California Dreaming

by Shawn Lane

  My view wasn’t of the ocean like Zach’s was. I had a view of some palm trees. He’d saved enough money over the years between Chicago and Miami to buy a little condo. It wasn’t right on the beach or anything, but the ocean was visible from off his living room. A few blocks away, but still, it was nice. I loved his place and spent as much free time as I could there. But that wasn’t always possible when he had someone like Brad or Chad over.

  And thinking of that brought my mood down even lower. Being with Zach for those few days had been a dream come true. An oasis in a bad few days. Now it was over. Or was it?

  We’d not really talked about what it meant for us. Every time I’d sort of brought it up, Zach had deftly turned the conversation in another direction. If I hadn’t been dealing with everything else going on, it would have bothered me more and I would have pressed it. I hadn’t. But then he had just dropped me off and said he’d see me at work. Like we were back to nothing but buddies.

  Gritting my teeth, I turned back to go inside my apartment once more. I grabbed my cell phone off the dining room table where I’d left it. I hit my contact for him.

  Of course, I got his voice mail. I squelched my disappointment and left him a message.

  “Hey, it’s me. We need to talk. Soon. I don’t think it can wait until work on Monday. I can come to your place, or you can come here. Whatever. It’s important, Zach.”

  I blew out a breath and returned my cell to the table. It had been a long day traveling, and my muscles felt sore all over. I decided a shower was definitely in order.

  I was just pulling on loose-fitting shorts when there was a firm knock at my door. The clock on my bedside table told me it was nearing eight. Which probably meant it was Zach. I rarely got any other visitors. But I’d expected him to call first and was a little surprised he hadn’t. A quick glance at my phone on the table on the way to the door confirmed that there was no missed call.

  My hand on the doorknob, I first peaked through the peephole to make sure it really was Zach. His face was turned, but I couldn’t mistake those eyebrows. I opened the door.

  “You got my message?”

  He pushed past me and walked in. “Message?”

  “I called you.”

  Zach shook his head. “Phone’s dead. Forgot to charge it.”

  “Then—”

  He slammed me against the nearest wall hard enough to knock the wind from me and then covered my lips with his in a scorching kiss. I gasped for air, and he used that opportunity to slide his tongue between my lips. He snatched both of my wrists in his bigger, stronger hands and held them above my head.

  Finally needing to catch my breath, I tore my mouth from his, my chest heaving. “Zach, what the hell?”

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Leave me.” He was staring so hard at me it was like he was looking through me. I felt naked. “I can’t lose you.”

  “What—” I stopped. I was having trouble making my mouth work. “What are you saying?”

  He released my hands, and as I lowered them to my side, he turned away for a moment. “I know what they’re offering you. Your whole family back again. I know that’s so tempting for you. And all I can offer is me.”

  I took a step forward. My heart beat hard. “Is that what you’re offering?”

  “Mick.”

  “I need to know, Zach. Are we just friends?”

  “You can ask that after California?”

  “What was I supposed to think? We went there for a funeral and suddenly you’re all over me. You sent me all kinds of mixed signals.”

  “Maybe my timing was poor. And maybe everything that happened, you talking about Joe all over again like he was the best thing ever until Raine came along, that pushed me to finally do something.”

  “You never said. When I asked…I need to know,” I said again. I felt like I could barely breathe.

  “I did tell you. I’m your family. Remember that?”

  I laughed a little hysterically. “That was a confession?”

  “For me, yeah. You want the words? Okay. I love you. I’m fucking crazy in love with you. And I have been for…I can’t even tell you.”

  I had to admit I was dumbfounded. Not in my wildest dreams had I imagined this. Imagined he’d come to my apartment and make such a confession. Was it really true? Had Zach been harboring these feelings just as I was?

  “Yeah?’ And even as it came out, it sounded so inarticulate. Like he’d just stated the greatest equation ever and I’d answered with, “huh.”

  Zach briefly closed his eyes and swallowed visibly. “Yes, Mick. I can’t believe it’s not obvious. It’s always you.”

  Tears pricked my eyes, and I couldn’t believe I was going to cry in this moment. It was ridiculous. “I love you so much.”

  I took another step until we were standing close enough for our chests to touch. He exuded warmth, and he smelled like spicy cologne and vaguely of cigarettes. My hand shaking, I touched his jaw, curving my fingers around his chin, feeling the bristle of his stubble.

  “Why didn’t you ever say? What were those guys? Chad and Brad and all those others?”

  “Because I’m an idiot. Part of me didn’t want to love you, didn’t want to settle down with just one guy. Even you.”

  “And now?”

  “You know the answer to that. The minute I touched you in California, I knew I’d given in. I couldn’t fight it.” Zach shook his head. “I couldn’t risk our friendship on just a whim. I wouldn’t have.”

  I kissed him, slow and sweet. “Are you sure?”

  “That’s why I went with you. Because I had to know. If I felt this way, maybe you did, too. Or that might have been wishful thinking. And Jesus, Mick, if I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have come back. They would have kept you.”

  I smiled a little. “A little bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?”

  “No. I saw Raine. She was practically begging you. I wanted to tear her away from you then and beg you not to listen. The thing is, Mick, you’re not like me. You’ve always missed your family. You always wanted a closeness with them, but you never actually thought you were entitled to for whatever reason.”

  I was struck by the truthfulness of his words. In some ways I had always felt unworthy of being part of them.

  “My relationship with my mother has always been toxic. And there’s not even enough feelings between us to want to change that. I think that’s why I latched on to you so hard back in Chicago. You became my family. But you? You’ve always talked about them. Even when you weren’t keeping in touch with them. Even when you’d get Raine’s Christmas cards, I saw the wistfulness.” He shook his head. “I’m not them. I know that I’ll never replace them. I’m not your family. But I—”

  “No.” I touched his lips with my fingertips. There was an ache in my heart that wouldn’t go away until I made him see my earlier words of denial were wrong. “You were right. You are my family.”

