A Life Plan Without You.

by Christine Wood

  I nodded my head at the police and they charged in. Sam was still out of it. They overpowered him and the knife fell to the floor, I sighed and held Sam tightly as his father was led away, but still he pulled away from me, he was afraid of me. I shushed him as the officer proceeded to talk to me.

  “Quick thinking miss and very calm under stress. Do you need any medical attention?” I pointed at Sam he needed help. I noticed the blood, hell he was still bleeding.

  “He’s been stabbed or poked with that knife, he’s in a state of shock, I think his dad has done this to him since he was a small child, please help him, he’s not moved the whole time his dad was here. His dad has a restraining order filed against him for endangering my life and that of his family.” He sat me down. Sam, well he recoiled from my touch and that of the police officer. I touched his hand and smiled at Sam. His eyes were empty and he was shaking.

  “Talk to him like he’s four Michelle, he’s four and he doesn’t know you, it’s not that he doesn’t want you he doesn’t know you.” Where did that voice come from?

  “Shush Sam. Please don’t cry there’s a good boy shush. Mummy will be here in a moment, shush.” I put my arm around him, he had relaxed with me a little, and explained their story to the police officer sat opposite me, he was astounded and looked at Sam.

  “We know about all that, and he will be dealt with. Do you need us to call someone for you?” I looked at the police officer and then at Sam.

  “No, Sir I will be fine. We just need to get him sorted, he is in a shock, I can’t fathom all this out why are they frightened of him. I hate him, he is awful and beats his wife, and the boys they are messed, can you get him some help please?” He radioed to them to allow the medic in and then his brothers. Who had spent the last minutes watching all this unfold? This whole thing seemed to have lasted all evening, but it had in fact lasted just two hours, all filled with threats of violence. I was terrified and so confused. I needed the toilet and excused myself. I think I needed to throw up, so I ran to the toilet, I did what I needed to, washed my face and dried my hands and grabbed Sam a blanket and fresh clothes, and went back down.

  Sam was dead in his eyes, and still my touch still repulsed him. Was he blaming me for all this? No he was just shocked and confused, he had wet himself and had tears in his eyes. I was so confused too, and then the realisation set in, what could have happened and I cried. I wrapped my angel in the blanket and kissed his head. I give him a hug and he finally smiled as I wrapped my arms around him, just holding him as close as I could without frightening him.

  “Can you get someone in, to see to him please? I’m fine, just lock him up, and throw away the key please.” Dennis had been dragged out of the house, screaming for my death, hitting the police officers and putting up a hell of a fight too. I went to hold Sam again and he pulled away from me. Jimmy and Andy where walked into the house by a police officer, Andy looked mad as hell and Jimmy looked lost, they’d past their father in the police car. Me? I was just worried about Sam.

  “Andy, Dennis has been arrested. He came in the back door, whilst I was upstairs cleaning. He’s done something to Sam’s been like this ever since.” He sat at the side of his brother. Who pulled away from him too?

  “What did he threaten you with Michelle, are you alright?” I knelt in front of Sam.

  “Pen knife thing? Well bigger really, a fishing knife perhaps? The police have it, why?” He held Sam’s hand, but he pulled away from Andy again. We had to change him before the ambulance man came in, because Andy was embarrassed for his brother.

  “That’s what he threatened him with, and has done all our fucking lives, it’s ‘Old Faithfull’ it’s what he cut me, sorry us with.” Andy showed me his arms and his back it is full of tiny marks and faint scars. He has a couple on his neck, as had Sam but I’d thought they were shaving scars. I gently rubbed Andy's arms as he pulled back his shirt sleeve.

  “He has been doing it for years Michelle, years.” I cried again, he too moved away from me, Jimmy held my hand as we changed Sam and his clothes were bagged as evidence, there was blood all over them. The police officer came back in with an ambulance man. Andy was scowling at me, as I spoke to the police officer, telling him his name is Sam. Samuel and these were his brothers Andrew and James, and that I was his fiancée, Michelle Welles. Not that Sam responded to any of it.

