Leaving Yesterday

by Zoe Dawson

  The more she experienced her brother’s symptoms, the more she was convinced that Brooks had PTSD. She went online and discovered that it was the kind of disorder that ruined people’s lives. It made her sick to think that both Harley’s and Brooks’s lives would be ruined. She desperately wanted them both to get well. It made her think about how her father had used alcohol to cope. It made her worry about both of them.

  When J.J. knocked at the door, her brother Reese let him in. J.J. looked amazing in a blue suit, a blue tie that matched her dress, and a white dress shirt.

  He gave her a beautiful wrist corsage, and she tried to not roll her eyes when her brothers joked about their shotguns and where his hands needed to stay. There were also pictures. So many pictures.

  She’d glossed over her crying jag so that they knew nothing about Brooks. Rafferty was so supportive and sweet. She covered it over with a that-time-of-the-month excuse.

  Determined to have a good time and stop thinking about Brooks, she and J.J. talked mostly about what they wanted to do after high school. He was off to North Carolina to attend NC State in the fall.

  “Cooking school?” he said, smiling when she told him about what she wanted to do with her life. “In New York City and Paris, France? That’s sure a change from rural Montana. You think you’ll like that? Lord knows you can cook, girl.”

  “Thanks,” she said, beaming at him. “I think I will love it. Exploring new places and meeting all kinds of different people. You don’t think you’ll enjoy Raleigh?”

  “I’m all about getting the degree done and getting back to ranching. It’s what I love. I would have done an online degree, but my daddy insisted I have the college experience.” He shrugged. “He’s going to be running the ranch for a long time, but he wants all of us to have not only the hands-on experience, but the schooling to infuse more modern technology and such into the business. He automated awhile ago, but there is always a means to either cutting costs, finding a niche market, or better practices.”

  “That’s really forward thinking, J.J.”

  “Enough of that. You look really pretty tonight, by the way. That dress is awesome.”

  “There’s something more your daddy taught you…and thank you.”

  “Actually, that kind of thing I learned from my mom. She’s always saying that noticing things about people and saying them is a nice thing to do. Shows you’re interested.”

  “Interested?”

  “Not in a romantic way, Cadie, just in a gentlemanly way.”

  “You really are something else. A gentleman bad boy is it?”

  He laughed. “Maybe.”

  The dance was in full swing when they got to the school gymnasium. Once again, the decorations were stellar, thanks to Anzu’s help. The music was buzzing and J.J. wasted no time in getting her on the dance floor. They had decided to skip the dinner thing and get a bite to eat later.

  After the first three songs, Cadie, winded and parched, made her way over to the refreshment table to get some fizzy punch, and her stomach dropped. Brooks was standing not far from the door and he was scowling at J.J. Full out, eyes narrowed, body tense. She sighed. Freaking boys. She thought sometimes they were more trouble than they were worth and more dramatic than girls.

  —

  Trinity Gill showed up at Eden’s with her potluck dish, small quiches, and knocked. Cheyenne was with Lacy Carson, her best friend, up for a visit. The Carsons had been so kind. Brooks—she wasn’t sure where he’d gone. He had been adamant that he wasn’t going to the dance. She had expected them to stick together tonight of all nights, but her children hadn’t wanted to sit home and remember that a year ago this was the night their father had died. They were going to his grave tomorrow and that would be enough for them.

  Feeling the powerful tug of old memories, her throat cramped, and she shifted her gaze, trying to will away the sting of tears. God, she was such a mess. Her life was a mess. Ever since her husband had died, she’d been numb.

  When the door opened, she was startled. She’d expected Eden, but instead Rafferty’s attractive friend opened it. She took a moment to catch her breath.

  “Hello, there. Come on in,” he said, his voice deep and husky. It was as if every nerve ending in her body came to life all at once with a rush of sensation, she felt breathless all over again.

