Matter Of Trust

by Lisa Harris

“So what did you think about the sermon?” Kayla asked after the waitress had brought them their lunch.

  Ty took a bite of his steak sandwich before answering. “It reminded me of just how amazing it is that Christ died for me and how unworthy I am. And I’m thankful I finally figured out I need Him.” Ty paused. “I know this is hard for you, Kayla. If our places were reversed, then I would have a difficult time believing you. I only hope I can show you by the way I act that I’m not the same man you broke it off with a year ago.”

  She nodded. “I am having a hard time trusting you. I want to believe you. I want to believe you’ve changed, and yet how can you really expect me to do that?”

  Ty put down his sandwich and looked at her intently, shaking his head. “I don’t know, Kayla. I realize it won’t happen overnight.”

  She still had the same effect on him. He couldn’t think straight around her. He reached across the table and took her hand. Kayla pulled hers back as if he had touched her with a burning coal, and immediately he regretted his actions. “I’m sorry, Kayla. I shouldn’t have done that. I just …”

  “Forget it.”

  What had he been thinking? Ty forced himself to take another bite. Surely she still felt something for him. To have her so near and yet not be able even to touch her was excruciating. He tried to think of something nonpersonal and nonthreatening to say. He had to take it slow so they could get to know each other again.

  “I’m enjoying my new job.” Surely work was a safe topic. “The company I’m working for is great.”

  “Really?” Kayla took a bite of her salad, looking as if she were making herself eat. “What do you do?”

  “I’m sort of a financial adviser.”

  The waitress came to refill their drinks, and Kayla pushed her plate aside. “Sounds like fun.” Kayla’s tone was dry.

  Ty sighed. He’d honestly thought that when she invited him to church it had been an unspoken truce, but apparently he was wrong. He watched Kayla check her watch for the tenth time and wondered what he should do.

  “Ty …” She paused and reached for her purse. “This just isn’t going to work. I never should have agreed to see you in the first place. I’m sorry, but we won’t be seeing each other again.” Without another word Kayla got up from the table and walked out the door.

  Just as she had a year ago.

  Ty’s heart sank as he watched Kayla leave the restaurant, shocked at her abruptness. She must have been sitting there the entire lunch trying to figure out how to tell him there wasn’t a chance for them. He had known it wouldn’t be easy to win her back, but somehow he’d convinced himself it would work out.

  He knew he had changed, but how could he convince Kayla? He possessed a deeper love for her than he had a year ago. If only she could find it in her heart to give him another chance. Ty paid the bill for the uneaten food and left the restaurant.

  Kayla felt nauseous as she walked the six blocks home. Things had not gone the way she had intended. She’d planned to be a bit gentler and explain her reasons, but instead it had all come out at once.

  What else could she have done but leave? If she hadn’t left the moment she did, she knew she would have given in to him. When he took her hand, her entire body had melted at his touch. She couldn’t trust him, and she couldn’t see him again. There was simply no other way around it.

  four

  Kayla glanced across the lofty barn that had been converted into a meeting hall and wished she could slip off her shoes. The front half of the structure was filled with a dozen round tables covered with red-checkered cloths. She’d spent the afternoon making centerpieces from cowboy hats, balloons and bandanas. Most of the employees of Farrington Cranberry Company had already filled their plates with the Southern spread and were enjoying the warm July evening, thanks to the bigwigs who were picking up the tab.

  The corporate headquarters had made the decision five years ago to settle in the small valley outside Farrington. Landing a catering contract with the company that sold everything from cranberry juice to dried cranberries to cranberry muffins nationwide was a huge blessing for Marceilo Catering. And tonight was key to future catering jobs. Already Kayla had received several compliments on the food as people migrated back to the buffet line for seconds. Her mother had grown up in Memphis and could make barbeque like a pro. They’d added cranberry chutney and cranberry apple crisp to the menu to impress the VIPs, a decision that hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  “Looks like you’ve outdone yourself once again.”

