A Life Plan Without You.

by Christine Wood

  “How very gentlemanly, Samuel” I laughed, as he bowed. “Explanations needed Samuel please.” He smiled as I called him Samuel again.

  “I prefer to be called Sam, Michelle.” I shuffled on his jacket, the cold coming through it. He smiled again. “Why do I want you is a hard one to explain, but the when that’s easier? The day you danced down the side path, that was the day I found you, you made so many mistakes dancing down that path, it made me smile and take note of what you were doing. You danced all the way down, stopping and chastising yourself when you made a mistake, then you’d go back and do it again and again until you got it right, you looked so good doing it too.

  You looked like you didn’t have a care in the world, your only focus was on the dance steps and get that right the one movement you couldn’t master straight away and finally in getting that one small step right, you’d sussed how to make the dance flow properly! You never quit and you weren’t settling for nearly right either, you were aiming for perfection, but you did it and the dance was perfectly performed by you once you had!

  You were and are so nice to watch, you made me feel like I was wrapped in a comfortable warm blanket as I watched you! You looked and seemed relaxed and untroubled! I liked the way watching you made me feel, you made me relax and stress free and smile. Before I spotted you and your mad dance, I was bogged down carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I’m no Atlas Michelle…

  I was a mess, my life was wrecked and it and me were quickly reaching the point of no return to normality. What little strength and resolve I had was being severely tested and with even more weight added to it daily, I was struggling to balance everything! So either the weight would continue to get heavier until it crushed me, or I could simply let it fall and start over again, taking it slower and get it right by doing it better the next time. So Michelle, I decided on letting it all go. I started slowly getting each bad thing in my life to work right and after I’d fixed the biggest of the problems I had, fixing that solved so many other things that were broken, everything fell into place and started to get better.

  Now the problems I still have are easier to deal with and eventually my life and I will be in perfect working order again. I have yet to thank the one person who helped me see things through different eyes, she helped me see finally that I shouldn’t just give up and give in. She showed me I needed to keep on trying, to go back and do it again and again until things were better.

  Fortunately for me it was easier than I thought it would be. You know taking that first step? Well it was easier because I saw someone I wanted more! That person became my focus on keeping to the straight and narrow, but keeping to that path is a little trickier, you see I need her help still, she has the strength I need, the focus and the guts to help me resolve my problems, I think? I know I got that initial strength to change, simply from watching her, you Michelle are her, in case you were wondering who I’m jabbering on about?

  You’re the one I want to help me get better, I think I need you in my life Michelle to help me, in fact I know I need you Michelle! I thank the day I spotted you and now I want to thank you...” He leant towards me and kissed me again, wow thanks gratefully received! He is very wordy and eloquent, I could listen to him all night but I heard that right though he needs me, what as, a personal trainer or a life coach what?

  “Thanks for dancing like an idiot into your life? Umm thanks for the thanks it was my pleasure I think?” I want more of those kisses please.

  “By the way you looked damn hot doing it too, whether you were wearing trainers or not! I laughed so loudly I thought you’d seen me, especially when you took them off and threw them in the bushes. Then I laughed even more when you realized your socks were mucky and you cursed yourself as you freed them from the spider filed bushes. You hated looking in bushes trying to find your trainers; after you did I presumed you’d checked them for spiders? Well from the way you banged them hard against the wall and inspected them, shaking them vigorously before hurriedly putting them back on, there were no unwelcome occupants?

  Michelle I laughed so much in the space of that one single hour, more in fact than I had done in the whole previous three years combined, and all watching you! You were so free from worry and stress when you finally got your dance right, I wanted to rush over, spin you around and say well done and thanks for bringing a smile back to my face. I figured you’d freak a little, so I didn’t!”

  “Oh cheers so you were laughing at me, my dirty socks, my trainer toss and my fear of the eight legged monsters then? Them and moths are my only fears!

  So you want to be happy now and with me? Why what was so wrong with your old life, that’s made you so unhappy? A girl, money troubles, oh God you’re not a gambler are you, do you do drugs or any stupid shit that could get you arrested?”

