Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

  “It’s like a horse; he won’t harm you in any way. I’ll stay with you until you’re comfortable.” Kal turns back and shuts the door, enclosing us in the room. The metallic stench of blood is strong in the air. Kal gestures towards the trough.

  “Turn the nozzle on this side of the tub; turn it back off once it’s full.” my feet are like lead as I shuffle towards the tub, the creature watches every movement I make. The nozzle is caked in old blood and I hold in a gag as I wrench it open. A piece of the stone wall opens, thick red blood flows into the trough. The creature approaches the tub cautiously, eyeing me before eyeing the blood. I step back as it saunters closer; leaning its large bat head into the path of the flowing blood. It gulps it down, one large clawed hand digging in the stone wall.

  I turn the nozzle off, the creature steps back, blood drips between the cracks in its mouth onto the floor. It looks at me with curious golden eyes. I walk back to Kal, my hands coated in dry blood speckles. He grins as I scowl at him, moving towards the feeding area. I pull the lever; the metal door swings open. Dead carcasses spill out and onto the floor, some I’ve never seen before. The large creature bounds over; digging hungrily into its meal. I shut the lever off; the metal door swinging shut.

  “There’s no way you’re getting me to brush this thing.” I say, walking back to where Kal is standing. His arms are folded over his chest.

  “Yes you are missy. You can’t get yourself out of this one. He’s rather stubborn as well, so you both have something in common.” I elbow him in the side, not caring that it hurts my elbow more than it hurts him. We watch the creature.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “It’s a mighty beast from the first war. The last of his kind, we’ve looked in nearly every continent across the earth for more. If there’s any left they’ve gone deep into hiding. We call them Were-bats, we used them to fight in the first war, and they can fly and destroy anything in their path. This is Dominic, he is mine. If we can find more of his kind, we can use them once again.” I look back to Dominic, his back is covered in thin white lines; what I can only assume are scars.

  “Dominic.” Kal calls, he looks up; head tipping to one side; a deer head slips out of his mouth. Kal grins.

  “Ali here will be doing your grooming. Take it easy on her, she’s new but stubborn. Call me if she gives you any grief.” I growl at Kal. Dominic grunts and goes back to the remainders of his meal.

  “There you go, you’re all set. He won’t touch a hair on your body. Respect him and he will respect you.” Kal turns, opening the door. I reach towards him, snagging the back of his shirt. He looks back, raising an eyebrow. I immediately let go of his shirt.

  “You’re not locking me down here are you?”

  “Of course not, here is the key for this door. Lock it once you’ve finished and blow out the torches please.” he chucks me the key; I snatch it hastily; stuffing it into my pocket. He shuts the door quietly behind me.

  “Well Dominic…looks like it’s just you and me.”

  Chapter 3

  Allison

  Laughter echoes off the hallway wall as I prowl to the sitting room. I am covered in blood and I am pissed.

  Kal managed to leave out that Dominic was also a little shit and liked to play with his food while he ate it.

  I round the corner into the sitting room and freeze. Cassidy is laying on the couch, Zeke leans against the fire pit dressed all in black; Kal is standing in the middle. Cassidy looks over to me, grinning wickedly.

  “Well well, look what the cat dragged in. Or should I say bat?” she sits up and eyes me, scrunching up her nose as she sniffs the air. She is wearing a red blouse with a black corset, exposing more cleavage than necessary. Zeke watches me intensely; his hair has grown, now resting against his shoulders in a wavy mess. Kal looks over to me, I scowl at him.

  “Oh Kal this is too good, you actually managed to get her to brush that beast of yours?” she smirks at him, her high tight blonde pony tails swings with the movement.

  “Yes I did, I’m sure Dominic would have enjoyed himself.” his eyes are light as he watches me. I feel like the laughing stock of the room, did he only get me to brush the stupid beast so I could entertain them?

