Inked Chaos

by Grace, M. J.

  He throws his head back as he laughs, and once again my eyes are drawn to his face as it lights up with his laughter.

  “I think my ears will survive.” He retorts. “Seriously though, I’m pleased it’s all coming together for you. I remember what it’s like trying to get a foot on the ladder of success. All the knock backs, the cynicism, the disappointment, but never give up on your dreams. That’s the only advice I can give. Anyway, I’m sure it’s going to be a best-seller, so you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Thanks for the confidence boost, but I’m not counting my chickens. I’m going to take it one day at a time. I don’t want to become too excited, only to come crashing down.” I reply just as our meal arrives.

  The meal is delicious, and while we eat, AJ tells me about the tour they have planned, starting in a couple of weeks’ time. It sounds like they will be visiting many states, as well as a few dates in Europe, two of which being in London. They have been rehearsing every day to make sure they are on top form. On top of that, before the tour starts, he has a few television appearances that he has to attend. One of which being in New York.

  “Is that to replace the appearance they cancelled the night of the party?” I enquire.

  “Yeah, they rescheduled it for in a few days’ time. However, they didn’t cancel it, I did.” He replies staring at me. It’s like he’s trying to tell me something without voicing the words. From what I have experienced of this guy before, he’s not usually so mysterious. He says what’s on his mind, not beating about the bush. So why does he seem reluctant to offload his thoughts now? I decide I’ll give him that play. He can tell me if he wants to, but I’m not going to ask outright why he cancelled.

  “Too busy eh?” I comment and take a sip of my wine, then proceed to nearly choke, as it goes down the wrong way as he retorts.

  “Nope. I wanted to hook up with you, but we both know that didn’t turn out as I’d hoped.”

  Coughing and spluttering, I put my glass down and reach for my napkin to cover my mouth. The wine is burning its way down and I can’t catch my breath. AJ rapidly pours a glass of water, which quickly materialises in my hand, and I gratefully take a few sips.

  As I gather my wits and catch my breath, I look at AJ, to find he’s looking at me with a concerned expression.

  “You okay now Birdie?” he queries, placing his hand on my arm.

  I’m stunned, I can’t believe he cancelled an appearance just to meet me. Surely he has to be kidding, and what’s with the Birdie?

  “You’re kidding right?” I say, my voice husky from the coughing. “That’s not truly why you cancelled?” I splutter.

  “No, I’m not kidding. I’m also not stupid. I guessed Jen purposely organised the party for when I was going to be in New York. I rang the studio, made my excuses, asked them to reschedule, made my apologies, assured them I’d make it up to them, and came to see you. Although, as we both know, the evening ended slightly unexpectedly.”

  I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to draw attention to the argument we had that night, I just want to forget it. However, I can’t not acknowledge the fact, that he had changed his plans in such a drastic manner.

  “Didn’t that cause a few problems for them? They would have to arrange a replacement at short notice wouldn’t they? And what about your flight? You’d have lost the cost of that.”

  “It wasn’t that short a notice, I knew about the party in advance. Raze told me as soon as Jen mentioned it to him. I just didn’t let on to anyone that I knew, and believe me the cost of the flight is of no consequence.”

  “Are you always so impulsive? To cancel something important like that, just for a party?”

  “Yes, I can be impulsive. If I want to do something I do it. Why wait and ponder over the options or scenarios. You have to grab at life Birdie. Grab it with both hands and run with it, but you’re missing the point. It wasn’t about the party. It was about you.”

  My hearts pounding so hard, I’m surprised he can’t hear it. If he is to be believed, he went to all that trouble, just because he wanted to meet me. I find this an impossible idea, but after his reaction at the party, when I questioned why he wanted to spend time with me, I feel it best not to be forthcoming with my opinion. Not yet anyway. Instead, I focus on something that my troubled mind can cope with. Hopefully something that won’t end in an argument.

  “Why did you call me Birdie?” I ask.