  “Laughing with you not at you Michelle! No to the gambling, a definite no to drug taking. I do nothing illegal and nothing that would harm you in any way, but yes girls and being constantly drunk were a problem, though I am not an alcoholic either, I’m or was just a weekend and social over drinker, but the weekend drinking used to be harsh and often involved an alcoholic fuelled amnesic day, I spent most of my Sundays in bed recovering, trying to remember what I did!

  My life had been rapidly spiralling out of control for over three years, I did some things I wasn’t particularly proud of, nothing illegal I might remind you, but doing those things made me change into a person I never thought I would be, never in a million years did I set out to be the heartless, mean bastard I’d become. I didn’t know how to take back control of my life. The bad part of me was stronger than the good person I wanted to be! You made me stop and just think about being happy instead of miserable all the time. I don’t know what changed me watching you, but I did. My life changed that day, perhaps your happiness was catching, who knows?

  Seeing you that day was like…? Any explanation I give you now will sound cheesy; you see I can’t explain what it was like seeing you for the first time? It was like a light had gone on in a dark room and I could finally see things clearer for the first time in quite a while. I wanted to be like you relaxed and happy, I watched you as you danced and cursed yourself and tried again and again until you got it right, it was wonderful to see you dancing and laughing, you were I thought either really funny or had a screw lose!” I laughed, as I looked at him he smiled back!

  “I didn’t think you were a nutter I just knew you looked like you could be fun to be with and I thought we could perhaps have some of that fun together. I was there watching and waiting for Jimmy on the wrong day and headed to the path and saw you instead. It was like we’re meant to meet and to be here like this now, I don’t know why I fell so hard for you and I don’t know if it’s for you, us I mean, you going out with me?” Err no your stuck with me now I’m a Sam limpet, your my angel… I laugh because he is so sweet and he’s so insecure, but why he’s absolutely gorgeous?

  “I was and am fascinated by you, you have a very cute smile, which is there for everyone you care about, all the people in your life I have seen you with adore you and well in Jimmy’s case well he… He loves you! You it seems bring out the best in me too. The stupid things I did before I saw you that day, I’ve stopped doing, I wanted a reason to stop and you became that reason baby. Then of course, you look way too sexy in your little red games skirt! I would be lying if I said watching that backside of yours wasn’t a perk of the job. Your cute in the bakers uniform too, now that’s a damn sexy uniform, it got a little interesting watching you in the bakery, were you erm a little chilly sometimes Michelle?”

  “I was actually and wet, oh gheeze say it as it is Sam! So you’ve seen my bum and perved over my stupid nipples! Anything else you could possibly say or do to make my cheeks any redder spit it out now!” He laughed and kissed me again! I blushed he’d seen me before I started wearing tee shirts under my whites. Bummer.

  It was Sam watching me and that put a whole load more confusion into
the mix. He knew where I worked, despite me ‘hiding’ in the back watching him. Clever, the price of bread thing makes sense now, him asking such a wacky question. Lord he’s good at this stalking thing; I had seen him in the bakery, but just as a passing glance, as a customer being served by Debby.

  “I remember that day very well, Mum killed me because my white expensive hockey socks had to be binned they didn’t come white enough for her. I had a new dance that night and couldn’t do the heel, kick, flick shuffle thing in my trainers, but that was just before my exams last year in mid-November. Sam... How long have you been watching me exactly?” His reply was not what I was expecting to hear.

  “Well for months, it’s hard to put dates on all this, as it became a near full time job in the end, watching him. What with uni and working, you were the one he watched, and I in turn, got to watch you too and over time I fell deeper in lust for you. I swear, I am not a perverted stalker, though I do sound like one.”

  “What you lusted after me? Oh and please rewind back up there Sam, to the how long bit, you have been watching who for months, me?” I was spooked a little.