  The policeman smiled and said I’d saved Sam’s life and I should be proud that nobody else was hurt, also his father had told them I was going to die, when he got out, he also told us their father was too drunk to be questioned. They left for a short while. Sam was weeping and so not right. As I held him he pulled away, he pulled away from the boys too. I went to kiss his head and he cried and pulled away. As I put my hand on Andy’s hand, he too pulled away from me, what had I done?

  “Andy I asked you did you need to talk. I knew you had been hurt they never leave the eldest alone. Andy please why do you hate me, what have I done?” He looked at me with such hate in his eyes. Jimmy looked worried and cried too.

  “It’s your fault we’re back here, he would have been safe at Aunties did you suggest this move back?” I looked in utter shock at what he had just said to me. Sam still said nothing and I cried. Jimmy and Andy tried hugging their brother again, and he cried. Pulling away from them too, what was going on his mixed up head?

  “No do you think I wanted this, I begged him to stay at your Aunt Allison’s house, he suggested this not me, and you agreed, don’t blame this all on me Andrew, you both wanted to come back to this shit house, why blame me, am I to be the scape goat and the one you blame, Sam is fucking hurt and your blaming me for this?” I was angry sad frightened you name it, the emotions were there and brewing into Andrew getting a smack to knock some sense into him.

  “You came into his life and ruined it we could have left and paid the fucker off.”

  “Well why the fuck has it taken you so fucking long to do it then? Why wait, you both have the means and you have the means to put that bastard behind bars for life speak up and do it, don’t fucking blame me.” Sam cried we were shouting and he was now upset and sobbing uncontrollably the technician gave him a shot of something to calm him and make him sleep. He told Andy and I to take it outside or shut up.

  The technician decided to take him away. After they had patched his small wound to his side, the lads got in the back of the ambulance with him. I was getting in too, they said I was in shock and needed seeing to too, but Andy told them to get me an ambulance of my own. Andy told them he was next of kin and demanded they took him away and quickly, I had caused all this and it was frightening his brother, yeah he was afraid of me and Andy arguing, so I held my hands up and said fine. I nodded my head in agreement, and as the door shut, with Andy’s parting shot ringing in my ears. “We will contact you when we see fit, if we see the need, he needs you like he needed this today, you are too much for him, this is too much. I told you I would always look after my brother.” I cried again as I watched them take him away. I watched as the doors shut and they drove him away from me. They were his family not me and Andy told them that too. I could do nothing, but watch. I told them to cancel the ambulance I wouldn’t need one, my aunt was a nurse she would see to me if I needed anything.

  I grabbed my bags from the pile of Sam’s things. I took a shirt of Sam’s, one he had worn the night he took my gift. I put it on over the ripped top of my dress and I gave the officers my name and contact details and the keys to lock the house up. I pulled on a tracksuit top of Sam’s and left after refusing a lift home, the last thing I needed was the Spanish inquisition when they dropped me off in a police car, Uncle David would be doing enough worrying when he hears.

  I was alone and tired and in desperate need of sleep and a hug off Sam, which wouldn’t be coming anytime soon. The walk home seemed to take forever. I was shocked at Andy’s outburst why was it my fault? I told Sam to give the house back and buy his mum and the boys a new house, near our new home, I told
him too, to turn around and go back to Aunties. What had I done to upset Andy? Why was he punishing me? He was being awful, why because I knew those things about him and was worried I would tell Sam? I was more worried about what was wrong with Sam, not about his crazed sex life.

  I’ve made a big mistake, we need to get out of here, we can never live here again, there's too many bad memory’s. Michelle’s right we need to give it back, get her a new house. I don’t want to be here. I get up to shout Michelle not to bother, but there’s someone behind me.

  “Hello Sammy lad, you’re not so fucking big without her dad are you? Restraining order made for good toilet paper, not helping you much is it soft Sam.” He knocks me down to the sofa and he has 'Old Faithfull.' Shit Michelle, she will be his target. Ouch argh, the knife is hurting. He pushes it in my side. Argh, shit no help, he’s throws me to the couch. The bile starts to come from his mouth.

