Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

  “Allison.” he sighs heavily against the door, a small part of me feels guilty. I knew I couldn’t hide away from everything forever, but I wanted to try to as long as I could. He has no idea what is going on in my head.

  “I’ll come out for lunch. But that’s it, nothing else.” I say weakly, I was stubborn I knew that. I was also raised with manners and knew it would be ungrateful for me to be a brat. I hear his footsteps walk away. I roll out of bed and turn the light on. I shrug off the overly large tee shirt I’d been sleeping in which I’d stolen from Kal’s dirty laundry basket in the bathroom and slip on a loose pair of white silk tracksuits with tight cuffs at the ankles. I pull on the long sleeved loose crop top to match. I walk slowly to the door, listening. Silence.

  I unlock the door and leave. I follow the path to the sitting room; I walk past the open hallway ignoring the knight in armour. I continue down the current hallway. The house is lit up, each candle and light bulb on. There was always darkness with light; I could see it in the places the light couldn’t reach.

  Two potted plants sit on each side of the open archway to my left. I walk through into the kitchen. It took my breath away the first time I entered; it seemed to be as large as my house. The high rise roof was sculpted telling the story of vampires at war, fighting with tooth and nail against human warriors clad in steel armour.

  The spotless stainless steel benches ran against the back wall, with an island strip in the middle. Over it pots of all shapes hung, to my left was the ovens and stoves. To the far right end of the kitchen was another archway. I walk through to find Kalabhiti sitting at the end of the long wooden table, a cup of blood resting between his folded hands.

  My shoulders sag slightly, this wasn’t just breakfast; I was going to get a talking to. He sits deathly still, not acknowledging my entrance. The space beside him has a plate full of freshly cut up fruit; waiting patiently for me. His long black hair is pulled tightly into a low pony tail; his black skin tight armour bulging against his muscular chest. I look away, not wanting to let my mind even think of him that way. I don’t think I could ever trust someone the way I did with Xavier. I take a hesitant seat beside him, keeping my eyes on the full plate. I clasp my hands tightly together under the table.

  “You’re going to eat all of it before you leave this room.” his voice is calm; in the corner of my eye he takes a sip from his cup. My mouth tightens in distaste. I don’t want to eat. I wonder what human blood tastes like.

  “I will sit here as long as it takes for you to finish the fruit. No ifs or buts. You’ve barely eaten this whole time you’ve been here. I won’t sit around and do nothing while I watch you starve.” I can feel his eyes burning the side of my face. The power of his shadows brush against my right leg, tickling it slightly.

  “I’m just not hungry.” I say quietly. He places his glass firmly on the table.

  “Look at me.” I keep my head down.

  “Allison look at me.” under the force of his words I break my gaze with the fruit and am immediately ensnared in his deep, lightless eyes. The vampire part of me adored his eyes, wanted to do everything for him in the beat of a heart. My human part wanted to be stubborn and make everything harder than it had to be. Unfortunately I was currently more vampire than human.

  “Please eat the fruit.” without breaking eye contact my right hand automatically closes around the silver fork and pierces a piece of strawberry. My mouth opens robotically, the strawberry falls onto my tongue. I take a bite.

  My mouth explodes with flavour, the sweetness awakening the hunger I’d been ignoring. I break eye contact and look back at the fruit, piece by colourful piece I begin to devour it. Once I’ve finished the last piece of banana I place the fork on the table. The trance he held over me now broken. A part of me feels violated, forced against my free will. A small part of me is thankful; I’d begun to enjoy the fruit towards the end. I wouldn’t tell him that. We sit in silence, my breathing is the only thing my ears can pick up.

  I stand and move the chair back into place.