  “Lusted: as in converted, hungered, longed for or even desired? No, I had been following Jimmy for months. I didn’t know he was following you until just two months ago. I know this is sounding weirder by the minute, and hell I need to explain things, please Michelle don’t run away? Let me explain and if you still want to go then well…” He held my hand tighter. “Hopefully it will become clearer, please, don’t be scared. I’m not a pervert, I promise.” Suddenly I’m feeling nervous.

  “Sam I know what lusted means, I’m just shocked you have been having the same lust filled thoughts… And I didn’t mean to say that last bit either, damn it you got me, I did some lusting too okay? But seriously, you’ve been watching me, whilst Jimmy watched me too?” Now, I’m curious and fixing the damn filter because it’s getting me in trouble! “Why were you watching Jimmy, watching me Sam? And this better, be good because wow this is kind of creepy and it isn’t doing a lot for me! When exactly did you start to have those feelings for me?” Did I now want to know?

  “I fell for you just simply watching you weird I know. Don’t ask why, because I don’t have a reason why, well besides your stunning beautiful sexy as hell and funny, so other than those reasons, there’s just something pulling me to you, perhaps it’s because you have started my healing process, but it seems to go deeper than that.

  I didn’t know you were the same girl Jimmy fancied, I just fell for a girl who I spotted, whilst waiting for and looking out for my brother. The being a stranger thing was stopping me doing anything about it any sooner, Michelle! You didn’t know me and you never seemed to be out at the weekend for me to talk to you! Well I haven’t seen you out; do you even go out?”

  “No I don’t, but that’s a long story, really long! So continue with yours please, we’ve plenty of time for my stories, its cold and I have to be home soon!” I snuggled into his shoulder, just for warmth, he insisted!

  “I wanted to introduce myself before Christmas, I chickened out and then I thought hell you need to do it for New Year, but didn’t! Then I thought I’d do it on your birthday back in February! The truth is I didn’t want you to say no.” He looked so uncomfortable. “I'm a lot older than you and I’m a stranger, well I still am that stranger and now you’ve heard all this, I’m an even stranger, stranger. I’d laugh, but it does sound pretty awful from where you’re sat I suppose? Hell, I couldn’t wait any longer, I gave Jimmy enough time to ask you out and sort this shit out and he’s still like me waiting to pluck up courage. Only I found my inner lion tonight, I had to, and I’m glad I did it first too!” I interrupted him, smiling. I wouldn’t have said no.

  “Four years, isn’t a lot Sam, not in the grand scheme of things, I suppose you’re not technically a stranger now, and I'm glad you found the inner lion Sam, and as to beating Jimmy, he would have been disappointed, he is just a friend and nothing more. I didn’t like him that way, his brother though that’s a different story, damn my filter...” He smiled back at me and having that smile, on that body should be against the law; he is without one shadow of a doubt too gorgeous for me. Kisses of relief given and ummed into, yummy and warm. His lips feel soft and it feels so right I could be sat with a murderer and I didn’t care… His soft kisses and that dreamy voice had me hooked already and left me wanting more…

  “I wasn’t sure if I was able to just ask you out, as I said I didn’t and haven’t seen you out. I wanted to just walk up and ask you, now that would have been weird, I really wanted to, but I waited. I thought… I would have more time to get to know you better first… At dance class… You know make the move there… Well I suppose I did…

  Why the hell are you making me so nervous? I need to explain this quickly before I go to pieces! Before all this happened tonight and it had to be tonight, or I would have lost you to someone else otherwise, and I wasn’t willing to lose you, not without trying.” What lose me to someone else? He smiled and put his arm around my shoulder.

  “Six weeks ago I noticed you in dance class, that was a shock too because I actually thought you were at the other dance studio. Then you walked in and wow, I had a reason to smile you were there. I thanked the lord that my lessons with Lana had changed days from Tuesday and Thursday to Fridays. Her boyfriend had started a weekend job, so she wanted those nights with him. I couldn’t say no really, she’s been teaching me as a favour, old school friends and all? I knew that she did this dancing stuff, so asked her to teach me some basics, it actually ended up being good fun, it’s so good at reducing stress and keeping me calmer and it’s something far less dangerous to my health, than the last activity I got involved in.” He winked, seven weeks actually Sam but who was counting?