  Her eyes collided with his, a rich whiskey-brown, and her heart caught at the boyish quality to his face, the deep intelligence in his gaze as apparent as his chiseled jawline, straight nose, and full mouth. His bronzed brown hair was cut in a trendy block cut, long on top and shorter on the sides and back. Realizing that she was staring and she hadn’t responded, she said, “Hi.” Her voice cracked and she swallowed.

  He smiled with a kind of heated wildness that made her heart pound. “Do you want to come in or you dropping off food? I sure hope it’s the former.”

  “No, I’ll come in.” She stepped in over the threshold and he took the dish from her, setting it down on a table in the hall.

  “I’ll get that for you,” he offered, bending over her from behind, sending his heated breath over her skin. Then his warm hands were at her shoulders, helping her with her coat. At his touch, she shivered. He hung it up in the hall closet and she was working on assimilating the remembered sensation of what it was to have a man touch her.

  Before she could pick up the dish, he’d already snagged it. “Greg Chambers,” he said with a smile.

  “Trinity Gill.”

  “The mayor, correct?”

  “Yes. That’s me.”

  He nodded. The way he was dressed in that dark blue suit with the beautiful Wedgwood blue silk tie made a strong, powerful statement. She heard the rumor that he owned a business in New York City. Completely out of his element in Laurel Falls, no doubt. She couldn’t imagine a man more removed from what her beautiful little town stood for. A hardened New Yorker who cared about nothing but the bottom line was so far away from the sweet husband she’d lost.

  She immediately felt as if she was betraying her husband by totally losing her cool when he’d answered the door. She shouldn’t be feeling anything. Ron had only been dead a year.

  But even as the night wore on and she was seated next to him, she found herself getting lost in his orbit, and confusing feelings hounded her all night. If he wasn’t on his phone, he was staring at her, and it sent hot and heavy waves of sizzle over her skin. That was the most confusing thing of all. She’d never gotten these kinds of sensations before. Ever. That thought caused guilt and the sense that she was betraying Ron again.

  To keep her mind off how good he smelled and how witty and funny he was, she watched Trace and Rafferty interact. There was something going on there, but what exactly was her relationship with Greg? It really wasn’t any of her business, only curiosity.

  As she was exiting the big country kitchen, she heard his lowered voice. “Have you done what you came here to do?”

  “No, not yet. I’m still completely torn about how to proceed and I’m never indecisive, but…this town is wonderful.”

  “You’ve got to get this…situation settled and onto that business in California. Your dad isn’t going to be patient forever,” Greg said, his voice softening.

  “I’ve never felt this way before. It feels like I’m deceiving them and using them.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re just doing your job.”

  “If you say so,” she said, her voice subdued.

  Trinity’s interest was piqued, and whatever was going on between Greg and Rafferty and Rafferty and Trace had something to do with Laurel Falls. That was her business. She was the mayor. She’d better take a closer look at Rafferty Hamilton and try to figure out what secret she was harboring to make sure it wasn’t going to be bad for the town.

  —

  Cadie wasn’t going to dwell on this at all. She was here to have a good time. She deliberately turned away from Brooks and smiled at J.J. He brushed a stray hair off her face, saying some
thing about it being hot in the room.

  It was hot all right. Brooks burned her from head to toe.

  He suggested going outside for a few minutes to cool off and Cadie agreed.

  Outside it was cool, but felt good against her skin.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yes, why?”

  “Brooks is here.”

  “I saw him.”

  “Yeah, I figured. If looks could kill.”

  He grabbed her hand and they walked a few steps toward the soccer field. “You never thought about going pro for football?”

  “Nope. Football is fun and all, but I don’t like getting hit, and I don’t want broken bones or strained anything. I just want to rope and ride, the cowboy way.”

  “And that’s not going to strain anything?” She giggled at his wry look. “You’re good enough for the pros.”

  “I was recruited, but turned it down. It’s not where my interests lie. I like playing baseball, though.”

  “Carson, what are you doing sniffing around Cadie? Don’t you have a passel of females lined up that you can charm?”