  “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” I turn and leave the room without glancing back. I need fresh air. I need to breathe somewhere that isn’t so quiet. I go down the hall back towards the sitting room and through the end door on the right. Instead of going up the stairs I turn left; humming softly to myself as I walk along. I am doing something I hadn’t attempted to do while I was here. Through the door on the right, I am greeted by a well-lit smaller sitting room, the walls on the left are glass panels; exposing the exotic garden before me. My breathing falters as I look out before me, I hadn’t bothered taking much notice of it through my window; caught up in my self -loathing. Plants and flowers of all different shapes and sizes sit in small clusters; a clear dirt path twisting through. Large mushrooms stand tall, glowing a radiant light that lights up the whole garden. On the outskirts of the garden large trees twist together to form a wall, their dark leaves concealing the glow.

  I open the glass door and take a tentative step outside, the creature from the night before flashing briefly into my mind. The sunlight couldn’t drive something like that away if there’s no sunlight to begin with. The soft dirt is cold beneath my bare feet.

  I leave the glass door open behind me. I walk the small distance towards the garden, as I grow closer the smaller flowers clustered around the path begin to glow a light pink. I take a step into the garden and my feet sink slightly in the dirt. I scrunch my toes up, savouring the damp feeling. I walk slowly, taking my time to admire the beauty and life this small area holds.

  More plants and flowers begin to glow, and before I know it I’m surrounded by a rainbow of soft hues, illuminating my skin; seeming to make me shine. I brush my fingertips against the edge of a large yellow hue mushroom, the surface smooth to the touch.

  Left over droplets from the rain fall onto the plants below. I continue walking along the dirt path, humming softly.

  The plants thrive off the darkness; creating and becoming their own source of light. If only I could just learn to do the same. I’d like to think I’d glow bright and strong, I’d find my place to belong.

  The plants sooth my nerves, if only I could keep one in my room at night to chase away the nightmares and thoughts that keep me awake. I thought I was strong, but each passing day makes me feel weaker than the last. I knew I had the essentials I needed to survive; I know I could leave this place and make it. Maybe even returning to my old prison I called home and old bed.

  I didn’t want to fulfil whatever purpose Kalabhiti had for me, I wasn’t going to be some war weapon to turn the tides. I was not going to be used as a pawn in a game I knew nothing about. The sooner he realised that the better but there’s no way I’d be able to get it across to him.

  The path smooths out as the garden stops; in front of me is the open archway towards the thick forest that protects the back of the castle. A chill so strong it causes me to step back shakes my bones, that creature could be out there.

  I walk closer, edging myself bit by bit as my courage grows and then falters. Kalabhiti would hear my scream if it came to that. I rest my hand on the right side of the twisted tree; the branches woven underneath are a tight knitted braid. I peer into the darkness, my vampire senses only allowing me to see the first defence of tree line, the rest is pitch black. I stare intently, unsure if I am hoping to see something or to calm my fears.

  I take a relieving breath and turn away; the garden greets me warmly as I trudge through it; my feet dragging. As I reach the glass door I shake as much of the dirt off as I can. I shut the door firmly and look back at the garden; all that remains glowing is the large mushrooms.

  I wander around the castle aimlessly, most of the wooden doors are locked; the ones that aren’t don’t contain anything exciting. When I first started my trek around the house I’d left full dirt marks behind; now the remaining dirt had crusted on the outside of my toes and feet.

  I’d need a shower, I knew Kalabhiti was somewhere in the
castle; attending to his own affairs as he liked to call them. I go back to my room and grab a fresh towel, along with tight dark green pants and a loose fitting white singlet. The bathing chambers were on the opposite side of the castle, towards Kalabhiti’s sleeping chambers. I hadn’t allowed myself to even look in the direction of where he sleeps every night, that would only lead me to trouble.

  Getting there was easy enough, I’d gotten lost a handful of times already; my aimless wandering was actually coming in handy. I step into the hallway that leads to the bathing chambers. The large hallway stretches out long and wide before me. The first door to my left was the bathing area; the large red wooden door that enveloped the ending of the hallway was Kalabhiti’s room. I keep my eyes low as I step lightly to the bathing door. I rest my hand on the cold metal handle.