  “You’re my Humming bird, Birdie for short. It’s how I think of you. Do you mind?”

  Do I mind? I think my brain is going to combust with the overload. Every time he opens his mouth and speaks, he astounds me. First, he cancelled on his interview and flight, not because he was busy, but to meet me. Me! A notion I fail to comprehend! Then he calmly informs me he has given me a nickname. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m speechless. I’m also starting to believe that for some reason, he really does like me. Dare I take this chance, and risk trusting what he is saying is the truth. I remember what Jen said, that I always push guys away. Never willing to take the gamble and give one hundred percent of myself; always keeping that wall semi built to protect myself. Maybe it’s time to do as AJ suggests. Time for me to grab this chance with both hands, and run with it. I decide to trust my instincts. I’ll take what he has to offer day by day, and see where it leads.

  “No, I don’t mind at all.” I answer, with a tentative smile.

  Smiling back at me, he once again takes hold of my hand, gives it a little squeeze and says “Good. Now we have that clarified, would you like a coffee or are you ready to leave?”

  “I’m good to go if you are.” I say and watch as he presses the button for the waiter; who after a quick word, a few moments later brings the bill. He places it on the table, and bends to whisper into AJs ear, causing him to frown slightly.

  “Thanks, we’ll be out shortly. Can you see that my car is brought around to the front?” He asks the waiter.

  “Of course Mr Lewis, and rest assured, we will do what we can to contain the situation.” Replies the waiter and quickly leaves the table.

  “Something wrong?” I ask worriedly.

  “I don’t know how they found out, but the Paparazzi are outside. Sorry Birdie, but it appears you’re about to be initiated into the crazy ways of my life sooner than I had hoped.”

  Observing my worried expression, he stands, and taking hold of my hand pulls me to my feet.

  “There’s nothing to worry about. Just don’t let go of my hand, and stay as close to me as possible. If you don’t want them to photograph your face, keep your head down. I don’t know how many are out there, but the staff will hold them back as much as they can. Okay?”

  It sounds like an army manoeuvre. Unquestionably, I’m apprehensive; my hands shaking with anxiety. How bad can it be? I nod my assent, and still holding my hand tightly, AJ moves us towards the exit of the restaurant, and the waiter.

  “We’ve done the best we can Mr Lewis. However, there are quite a few out there; it appears a few fans have materialised also. It may be wise to make a run for it Sir.” He advises.

  AJ looks at me, squeezes my hand once more, and smiles reassuringly “Ready?” At my nod, he counters “Remember what I said, hold onto me and stay close. We may have to make a run for it. If that’s the case just follow my lead.”

  “Okay.” I smile tentatively, gripping his hand tightly as if my life depends on it.

  AJ nods his head affirmatively at the waiter, who opens the door, then moves to my side, as we walk outside to what can only be described as pandemonium. Cameras flashing, voices shouting, people jostling, fans screaming. I hold onto AJs hand with one hand, and grab his upper arm with the other. The staff are trying to hold the photographers and fans back, but they are crowding around us so close, I’m being shoved and pushed. Cameras flash up close to my face blinding me, and I dip my head down trying to protect my eyes.

  “Is that your new girlfriend AJ?”

  “W
here did you two meet?”

  “How long have you been dating?”

  The questions go on and on, fired at AJ in rapid succession. Ignoring them, he moves us as quickly as he can towards the car, whereupon he opens the passenger door, and I quickly climb inside. Putting my shaking hands up, I dip my head down to hide my face, unwilling to have my identity spread all over the press.

  AJ quickly climbs into the driving seat, starts the engine, and pulls away; having to go slowly at first, as to not run over any of the people surrounding the car. Once free of obstructions, he puts his foot to the floor and we speed away, leaving the chaos behind us.

  I lean forward, looking at the receding crowd through the wing mirror. I can’t believe what just happened. It was totally crazy. How often does that happen to him? I don’t think I could put up with that every time I went out.