  “I’ve definitely enjoyed myself. I haven’t seen something so amusing in such a long time.” Cassidy says; Zeke looks away towards the open window of the city. I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. All the anger I’d felt shrivels up, leaving tiny footprints of sadness.

  “If only I could take a photo. That look really suits you Ali, it reminds me of your home.” I stare blankly at her. She arches a plucked eyebrow and moves her hand around to emphasise her next words.

  “The slums? You know; that filthy pit you crawled out from?” she leans her head to the side, I’m gobsmacked. She looks at Kal. Is that how they really saw Penrith? Is that how they saw all human cities?

  “Did you remove what little brain power she had left as well?” Kal narrows his eyes at Cassidy, he opens his mouth to say something but I beat him to it.

  “I was just letting you know I was finished. Here’s your stupid key.” I growl, throwing the key towards him. It bounces to the ground near his feet, he frowns at the key and then up at me.

  “And I’m also telling you I’m never doing that again. You can god damn do it yourself. I’m not your slave.” I spit the words at him, watching him flinch. Zeke catches my eye; I turn and storm out of the room. Cassidy snickers behind me, I wipe furious tears away as I storm towards the bathing chambers. I was not being made a laughing stock. He wonders why I didn’t want to leave the room, why I was beginning to hate it here.

  I don’t notice the footsteps behind me until it’s too late. A cold hand wraps lightly around my right elbow, turning me towards them. I roll my eyes.

  “Kal—” I’m cut short to see Zeke standing in front of me, his eyebrows crunched in concern. I sigh a breath of relief.

  “Ali, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m sorry about her, she’s very…” he trails off, trying to find the right word.

  “She’s a bitch.” I say, hoping she heard me. Zeke gives me a weak smile. I’ll never understand why she doesn’t like me, if she’d give me a chance like everyone else I’m sure we’d have some common interests.

  “Yes, that suits her well. Look, I have so much I want to apologise for. I’m sorry I dragged you into this; I didn’t think you were Cassidar’s descendent right away but Zuriel was sure of it. That’s why I returned the second time, to find out for myself.” I stay still as I listen to him, his hand still holding my elbow. I wasn’t expecting the conversation to take a turn like this. Why hadn’t Zuriel come back as well? He was just as important as Zeke.

  “I didn’t really have any idea what I was doing, I just needed to talk to you but make it seem worth it so you’d agree to talk to me as well.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell the truth? Why go to such lengths for it?” I ask, confused.

  “Because we did have vampires going missing, I could have finished the mission myself but I knew you’d do it for me. I knew you’d want to help in any way you could. I also had to show Kal that you were Cassidar’s descendant. I am sorry I used you, but I’m glad because it brought you out of your shell. It showed you that you’re not as weak as you think you are.” his eyes blaze with intensity. I knew I couldn’t trust him, I couldn’t trust anyone here. I wasn’t making the same mistakes again. No matter how much I wanted to believe him. I used to feel so much for him, but now that too had shrivelled away.

  “You acted like you hated me that entire time.” I say, gritting my teeth. Zeke lets go of my arm, running a hand through his hair. I wrap my arms around my body again.

  “It was hard…I wasn’t accustomed to seeing a human as a companion. I wasn’t accustomed to… feeling things for a human. I’d always seen them as a source of food, not someone I could… learn to like.” my eyebrows shoot up as I look at him; I take a small step back in
disbelief. Did he just say… he felt something for me?

  “Look I know I shouldn’t be dropping this on you. I know it’s been rough for you, I’ve heard about what happened at the camp. I just needed to tell you. I needed you to know I’m so sorry and if I could go back and redo it I would.”

  “What, so you can feel better about yourself? What would you change? Would you just kidnap me and bring me here as some experiment?” I ask, stepping back again. I want to put an ocean between us. His eyes widen and my heart beats rapidly in my chest.

  “Ali, that’s not—” I put my hand up, cutting him off. All the emotion from the past few weeks had been bubbling up and he was here. I had to let some steam out, I didn’t care who got caught in that process.

