Inked Chaos

by Grace, M. J.

  My hair is falling in soft curling layers down my back. I don’t know how the stylist did it, but it looks awesome, and it brings out the auburn colour so well. I’m wearing a real kick ass outfit that I fell in love with, and according to Jen I just had to buy. Of course, I’m wearing my trademark jeans, but these are tight black jeans, with a hint of sparkle on them, topped off with a silver grey silk halter neck top, which is quite low at the back. I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive about the halter neck at first, but it feels so soft against my skin and is so comfortable; I just had to buy it. Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t wear lots of silver bangles, and dangly silver earrings, and finally some high heeled silver sandals with crystals on them.

  I have to admit I feel good, and I’m happy to say I’m holding my own against the LA set.

  Jen appears at my side, grabs my hand and starts pulling me in the direction of the area designated for dancing.

  “Come on girls, it’s time to boogie.” She yells and without a choice, we all follow her to the dance floor.

  I love to dance. I can lose myself very easily in music; which means I’ll just do my own thing, and forget all that’s going on around me. Jen has often said, she might as well be on the dance floor by herself once I’m in the groove. She has never admitted it, but the fact is, she is just the same. This evening being no different, as it doesn’t take long, and we are both in a world of our own, doing our thing.

  One track leads to another, and feeling thirsty, I head off the dance floor towards the bar, asking first for a glass of water, followed by a glass of wine; my drink of choice this evening.

  I turn and face the party, scanning the crowd for Jen. Yep, there she is. Dancing away, oblivious to all around her and dancing totally on her own. Ha! So like me, just who is she kidding? I laugh to myself.

  I take a sip of my drink and turn to see if I can spy April and Naomi. Finally spotting them over the other side of the garden within a crowd of people, I start to move in their direction, only to pull up sharp when one of the men, who had his back to me, looks to the side and I identify AJ. Shit! What’s he doing here? He’s supposed to be in New York. I quickly veer to my left, and decide another direction to walk is the best option. Not sure where I’m heading, I resolve to find somewhere quiet, finish my drink and consider my options.

  It only takes moments, before I find myself down in a secluded area of the garden, away from the crowds. Mmm, I can still slightly hear the music in the background, but it’s nice and peaceful here.

  I find a bench, and sit down closing my eyes. Yep! I’ll be quite happy chilling out here for a while, enjoying my drink and the evening, while I ponder on what to do next. Deep down, I know I’m going to have to go back to the party, bite the bullet and say Hi. After all, I’m an adult, time to act like one. I’ll just finish my drink and then I’ll head back.

  CHAPTER 6

  “Hi” a deep voice says next to me.

  “Shit!” I exclaim jumping out of my skin and spilling my drink, as I look up to find AJ standing next to me. How did he get so close, so quietly? Please tell me I didn’t doze off and he caught me. No, I definitely didn’t. He must move like a cat, and to top it all, once again he’s heard me say ‘shit’. I sit up straight, trying to compose myself, as I look up at him.

  “Hi.” I answer with a shaky smile. Okay, my nerves are gaining the better of me. I can feel my hands shaking, as I take a deep breath and say, “take a seat,” gesturing to the bench beside me.

  Oh boy! Does he look good? He’s wearing his usual black jeans, with a black shirt, open at the collar and with the sleeves rolled up.

  “Thanks.” He says, sitting down next to me, and I observe the amusement in his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump.” he grins, and my legs turn to water. Yep, its official, I’m weak. Especially around that smile of his.

  “I was just chilling out for a while.” I say. “Giving my feet a break and catching my breath. It’s been awesome, but it’s been a long day and I’m starting to feel it.”

  Okay, now I’m waffling. For crying out loud girl GET A GRIP!

  “I know what you mean. Although for a minute there, I thought you were avoiding me?” he states with an amused smile.

  I gape at him, and I just know my mouth is hanging open with shock. Well! He’s not backwards in coming forwards is he? I decide to take the bull by the horns, confess, and get it over with.