  “I’d like to be. More than anything.”

  “You are.” It was almost painful to speak. To get words past the lump in my throat. “But I’d like to have them in my life again, too.” I paused because asking him seemed significant for some reason. “If that’s okay.”

  He exhaled a shaky breath. “Of course it’s okay. I would never keep you away from them or anything you truly wanted.” His beautiful brown eyes had a wet sheen to them. Something I hardly ever got to see. That vulnerability.

  “Stay with me. Forever.”

  I grabbed his hand and placed it on my thundering heart. “Fuck me?”

  He laughed, clearly surprised. “Is that what it takes to convince you?”

  “No. I’m already convinced. I couldn’t leave you, Zach. I never really could have. But I’m just really horny.”

  I pulled him toward my bedroom and right to the bed. I only wore the shorts I’d put on when getting out of the shower, so I quickly stepped out of them. My erection jutted out from betwe
en my legs.

  Zach pulled his shirt off over his head. “Condom? Lube?”

  “Getting it.” I hurried to my bathroom and under the sink. When I returned with a packet and a small bottle, Zach was already waiting for me, naked and fully aroused. For me, I repeated in my head, still a little stunned that Zach loved and wanted me.

  “On the bed, babe,” he ordered.

  I’d never cared for that particular endearment until the first time Zach called me that. Now I was pretty sure I’d love it every time.

  I lay on my back this time, lifting up my legs to give him access to prepare me. He first rolled the condom over his cock and then reached for the lube.

  “I have a bigger bed,” he said out of the blue.

  “We’re not getting up and going to your condo right now.”

  He chuckled. “No, I know. Just saying.”

  “A bigger place to live, too.”

  “With a view.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He leaned over me to kiss me. It was all teeth and tongue.

  When he finally breached my ass with his lubed fingers, I let out a held breath.

  “You all right?”

  “Never better,” I assured him. I found myself touched that he checked every time. “I can’t wait to feel you inside me.”

  He smiled, his rare, full-of-teeth smile that did crazy things to my stomach. Before he was done, he had pushed three fingers inside me, but about the time I was ready to beg him to get on with it, he withdrew them and poised himself between my legs.

  “Say it,” he commanded.

  “What?”

  “You know what.”

  “I love you.”

  He thrust into me, balls-deep in an instant. I was ready. I wrapped my legs around his waist, angled high so that every time he plunged into me he stroked my prostate.

  “I love you, too,” Zach whispered as he proceeded to fuck me with all the love we’d both hidden.

  For too long.

  “Hey,” I whispered later, wondering if he was still awake.

  “Mm.” His head was on my stomach. I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair.

  “What do I tell them?”

  “You’re staying in Miami with your boyfriend.”

  I smiled. I loved the sound of that. “We’re going to have to visit them, you know. Since I won’t be moving back there, I’ll want to see them.”

  “Visits I’m okay with. Though I’m going to have to go every time so they don’t kidnap you.”

  “I’d love for you to come with me.”

  “Are we turning into a couple of saps?” he asked, yawning.

  “Probably. To be fair, I’ve always been a sap where you’re concerned. I just tried to hide it.”

  “You did a damn good job.”

  “What really made you make a move? There I mean. Some might think it’s a bit of a weird time to suddenly stake your claim.” And if the idea of him staking his claim on me was a little exciting, well, who could blame me?

  “I’d been thinking about us more all the time. Do you know how many people came up to me all the time to ask why you and I weren’t together?”

  That did surprise me. No one had ever asked me. “They did?”

  “Sure did. It got me wondering why not, too. Other than the commitment-phobe thing I had going on, anyway. I went with you to California because you needed me. You hate asking when you do, so I insisted. Your sister giving us the same room kind of sealed it for me. Because even she thought we should be together, and she barely knew anything about us.”

  “Huh. Interesting.” I smiled.

  He kissed me. “So yeah, I used the sharing-the-bed thing to seduce you. Shamelessly. And when it worked pretty easily, I figured maybe you might like me a little bit.”

  “Are you calling me easy?”

  Zach arched a brow. “You are a little.” His hand slid over my hip. “I got the vibes from your sister right away that she wanted you to move back. Your parents surprised me a little more. But Raine? She was always the one who kept in touch with you. Or tried, anyway. It scared me a little that I might lose my chance with you if they talked you into moving back. So I had to finally act.” He leaned up on his arms to study me. “And wow.”

  “Wow, huh?”

  “You blow my mind, Mick. You’re sexy, smart, adorable, and the best damn bottom I’ve ever had.”

  I laughed, feeling my face redden. “The things you say. So, just you and me?” I had to be sure.

  “Yes, Mick. Just me and you.”

  I nodded. “Now, about that smoking.”

  Zach groaned and buried his face in my stomach. It was okay. I had plenty of time to work on him. Miami and Zach were home.

  THE END

  ABOUT SHAWN LANE

  Shawn Lane is a multi-published author of gay romances and believes love and passion know no boundaries. Happily Ever After is for everyone.

  She has been published by Loose Id, Ellora's Cave, Amber Quill Press, Dreamspinner Press, and Evernight Publishing.

  Shawn lives in California and holds down a boring day job in a legal department of a giant corporation dreaming of the nights and weekends when she can create new stories.

  For more information, visit smlgr8.blogspot.com.

  ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC

  JMS Books LLC is a small queer press with competitive royalty rates publishing LGBT romance, erotic romance, and young adult fiction. Visit jms-books.com for our latest releases and submission guidelines!