  Kalabhiti’s door opens at the end, the door swinging outwards with ease. I glance up in curiosity, despite my earlier stubbornness. He’s flicking through papers as he stands there, his eyebrows furrowed in a frown. He’d traded his black fitting suit for a more casual attire, the dark blue suit pants low on his hips; his loose white long sleeved shirt is rolled up to the elbows, the first four buttons undone exposing his open chest. My eyes fixate on the papers in his hands, what could he be reading that is so bad?

  He seems to notice my eyes and looks up, catching my gaze. His eyes look over me lazily, casually. I can feel my cheeks heating; I know I’m not ravishing or something out of a fairy tale; especially with crusted dirt around my feet and a bird’s nest for hair. I hold my head high as our eyes connect once more, I won’t allow him to see the effect he has on me. He walks towards me, I know I should escape into the bathroom; he had more decency than to follow me in there. But I don’t. I stay put and wait for him to come.

  He stops a metre in front of me, facing the papers away.

  “Ah, I see Zuriel told you I can read.” I say, gesturing towards the papers. The corner of his mouth rises slightly. I should be hostile, not trying to start a conversation with him. God.

  “Indeed he did. The library in the sitting room is open to you at any time; you can read as much or as little as you want. Words are knowledge and knowledge is power in a place like this.” he watches me with a hint of amusement.

  “Thank you. I haven’t attempted to look at anything yet. I seem to be side tracked more often than not.” I say softly, not wanting to delve deeper into my feelings with him than I had. The worst part is I know he would listen, he would drop it all and listen and try and make me feel better.

  “It happens to the best of us. They’re there when you need them.” he glances down at my bare feet. “I see you’ve explored the garden.”

  “It’s beautiful out there; I’ve never seen anything like it before.” the garden is my favourite part of this whole castle, it expected nothing from me.

  “It is isn’t it? It thrives in the darkness; they’re the only plants that last long enough here.” it saddens me, I would have loved a day here in the sun; but I couldn’t destroy those beautiful plants, no matter how much I craved those warm rays.

  “What are you up to for the rest of the day?” he asks.

  “I’m not sure yet. Explore some more maybe.” I say, holding his eye contact.

  “You should begin to train again.” I cringe inwardly at the thought, training would only remind me of Xavier and cleave open my still mending heart again.

  “I...can’t. I’m not ready.” I say quietly as I look away, knowing his vampire ears would pick anything up. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready again.

  “Ali...” his voice is soft, “I know it’s scary. I know it’s hard going through what you are, but you are so strong. Don’t let it put out the fire in your heart that I know is there.”

  My mouth twists, but I don’t reply.

  What could I say?

  I nod once before dismissing myself into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My feet are cold on the white tiles as I pad over to the open glass shower in front of me that runs along the back wall; the back wall is cobblestoned with vines and moss growing in the cracks. It was nice to see nature incorporated, and it was far fancier than the one I had back at home.

  To my right is a full length mirror that runs from the roof to the floor, opposite it is a small bench, a toilet and a basin. I undress and leave my dirty clothes on the bench. I push the button above the basin; water begins to pour from the ceiling like rain.

  I shut the glass door behind me, taking a seat on the ground and lean against the wall; letting the water wash me away.

  *

  I lounge on the couch in the sitting room, not doing anything in particular. Kal has come and gone a few times, checking up to see if I was hungry or thirsty. I assured him I wasn’t, and that I was capable of getting something myself if need be. He’d still been frowning over the papers from this morning and a large part of me is curious to read them; to see what was so flustering.

  I’d contemplated sneaking into his room, but that seemed like it was more trouble than it was worth. I knew his patience with me would wear thin soon enough and I’d see the warrior wrath he possesses.

  I sit up and look around the sitting room, the window is open; revealing the distant sparkle of the city lights. I wish I could go back to the city, to explore everything it had to offer.