  “Oh alright! I confess, you got me.” I reply. “I felt a little awkward and decided to escape. Not too well as it turns out.” I just know I’m blushing head to toe.

  “That’s okay. I don’t blame you. After what happened following the concert, I can understand your hesitancy. I can’t really go into it, but what happened couldn’t be helped. I’d like to apologise if you’ll let me?”

  He seems sincere. I can’t refuse his apology, it will just make me look a bitch, and let’s face it, I don’t want to.

  “Apology accepted.” I reply with a tentative smile.

  He smiles back at me, and those dimples of his come out full force, taking my breath away.

  “I thought you were in New York.” I blurt out frowning.

  He bursts out laughing at me. Oh hell! Did I just say that out loud?

  “It got cancelled.” he smiles.

  Yep! Seems I did say that out loud. Another episode of my mouth working before my brain is up and running.

  “Sorry, mouth malfunction.” I groan. “My turn to apologise.”

  “Accepted. How about we start over? Hi, I’m AJ pleased to meet you.” he says, holding out his hand for me to shake.

  “Hi, I’m Jorgi.” I reply with a smile. I take his hand and we shake. The touch of his hand sending tingles all up my arm. Oh hell! I’m a goner. I know it. I don’t know why I’m fighting it. I think deep down I knew that this is how I’d be affected. That’s why I’ve been doing avoidance tactics. Well, I can’t avoid him anymore.

  “So, how are you enjoying my hometown? Has Jen been taking you out and about?”

  “Well, I’ve only been here a few days, so I haven’t seen much, but what I’ve seen so far I love.”

  “We’ll have to do something about that then. See what we can organise.” he suggests.

  I don’t know how to answer that. There’s nothing more I’d like, than to be shown LA by him. However, I don’t want to put him out, and I certainly don’t want him to feel obligated to take me anywhere. So I opt for the safest option.

  “That’s okay. I know you must be busy, and I really have to knuckle down and work on my writing. So, I’m not sure when I’ll have time to go out and about.”

  He stares at me in silence with those piercing blue eyes of his for so long, that I begin to feel uncomfortable.

  Did I offend him?

  I think I did.

  I can see a muscle twitching in his jaw, and just as I begin to have the courage to speak, he leans back on the bench with a confident smile and states:

  “Now, I think you just tried to say no. So I’m going to speak plainly, and we’ll get rid of all the drama in one go. Yeah, I fucked up after the concert. That doesn’t mean I had changed my mind about meeting you. It means something happened that made that meeting impossible. I couldn’t fly back to the UK due to work commitments. Yeah, I could have asked Jen for your number, but I didn’t want to start anything over a telephone, with you miles away. That’s not how I play things. I wanted to get to know you then, and nothing has changed. So how about cutting out the bull’ and you let me show you LA.”

  Oh fuck! Did he just say that? Yep, he did. I know I’m staring at him. I also know I’m frowning, and I can feel that self-preserving wall of mine slowly sliding upwards.

  I don’t know what to say. He obviously doesn’t give a shit and says what he thinks, so maybe that’s my way to go too. It’s not in me to be so straight forward, so it takes all my courage to answer with the one word question I want to ask.

  “Why?” I whisper.


  “Why?” he repeats, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

  “Why did you want to meet me? Why do you want to waste your time showing me LA?” I ask, knowing that for some unknown reason to myself, I almost sound angry.

  He leans towards me, resting his arms on his knees and regards me quizzically, as if he’s trying to figure me out.

  “I think the question should be, why I wouldn’t? But to answer your question. I wanted to meet you because there I was, bored shitless, waiting for a car to take me to the sound check, when a car came racing along with one of our songs at full volume. I watched as the girl sat in her car, obviously engrossed in her own world, listening until the track finished, before climbing out of her car and taking my breath away. She had long red hair that shined like flames in the sunlight, and awesome legs. To top it off, when I spoke to her, her smile lit up her face, and was promptly followed by the word shit!” he smiles. “I couldn’t get you out of my head. So when I saw you as I was entering the elevator, I decided I wanted to meet you. Now does that answer your question?”