  “Damn it” He shouts, slamming his hand onto the steering wheel, making me flinch. “Are you okay baby?” He asks, reaching over to grab my shaking hand. “I’m sorry Birdie, I didn’t think we’d be bothered there. I’ve eaten there numerous times before, and never encountered a scene like that. If I’d thought that would happen, I’d have brought Ross along.”

  “I’m fine, just a little shaken up. I thought we were going to be separated at one point, the jostling got so bad. I have to admit I was starting to panic. If that waiter hadn’t been at my side, holding them off… Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I have to admit, that was intense. I have never had to put up with shit like that before. I’ve always travelled the city freely.

  Whoever tipped them off, must have mentioned I was with an unknown girl, and they went in for the kill. Hopefully, that will be the one and only time we have it that bad, but knowing the paparazzi, I doubt it.”

  “It’s over, please can we just get back to your place. I’m in severe need of a drink.”

  AJ lets go of my hand, and places his back onto the steering wheel. I turn my head to the side and gaze through the window, watching the city go by. He says he has never experienced anything that bad before. Can I believe him? His life is full of fame and celebrity. Although I have witnessed for myself that he drives his Harley along the streets of LA without being accosted.

  Feeling reaction begin to set in, I clench my trembling hands together, desperately trying to regain control, before AJ notices.

  Leaving the city lights behind, it’s not long until we arrive at the big gates guarding his home. We glide through them, and soon AJ is pulling up outside the front door.

  Trying to avoid him noticing the state I’m in, I decide to exit the car as soon as the engine stops. However, as I open the car door, and attempt to climb out, the shaking has become so strong, that I’m worried my legs won’t hold me up. Gripping onto the top of the door for leverage, I pull myself out and lean with my side against the car; watching as AJ folds himself out of the car, and turns to look at me. Whatever he sees, alarms him enough for him to slam his door shut, and run around to my side of the car.

  “What’s wrong?” He questions as he reaches my side, looking at me with concerned eyes.

  “I’m alright honestly, it’s just nerves. I feel a little shaky that’s all. I’ll be fine in a moment. I feel so stupid.”

  Without further ado, AJ slams my door closed, positions an arm around my waist for support, and walks me into and through the house to the lounge.

  Placing his hands on my shoulders, he presses me down onto the sofa and momentarily leaves me, before returning with a glass of brandy. Sitting on the sofa next to me, as my hands are still shaking, he holds the glass to my lips for me to take a sip.

  “It’s shock, drink this it will help. Damn those reporters, why can’t they realise the stress they cause to the people they target? You said you were okay, you should have told me the truth Birdie.”

  “It only just hit me, honestly, and I didn’t want to worry you when you were driving. Truly, I feel better already, the brandy has helped.”

  “You have to be honest with me Birdie. Promise me, you’ll always be honest with me.” He says looking at me intensely.

  “I promise.”

  It’s an easy vow for me to make. I don’t know why he is so intent on my promising, I just know I feel compelled to put his mind at ease.

  “How do you feel now?” he asks.

  “Better thanks.” I answer and when he frowns “Honestly, look no more shakes!” I say holding my hands out flat.

  AJ stands and pours himself a drink. Returns to the sofa, and sits down next to me, draping one arm along the back of the sofa.

  “I’ll do my best to see that never happens again. You have my word on that Birdie, please don’t be worried.”

  “I’m fine honestly. You said it’s a rarity and I believe you. I’ve witnessed that you don’t usually have any hassle.” I reply. Thinking to myself, that as I’m not going to be here much longer, it doesn’t really come into the equation anyway.

  “You’ve witnessed me?”

  Damn! Why can’t I keep my mouth shut? Or at least think before I speak. Now I have to admit that I saw him out on his Harley. Something that I was hoping to avoid.

  “Umm… I saw you when I was at a café in town.” I reply hesitantly.

  “Oh yeah, sitting with your head down, scribbling on a pad.” He acknowledges.

  Right, so he’s admitted that he saw me. So why didn’t he speak to me? Once again my mouth goes into overload, and without thinking, the question pops out of my mouth.