  “Yes. It is. You have no idea what I had to go through. Words can’t erase the damage I’ve caused and the damage I’ve done to myself. I wish they could, so we can both leave this conversation feeling better about ourselves. You don’t have nightmares of the innocent man you killed plaguing each second of sleep you have. You don’t carry the burden of all the people that will now be killed because of me, the guilt. I have to.”

  “Ali you didn’t—” I step back again, a chasm opens up before us and I finally feel the bridge between us burning.

  “I did. I’m the reason he is dead now, that they’ll all be dead. He was so nice. He didn’t deserve that. None of them did.” my throat begins to close in on itself. I swallow hard, needing someone to hear what I was going through, even if it was Zeke.

  “I liked you. I believed in you. And you threw it in my face, I was innocent and you’ve stained me. I can’t escape that feeling.” I pull the necklace out from underneath my shirt, unclipping his pendant. The golden charm feels warm in my hand. I grab his hand and curl his fingers around it.

  “Did you just think once I was here you could just waltz back into my life with no consequences? That I would fall to my knees for you? What I felt for you is dead.

  Thank you for apologising. But please leave me alone. I don’t want your help and I don’t want to hear anything about you feeling anything for me. You’ve burnt that bridge to the ground.” tears swim down my cheeks, but my vision stays clear.

  “Ali please I want to make it up to you, let me help you. I’m begging you.” I drop his hands, wiping my eyes. His face falls and I see his walls go back up.

  “Just go back to seeing me as a food source; it’ll be easier for both of us.” I turn and walk away. He doesn’t follow.

  I turn the corner and run the rest of the way to the bathing chambers, sobs racking my body; my vision blurry.

  Everything hurts. I just want it all to stop.

  Was that too much to ask for?

  My mending heart is now broken again.

  *

  I stare out into the garden from inside the small sitting room. I bite my lip to stop any more tears from falling. I’d avoided Kal for the last three days. I hadn’t eaten, I’d barely slept. Each time I close my eyes to welcome darkness, Cassius’s face is there to haunt me, taunt me and remind me of the monster I’d become.

  Everything felt like too much, I didn’t have enough of me to fight the battle I felt inside of me.

  My eyes were nearly all red now, a sliver of my human side intact.

  And maybe that was why I was feeling the way I did, maybe that was why I was alienating myself. Vampire me wasn’t a good version of me, but the dark and unforgiving version. Maybe she was the parts of myself I tried to bury, the parts that hurt too much to think or talk about.

  I don’t want to find out.

  The mushrooms outside are the only source of light, this room is the only room that is keeping me intact. Keeping me sane; human even. I can only hope their light will help chase out my dark. The small couch was only big enough for one; I have my legs curled underneath me as I sit there.

  The door opens and someone enters the room. I don’t bother looking up, I know it’s Kal. His footsteps are light as he approaches; hesitant. I was no threat or danger, I don’t know why he had to tip toe around me.

  “You don’t have to treat me like a ticking time bomb. I’m not going to explode at any given moment.” I say quietly, not taking my eyes from the garden. I feel his presence to my left.

  “I know, I just didn’t want to startle you.” his voice is soft, careful. I stay quiet.

  “I heard the conversation you had with Zeke. I want to apologise for how Cassidy acted and to apologise for using you.” I turn towards him, my eyes narrow on him. He has his hands clasped behind his back as he watches me, on guard. Because I am unpredictable. A threat.

  “Why does everyone apologise? They’re just words. They change nothing. Actions speak louder than words and so far everyone’s doing a pretty shitty job of showing me that.” he frowns. His shadows encase his feet and the darkness behind him, his long hair is damp and swims around his chest.