  Fuck! I’m screwed. I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had to deal with someone as forthright as him before. He doesn’t hold anything back.

  Even so, I still don’t understand, so again I whisper, “Why?”

  “Why?” He repeats. “Did you not hear a word I just said? Why do you think I couldn’t be interested in meeting you, and why do you sound so pissed off when I say I am?”

  He sounds like he’s the one becoming pissed off. My protective wall is almost to the top now. Much more and it will slam home. Unfortunately, my anger gains the better of me and I snap.

  “Yes, why? I’m not one of your perfect bodied, stick thin models or actresses. I’m not glamorous and beautiful or famous. I’m a boring everyday person who happens to like writing stories. I’m also, I hate to admit it, older than you. So excuse me for wondering, why?”

  As I proceed through my tirade, his eyes narrow, and his mouth gets tighter. By the time I finish, I can see he is holding his anger in check. Well! I’ve said my piece. I’ve given him a way out, so he can back off and that will be the end of it. He won’t have to pretend to like me anymore to save face.

  He stands up, runs his hand through his hair in frustration, and glowers down at me.

  “Damn it woman you have issues, so let’s go through them one by one.” He bends down, places a hand either side of me on the bench to fence me in, and leans in closer. “No, you’re not stick thin. No, you’re not a model or an actress. You’re a writer. Someone who creatively puts the words together, to make the stories in the first place. That also makes you not boring. As for your age, who gives a fuck? If I’m not bothered, what does it matter?”

  That’s it. The minute he says I have issues, my wall slams home with a bang, and my back straightens as I shut myself down.

  “Please move away from me.” I whisper.

  He remains where he is, watching me intently.

  “No we need to talk.” he replies with a stern expression.

  “You’ve said enough.” I reply.

  He stays where he is. I’ve had enough, I place my hands on his chest and push, at the same time as I shout. “MOVE.”

  He stands back and moves away from me, so I quickly take my opportunity to flee. Standing up, I begin to briskly walk back towards the house.

  Well! That truce didn’t last long.

  “So, you’re going to run? We’re not going to sort this out?” he shouts as I’m walking away.

  I halt at the sound of his voice. God this is intense. I don’t need this in my life. I’ve already had too much drama and upset. Enough to last me a lifetime. I take a deep breath, turn around, and walk back to him. He’s standing there with his hands on his hips, watching me approach, with a guarded look in his eyes. Stopping in front of him I let him have it.

  “You have no right talking to me like that. We’ve only just met and you don’t know me well enough to tell me I have issues. Hell! I’ve never met anyone like you. What? You think that because of who you are, you can say things without caring if you hurt the person you’re talking to. Well! Let me tell you Mr Hot Shot Rock Star, you need to take care of people’s feelings when you decide to tell them what you think. So yes, I’m walking away from you. I’m going to get myself a drink, and try to forget I met you, and that this conversation ever happened. I’d like to say it’s been a blast meeting you, but I’m not a liar, so I’ll just say goodbye.” With that parting shot, I turn around and head towards the bar.

  “We’re not done.” he shouts at my retreating back.

  “Oh yes we are.” I mutter to myself.

  My feet can’t carry me away quickly enough. I head for the bar, order myself a large whiskey, then while I’m drinking it, my eyes search the crowd for Jen. I’m staying here tonight, so I’ll say goodnight and disappear to my room.

  Spying Jen over the other side of the garden with Razor, I down my drink, walk over and whisper in her ear that I’m going to bed. With a surprised look, she says okay and glances behind me. Following her gaze, I spy AJ over the other side of the garden, drink in hand, watching me.

  I look at Jen, as she raises an eyebrow questioningly at me. I shake my head, and mouth “not happening”, give her a kiss on the cheek and walk towards the stairs. Don’t ask me how, but I know he’s watching me. I resist the temptation to turn and look. I just want to reach my room, and lick my wounds. AJ Lewis definitely fell off his pedestal tonight. I hope when he landed it was painful on his ass.