  “Where is your little whore then? Let me see if she’s as good a fuck as you three make out she is, must be something having you all wanting her. A nice tight pussy for me to fuck. Do you want to watch your old man, let me show you how to work her? This one Sam well, it will make for a good fucking session, teach you both things, being she’s only been with you or am I in for a treat and she’s still a virgin?

  Oh that I can’t wait to find out, she won’t want you after she’s had me.” I get up he's going to hurt her. I push past him and he hits me with something against the side of my head, sending me back to the couch to sit. Fuck Mum’s paperweight, shit my head hurts, but I need to save my baby.

  He comes at me again and I am afraid of what will he do? Why does this man frighten me so much? Michelle is right he is nothing I am bigger than him, and not drunk I can do this, then he does it. He uses them against me not just her but my lovely new family, my baby is in danger and they are too.

  “Sit your fucking arse back down. Just one more move and she is dead. She looks nice in that little skirt she wears for games. Her little sister, Becky is a cutie too, but, well her little brother JJ, well he’s ready for some teaching, he likes to play with his cars in their garden, around the little rose bush in the front there.” Bile is in my throat. His arm rose and I cower as the weight then hits my head. The pain is unbearable. I listen to the things he has planned. He has been watching Becky and JJ. My family will destroy her family, I get up and push past him argh he hits me again, and throws me on the couch. He hits me hard in the head again and he hits me again. I do nothing I can’t move my head is pounding.

  “One more word and she gets her throat cut, you cock sure little bastard, you aren’t even my kid, your, mother was a whore and slept with anyone for money, none of you four were mine?” He pokes a knife at me, it slips in and hurts, I wish you weren’t my father, but you are and my mother is no whore, I’m beyond angry as he doesn’t even know how many children he has the stupid drunk. “You know the rules Sammy, speak and it goes in further I bet this is hurting you right, imagine her getting this?” I do and freeze.

  “Her Dad will be having an accident soon, beaten up and robbed on his way home from the pub drunk, a few of us are going to make that pretty blonde mother of hers a widow.” Shit she’s shouting down the stairs. I can’t just sit I need to save her so I get up. I try but he pushes me down again. “One word, move once and she gets fucked then cut, shagged to death literally. This knife has been sharpened to slice through her pussy like butter, you will watch Sammy boy and fucking move and she gets it, talk and she gets it shut up and don’t move, she may survive, if you both do as I say.”

  Shit she’s coming down the stairs. Baby girl stay up there, he will hurt you, he will kill you please shush, I get up to shut him up, he punches me in the side of my head again, my head hurts I feel sick another smack. That nasty old man is hurting me. Why is he talking to me? Who is this old smelly man? He tells me to shut up stay still, I will do mister, but I want my mummy! Where is she? Oh, I have wet my pants. Why has mummy left me with this man? He hurts me, and then the pretty lady comes in.

  Oh, she is nice. Has she come to watch me? That man is talking to her. She’s talking to him, but I have to sit and shush that man says so. That lady touches me. No don’t touch me. I don’t know who you are. She goes away but I can hear her, she is talking to the man. He is angry, he is shouting, I want my mummy and the lady sits down next to me. Go away, I can’t talk to strangers but she holds my hand, no get off, the man shouts at the lady again, he sits down and shouts at her, my ears are sore.

  The lady is crying, she didn’t like that bad man either, I feel cold and my pants are wet. The policeman is coming in, they have the bad man, and the lady is crying. She gives me a cuddle, not as nice as my mummy’s. Where is my mummy? I want my mummy. I have to sit until mummy comes, she cries, she tells the policeman I am Sam. She knows my name. I don’t know who she is, she is nice, but I want my mummy. She wraps me in a blankie and kisses my head, she knows my name, she is nice and I cry, she gives me a cuddle and shushes me, she is nice I will shush, she tells me mummy is coming. She knows I am four, she is nice she smells pretty and of flowers, but she is crying too.