  J.J. stiffened and turned toward the sound of Brooks’s voice. He cocked a hip and set his hands at his belt, but that lazy stance was deceptive. She could feel the tension in him from where she was standing. “You have some problem, Gill? Way I heard it, you weren’t interested in the lady.”

  Brooks took a few steps and stumbled, and Cadie bit her lip. Exhaustion hung heavy on him, shadows under his red and swollen eyes. “Whatever is between Cadie and me is our private business. Why don’t you go find some other conquest?” His voice said mine as clear as if he’d said she was his.

  “Why would I do that when she’s willing?”

  Without warning, Brooks lunged at J.J. and socked him hard in the jaw. He retaliated by punching Brooks, who reeled away and fell on his ass in the grass. J.J. stood over him, his fists clenched. “No one likes an asshole, Brooks, and you’re acting like one.”

  Brooks didn’t respond, reared up from the ground, and hit J.J. again. This time they wrestled each other to the ground. Cadie rushed over and grabbed J.J.’s arm as he pummeled Brooks. “Stop it! Both of you!”

  J.J. got off him and backed up, but there was nothing relaxed about him. Brooks lay on the ground.

  “Cadie. Let’s go,” J.J. said, but she looked back at Brooks and she couldn’t leave him here. She closed her eyes to gather her composure, trying to tamp down the unease, the pain at seeing him like this, and her inconvenient love for him.

  “He’s hurting, J.J,” she whispered. “This isn’t like him at all. Please. Go ahead. I’ll take care of him.”

  “What? You want me to leave you here with this guy?”

  “Yes. He’s not going to hurt me.”

  His skeptical look said it all and she couldn’t refute it. He’d already hurt her. “Are you sure? Because if I leave you here and something happens to you, I…”

  “I’ll be fine. Just cut him some slack. Okay?”

  He shot a look at Brooks and then back at her. “Sometimes people don’t want help, darlin’. Doesn’t make you a bad person if you can’t make a difference.”

  “Thanks for that sage advice.”

  “All right, but text me when you get home.”

  “I will.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. Throwing a sad look at Brooks, he strolled away.

  Cadie walked over to Brooks and knelt down. “What are you doing?”

  “I don’t know,” he mumbled, giving her a lost-little-boy look. “I really don’t.”

  “I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”

  “I do…I mean, I did. Damn.”

  She leaned down to help him sit up and she smelled the whiskey. She reached out her hand. “Give me your keys.”

  “What? No.”

  “Yes, or I’m going to call your mother.”

  He sighed, his chest heaving. With a grumbling moan, he pulled a set of keys out of his pocket.

  “Come on,” she ordered, tugging on him until he stood. She brushed him off. “You are such a mess.” Grasping the keys, she said, “Where is your car?”

  “Damn, you’re pushy.”

  “Car, Brooks.”

  “Out front in the parking lot.” She snagged his arm, pulling him behind her, grabbing her coat on the way out of the school.

  She shoved him into the passenger seat and got behind the wheel. Anger and compassion warring with each other.

  “Please, don’t take me home. Not like this, Cadie. My mom has had enough of me. She’s all mad about my behavior and reamed me out.”

  She clenched her jaw at the forlorn sound to his voice. Putting the car in gear, she drove to the falls, the road dark and bumpy, but she loved this area, and it was a soothing place.

  The sound of the falls reached them as Brooks reeled out of the car and made his way to a picnic table. It was chilly, the mist from the rushing water moist against her face as Cadie followed. She sat down next to him.

  “You’ve been drinking.”

  “Yes, sometimes I can’t sleep. It helps.”

  “It’s not the answer.”

  “You’ve got all the answers?”

  “No, I didn’t mean that. Just, alcohol…it ruins people,” she said with a catch to her voice.

  His face softened and he closed his eyes. “Right…your dad.”

  “It killed him, Brooks.”

