Sidebar

by Carsen Taite

  Hank chuckled. “I had a feeling there was something more to it.”

  His reaction was the complete opposite of what she’d expected. “Why are you laughing?”

  “Because just when I think you can’t surprise me again, you do. Although I bet you surprised yourself even more. Am I right?”

  Was he? Falling in love with Camille certainly hadn’t been expected. When she first met Camille, she’d imagined one of her usual hookups, but nothing more substantial. The falling part took place in tiny increments of shared interest, deep conversation, and slow-building intimacy. The connection they’d shared was like nothing she’d ever experienced, and it was the best thing that had ever happened to her, which was probably why she couldn’t shake the loss. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Hank reached for the bowl of green beans. “Trust your instincts. They’ve carried you this far, and you’ve come a long way from the rebellious kid I first met.”

  He continued eating as if nothing had happened. She’d spent the entire day practicing all the things she’d say in response to his epic scolding, but he seemed almost ambivalent to the bombshells she’d dropped. She supposed she should be happy to be off the hook, but instead she felt deflated. “I’m sorry I quit the job without talking to you about it.”

  Hank set his fork down. “I think I’m the one who owes you an apology. I never should’ve held you to that promise. After all you’d been through, I took the only thing you had left—control—and that wasn’t right.”

  West placed a hand over his. “It’s okay.” And it was. But for her promise to Hank, she might never have met Camille, and as painful as losing her was, West wasn’t ready to say she wished it hadn’t happened. But Hank’s belief that she’d figure it out was misplaced because if she’d had the guts to move past what had happened, she would’ve done it by now. It was time for her to move on to new things and hope that someday she’d meet another woman like Camille who made her feel special, wanted, and loved.

  “I have a lead on a new job.” She told him all about the work with the regional office of Lambda Legal. “The interview went well, but they have a few other candidates, and any job offer is pending bar exam results.”

  “Those should be here any day now, right?”

  “Yes. I guess it wasn’t very smart to sit for the Alabama bar, but this job doesn’t require a Texas license since most of the work is behind the scenes. I’m thinking I might sit for the Texas bar in February.”

  “Good plan. Let me know if there’s anyone I can call to help you out.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather do this on my own.” She watched his face for signs she’d hurt his feelings, but pride was the only emotion she saw reflected back.

  “I have only one request.”

  West braced for another promise she wasn’t sure she could keep. “What is it?”

  “When you get the results, may I swear you in? It’s one of the few privileges I still have now that I’m retired. We can do it here, in my study. Very low-key.”

  West sighed with relief. She hadn’t thought through the logistics of being sworn in, and she sure didn’t want to drive all the way back to Alabama to make it happen. “Deal.”

  “Now that you’ve got your new career sorted out, what are you going to do about the other thing?”

  “Other thing?” she asked. He stared hard for a moment before she realized he was talking about Camille. “Uh, I don’t have a clue. Probably nothing.”

  “Look, I understand quitting a job that wasn’t for you, but quitting people you love because they make a mistake?” He shook his head. “You’re going to have a hard time finding someone to love if you’re that much of a hard-ass.”

  “I tried. I was the one who pushed it. She never wanted more, and definitely never out in the open.” West winced as she remembered the confrontation in front of Stroud and the marshals. She’d desperately wanted Camille, her lover, to stand up for her, but she wouldn’t because doing so would’ve revealed the depth of their relationship. “Honestly, I don’t even know what I would say to her at this point.”

  Hank looked at his watch. “Well, you might want to give that some thought because she’ll be here in about ten minutes.”

  * * *

  Camille stood at the door and knocked, but her focus was inward, as she remembered the day she and West had stood outside this very house, and West had handed over her phone number in a shameless display of flirtation.

  She’d seen so many sides of West since then. Smart, cool, sexy, even a little shy at times. She’d give anything to see any of those facets again instead of the cold, hard silence she’d experienced since West had stormed out of her office the week before.

  The door opened and she looked up, expecting to see Diane Blair, but like a cruel mind trick, West was standing in front of her. She started to reach out, but another part of her brain kicked in to say it wasn’t, couldn’t be real.

  “Why are you here?” West asked.

  Camille stared at the doorway, at West, who was very real. Her question had been delivered in a quiet, almost painful voice. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.”

  West stepped outside, closed the door behind her, and stood across from her on the porch. The night air was cool and crisp and West shivered against the cold, or was it discomfort from this chance meeting? Camille had spent a lot of time imagining what would happen if she ran into West. Every version had a slightly different twist, but all of them ended well. Judging by the waves of animosity coming from West now, her optimism had been misplaced, so she said the only thing she thought West wanted to hear. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve violated your privacy. I never should’ve doubted you.”

  West nodded but didn’t speak, and Camille took small comfort that West didn’t reject her altogether. She fumbled for something else to prolong the contact, but before she could string together more words, the door opened.