  Kayla glanced up to see Ty filling his plate with a mound of potato salad. A lump swelled in her chest. “Ty … I didn’t think you were here tonight.”

  “I got snagged into a conversation outside and somehow missed the first lineup.”

  She gnawed on the edge of her lip. Great. Now he was going to think she’d been looking for him. Except she hadn’t. Not really. Nothing more than a few lingering gazes across the crowded room as she made sure the servers were doing their job and the food warmers stayed full. Of course, that wasn’t to say that in the past two weeks she hadn’t thought about picking up the phone and calling him to apologize for her abrupt departure at the restaurant. But every time she started to call she managed to convince herself Ty Lawrence wasn’t worth a phone call. The truth was, she didn’t owe him anything.

  He moved to the beans, and she pretended to stay busy by filling a warming pan with more barbeque beef. Over half the employees had taken the evening’s theme seriously and dressed in Western shirts and boots. A number of the men even sported cowboy hats. Ty was no exception. Red plaid shirt, fitted blue jeans, and a black Stetson were enough to woo the heart of any cowgirl. Even she had to admit the rugged look fit him. But Ty always had put appearances first, and she’d learned the hard way that appearances could be very deceiving.

  Kayla handed off the empty pan to one of the servers. She was going to have to get rid of any guilt that lingered, because tonight was proof this was a small town and their running into each other was inevitable. If only he didn’t manage to tie her emotions into a double knot. At the moment her knees felt like jelly and her heart like the bass drum in a high school marching band. Definitely not a good sign that she’d forgotten the six-foot-two cowboy standing in front of her.

  But why does he have to look so amazingly gorgeous?

  Ty added a piece of jalapeño cornbread to his plate. “You’ve got quite a spread here. I don’t remember the last time I had barbeque, but it smells absolutely heavenly.”

  “Once you’ve got your food, drinks are at the table over there.” She cringed at her harsh tone. He’d asked her to forgive him, and she’d practically thrown it back in his face. So much for setting a Christian example. “Love your neighbor as yourself” and “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” were commands she was struggling to follow. Which made it look from the surface as if Ty was more of a Christian than she was. If he really was a Christian at all. Could she help it if her history with the man dictated she guard her heart tighter than the First Bank of Farrington?

  “I don’t believe I have ever seen you quite so …” Kayla searched for the right word.

  “So casual?” He chuckled.

  “It was always an effort to get you to relax long enough to change out of a tie and jacket and into a pair of blue jeans.”

  Ty’s blue eyes widened. “So you approve?”

  “I … yes,” Kayla stammered.

  This definitely wasn’t fair. She should have taken her mother’s advice and skipped tonight. Except she couldn’t keep running. Had she already forgotten she was over him—100 percent? There was no need to run. And the look was perfect for him. All he needed now was a lasso and a mechanical bull.

  “Now this looks delicious.” He put a spoonful of maple-roasted sweet potatoes on his plate, gave her a slight nod then walked over to the drink table.

  Kayla’s jaw dropped. He acted more interested in the food than in her. She grabbed the empty pan and headed for the
kitchen. Of course, that was exactly the way it should be. She’d told him the relationship was over, and he’d finally accepted it. Wasn’t that what she wanted?

  As much as she tried not to notice, Kayla spent the next hour watching Ty mingle with his coworkers. He’d sat down at a table near the buffet giving her the opportunity to observe him—if she wanted to.

  Which of course she didn’t.

  While the servers normally refilled the drinks, she walked by his table with a pitcher of tea and caught the beginning of a dirty joke by a red-headed man wearing an orange bandana around his neck. With his typical charm, Ty managed to smoothly change the course of the conversation. She was impressed. Not that she didn’t expect him to be sociable and charming; but as she strategically moved throughout the room and caught pieces of his conversation she was surprised the conversation didn’t center on work. A year ago work was the only word in his vocabulary.