  She reached for a tissue in her purse and leaned over. He might smell faintly of whiskey, but his hair smelled delicious. Every time she got close to him her pulse went haywire. She wanted to sink into him.

  She pressed the tissue to his split lip and his eyes popped open. Such a heartbreaking green. His gaze went over her face, slowly. “Damn, Cadie, you are so freaking beautiful,” he whispered. “It drove me crazy to see you with J.J. I didn’t want to suck you into my pathetic shit. I tried to stay away tonight, but I need…” His words trailed off and his mouth covered hers, his hand cupping her face so gently.

  She’d waited a long time to feel his mouth on hers, and it was everything she’d hoped for. Oh, God he knew how to kiss. He played with her mouth. He seduced her completely. He tasted hot and decadent, like something rich, dark, sensually powerful.

  She wanted him desperately. She wanted to be there for him, take what he offered. This was such a risk. So dangerous. Her heart was all in here. There wasn’t anything she could do about it.

  And because she was all in, she wanted him to be, too. He made her melt from her very core.

  Cadie felt him go suddenly still in her arms, so still she could hear his heart beat. She wasn’t sure what was wrong. Then she tasted them, the warm, wet saltiness of his tears. They were streaming down his face onto hers, flowing over her lips and breaking her heart. Not a move, not a sound escaped him.

  Only the tears.

  Oh, Brooks.

  She held him, not moving herself, knowing something bad was coming. It was in the rigidity of his body, as if he might crumble if she so much as dared to breathe.

  She didn’t know what to do for him, how to help him.

  When he kissed her, lightly rubbing his lips over hers, she thought for a second it would pass and he would be okay. She kissed him back, and he moved his mouth to her cheek, and in the split second before he spoke, she knew her hope had been misplaced.

  “He died a year ago. Tonight. Please, Cadie, I don’t want to be alone tonight.” His voice was soft, so raspy, his arms holding her so tightly.

  She tightened her arms around him, loving him and knowing it wasn’t enough. Nothing could be enough.

  He kissed her cheek again, just the softest brush of his lips over her skin.

  “I’m sorry,” he said roughly. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  He wasn’t making this apology to her. It was his father he was trying to get forgiveness from. She wanted to know more, but with him breaking down like this, he needed comfort more.

  “So sorry,” he repeated, and
then a racking shudder went through him, and another. A sob broke free from deep in his chest, an agonized sound Cadie felt all the way down to her gut—and all she could do was hold him.

  Cadie could feel his heart pounding, hear him breathing too harshly. But, God, he was so beautiful, and his mouth, his mouth had been everything she’d craved, everything she’d wanted since she was old enough to understand what happened between a man and woman.

  He was like tempered steel beneath her hands, his whole body rock hard. There was no softness left in him, no protective layer. He’d been honed down to muscle and bone, and all of it was frighteningly focused on her.

  “Brooks,” she whispered his name, so scared he was going to break right there in her arms.

  She had no idea what to think at this point, but she knew she couldn’t leave him now. He’d been drinking and she knew his father had died in the early hours of the morning. She couldn’t deny him this request, even though she knew there would be hell to pay with her brothers. They were going to be livid. But she’d deal with that in the morning. She wasn’t leaving him and she wasn’t going to call her brothers and have an argument with them. She was eighteen, no longer a baby. She could make her own decisions for herself.

  She wasn’t naïve. She knew what he was asking her and she wanted it.

  Tomorrow it may be bad.

  Tomorrow he might wake up and go back to avoiding her.

  Tomorrow he might just love her back.

  All risks she was willing to take because she wanted to comfort him, give him something else to focus on instead of the memory of holding his dying father in his arms. At least, a year after the tragedy, he would have a new memory to take its place.

  He bowed his head, his silky hair brushing her cheek and neck. He buried his face in the hollow of her throat. She didn’t dare lose him, not like this. She knew what she would feel for the rest of her life. Incomplete. “Come home with me,” he pleaded.