  “May I ask you something?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “You said you wanted to hook up with me, and you just admitted that you saw me at the café. So why didn’t you speak to me? You didn’t even glance in my direction. Until Razor informed me that you had seen me, I really thought that you hadn’t.”

  “I’m not going to approach you in the open like that babe. Firstly, I was worried about being shot down. Secondly, I knew about the party, so I was biding my time; and thirdly, I wasn’t going to risk any paparazzi hanging around, and getting a scoop before we’d had time to get to know each other better.”

  “Oh.” I whisper stunned. This is because my brain has now gone into shock. Looking down at my hands to hide my confusion, I try to break his statement down. I can understand his view on the paparazzi and the party; but he’d been scared of being shot down! AJ Lewis! Is he mad? And to top it all he’s called me babe. As in BABE.

  What the hell? I don’t know what to think about what’s happening here. My instincts are telling me to slam that wall up and hide behind it, but I find I don’t want to. I don’t want to go down the same route I’ve been travelling the last few years, but dare I take the risk and put myself out there with him?

  My head snaps back up and my eyes meet his as he softly calls my name.

  “Birdie. What’s going on inside that head of yours?”

  “Turmoil.” I confess, blurting it out quietly. Another mouth malfunction. What is it about him that causes my mouth to act without engaging with my brain?

  “Turmoil?” he repeats raising an eyebrow. His beautiful blue eyes

  looking stunned.

  “Yes turmoil. Puzzled, perplexed, confused, even chaos. You throw me into turmoil.”

  “I throw you into turmoil?” He repeats as if to himself quietly. “I’d like to think I threw your feelings into something else, but there you go. Tell me why you’re… let’s say…. confused.”

  How can I tell him what’s going through my mind? When it and my feelings are all in disarray. Straightening my back, I come to a decision. He asked me to always tell him the truth. So I’m going to lay it on the line. If he doesn’t like it, then so be it. At least I will know where I stand.

  “I don’t know what you expect from me.” I say hesitantly. “You say you went to all that trouble to attend the party. People don’t do those kinds of things; cancelling flying to New York, just to meet me. That’s madness! Crazy! We hadn’t spoken two words to eac
h other. Why would you do that? Then there’s the apartment. I feel beholden to you for letting me stay there.”

  I observe his face as I continue to speak, noticing the narrowing of his eyes and the clenching of his jaw. Yep! He doesn’t like what I’m saying, but I’m on a roll, the words tumbling from my mouth, unable to stop now I’ve begun.

  “Please don’t be angry.” I say, trying to appease him. “You don’t know me, yet you’re doing all these things. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, truly, but it’s all too much. I feel overawed, even slightly intimidated by your actions. Can you not understand that? I’m not used to the way you do things, or the way you say things. I live a normal quiet life, and I feel like I’ve been thrown head first into a lion’s den, and I’m going to be swallowed up by you sometimes.”

  After finishing my outburst, I have to say I feel quite liberated; as though a great weight has been removed from my shoulders. He now knows how I feel, hopefully he now understands where I’m coming from.

  Looking at him, I notice he is no longer tense, but staring at me thoughtfully. The edges of his mouth tilted as if he’s trying not to laugh.

  “Are you laughing at me?” I question affronted. I’ve just laid myself out there and he’s laughing. I can’t believe it.

  In temper, I quickly stand, intending to go to my room and leave him to his amusement. However, I don’t reach very far, as he catches my hand and brings my flight to a halt.

  “I’m sorry babe. I’m not laughing honestly. It’s just the thought of me as a lion, swallowing you up. The mental picture got the better of me for a moment. Please sit back down, let’s talk.”

  As I look at him, I can see he still has an expression of stifled laughter about him, and despite myself I can’t help it, I burst out laughing, as I fall back onto the sofa. He’s so adorable and funny. So much for the serious conversation I think, as I try to control myself, unable to stay mad at him.