by Janice Lynn
As if he sensed her attention, Levi’s gaze met hers from across the room. He didn’t smile, though, just looked tense, as if he didn’t want to be there, as if he’d like to leave.
She smiled and his eyes flickered with surprise, then a slow smile spread across his face. Her heart beat wildly behind her ribcage, pounding fanatically in a rhythm as old as time.
Yes, she really did wish Levi loved her.
Because, foolish woman that she was, she loved him.
“Isn’t the little blonde you brought here tonight the same one you had helping with this?” Jonathan asked, taking a sip of what smelled like whiskey and soda.
Still watching Madison, wondering at her smile and just what it had meant, Levi grew more annoyed with his father. “You know her name is Madison. I introduced you a few weeks ago at the center.”
His father eyed him curiously. “I got the impression you’d had her and dumped her.”
Levi took a deep breath, clenched and unclenched his fingers. Had her and dumped her.
Was that what had happened between him and Madison?
If so, had him and dumped him was probably a more accurate accounting since she’d been the one to leave his office, to drive away when he’d wanted to talk.
Yet she acted as if he’d been the one to shut her out.
Hell, he had shut her out. Because he’d been too confused by what had happened between them, too disgusted by his inability to keep his hands off her, by his lack of using protection.
“You think I’m incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a month?”
“Why would any man want to maintain a relationship for more than a month?” His father laughed, downing the remains of his glass, then glanced back to where Madison stood, his gaze raking over her assessingly. “She is a pretty little thing, though, isn’t she?”
Levi’s gaze narrowed. “Be careful what you say.”
His father glanced at him, then laughed again. “Or what? She’s just a piece of tail.”
A throb pounded at Levi’s temples. “She’s much more than that.”
His father motioned to a waiter, gave an order for another drink. “What? You planning to keep her around for a while just to prove me wrong?” His father snorted. “You think I didn’t realize how upset you were when I called you a chip off the ole block? I’m not blind, son. I knew why you had her helping with this despite the fact it was over between the two of you.”
“Since she’s my date for the evening, it’s obviously not over between the two of us.” Levi let his father digest his words. “Besides, I don’t need Madison to prove you wrong. I’m nothing like you.”
“If you were nothing like me, my words wouldn’t have gotten to you.”
He hated it when his father was right. Then again…
“Tell me, how often did you cheat on my mother?”
Clearly taken aback, Jonathan frowned. “I never cheated on Margaret. Did she tell you that I did?”
Levi shook his head. “No, she didn’t. Then again, she never told me you hit her either.”
“I never cheated on your mother. As for the other…” Jonathan’s face paled and he practically knocked the waiter down to grab the fresh glass of alcohol. He downed half the glass’s contents. “If I could have changed that night, I would have. I thought I could hold onto her through you, but even when I got custody she refused to forgive me. Just held that against me, too.”
He and his father had never discussed what had happened that night. Levi’s memory only that of hearing his parents screaming at each other, of hearing a resounding hit, hearing his mother’s tears, wanting to stop what was happening, and being unable to.
“I got smart after that,” his father continued. “Realized women are interchangeable, only good for one thing and one thing only.”
The throb at Levi’s temple pounded harder. Blood rushed behind his ears, banging like drums drowning out the sound of the party, drowning out the sound of everything except the man standing next to him. “You’re wrong.”
“You’re just blinded by a blonde who’s leading you around by your nose.” His father laughed. “Or by another body part.”
Levi’s fist clenched at his side, then he forcibly relaxed his fingers. No, he was nothing like his father.
“If she’s that good, maybe I’ll have a piece of her when you’re through.”
Levi didn’t recall exactly how what happened next happened, just that the next minute he was looming over his father, his words low and icy cold. “Stay away from Madison.”
His father laughed without any real humor. “You pick a skirt over your own flesh and blood? It’s not as if you’re planning to marry her.”
Levi hesitated just long enough that his father’s eyes widened.
“Ah, hell, son, what did you do? Knock her up?”
“Um, Madison, what’s going on between Levi and his dad?”
At Karen’s question, Madison glanced back towards where Levi and his father had been talking. Levi’s face was red and he was looming over his father in a way that didn’t look friendly.
“Maybe you should get over there,” Karen suggested.
Madison wasn’t sure. Wasn’t sure about anything. Much less whether or not she had a right to interrupt Levi and his father.
Sure, he’d kissed her in the limousine as if he’d been dying for another taste, had held her hand and stayed close to her most of the evening as if they were an item. But the reality was that they’d barely spoken for four weeks.
Four of the longest, most miserable weeks of her life because she’d had a glimpse of what she wanted, of what was missing from her life, and then she’d lost it, partially her own fault because she’d been too scared to reach out and grab hold.
Instead, she’d run and blamed Levi.
“Never mind. He’s headed over here.”
Madison met Levi’s eyes and what she saw had her taking a step back. His anger hadn’t abated one iota. Fire blazed in his dark eyes.
