Long Live the Queen

by Gerry Swallow

  “Twice,” said Gene.

  “I’ll do what I can,” said the Cheese.

  The next couple of hours were excruciatingly long as Elspeth, Jill, and Gene paced about the castle courtyard. By now the feast in the Great Hall had begun, and the courtyard as well as the streets of Banbury Cross were quiet and well littered with debris. And while they awaited official word from the Cheese, they got something much better. The same door from which Krool had entered the courtyard just days before opened and out walked Jack, escorted by longtime prison guard and honest man, Solomon Grundy.

  Propelled by habit and fueled by emotion, Jill and Elspeth, with Gene in hand, ran to Jack and hugged him, a move that reminded all four involved that Jack still suffered from multiple cracked ribs.

  “Sorry,” said Jill, as Jack winced and nearly passed out from the sharp, searing pain. “I forgot about your ribs.”

  “That’s okay,” Jack wheezed. “Just please don’t let it happen again.”

  “I won’t,” said Jill.

  “You have to understand,” said Elspeth. “We’re just so happy to have you out of jail.”

  “You’re happy?” said Jack. “Imagine how I feel! After all, I can’t afford to be going to prison now that I’m going to be a—”

  Jill backhanded Jack across the chest, and he doubled over and struggled to catch his breath.

  “Sorry, I forgot,” said Jill. “Again. It’s just that I thought we agreed to tell Elspeth over dinner.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Elspeth. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop by for dinner this time. You see, my father is coming home from Florida soon so I really should be going.”

  “Oh,” said Jill, doing a poor job of hiding her disappointment. “Then I guess we should probably tell you now.”

  “Tell us what?” said Gene.

  “Jack?” said Jill. “Would you like to tell Elspeth?”

  Jack responded with a pained look and a long wheeze.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you,” said Jill. “The exciting news is, you’re going to be a big sister.”

  A smile sprang to Elspeth’s face as she inhaled sharply. “You’re pregnant?”

  “I am.”

  Elspeth and Jill squealed and jumped up and down like two girls in middle school when, in reality, only one of them was. “That’s the best news ever,” said Elspeth.

  “For years Jack and I have talked about it,” said Jill. “But until we found you it always seemed like we’d be trying to replace you, so it never felt right. Until now.”

  “I’m so happy for you,” said Elspeth. “And for me. I’d like to be here when it’s time. Promise you’ll send for me.”

  “I promise,” said Jill.

  “She and I are going to have so much fun together,” said Elspeth, who had already decided it was going to be a girl. “I’ll teach her how to play chess.”

  “And how to kick some butt,” said Gene.

  If Elspeth had felt torn between her two worlds before, this bit of news only served to muddle and divide her feelings further. By now the sun was dipping toward the horizon, and the shadow from the statue and soon-to-be fountain stretched the breadth of the courtyard.

  “I really should get going,” she said.

  “Of course,” said Jill.

  “But I’ll see you soon,” said Elspeth. “I promise.” She handed Gene over to Jill. “You should all go and enjoy what’s left of the feast,” she said. “After all, you’re eating for two now.”

  “So is your father, apparently,” said Jill, playfully patting her husband’s belly.

  “I wish I could join you all,” said Elspeth. “Rumor has it that a certain stick is due to receive a special commendation.”

  “A stick?” gasped Gene. “Is it me?”

  “Can you think of another stick more deserving?”

  “So then it is me. Whoo-hoo!”

  Elspeth smiled at Gene then hugged Jill tightly and Jack cautiously. As always, it felt strange to be heading home yet saying good-bye to it at the same time.

  “Take good care of yourself,” said Jill.

  “I will,” said Elspeth. “And you two take good care of each other.”

  “Maybe start by not hitting me in the ribs,” said Jack.

  Elspeth watched as her father, her mother, and Gene, the giddy stick, walked across the courtyard toward the door to the Great Hall. Jill looked over her shoulder the entire time, and Elspeth smiled back. It was like a phone call where neither party wants to be the first to hang up.

  When they finally slipped through the door, Elspeth turned with a smile and made her way toward the castle gate. She crossed the drawbridge and found Detective Cheese waiting on the other side.

  “Hello, Rodney.”

  “You’re not still mad at the Cheese, are you? For throwing your old man in the clink?”

  “No,” said Elspeth. “I know that the Cheese was just doing his job.”

  “He was indeed,” said the Cheese. “You heading back now?”

  “I am. And you? You’re not going to the feast?”

  “I’ve got a missing bug case on my hands. Ladybird flew home this morning and couldn’t find her daughter, Anne.”

  “You might want to try looking under the pudding pan,” said Elspeth.

  “Pudding pan? Sounds a little crazy,” said the Cheese. “But I’ll check it out.”

  The two said their good-byes and parted ways, and Elspeth walked alone through the quiet streets of Banbury Cross, past the city wall, and out toward the pasture. When she reached the well, she sat upon its edge and looked back toward the village. It seemed that sitting here she was exactly halfway between her two worlds. She swung her feet around and stared down into the darkness. In addition to being very tired, she felt happiness and a strange sense of well-being as she took a deep breath and pushed herself from the edge and into the abyss.

  She came out on the other side as she always had: soaking wet and lying flat upon her back. Elspeth was fond of complaining that nothing ever happened in the Deadlands, but for now it was nice to be experiencing a little bit of nothing. She was quite content to have things back to normal. She took a moment to just lie and listen. She heard nothing and, based on that, assumed her mother and father had not yet returned from the airport. It could be any minute now, and she wanted to make sure she was ready to greet him properly.

