by Emily Woods
“It means we should be humble, not be satisfied in ourselves, thinking that we don't need God.” Like a tidal wave, other teachings came rushing back to her, battering her heart and threatening to overwhelm her, but she once again pushed them away. Having Carl sitting across the desk helped to distract her from those thoughts. “Would you like to continue or should we look at one of the primers now?”
“Whatever you like, teacher,” he replied with what was coming to be a familiar grin.
She sorted through the books on her desk and chose one that was the least childish. They spent the next hour pouring over it. Every so often, she would walk over to the chalkboard and show him how a word broke down into syllables so that he could see how to read other words like it.
By the end of their time together, she felt comfortable in his presence. He had made no indication of having any interest in her beyond friendship, a relief indeed.
“This was the best hour of my day,” he told her sincerely. “I reckon you won't have time to do this very often, but could we shoot for three times a week? And if you can, maybe you could have dinner with us on Saturday nights?”
A warning bell sounded in the back of her mind, but she ignored it. The appeal of regularly spending time in the company of kind people was too tempting to refuse.
“I would love to, but only if you're sure Valerie won't be put out.”
He shook his head, causing a lock of hair to fall forward and into his eyes. “No way, no how. She feels a bit cut off from the other women up at the Triple Range main house and enjoys your company. Come early if you like. She'll be glad to see you for sure.”
Tucking that assurance in her heart, Amanda nodded and gave him a smile. When he discreetly placed a coin on her desk, she pulled out a little box labeled “school funds” and slid it in.
“The children thank you,” she murmured. “And so do I, for your contribution, and for your friendship.”
He grinned at her now. “Well, that's just fine, Miss Walker. I thank you for yours.”
“Maybe it's time you started calling me Amanda, don’t you think?”
His smile stretched even wider. “I'd like that, but only if you call me Carl.”
She put out her hand and they shook on it, both of them grinning from ear to ear.
Chapter 11
The smile slipped off her face as soon as Carl was out of sight. Even though she'd managed to get through the rest of the lesson calmly, Amanda felt like her insides had been shaken up. Slipping back into her chair, she laid her arms on the desk and rested her head in the crook of her elbow. How had this happened? She'd been content—well, maybe not content, but surviving—before Carl had come along. It wasn't just that he was sweet and attractive, but as he read the worlds of the Bible, Jesus’s words, something stirred in her spirit.
“What do you want from me?” she mumbled, not sure if she was addressing God or an imaginary Carl. “Whatever it is, I can't give it. I don't have it.”
But she knew that wasn't true. She had love in her heart. It hadn't been extinguished with the death of her family. Rather, she'd put a lid on her emotions because she was afraid of them, afraid of their power.
“I'm not strong enough,” she whispered, raising her head and gazing out the window at the mountains. “I don't have the energy.”
Light footsteps sounded on the steps outside the schoolhouse and Amanda quickly wiped her eyes and took a long drink from her tin cup of water. Jumping out of her chair, she turned to face the chalkboard and began writing some random sentences as though preparing for tomorrow's lesson.
“Good afternoon, Miss Walker,” a sweet voice called out to her. Much to her surprise, Maddie's mother stood at the back of the class.
“Missus Winston!” she exclaimed. “I wasn't expecting you. Is everything alright?” Usually parents only showed up to complain, but from the look on the other woman's face, Amanda didn't think that was the case.
“Oh, not at all, dear. And please, call me Kate. It was such a nice afternoon that I thought I'd stop by and give you some of these cookies we made today.” She walked up to the front and placed a small basket on her desk.
Amanda blinked a few times, staring at the basket and not quite comprehending. “That's...very thoughtful of you, but why didn't you just send them along with Maddie tomorrow?” The instant the words were out of her mouth, she realized how ungrateful they sounded. It was just that she didn't like being caught unaware. And it was rather odd to have someone walk over thirty minutes just to drop off some cookies. “But thank you so much. They smell delicious.”
Kate's soft mouth turned upward into a gracious smile. “They are, trust me. And they taste the best on the same day they're made. Would you like to try one now?”
Not wanting to be rude, Amanda reached into the basket and pulled one out. It was a molasses cookie, her favorite. Sinking her teeth into the still-warm cookie, she closed her eyes and savored the taste.
“Ummm,” she murmured. “So good.”
Kate chuckled a little. “You see? Well then, I suppose you have a lot of work to do, so I'll be on my way.”
“I don't have anything to do,” Amanda heard herself say. “I mean, you-you could stay for a little while...if you have the time.”
“I'd love to, but why don't we go over to your house? If that's not too presumptuous of me. I just suspect it will be more comfortable there, and perhaps you might have a bit of milk to go with these cookies?”
Her students' parents kept her pantry well-stocked with dairy products and other goods. They were all so appreciative of having a teacher here that they made sure she didn't want for anything.
“I most certainly do, but I could make us some tea if you like.”
“That sounds lovely.” Kate scooped up the basket and followed her to the teacherage.
A short time later, Kate and Amanda settled down at the small kitchen table, each one with her hands around a steaming mug of tea.
