried his face against her neck. His breath caressed her skin, making goose pimples break out. A tingle raced down her spine and she sighed. She couldn’t help herself.
“Take off my clothes,” he whispered.
Erica did just that. Unbuttoning his shirt and running her hands over his chest, it was mostly bare except for a bit of hair, which disappeared under the waist of his pants. Next she undid his belt, pulling it out and snapping it. He slid his hands down her back and cupped her butt, giving her cheeks a squeeze.
“Don’t be naughty,” he teased.
“I swear I won’t.” And then she undid his pants, crouching to pull them down. He kicked them off and then moved to the bed, sitting down to remove his prosthetic leg. “Let me.”
His body stiffened as she ran her hands over his thigh again and undid his prosthesis, setting it against the nightstand. She started to massage his thigh; he moaned.
“That feels good, but I don’t want you to massage me,” he said.
“Oh, no.”
“No.” He pulled her close, kissing her. “Now it’s your turn. Undress.”
Erica stood and began to take off her clothes. His eyes on her excited her, making her heart race. She’d never done anything like this before. It was usually lights-out, under the covers. She’d never stripped for a man before.
“You’re so beautiful. Like an angel,” he murmured. He reached out and pulled her down to him. “So beautiful.”
“Thorne…” She trailed off because she didn’t know what else to say to him. His hands slipped down her back, the heat from his skin searing her flesh and making her body ache with need. She was so exposed to him; it thrilled her. She’d never felt like this before. He cupped her breasts, kneading them, and she moaned at the sensation of his hands on her sensitized skin.
He pinned her against the mattress, his lips on hers, their bodies free of clothing and skin to skin.
She was so ready for him. Each time his fingers skimmed her flesh her body ignited. He pressed his lips against her breast, laving her nipple with his hot tongue. She arched her back. She wanted more from him. So much more.
Erica wanted Thorne to make her burn. To make her forget everyone else. His hand moved down her body, between her legs. He began to stroke her, making her wet with need.
“I want you so bad.”
Erica moaned as he moved away and pulled a condom out of his nightstand drawer.
Thorne moved back to her. “Now, where were we?”
He pressed her against the pillows and settled between her thighs. He shifted position so he was comfortable. The tip of his sex pressed against her. She wanted him to take her, to be his.
Even though she couldn’t be.
Thorne thrust quickly, filling her completely. She clawed at his shoulders, dragging her nails down his skin as he stretched her. He remained still, but she urged him by rocking her hips. She wanted him to move. To take her.
“You feel so good.” Thorne surged forward and she met every one of his thrusts.
She cried out as he moved harder, faster, and a coil of heat unfurled deep within her. Then it came, pleasure like she’d never experienced before. It flooded through her and overwhelmed her senses, her muscles tightening around him as she came. Thorne’s thrusts became shallow and he soon joined her in his climax.
His lips brushed her neck as she held him against her and then he rolled onto his back, pulling her with him, so she could hear his heart beating. She lightly ran her fingers across his skin while his own fingers stroked her back.
“I’m sorry that was so fast. I needed you so bad, I couldn’t hold back.”
“It was amazing,” she whispered. “No apology necessary.”
Erica settled against him, the only sound was that of the ocean outside and his breathing and then she tensed as she realized what she’d done. She’d fallen in with another commanding officer, something she’d sworn she’d never do again. As the euphoria melted away, she was angry at herself for being so weak.
How could she have let this happen again?
Thorne isn’t like Captain Seaton. You didn’t make any promises.
Captain Seaton had been angry that she’d been the one to reject him ultimately and that was why he tried to ruin her career.
She didn’t think Thorne was like that. He seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. He was rational, but a bit of niggling self-doubt ate away at her. Trust was a big issue for her. She wasn’t sure if she could trust Thorne.
She wasn’t sure if she would honestly trust another man again.
* * *
Thorne watched her. He wasn’t sure if she was sleeping. Her eyes were closed, but her breathing wasn’t deep, as if she was in sleep. He knew he’d promised her that nothing had to happen out of this, that was the way she wanted it and that was what he wanted. Wasn’t it?
Of course that was what he wanted.
They’d made no promises; if promises had been exchanged he wouldn’t have gone through with it, because he was never going to have a relationship. He’d been weak and forgotten that he couldn’t have her.
He rolled over onto his back and scrubbed his hands over his face, staring up at the fan slowly rotating on his ceiling. What had he done? The guilt ate at him.
“What’s wrong?” Erica murmured.
“Nothing.” He turned to his side again. “Just watching you sleep.”