  But he knows I’m in the room.

  Out of the corner of her eye she watched a woman wearing jeans a size too small and a low-cut white blouse approach Ty and stand behind his chair. Ripples of laughter erupted from the beautiful colleague’s mouth.

  “Miss Marceilo?”

  Kayla jumped. “Yes?”

  A tall, willowy woman wearing a jeans skirt and a fringed jacket reached out and shook her hand. “I’m one of the vice-presidents, and I wanted to let you know I’m quite impressed with all your catering company has to offer tonight.”

  A roar of laughter came from Ty’s table, but Kayla ignored the urge to turn away.

  The executive shot her a knowing smile. “He’s quite a ladies’ man.”

  “Excuse me?” This time Kayla followed the other woman’s gaze.

  “Ty Lawrence. He’s one of our newest employees, and he seems to have won the hearts of the women.”

  Kayla swallowed hard. So the truth was about to come out. As far as she knew he’d never cheated on her while they were together, but on the other hand she wouldn’t have put it past him.

  The woman turned back to her. “Funny thing is, rumor has it he isn’t interested in any of them.”

  Kayla cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

  “From what I hear there’s only one woman in Ty’s life.”

  “There is … I mean … who?” Kayla worked to steady her breathing. He had told people he was still in love with her….

  “That I don’t know. I was told there was some girl who captured his heart, and he moved here to win her back. Knowing him, he’ll get what he wants. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you’ll be hearing from us again for other events.”

  “Thank you.” Kayla swallowed hard. I’m over him. I’m over him….

  The rest of the evening flew by as she worked with her mother and the staff to ensure the service continued to be exceptional. Once the speaker had finished, they got everything cleaned up and packed in their van.

  “I think that’s the last of it.” Her mom slammed the door shut, then rested her hands against her hips. “I noticed Ty appeared to keep his distance.”

  Kayla frowned. “I told you he would.”

  “His word is worth about as much as an outlaw’s straight out of the Old West. He’s just biding his time. You wait and see.”

  It certainly wouldn’t be the last time her mother reminded her she was unhappy with Ty’s move to town, but Kayla refused to be dragged into another argument. Glancing into the front seat of the van, she tried to remember where she left her purse. Nothing. She opened the door again and began rummaging through the boxes they’d stacked.

  Her mom stood beside her with the van keys dangling in one hand. “What are you looking for?”

  “My purse.”

  “Didn’t you put it in one of those cabinets behind the buffet table?”

  Kayla slammed the door shut. “You’re right. I’ll be back in a sec.”

  Ty grabbed his hat from the table and turned to leave with a few of the guys who had lingered behind visiting. He’d enjoyed the chance to meet some more of his coworkers, but it had been impossible for him not to be aware of Kayla’s presence the entire evening. He’d wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked in her smart black skirt and red blouse as she bustled around the room ensuring everyone was taken care of—but he hadn’t dared.

  One of his coworkers came up beside him and slapped him on the back. “Why don’t you join us down at Willy’s Bar, Ty? Nothing like getting a little drunk on a Friday night.”

  Ty’s hesitation lasted only a moment. A year ago he would have jumped at the invitation. Tonight, getting drunk with a bunch of buddies held none of the appeal it used to. “You know, guys, I think I’ll just head on home.”

  “What’s the matter?” A second guy unbuttoned his collar. “You’re not one of those Christians who can’t stand to have a little bit of harmless fun, are you?”

  Ty shook his head. “Actually, I love to have fun just like the next guy, but drinking and waking up with a hangover the next morning doesn’t strike me as entertaining anymore. And yes,” he added, smiling, “I am a Christian.”

  He stood there as the men stalked off without him. He might lose a few friends in the process, but the peace he had from his new commitment was worth it.

  “Hey.”

  Ty spun around and felt his heart take a nosedive. “Kayla? I thought you’d left.”