  “So you were never her boyfriend then?” His arm gripped me tighter around my waist. He laughed.

  “Who Leggy? Hell no and I’m not that interested in the old lady either, she’s just an old school friend. One, who was helping me, put a plan together. Teaching me to dance. I hadn’t yet sussed how I would get you interested in me. Then you walked in and I waited to see if you noticed me and well you did, thank God you did, you watched me and I watched you. My plan was to ask you out to a works do I have coming up, and well then he was going to ask you out, so I couldn’t risk losing you before I had this…” He kissed me again, oh his kisses were nice and then he interrupted it by speaking again. “Jimmy had it so bad for you, he became infatuated with you, after you rescued him, the day he went through the class window…”

  “Oh God that was awful, his lip was cut by the glass and it pierced a hole, right through his cheek. Not nice and the English teacher, Miss Fisher panicked saw the blood and passed out cold, her head took a bash, so I put her in recovery position and sorted her out, I stopped Gary from taking it out or he would have bled to death, they are dicks his friends, as is your little brother.

  It was like a scene from Benny Hill, funny looking back, but a mess at the time and well he was in shock. He just sat there and smiled at me as I cleaned it and I half expected him to kiss me, the way he just stared at me and I think he was ogling my boobs too, he asked me about my boyfriend and I talked about anything and everything. I can’t remember what, but what with that and boob watching it was keeping him occupied I suppose?

  I stopped it bleeding by taking the glass shard out, I had too it was so close to the back of his throat. I packed it with my ripped towel, my finger in his mouth holding the towel in place and putting on pressure, that was interesting it was like he enjoyed it? Then my hand was on his cheek on the other side, he sat and grinned like a moron and I sat with him and shouted orders to the idiots who were laughing.

  Talk about a comedy of errors hell he was an idiot. I’m sure I didn’t do anything to warrant him stalking me I did nothing other than rescue a classmate, who was bleeding to death. You Todd men don’t do a lot of the actual talking thing then? I find it works, it’s actually more e
ffective than a smile, but you have killer smiles the pair of you.” He smiled at me as he spoke.

  “I thank you your smiles pretty cute too, fancy him ogling your boobs, naughty and lucky James Robert. You had him hooked, you gave him your time and stopped with him and you held his hand and didn’t laugh as the others were doing. He fell for you hard, all he talked about all that summer was Michelle this, Michelle that, I must say we were all a bit fed of hearing that name, it has to be said he was your one man cheer squad! I don’t suppose you are now, being here with me instead of him.” He gripped my waist tighter.

  “I’m shocked he took it totally the wrong way, I was saving him, not falling in love with him. I just felt sorry for him he was being an idiot showing off in class, something he did in school a lot too, arsed around! But that time it backfired he was bleeding and really badly too, I wish I’d let the pervert bleed to death now.” He smiled.

  “But then he wouldn’t have followed you, I wouldn’t have followed him and I wouldn’t have spotted you.” I blushed, fate and her plans.

  “I remember that day well too, my first aid training from the Duke of Edinburgh course had paid off that day.”

  “Impressive, you’re a first aid wiz too, is there any end to your talents Miss Welles? Let me finish or we are going to be here all night. Nice though that sounds, it’s too wet and cold. Since the beginning of the October term, he had been coming home from college, with ripped and dirty trousers and nearly every day too. Mum bless her thought he was in trouble, being bullied by bigger lads as he was in school, being he’s such a mouthy git, who could blame them? I was forever looking after him at school too, I thought he’d grow out of it at college, you know grow up and stick up for himself? So I was asked to keep an eye on him and I couldn’t say no to my mum, so my task of being a detective began yet again.” He laughed and kissed my neck did I really want to know the truth? This was so nice he was talking again.