“Why are you watching me?” she asked, moving onto her side and tucking her hands under her head.
“I couldn’t help it. It was relaxing.”
“That groan you gave out didn’t sound like you were at ease.”
“Perhaps not.”
She smiled and then frowned. “So, what happens now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean when we’re back on duty.” Erica leaned on an elbow. “I don’t want any awkwardness. I’d like to act like nothing happened between us.”
“We’ll just go on as normal. Nothing has to change; I think we both made our intentions clear.”
“We did.” Then she got up, holding the sheet against her.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to my quarters.” She bent over, picking up the pieces of her clothing scattered all around the room.
“I’m not kicking you out, Erica. You don’t have to leave.”
“I do.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and began to dress. “If I stay, then it might mean more.”
“I won’t think that. Come back to bed.”
Erica chuckled. “Is that your best ‘come hither’ look?”
“I wasn’t aware I was doing one.” He leaned across and pulled her back down against the
mattress to place a kiss on her lips upside down. “Stay.”
“I can’t. Remember, I have Regina staying with me. If I don’t come back to bed, she’s going to wonder and then start poking around. She might even get a transfer until she figures it all out.”
Thorne shuddered. “Okay, you better go, but know this—it’s against doctor’s orders.”
She rolled her eyes, got up and finished dressing. Then she came around to his side of the bed and kissed him.
“Thanks for tonight.”
“Anytime.” He wanted to say more things. He wanted to tie her down in his bed and never let her go, but she was right. If she came out of his quarters the next morning and someone saw her, there would be gossip. She didn’t want any more gossip about her, which was fair.
He didn’t want the gossip either. Thorne didn’t want to get her in trouble or transferred. Losing her would be detrimental to the welfare of the base hospital.
And you too.
Yeah, he’d miss the comraderie. She was the only second in command he’d ever met who’d stood up to their commanding officer. Who worked alongside him as a team. They were equals.
She was strong.
Thorne had thought being with her once would flush her from his system, instead he found himself wanting more.
So much more.
* * *
Erica tried to sneak back into her quarters. The television had been flickering in the window when she approached and she was worried that as soon as she walked through the door she’d be bombarded with questions, but when she peered through the window she could see that Regina was passed out in front of the TV.
Maybe dancing at Scooby’s had exhausted her.
One could only hope.
Erica shut the door behind her as quietly as she could, locked it and then slid off her shoes to creep along the tiled hallway to her bedroom.
She was almost home free.
“Where were you tonight?”
Darn.
Erica turned to see Regina sitting upright, no sign of being asleep or having been asleep. “You were awake when I came home, weren’t you?”
“I was. I saw you peek through the window.”
“You’re a pain.” Erica tried to escape again, but she was up against a pro.
“Where were you?”
“I’m an adult. You’re not my mother.”
Regina crossed her arms. “I was worried when you disappeared from the bar. It would’ve been nice if you had told me where you were going.”
“You’re so good at guilt.”
A small smile played around Regina’s lips. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. I was worried.”
“You were worried? You were too busy dancing.” Erica mimicked Regina’s terrible but endearing moves.
Regina rolled her eyes. “Come on. I don’t get out much.”
“It’s apparent.”
“I still don’t know how that song started.”
“Some poor seamen who had had too much to drink.” Erica set her purse down on the counter in her kitchen and went to get a glass of water. Regina laughed. “And why didn’t you jump in?”
“Oh, I was in the middle of talking to Thorne.” And then she cursed under her breath, realizing she’d said “Thorne” to Regina instead of calling him Captain Wilder. Dang.
“Who?”
“Captain Wilder.”
“So we’re on a first-name basis with Captain Wilder, now, eh?”
“Shut up.” Erica took a big swig of water, trying to ignore Regina who was smugly dancing around the kitchen.
“I knew it. I knew something was up. You were with him, right?”
“Yes.”
“You are such a bad liar!” Regina exclaimed. “I so knew you two had chemistry floating around. Why else would you dive behind a bush to avoid someone? You’ve never hid from anyone or anything before. Tell me everything!”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
Liar.
There was a lot to tell, but it was stuff she wasn’t sure she wanted to share at this moment because she wasn’t exactly sure of how she was feeling herself. When she’d come here and seen that her commanding officer was Thorne, she’d been worried that she would be too weak to resist him. She didn’t want another relationship. That was what she kept telling herself. It became a broken record in her head.
And, just like any song you heard over and over, the broken record had become nothing more than background noise when Thorne took her in his arms and kissed her. Now she didn’t know what to do with all these emotions swirling around inside.
She was torn and frightened.