“This is a wonderful blend,” Kate said after taking a sip. “Did you buy it in town?”
“Actually, I brought it with me,” she explained. “It's a bit stronger than what you might find around here, so I'm glad you like it.”
“And how are you finding it here? Are you happy?”
Tears rushed unbidden to her eyes and Amanda had to look away. She thought she'd been happy, or at least, she'd gotten very good at pretending to be, but now that this kind woman was sitting in her home and asking her so openly, she couldn't help but admit the truth.
“No,” she whispered. “I'm not.”
It was hard to tell who was more taken aback by the honest answer, Kate or Amanda. “I'm so sorry to hear that, my dear,” Kate replied, her voice gentle. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Taking herself by surprise, Amanda found her life's story tumbling out. She told Kate about her family, the flu that had taken their lives, her loss of faith, and finally, the confusing emotions she had regarding Carl. Kate listened calmly, sipping her tea from time to time and making comforting noises. Eventually, she reached over and held Amanda's hand.
“You've been through a lot, haven't you?”
More tears came at this compassionate question. There was no judgment for her falling away or any comments regarding Carl. Kate just listened and understood.
“I can't believe I just told you all that. I'm so sorry,” she finally managed to say around much nose-blowing and tear-wiping.
“Oh my goodness. Please don't apologize. I’ll tell you something.” She paused and waited until Amanda was looking at her. “I felt such a strong desire to go for a walk this afternoon. It's a little strange though, since I never go out around this time. But the roast was in the oven, Elise and Aunt Marge had the rest of the dinner under control, Lucas was napping, and the day just called to me. I felt like I needed an excuse, and you just popped into my mind. But now I wonder.”
“What?” Amanda asked. “What do you wonder?”
Kate gave he
r hand another gentle pat. “I wonder if the Lord sent me. I think He knew that you needed an ear. He does that, you know, arrange for His children to meet and share their burdens. Isn't it wonderful that He gives us such blessings?”
Tears threatened again, but Amanda didn't want to cry anymore. “I don't think I've deserved any blessings,” she whispered. “Not after how I've treated God.”
“Oh, my dear, don't worry about that. God is used to people turning away when things get hard. Goodness, I've done it myself.”
“You?”
Kate nodded, reaching for one of the cookies Amanda had placed on a pretty plate. “I don't think you know my story, and I don't have time to tell it all now, but I lost my parents in a fire and my family home. I came out here to live with my aunt, but I was so bitter, I almost missed the blessings God gave me.”
“Your husband?” Amanda wondered, her heart aching for the loss that Kate had suffered, so much like her own.
“Yes, of course, but even more than that. This is the most wonderful place. I never imagined myself living here, but now I can't imagine living anywhere else. I've made wonderful friends and my faith in God is so much stronger, so much more meaningful, for all I've gone through.”
“And you were never angry again?”
A wistful smile graced the other woman's face. “I still miss my parents, but they're in Heaven and I know I'll see them again one day. I'm not saying it was worth losing my parents to have what I have now, but God comforted me in my times of heartache. Bad things are going to happen in the world. No one has a perfect life, but isn't it wonderful that God cares for us so personally that He will bless us if we open our hearts?”
The sincerity in Kate's voice was almost too much for Amanda to bear. “I want that,” she confessed. “I want to have God in my life again.” She explained how Carl had practically insisted on reading the Bible together, making Kate smile.
“He told me that you were helping him read. At first, he was embarrassed, but I think God is teaching him humility. I never thought of him as a proud person, but I guess we all have things that are known only to ourselves.”
Amanda bit her lip. She had a question on her mind that seemed too scary to ask, but she couldn't let the opportunity slip away. “Do you think that God has a plan for Carl and me? Something beyond…friendship?”
Kate lifted one of her shoulders and dropped it again. “I can't answer that, but I would encourage you to pray and see what He has in store for you. He loves to give gifts to His children, so I wouldn't be at all surprised. It's pretty clear to me that Carl has feelings for you. Now you just need to ask yourself how you feel. But first, pray and see if you can discern the Lord's hand in this.”
Although she wanted to pray, Amanda felt there was a wall between her and God. “Um, could you pray for me?” she asked.
Kate nodded, took both of her hands, and bowed her head. A prayer flowed out of her mouth the next second.
“Thank You, Heavenly Father, for this wonderful day. Thank You for caring for us, Your children. Lord, You know our past and our future, and You have a marvelous plan for our lives. Please help us to hear Your voice and follow the path You've set out. In Jesus’s precious name, Amen.”
Amanda was surprised to find that tears had leaked out from under her closed eyes and rolled down to her chin, but this time, they didn’t burn her heart. Instead, they had a cleansing effect.
“Thank you,” she whispered, her heart too full to say more, but the burden of guilt that had been resting on her shoulders like a mantle lifted, and for the first time in a long time, she was glad to be alive.
As he made his way back to the house, Carl reflected on Amanda's words. She seemed very insistent on the fact that they be friends. Well, that was fine with him...for now. If God had something else in mind, he would know eventually. He was a patient man, young enough to wait for ten years if that was the case. He also knew that Amanda was only twenty-two, a year his senior, but young nonetheless.