  “I did, but I forgot something.” She held up her purse and shot him a lopsided grin.

  His heart raced as he gazed at the one woman he’d given his heart to.

  Her gaze swept the floor. “I’ve been watching you tonight.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Never a bad word about anyone. Never a dirty joke thrown in for laughs. Still, you knew I was in the room, and I never could be sure it wasn’t just an act.”

  His stomach clenched as he waited for her to continue.

  “It’s not an act, is it.” She said it as a statement rather than a question.

  He fiddled with the brim of the Stetson and tried to keep his hands from shaking. “I told you it wasn’t.”

  “I heard you tell those men you’re a Christian, and I’m sure they won’t let you down easy. This time you had no idea I was in the room.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Ty’s voice held steady as he looked at her. He should feel ecstatic that she believed him, but part of him wanted simply to walk out of the room. He refused to spend the rest of his life proving to her who he’d become. “Is this what you were looking for, something to substantiate that I am who I say I am?”

  “Yes, no, I … I don’t know.” She took a half dozen steps toward him, then stopped.

  The room was empty now, and all he could hear was a hum coming from the kitchen and his pulse pounding in his ears. “I won’t play games, Kayla. You told me things were off, and I gave you my word I would accept your decision.”

  She slung the strap of her purse over her shoulder. “It’s funny, but as hard as I tried to put you out of my mind this past year, your coming has made me realize I’m not over you. Maybe I’ll never be over you.”

  He was sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. Or maybe he was only dreaming. Because Kayla was out of his life. Unless… “What are you saying?”

  Kayla continued to bridge the gap between them until only a few inches remained. “You’ve changed, and I …”

  She stopped, close enough for him to catch a drift of her sweet perfume and see the tears that pooled in the corners of her eyes. How many times in the past few months had he prayed God would let Kayla see him for who he had become? That somehow he could erase the doubts that stopped her from trusting him?

  He wiped away the tear that slid down her cheek. “What is it, Kayla?”

  “It’s you … and me. I—I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

  He’d promised himself he would give her the space she wanted, but with her lips hovering just below his face he did what any other man would have done in his situation. He leaned
down and kissed her, ignoring the Stetson that dropped to the ground as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

  A flood of memories washed over him. The scent of honey and roses engulfed him. It was as if the past year never existed between them … except it had. And even he couldn’t expect them to simply continue where they left off. There was too much hurt folded into their relationship. Too much mistrust.

  Pulling away, he cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. “I’ve missed you so much, but I never expected this.”

  Kayla took a deep breath and stepped back, but her hands still rested against his chest. “Ty, I—”

  “I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t push you.”

  “No. This is just as much my fault.” She looked down, and he felt a wave of regret wash over him.

  He tried to read the expression in her eyes, but her dark lashes swept against her cheeks as she stared at the floor. Surely she didn’t regret their kiss. To lose her again—like this—was more than he could handle. He might as well move back to Boston and let Mr. Abbott feed him to the lions.

  He tried to swallow the lump that swelled in his throat. “So what happens next?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “If you regret—”

  “No. I don’t regret anything. This has just completely taken me by surprise.” She looked up at him, and her lips curled into a smile. “We’ve both changed in the past year. I need to get to know you again.”

  “Fair enough.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her forehead, still not believing she wasn’t kicking him out the door.

  “Ty.” She looked up at him and laughed. “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.” He kissed her one more time before pulling away. “I told you I’d always love you. I just never imagined there was actually hope for the two of us.”

  Kayla felt her head spin, still uncertain of what had taken place in the past five minutes. His eyes were brighter than she remembered. Blue like the Atlantic Ocean on a warm summer’s day. And they seemed to reach all the way into her soul. One thing was clear. Ty had kissed her—and she’d been all too willing to kiss him back. She looked up at his jawline that was sprinkled with a touch of stubble making him look even more like the rugged, handsome cowboy he’d dressed as tonight.