“Come on, there has to be something going on. You’re sneaking into the house in the middle of the night.” Regina looked her up and down. “You reek of guilt.”
Erica rolled her eyes. “How can I reek of guilt?”
Regina leaned forward and sniffed. “Okay, not guilt, but cologne or something very manly. Unless you’ve taken to wearing men’s deodorant.”
“You know what? I have.” Erica set the glass in the sink. “I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to hit the hay. I have a long duty-shift tomorrow.”
“Erica, it’s okay to admit you like this guy.”
“No, it’s not. You know my story. You know what happened to me before. I was in a relationship with my commanding officer before the Hope, and I thought he loved me, but he didn’t. Not the way I loved him and so I broke it off. I was the one that was isolated. I was the one who was getting the crummy shifts. I was the one passed up for commendation and promotions. I was the one he reported as mentally unstable. It’s why I left.”
“I thought you didn’t want a relationship because of your mom losing your dad.”
Erica sighed and leaned against the counter. “That’s part of it, but not really. I saw what my father’s service did to his marriage and his family, but that didn’t stop me from serving. That didn’t stop me from proving to everyone that I was a good officer too. I stepped out of my father’s shadow long before my relationship with Captain Seaton.”
Regina nodded. “Okay, so your holdup is not your parents’ marriage, but being burned by a lover?”
“I guess so. See, before I was hurt I thought my perfect match would be someone who served in the same capacity as me. My mother was not in the Armed Forces.”
“Erica, you had one bad relationship. Who doesn’t?”
“Has a former lover almost ruined your reputation and career by calling you mentally unstable?”
Regina bit her lip. “Well, no.”
“Then you’re not an authority.”
“Look, we’ve all been hurt by love before we found that perfect someone. I think that Thorne is your perfect someone.”
“And how would you know that? You’ve met him once.”
Regina shrugged her shoulders. “I just know. I’m quite intuitive and you’ve said that countless times. I have it on record.”
Erica chuckled. “Intuitive in your job.”
“Well, it counts for knowing good relationships too.”
“There’s no relationship. He doesn’t want one either.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me.”
Regina frowned and pursed her lips together. “I don’t buy that. I think you should talk to him about your feelings.”
“What feelings?” She would have got away with that except she blushed. There were feelings there; she just wasn’t sure she was ready to admit those feelings. Not yet.
When?
And that was the conundrum she was in. She was being a coward and she hated that. Erica wasn’t a coward.
“I don’t know why you’re trying to deny them.” Regina sighed. “Whatever you do, you have to tell him.”
“I’m telling you, he doesn’t want anything more than what we had tonight, Regina.”
“Do you know that with one-hundred-percent certainty?”
No, she couldn’t. She really didn’t know ho
w Thorne was feeling. Maybe he’d just been saying those things to get her between the sheets, maybe not. Damn it, she didn’t have time for this. A relationship was not on the cards for her.
She wasn’t going to put her heart on the line again.
Career was all that mattered. She just wanted to keep advancing until she commanded a posting of her own.
Relationships, love, family: they just tied you down.
You’re lonely.
Lonely or not, it wasn’t an excuse to go out and just marry the first guy you came across so you could get those two kids you’d secretly been longing for, which would put a strain on the marriage, which would eventually result in divorce because that significant other didn’t get your passion, your drive.
Her head began to pound.
“I’m going to bed. Good night, Regina.” Erica turned to leave, but Regina stopped her. “Regina, I’m really tired.”
“I know. Look, I’m sorry.” Regina gave her a hug. “I just want you to be happy. I saw the way you two looked at each other, and I think it’s mutual, but until one of you opens up nothing is going to happen. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I think you two are perfect for each other.”
I think so too.
“I can’t open up, Regina. I just can’t.” She gave her friend another hug. “I’m going to get some sleep. Should I wake you to say goodbye before I go to work?”
“Yes,” Regina said. “Or I’ll kick your butt.”
Erica grinned. “Just think, in a few days you’ll be on a leave with Rick in San Diego.”
“Not just a leave.”
“Oh?”
“I’m going to take a job at a private clinic in San Diego. Rick and I are trying.”
“For a baby?” Erica asked surprised.
“Yep.”
“So you won’t be going back on the Hope?”
Regina shook her head. “Nope. This was my last run.”
“So that’s why you’re trying to fix me up. You’re trying to make sure I’m taken care of before you head for the public sector.”
“You got it. I will succeed.”
“Keep thinking that.”
“I’m glad I got to see you. Perhaps Rick will get stationed in Okinawa. If not, I’ll come visit.”