  “Ali, are you busy?” Kal asks, entering the room. I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “No. Why?” I say.

  “How would you like to help me with something?” he raises an eyebrow in challenge.

  “Depends what it is. I’m rather comfortable doing nothing.” I say coolly, running a hand over the top of the couch.

  “It’s rather important, otherwise I wouldn’t be asking.” his eyebrows narrow in irritation. The King wasn’t accustomed to others not obeying his orders right away. I stand up and walk towards him.

  “Alright, what is it?” I say, giving in. He grins before turning; I hurry to keep up with him. We head towards his side of the castle, growing closer to his room.

  “Thank you. I know you’d rather be doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself but I have too much on my hands to do this. I trust you’ll do it with the best of your abilities?” he eyes me as I walk beside him, I frown at him.

  “Clearly it depends what it is. You can’t expect too much from me.” I say, keeping my head high as we continue along the first floor of the castle. We walk down a narrow hallway, the air growing denser.

  “Where are we going?” I say, the hallway seeming too small for Kal’s large build.

  “To the dungeons.” he says simply, like it was obvious. A laugh escapes me before I can hold it in. He turns and grins at me; I narrow my eyes at him. We stop in front of a metal door and he opens it slowly. A staircase spirals below, torches lighting the path. I follow him down; the entrance disappears as we go deeper below the castle.

  I should have known he’d have a dungeon. What he had down here though was another mystery. Our footsteps were the only noise my ears could pick up on, no hint of life dwelled below these levels. We come to a short hallway, a large wooden door with a large skull shaped lock waits patiently for us.

  “Now I need you to be very calm… No matter what sort of instinct you have do not scream or run or do anything stupid. This is no game, I will show you what you must do and then leave you to it.” he pauses; I stare hesitantly at the door. He unlocks the large door with a skeleton key, tucking it safely back into his pocket.

  The door opens with a groan, the room before it is in utter darkness; my vampire sight not helping. Kal walks in and suddenly the room is lit with the soft glow of torches. In the middle of the large room a creature is chained, facing away from me.

  The creatures muscular arms were twice the size of its body with three clawed fingers digging into the stone. Above each wrist and reaching up to its elbow are folded leathery wings on both sides, bound closed by three sets of metal shackles. Dark brown skin covered in tiny brown hairs, it is hu
nched over on thick small legs; two large toes supporting all of its weight. The creature’s large chest heaves up and down in an uneven rhythm; the middle of its back is covered in thick, coarse black hair. Its head shoots up as I step into the room.

  It turns towards me and my eyes widen.

  Small beady golden eyes narrow on me, the nose is ribbed and leaf shaped in the centre of its face. Large ears twitch slightly. The muscles on its thick throat strain, with narrow cheek bones a dark red; two sides of its mouth are folded over, the two large yellow bottom teeth meeting in the centre.

  “This is a very special friend.” Kal emerges from the darkness in the corner of the room to my right. He stands beside me. The creature’s metal shackles on each leg, two more on its wrists.

  It turns around and stands tall, nearly touching the ceiling of the dungeon.

  “What on earth…” I mutter; its mouth splits open, revealing more razor sharp yellow teeth, letting out an ear piercing screech; slamming two fists into the stone. Kal looks at it steadily.

  “You expect me to look after this thing? You’re out of your mind!” I exclaim, taking a step back. I was not being left alone with this creature.

  “Yes I do. For today anyway. All you have to do is groom him, feed him and refill his blood trough.” my eyes go to the large rectangular cement trough sitting against the left wall. Kal looks at me, amused.

  “It’s fairly easy, behind us on the wall a brush is hanging. And over there,” he gestures towards a small metal door in the wall, “All you have to do is open it, the food will fall in and he’ll dig in. Just be careful not to get in his way as he’s very protective of his food.” My eyes are the size of saucers by now.

  “He has no hair to brush though?!” I gesture towards it.