  A change into dry clothes was the first order of business. She pushed herself to her feet, then walked to her dresser where the head of the nameless fashion doll still sat next to Farrah’s old body. She changed her clothes and did her best to mop up the puddle on her floor with a towel. Then she walked to the living room, took a seat upon the lifeless couch, and waited.

  Finally, she heard the sound of keys in the lock. The door flew open and in walked Sheldon, lugging a large, lumpy suitcase. His face instantly lost all signs of the weariness of travel when he saw Elspeth. “There she is,” he said with a medium-size smile, which was much bigger than the one he usually displayed.

  He wrapped her up in a hug that included a pat on the back, a move that Elspeth had always associated with sympathy. “Good to see you,” he said, without adding the words “there, there now.” Elspeth stepped aside to allow Sheldon room to lug his suitcase into the living room. “And what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

  “Oh, not much,” said Elspeth. “Just some back-to-school shopping. Got some new sneakers and some new dungarees.”

  “Dungarees?” said Sheldon with a smile and sideways glance at Delores. “You mean jeans?”

  “Yes,” said Elspeth. “Jeans. And how about you? How was your trip?”

  “Fantastic,” said Sheldon. It was a word he didn’t use often, and Elspeth could not remember having ever seen him in a better frame of mind.

  “Turns out the award comes with a five-thousand-dollar cash prize,” said Delores. She patted her husband on the back, not sympathetically, but as a way of showing her pride in him.

 
“That’s great,” said Elspeth. “Congratulations. Does this mean we can go to the waterfront tomorrow?”

  “It does indeed,” said Sheldon. “It does indeed.”

  The next day’s weather could not have been better for such a thing. The air was still and just the slightest bit crisp. Sitting at an outdoor table, Elspeth and her father watched the boats and the tourists and ate fish and chips. They followed up their meal with ice cream in a waffle cone, which they ate as they walked to Pike Place Market. It being Sunday, they found it impossibly crowded but not to the extent that they could not walk side by side and hand in hand past the seafood counter with the giant crab legs and on to the vintage poster shop.

  This time Elspeth found nothing that interested her and elected instead to spend her poster allotment on some fresh-cut flowers for her mother and on a small, stuffed crab with the word “Seattle” embroidered across its right claw. It was meant to be a gift for her new brother or sister. Although it wasn’t until Elspeth arrived back home that she considered the possibility that the crab, like Farrah, might magically come to life when taken from the Deadlands to New Winkieland. A live crab, she supposed, would make a very poor gift for a newborn.

  And as she carried the crab into her room at the end of that perfect day, she was surprised and a bit alarmed to find a small puddle of water in the middle of the floor. Quickly she closed the door behind her and locked it. “Hello?” she whispered. “Is anybody here?”

  When there was no answer, she looked first under the bed but found only a large population of dust bunnies. She checked the closet, but that too revealed nothing out of the ordinary. It was only as she placed the plush crab upon her dresser that she noticed something that had not been there before. It was a small piece of paper, folded in thirds.

  Slowly, she reached for it, and when she opened it, something slipped out and fluttered to the carpet at her feet. She gasped at the sight of the one-hundred-sixpence bill. Her heart beat faster as she unfolded the note and read the words scrawled upon it.

  Dearest Elspeth,

  It was such a pleasure seeing you again, and I so look forward to our next encounter. I think I’m really going to like living here in the Deadlands. So much in the way of opportunity for a person of my unlimited talents and unrivaled ambition. Especially while in the possession of this lovely golden pear.

  Until we meet again, please find enclosed a little gift from me to you. Get yourself something nice.

  Best regards,

  Jonathan Ellington Rutherford Krool

  P.S. Pleasant dreams.

  Text copyright © 2017 by Gerry Swallow

  Illustrations copyright © 2017 by Valerio Fabbretti

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  First published in the United States of America in January 2017

  by Bloomsbury Children’s Books

  www.bloomsbury.com

  Bloomsbury is a registered trademark of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

  For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, Bloomsbury Children’s Books, 1385 Broadway, New York, New York 10018 Bloomsbury books may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at specialmarkets@macmillan.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Swallow, Gerry, author. | Fabbretti, Valerio, illustrator.

  Title: Long live the queen : magnificent tales of misadventure / by Gerry Swallow ; illustrations by Valerio Fabbretti.

  Description: New York : Bloomsbury, 2017.

  Summary: For Elspeth Pule, life is dull and lonely in the real world, where she misses her good friends Humpty Dumpty, Bo-Peep, and Rodney, a giant, talking wheel of cheese. After holding her breath until she is blue in the face, Elspeth opens her eyes and finds herself back in a land where storybook characters are real. Can Elspeth use her bravery, smarts, and just a little bit of ill temper to thwart the evil witch and rescue her friend Queen Farrah?

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016023126 (print) | LCCN 2016036825 (e-book)

  ISBN 978-1-61963-490-9 (hardcover) • ISBN 978-1-61963-491-6 (e-book)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Behavior—Fiction. | Characters in literature—Fiction. | Fantasy. | Humorous stories. | BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Fantasy & Magic. | JUVENILE FICTION / Nursery Rhymes. | JUVENILE FICTION / Humorous Stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.S925 Lo 2017 (print) | LCC PZ7.1.S925 (e-book) | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016023126

  Book design by Yelena Safronova