Without acknowledging Karen and Connor, he put his hand out to Madison. “Let’s go. Now.”
Go? Part of her balked at his high-handedness, but she didn’t argue, just placed her hand in his. She practically ran to keep up with his long strides out of the tent, down the sidewalk and to the limousine.
“Just drive,” Levi barked to the limousine driver.
Once inside, Madison fought to catch her breath.
“Are you?”
She stared at him, trying to follow the course of events. He’d argued with his father, hustled her out of the gala, and now was asking if she was? Had she missed something? “Am I what?”
He rotated his jaw back and forth. His eyes were as black as onyx, as black as a starless night. “Don’t play games with me, Madison. I need to know. Are you pregnant?”
Pregnant. Was that what he and his father had argued about? No, that couldn’t be the case. Levi wouldn’t have told his father. Especially when they didn’t know if she was pregnant or not. Was he just wanting to pick a fight with her? To have an excuse to take her home?
Hurt seared her soul. Deep hurt.
“Is that what this is about?” she accused, leaning as far away from him as her seat allowed. “You suddenly remembered, oh, yeah, I had unprotected sex with Nurse Swanson and she might be pregnant.”
Madison couldn’t keep the sarcastic edge out of her voice.
“That’s not how it is, and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything, Levi. Why don’t you fill me in?”
His jaw flexed back and forth slowly, as if he were having trouble tamping down his anger. “You know you’re different.”
He was going back to that line? Sure, she was different, but, then, different didn’t necessarily mean good, did it?
“What I know is that I had unprotected sex with the hospital’s biggest playboy.” She turned away from him, hesitated a moment, then spun back. “Quite stupid of me really to become involved with you, but I te
nd to make the same mistakes over and over. Silly me.”
“We weren’t a mistake.”
She ignored his denial for the simple reason she wanted to believe so badly it would be too easy to buy his lines, but to what purpose? He didn’t love her, didn’t want the same things she did, and to continue this, whatever this was, would only be begging for bigger heartache.
“Fortunately I’ve finally caught on and am through with encore performances.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Leave me alone, Levi.”
“I can’t leave you alone.”
Even as Levi said the words, he acknowledged their validity. He couldn’t. For four weeks now he’d been doing everything he could to stay away and each day the tension had mounted higher and higher until he’d been ready to explode.
Four weeks in which he’d been miserable, wondering about her, wanting to tell her what a fool he was, to beg her to forgive him for not taking things slowly, like he’d intended, to give them a chance at a real relationship.
“Right,” she bit out, her chin jutting upwards in defiance of his claim. “I’ve noticed how you just can’t get enough of me since you got the only thing you really wanted from me.”
“You know better than to believe sex was all I wanted.” Her words stung and he lashed out. “Isn’t it a bit hypocritical for you to accuse me of being the hospital’s biggest playboy when that’s exactly why you set your sights on me?”
She had the audacity to look confused. “What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean.” He shifted in the seat, turning more fully toward her. “You planned to use me for a one-night stand all along. Guess you really did get what you wanted.”
He watched her digest his words, felt sick when she didn’t deny them. Tell me you wanted more from me than just sex, Madison. My gut instinct says you did. Tell me you still do.
“No.” She shook her head, her eyes reflecting the light from the interior of the limousine, “I didn’t get what I wanted. I wanted you and you did a disappearing act from my life.”
She’d wanted him.
“So don’t you sit there,” she continued, “and tell me how you can’t leave me alone when there’s only been brief looks passing between us this past month to let me know that I didn’t imagine everything.”
Despite the fact she hadn’t denied his claim that she’d used him, despite the fact he’d never laid his heart out before, Levi couldn’t hold back a moment longer. “I wanted to be a better man for you, a man who wasn’t like his father. After what happened, I was disgusted with myself for not being that better man.” He sighed. “When I look at you, I want you, Madison. I can’t look without wanting. It’s that simple.”
She laughed out loud, almost on the verge of hysterics. “Oh, that’s rich. So right now you’re thinking about how much you’d like to push me back on this seat…” she patted the leather next to her thigh, almost daring him to touch her “…and have your way with me, but you won’t because you’re being a better man?”
Levi raked his fingers through his hair to keep from reaching out and doing exactly that. He did want to have his way with her. On the seat. On the floor. On the hood.
“Among other things,” he admitted.
“Puh-leeze.” She snorted, shifting away from him. “Save your lies for someone else, Levi. I don’t want to hear any of this. Do you hear? Stop lying to me.”
Is that what she thought?
“I don’t lie, Madison.”
“Whether by word or deed, everyone lies.”
He considered her soft words, what she was really saying. “You’re implying that I lied to you by deed?”
The look in her eyes said that he’d hit the nail on the head.
“You tell me.” That stubborn little chin rose so high she’d drown if they were standing in the rain.
“I made love to you, Madison. That wasn’t a lie.”