Whistling as he strolled up the front path, he felt purely contentment until he heard a strident female voice coming from within. Was someone here or was Valerie upset about something?
“I've come all this way. I insist on staying until he arrives. You have no idea when that might be?”
Now he recognized the voice as belonging to Georgina Crawford. As tempted as he was to sneak away, he heard the determination in her voice and knew she would likely wait all night to speak to him if she had to.
“Hello,” he said, walking into the house and hanging up his hat. “To what do I owe this visit?”
Georgina, somewhat flushed about the face, whirled around to face him, her golden curls swinging.
“Good evening, Mister Bowman. I was just telling Missus Wells here that I made this pecan pie and thought I'd bring it over for you and your men. I figured it would be a treat, seeing as how you all enjoyed the chitlins I brought last night.”
“Ah, I see,” he said, warily eyeing the pie. However, it looked perfectly innocent, delicious even. “Well, thank you kindly, Miss Crawford. Uh, won't you stay for dinner?”
He tried not to see the fierce look Valerie was giving him. It was only polite to invite a guest to stay for dinner when he or she turned up at your doorstep around dinnertime.
“Well, if you insist,” she replied, a seductive smile appearing on her face. She had two dimples that appeared on either side of her mouth that probably charmed other men, but they only served to remind Carl of the hint of a dimple he'd seen on Amanda's face when they'd smiled at each other as he was leaving.
“What? Oh, yes, of course.” When Georgina turned to set down her pie, he mouthed the words “I'm sorry” to Valerie, but she just glared at him.
“I'm just going to poke my head out and see where the men are at,” he said, beating a hasty retreat. “Um, see you in a bit.” He avoided Valerie's eyes now, sure that he would see hot arrows shooting out of them.
In the barn, he took a long breath and released it. How had it happened that the woman he was attracted to was set on keeping up a wall while another was intent on breaking down his own? He shook his head and sighed.
“That's a pretty deep sigh for such a young man,” a nearby voice commented.
Carl nearly jumped out of his skin. “Thought there was no one here,” he replied with a wry smile. Wyatt, the oldest hand on the ranch, gave him a grin. The man had recently arrived in the Great Falls area to help take care of his aging mother, but by the time she'd passed on, he'd grown to love the area and decided to stay. He'd been introduced to Carl and Thomas by the town's sheriff, Hal, who explained how Wyatt had given up his job in Kansas and then been replaced because the manager of the factory had grown impatient waiting for him to return. Although he hadn't had much experience on a ranch, he was a hard worker and had a natural affinity with the animals.
“Don't mind me, son. Just taking care of Dusty here.” He ran the brush along the horse's flank and then smoothed it down after with his hand.
Carl found the man's presence comforting. He didn't talk much, but when he did, his voice was like rushing waters. “I just...I've just got this situation...”
“Mhmm,” he murmured, not looking up from the horse.
“Yeah, it's, well, it's about women.”
Now Wyatt chuckled a little. “Well, I'm really not the one you want to talk to. I'm over thirty-five years old and haven't found a woman yet who can put up with me. I don't expect I can offer any advice on the matter.”
Still, Carl wanted to ask his opinion. “But you've got life experience, and you were the manager in a factory, so you know people.”
“It was just supervisor, but I suppose that's true.”
Taking a deep breath, Carl decided to ask, “What would you do if you really admired a certain woman, but she seemed to have no interest in you, and then there was another woman who did, but you didn't really feel she was right for you?”
Wyatt didn't so much as pause in his brushi
ng, but made a low noise in back of his throat to indicate that he sympathized with Carl's situation. After a few more minutes passed, he spoke.
“Seems like a problem for sure, but no man can really tell another what to do. This kind of thing is between you and your Maker.”
The answer wasn't as concrete as he would have liked, but Carl saw the wisdom in it nonetheless. “So, pray about it? That's what you're saying?”
The man nodded. “Pretty much. I prayed a whole lot before coming out here. A lot of men wouldn't have given up a good job like what I had, but I knew it was the right thing to do.”
“The right thing...” Carl mused on that. “Well, I definitely shouldn't lead the one woman on. That would be the wrong thing, for sure.”
“I'd have to agree with you there,” Wyatt replied.
“But about the first...well, I guess that's where the prayer comes in, doesn't it?”
“I'd say so.”
Although the man hadn't said much, Carl felt conviction and contentment. “Thanks, Wyatt. I'm sorry you couldn't go back to your old job, but I'm real glad that you came to work here with us.”
“Aw, I don't regret losing that job. It wasn't all that great. I like being here, working outdoors.”
Carl laughed a little. “I hope you'll still say that in a few months when the snow is four feet in some places, even more in others.”
“That suits me fine,” he replied. “Kansas sees its fair share of snow too. It doesn't bother me.”
Feeling a little better about his situation, Carl went back to the house with the firm resolve to make it abundantly clear to Georgina that he was not interested in her.
Chapter 12
It was much harder than he'd anticipated to put Georgina off, but by the end of the evening, he was thought maybe that she understood him. As he drove her home, he continued to talk about his life and expectations for the future.