  CHAPTER 7

  It’s been a couple of days since the horrendous confrontation with AJ at the party. At breakfast the next morning, Jen had bombarded me with questions, and although I had wanted to forget the whole incident and didn’t want to talk about it, that obviously wasn’t going to happen. So I’d told her all, and held my breath, waiting for her reaction; which I knew was not going to be good.

  “So basically, you did your usual trick; took offence, shut yourself down and walked away. Just like you’ve done with every man since James.” She’d said.

  Okay! So much for us girls sticking together.

  I’d leant towards her “Well thanks for the support friend. What do you mean ‘my usual trick’?”

  “Oh come on Boo, admit it. Every man you’ve dated, you’ve found an excuse to slam up the wall. Honestly, you have never let anyone in long enough for you to know them or vice versa. Now you’ve done it to AJ. He’s a good guy; which you’d have found out if you hadn’t taken the hump.”

  “I don’t know who you’re talking about, but it’s not me.” I’d replied sourly.

  “Boo honey. Please, this is me Jen. Not someone you think you can pull the wool over their eyes. I know you, I was there to help pick up the pieces after that shithead James crushed your world. I’ve watched you, systematically push away, every guy that has shown the slightest interest in you since then. I had hoped that AJ being who he is, you would let down your barricade, and let yourself relax and lighten up a bit.”

  Staring out of the window, I’d let my mind wander back over the last few years of my life. Jen was right. I did concoct some petty excuses to not see again every guy I’d dated. Sometimes, I didn’t even grasp what or why I was doing it. That wall was so high, and so thick, I wasn’t going to let anyone through it. If I didn’t let them get close, they couldn’t hurt me. I’ve forced myself into a male free isolation zone, without even noticing. My nose started to sting, and my eyes filled with tears as the truth had hit home.

  “Hell Jen! What have I done to myself? I didn’t know I was doing it, honest. I’m a mess, a lunatic.” I’d looked at Jen to see her softly smiling at me

  “At last, a breakthrough.” She’d whispered, as she put her arms around me. “You’re not a lunatic sweetie. You were just subconsciously protecting yourself against being hurt again. Now you recognise that, you can move on; get your life back on track properly.”

  “Oh my God! Jen. AJ! He
must think I’m a mad woman. He’ll never speak to me again. I totally lost it with him last night.” I’d said as I covered my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment, groaning out loud when I recalled the scene in the garden.

  “He’s cool.”

  Raising my head, staggered I’d looked at her. “He’s cool?” I’d repeated.

  “Yeah. After you left we had a talk.”

  “You had a talk?” I’d echoed “What do you mean you had a talk?”

  “I mean we had a talk, a chat, a conversation. You know, two people exchanging words. A talk.”

  “Okay, Miss Sarcasm. What did you talk about?” I’d questioned.

  “Don’t stress out on me. He said you’d had words. He was worried about you; that you’d been upset. He also said, he couldn’t believe you had such a low opinion of yourself, that you’d wonder why he’d want to spend time with you. I can’t believe you asked him that!” she exclaimed “He said he understands, seeing as you’ve been hurt in the past. So he’s willing to go slow.”

  “I can’t help it, I just asked the question. How was I supposed to know he’d get uptight about it? Hang on, what do you mean ‘he understands I’ve been hurt in the past’?”

  “He knows about James.” Jen revealed.

  “What! Jen for crying out loud, how could you?” I’d asked, aghast.

  “I didn’t tell him, Razor did, but before you go off on one, I haven’t told Razor everything so AJ can’t know everything.”

  I’d looked to the ceiling and closed my eyes “Please. What did you tell Razor?” I’d pleaded.

  “Don’t panic. All he knows is that James was a creep, and that you took the divorce hard. He knows nothing about the baby or the surgery. He only knows about James, because he was asking me if you were single. I wouldn’t tell anyone about the baby Boo, you know that.” She’d said sadly.

  “Sorry, I know you wouldn’t. It was just my jerk reaction. You’re my best friend; I know you’d never intentionally hurt me, but Jen, I’ll never be able to face him again after the way things went down last night. Oh the humiliation!” I’d said putting my hands over my face.