  “What can I do to get you two to come in from the cold?” Diane asked, her cheerful voice like a blaring horn in the silence between them.

  “I have to go,” West said, already on the move.

  Camille started to yell for her to stop, to grab her by the hand, and pull West back into her arms, but she did none of those things. West had to come to her because she wanted to, not because she was being pushed or pulled. Powerless to stop her, Camille watched West fade into the distance.

  “Camille?”

  Diane watched her watching West. Once, she would’ve worried about someone seeing her so vulnerable, but surprisingly, she didn’t care that Diane had heard or seen everything that had just happened between her and West. The realization was liberating and she liked it.

  She followed Diane into the dining room where Judge Blair was seated at the head of the table. He looked so much better than when she’d visited him weeks ago and she said so.

  “It’s kind of amazing what you can accomplish when you only have one goal,” he said. “Thanks for coming by.”

  “I should’ve come later. I wasn’t thinking about it being dinner time.” She’d called Diane this afternoon to let her know that the marshals had concluded their investigation into the threatening notes. She’d expected Diane to pass the message along, and that would be the end of it, but he’d insisted she come out to the house and tell him everything in detail. Considering how dramatically his speaking had improved since she’d seen him last, she wondered why they couldn’t have just spoken on the phone.

  “Nonsense. Are you hungry? There’s still some dinner left, and Diane made a lemon icebox pie for dessert.”

  Camille shook her head. Any appetite she’d had vanished at West’s rejection. “No, thank you. I can’t stay long. I have a lot of work to do still.”

  “And you like the work? You’re enjoying it?”

  His questions were innocuous on the surface, but they seemed loaded and full of mines. “I’m finding that I need to be better about balance,
” she said, quickly changing the subject. “Would you like to hear what happened with the investigation?”

  “Yes, thanks. And I appreciate you indulging me by coming all this way.”

  She reached in her bag and pulled out a file. “The marshals provided me with this draft of the report.” She handed over a document. “You can keep that copy. They attempted to interview Stroud after he left my office this morning, but he told them to talk to his lawyer and he left the building. They obtained a warrant based on Lloyd’s statements and Stroud’s conversation with me and contacted his counsel about an hour ago to make arrangements for Stroud to turn himself in.”

  “You don’t sound happy.”

  “Professionally, I get why it’s not good policy to throw a sitting federal judge in handcuffs, but personally, I’d like to tighten the steel around his wrists myself. I’m just glad it’s over.”

  “You’ve had a rough first start. Threats, a mistrial.”

  “Don’t forget one of my law clerks obstructed justice.”

  “And the one I made you promise to keep walked out on you.”

  Camille thought she heard an extra layer of meaning behind his words. Had West told him anything about their relationship? Relationship was probably too strong a term for what she and West had shared, but it was exactly the right word for what she wanted. Would he think she was a horrible person for falling in love with West after he’d entrusted her with West’s career?

  He was staring, waiting for her reaction to his statement. She had a choice. She could act like West was nothing more than an employee. She could say she was disappointed the professional relationship hadn’t worked out, but she wished West well in her future endeavors. Those were the proper things to say and do. The safe things. But to do so was to deny her feelings, and more importantly, to deny West’s role in awakening them. Camille was just beginning to realize she’d been filling her life with titles and trappings, but with all her accomplishments, she was still empty inside. Until West.

  West might never want her again, but she wasn’t ready to stop trying to win her back, and the first step was taking a risk. She took a deep breath. “I want her back. Not to be my clerk.” She scrutinized his face, searching for signs her next words weren’t welcome, but then decided it didn’t matter. She had to speak the truth so she plunged in full force. “I know you’re like a father to her, and you’re probably very protective. I don’t know what she told you, but I never meant to hurt her and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I’m in love with her, and I’ll do anything to get her back.”

  She stopped talking and waited. For shock, for admonishment, but all she got was a big smile.

  “Thank you for telling me. I appreciate your honesty,” he said. “Now, as for getting you two back together, I have the perfect plan.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “You look great,” Bill said, “but I think you should wear a suit.”

  West looked down at her outfit. She had on her best chinos and her favorite Wembley tie. “Dude, I’m not wearing a suit. This is not a super formal thing. It’s at their house. I’m only bringing you along because Diane made cake and I know how much you love cake. PS, I’m making you drive because Hank will probably break out some of his killer scotch.”

  “You say that, but I know you’re bringing me because you love me for getting you in the door at Lambda.” Bill danced around waving his hands in the air. “You love me, you really love me.”

  “Quit it.” She shot him a fierce look, but it didn’t work and soon they were both laughing hysterically.

  It felt good to laugh. She was still in a funk over losing Camille, and seeing her at Hank’s house had only made matters worse. Camille had managed to look exhausted, anxious, and alluring at the same time. West had driven around the block three times, and on each pass, she’d almost stopped and gone back inside, but she didn’t know what to say, so on the final lap, she kept going, away from Camille, away from risking her heart.