Her defiance sagged a bit and her gaze darted around the car nervously before meeting his again with a bit of renewed anger. “You had sex with me, and I made it easy for you because I was pretending to be something I wasn’t because I believed that would somehow protect me from getting hurt.”
“You weren’t easy, Madison. Nothing about you is easy.” If only this conversation was easy. If only she wasn’t looking at him as if he were Jack the Ripper. If only he’d stuck to his original plan and taken things slowly. If only he hadn’t ruined things with Madison. If only… “I’m sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention. Let me make it up to you, Madison.”
“Make it up to me?” She laughed again. “Let’s be real, Levi. We both know how you affect me. If you pushed, you could have me right now and we both know it. Yes, I’d hate myself afterwards for giving in when I know you don’t care about me, but—”
Raking his fingers through his hair for the zillionth time, he interrupted her. “I do care about you, Madison.”
“Yes, I figured that out for myself when you ‘made love’ to me then abandoned me without as much as a hug or word of reassurance when all I wanted to do was cry. You never even asked how I felt. I’ve never felt so used, so cheap.”
Yes, he had done that. He hadn’t shown much finesse. But he was having to wing it because nothing in his repertoire had prepared him for Madison.
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was upset that I’d forgotten protection.”
“I just bet you were,” she sneered. “I’m probably the last woman you’d want to make pregnant.”
“That isn’t true.” Not that he wanted to make any woman pregnant. Just that, well, he didn’t want Madison pregnant, but if she were, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Actually, he couldn’t imagine anyone he’d rather have made pregnant. If they’d made a baby, they’d deal with the repercussions together.
Together. He liked the sound of that.
Now he just had to convince Madison.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MADISON stared at the man sitting next to her. He’d raked his fingers through his hair so many times that his usually kempt style looked a little off.
Of course, unkempt looked delicious on Levi.
Anything and everything looked delicious on Levi because the man was just scrumptious no matter how one accessorized him.
Which was totally unfair.
How was she supposed to keep him at arm’s length, to protect her heart when he was so…so…Levi?
“Madison, this is difficult for me,” Scrumptious said.
What was wrong with her? Why was she thinking how scrumptious he was? She was upset with him. Angry. Hurt. Frustrated. Disappointed. Confused. He’d made love to her and backed away so fast her head had spun. They’d kept their distance for four weeks. Four weeks of seeing each other, yet not seeing each other. That wasn’t scrumptious. More like scoundrelous.
But she loved this scoundrel.
With all her heart.
Which scared her. Which made her feel backed into a corner she needed to fight her way out of.
How dared he whine about how difficult this was for him when she was the one who’d exposed her heart even when she’d known better? She had known better, and yet did one ever really have control over who their heart loved? If so, wouldn’t the whole world choose logical matches instead of such improbable ones?
“You think this is easy for me? Possibly being pregnant by a man who couldn’t get away from me fast enough afterwards?” His hasty retreat had cut to the core. He’d cut her out of his life so easily. He could hurt her more, could hurt her so deeply she might never recover.
“It’s not like that.”
“It’s exactly like that, but no worries, it’s not as if I’m hoping I’m pregnant, Levi.” She didn’t. Not really. Sure, there was this tiny part of her that wanted a part of Levi for ever, but not like this. She wanted a part of him because he’d given of himself to her, because he wanted her to grow round with his baby, would be there by her side each step of the way, would ho
ld her hand as they watched their child grow. Not because she’d accidentally fallen pregnant.
His jaw flexed. “You’re taking everything I say wrong, overreacting.”
Madison laughed at the irony of his comment. She thought she was doing a pretty good job of staying calm, considering the events of the past month.
“No, I’m being realistic.” Seeing his mouth open, his expression geared to argue, she held up her hand, stopping him. “It’s okay, Levi. It’s not as if I expected anything from you.”
He grabbed her outstretched hand, clasped it in his. “You may not have, but I did.”
Wanting to jerk her scorched fingers away but unable to bring herself to do so, Madison squinted at him. “I’m not sure I understand.”
His gaze lowered to where his much larger hand engulfed hers. “You might not have expected anything, but I expected much more from me. From us.”
She waited for him to elaborate, hoping he’d expand on what he meant. What was he saying? And why was he holding her hand so tightly, as if he was afraid she’d run away if he loosened his grip? The same way he’d held her hand at the gala, as if she were his lifeline.
“As in?” she prompted when he remained silent, pensive, lost in his thoughts. If not for how tightly he grasped her hand, she might think he’d forgotten she was even there.
When his gaze lifted to hers, fierce determination shone there. So much so that her breath caught. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything more than wait for him.
“As in we should get married.”
If her breath had been caught before, she’d just hit total oxygen depletion. Total. As in complete respiratory failure with all the delirium that ensued.
“Excuse me?” she said when she’d recovered enough to find her voice. Getting married so hadn’t been what she’d expected him to say. Not at any point during her lifetime.
But he didn’t retract his insanity, just stared at her with a tenacity that had her wanting to tap on the privacy window and beg the driver to let her out at the curb.