  The policeman is talking to the lady, some big boys come to give me a cuddle, the big boy shouts at the lady, he is not nice to the lady and I am getting warm, they take my wet things off me I am dry and I get a cuddle she cuddles me warm, then they shout and I cry and they shout again, then she cries again and they take me away in a big ambulance, they cry a lot for big boys. They are taking me to see my mummy. The big boy says he’s not letting the nice lady, near me ever again. He will keep me safe from everyone. She is his. The lady is his friend. I liked the lady, but the sad lady has gone and my mummy is coming...

  When I was safely home I collapsed on the backroom sofa, tired and drained and worried about Sam. Mum didn’t question were Sam was or why I needed to go to bed. I just got in bed and cried, I cried myself to sleep. I woke in the early hours of the morning. Half past five and I went for a run; a run would sort me out. However, it didn’t, two hours later I got back had a shower, and changed for college. I still had after all my last few exams to take. Two of which were today. I was in class and running on a damn fine autopilot, it has taken over, as I picked up the pen and did the exam. I looked for Jimmy, I knew he was in my next exam class, but he was a no show. I again sailed through, reading and writing the answer down. I finished and went home, shit was this a dream? Nope this was a living nightmare, no bloody dream. It re-ran through my mind, and I shook. Mum was sitting with two police officers, when I opened the lounge door. They stood up as I entered the room.

  “Hello Michelle, I gather, you didn’t inform your mother of yesterday’s happenings, at The Todd’s home then?” I looked at them. My autopilot was in full flight mode and taking over.

  “I had to hear it from my brother David. Michelle what the hell happened? Uncle David has sent these two policemen to help you, are you alright?”

  “I’m fine Mum, please shush, Uncle David has better things to do than worry over me. I’m sorry officers, Mum is a drama queen, so I didn’t tell my mother because I didn’t want to worry her, about something she could do nothing to help me with?

  You still have the drunken bastard in custody I hope? You’re not going to let him off with a caution, this time are you? You did last time, even though I wanted to press charges.” I was angry, that drunk had ruined my life. I was calm, though abrupt with them. Anger seethed through my body, as mum sat and listened, I figured if she listened in, I wouldn’t have to repeat everything again.

  “We are keeping him in and he will be facing jail time. He is still sobering up, we will begin questioning him, when he is seen by a doctor and is fit for questioning. We have not been unable to question him his solicitor is pushing for a case for diminished responsibility. He is trying for a sentence to be served in a secure mental health facility, as he has drug and alcohol issues. We have never had readings as high as that ever.” I shrugged my shoulders, all I was hearing he
would get off with what he had done, fine my dad can sort him out and I will help, I‘m very good with knives. I can skin a fish and a rabbit a drunken bastard can’t be that hard a job? I snigger inwardly. I’m going mad so help me I’m losing it.

  “Have you any news on Sam? I’m like to go see him, but his family haven’t bothered to tell me where he is, so I don’t know exactly where I’m going.” He looked at me. I saw the pity look, yes he knew where he was and he too was told not to tell me.

  “Sam is in a private hospital. With head injuries and a stab wound to the chest.” Yes, I know he’s not at the other hospitals, I phoned, in my dinner break. “He will be released to be with his family later in the week, going I believe to his aunt’s house. They have asked you not to contact him. He or they will be in contact with you, you doing so will only hinder his recovery, he is a mess, unable to speak and is being kept under sedation, when he is able to speak, he will be questioned, in the state he is in we had to leave him and chances are he won’t remember anything.

  He’s very unresponsive to everything hence the sedation, he’s as I said a confused angry mess. We have the telephone operatives typed and recorded response. Can I say it was genius move, on your daughters part Mrs Welles? How Michelle had the hindsight to keep the phone on throughout her ordeal was inspiring. The clear way Michelle you directed us, how you managed to keep the danger to my fellow police officers, Sam and yourself to a minimum.” I smiled.