  But today was about moving forward. Yesterday, she’d received her bar exam results, and the call from Lambda Legal offering her the job came just hours later. She’d considered buying a lottery ticket, but didn’t want to push her luck. She decided to take her professional successes and run with them. She didn’t need a personal life to be happy.

  The first thing she noticed when Bill pulled up in front of Hank’s was the line of cars parked in front of his house. She looked up and down the street for signs of people, but there was no one in sight.

  “Looks like someone’s having a party,” Bill said as he eased his Audi between a couple of other cars.

  “Yeah, I guess.” West got out of the car and walked toward the house with a growing sense of unease. She’d barely reached the front step before the door opened.

  “West!” Diane called out. “We were beginning to wonder if you were going to make it. Come on in. Everyone’s in the study.”

  Everyone? West turned back, searching for Bill. He gave her a knowing smile and urged her along.

  “You heard the lady.” He reached for her hand with a mock bow. “Your audience awaits.” He hustled her down the hall before she could protest, and when she reached the door of the study, the room was crowded with familiar faces. Hank was leaning against his desk, and surrounding him were Ester, Peter, Sam from the cafe at the courthouse, and a few court clerks and bailiffs she’d gotten to know over the years. If Bill had filled her in on the surprise, she would’ve bailed, but standing here now with all these people who’d been with her on this journey, her heart swelled. She tapped her hand on her heart and ducked her head to hide the tears of gratitude.

  Hank gave a little speech thanking everyone for being there to witness this important occasion, and then said he’d always known she’d be a fantastic litigator because she’d argued with him from the moment they met. While everyone laughed at his joke, West looked around the room, drinking in the love and support she saw reflected back at her. She turned to whisper thanks to Bill, but stopped mid-word when she saw Camille standing in his place.

  Camille looked as stunning as ever and more rested and at ease than when West had seen her last. West stood still, not knowing what to say, but Camille tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at Hank who was smiling at them both. In that instant, West knew he was responsible for bringing them together today, but before she could figure out the why behind his move, he called her over and asked her to raise her right hand while he administered the oath.

  She could hear the tremble in her voice, but her trepidation had nothing to do with the words and everything to do with Camille standing across the room, watching her with an intense gaze. West forced herself to focus on the words Hank was asking her to repeat: with all good fidelity…use no falsehood…support the constitution. When the applause started, she finally allowed herself to breathe, and the first person she turned to was Camille.

  But Camille was on the move, gently pushing past the others to walk to the center of the room. She stood there until the applause died down and then held up a hand.

  “My name is Camille Avery. Judge Blair invited me to take part in this very special event and has graciously allowed me to say a few words.

  “Unlike most of you, I haven’t known West for many years. However, I’ve had the privilege of working with her over the past month and have personally witnessed the integrity and industry she’ll bring to the profession.

  “But I’m not standing in front of you today to tell you about what a great person West is and what a brilliant lawyer I think she will become. I have a very selfish reason for this little speech, and it has to do with what Judge Blair said earlier about some occasions being so important that it’s necessary to have witnesses who can attest to what happened—to make it real.”

  Camille stepped closer to West but kept her voice loud enough for everyone to hear. “So, West, I’m here to say, in front of your friends and family, that I’m in love with you. I started falling
in love with you the moment we met, but I was too caught up with the shoulds and shouldn’ts of my career to leave room for all the possibilities a future with you might hold. I’m sorry for that, but if you’ll have me, I’d like the chance to try again, the chance to build a future with you.” She paused, her eyes glistening with tears. “I love you, West Fallon.”

  The room fell silent, and West felt everyone staring at her, waiting for her response. She’d come here today, optimistic about her professional future, but pessimistic about her chance at ever finding the kind of love she felt for Camille. Now Camille was standing in front of her—in front of everyone—baring her heart and promising more than West had ever allowed herself to dream possible.

  Hank’s advice echoed in her ear. She had a choice to make, and only one was the right one, only one would allow her to claim the life she’d hoped for, but had never been sure she truly deserved.

  “I love you too.” And with those words, West walked into the arms of her lover, intent on staying there for the rest of her life.

  * * *

  Camille glanced out the French doors that opened into the Blairs’ backyard and spotted West sitting alone on the porch swing. For a second, she was gripped with uncertainty, but she mentally replayed West’s declaration of love several times to give her courage and pushed through the doors. “I brought you a piece of cake.”

  West looked up and Camille witnessed a jumble of emotions in her half smile and teary eyes. She set the cake plate on the table beside the swing and knelt in front of West. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” West uttered the muffled word as she wiped her eyes.

  Camille wanted to pull her into her arms, but hesitated. Maybe the grand gesture had been a little too grand. She’d thought telling West she loved her in front of the people important to her was the perfect way to prove her feelings were genuine, but maybe she’d put West in the embarrassing position of accepting something she didn’t want any more just to save face.