  “If you weren’t so receded into yourself you’d see I have been trying in every way. It’s hard… when you close yourself off. I thought bonding with Dominic would help bring you out of the dark place you’ve found yourself in.” he comes closer, looking out to the garden. I study him, my jaw clenched. His back muscle ripples underneath his white shirt.

  “It would have if I didn’t end up the laughing stock of the room. Was that your plan? I was humiliated.” I say with venom in my words. He scoffs, turning back to me.

  “Of course it wasn’t. I’m embarrassed you’d think that low of me Allison. I hadn’t intended for their visit. They were updating me on the rescue of the vampires you found.”

  “And?” I ask, I needed to know and find some sort of closure from it. Kal sighs, his shoulders falling. He rubs his face, thinking about how to tell me.

  “Most were killed by the time the first rescue team arrived, burnt alive. You already know that though. They scouted the human camp; double protection is being used now. They’ve implanted silver bombs along the outside of their base. We lost two of the rescue team to an explosion.” My heart falters in my chest. Another two dead because of me.

  “I’m sorry.” I whisper, looking back to the mushrooms. The guilt is suffocating, crushing my chest and taking my breath away. I dig my nails into my palm as I try to slow my breathing.

  “What for? If it wasn’t for you we wouldn’t have been able to save the ones we did. And Nardia, I’m sure she’s more than thankful for the sacrifice you made.” he looks down at me, his eyes swimming with worry. This is the first time we’ve spoken about what had happened, a wound I wasn’t ready to face but was being forced to.

  “I know she would be. I’m glad she lived. I should have saved them all; I should have gone back for them. I had the power to just knock the humans out and rescue the other vampires but I ran. I fled with Nardia and left the rest to die. That is why I’m sorry. My main mission was to rescue the vampires and I failed.” tears swim in my eyes, I try to push them away and hold them in. I wouldn’t cry in front of him, my tears were only for my pillow.

  “Ali you couldn’t have known. You saved Nardia and others, I’m sure they’ll thank you if they ever get the chance to meet you. You succeeded in my eyes, you saved vampires.” a tear slips down my cheek.

  “I couldn’t save myself. Now I’m stuck in this huge mess and I have no idea what to do. What happens to me now? What of that?” I ask, my hands shake in my lap. I didn’t want to think about it but I needed answers.

  “That’s up to you. I can’t make that choice for you. You still have the option to be human, or you have the option to be vampire. You won’t change fully unless you drink human blood, and by that I mean you would have to drain the life force of a human and take their soul. No matter what you choose you’re not the evil monster you portray yourself to be, we’re all good and bad. Even I am, but we constantly learn and grow. You can’t have bright days without darkness.” his words haunt me; I can’t ever see myself killing a human by drinking their blood. I don’t want to acknowledge the good an
d bad he’s mentioned.

  “Do I even have fangs?” I ask as I reach up and touch my canines; they felt human to me. He gives me a weak smile.

  “I’m sure you would, it wouldn’t be easy to summon them I don’t think. It would be very painful as well, nothing near pleasant.”

  “What triggers them?” I was still touching where they should be. He kneels down in front of me, eyeing me intensely.

  “Deep emotion; it’s usually anger or the urge to protect but each person is different. Especially for you, since you’re still part human. I’m not sure what would trigger them. Once you’ve been vampire for a while you can call them whenever you need. Why is that?” he slowly pulls my hand away from my mouth, I don’t breathe. He doesn’t let go of it, his coolness seeps into me; comforting me.

  “Curious.” I breathe out; if I had fangs I wanted to know. If I did, I had to find a way that could get rid of them. He searches my face for any other hints; I keep myself calm and collected.

  “Can I see yours?” A part of me felt like I was in a trance. I knew he wasn’t encouraging me or influencing me silently, I feel like the old me. The curious me, the confident me. He frowns slightly but opens his mouth, his white teeth glow in the darkness. Slowly his fangs ease through his gums over his canines, they are large and white; indenting his lower lip. A chill runs through me, I’d hate to be at the receiving end of those fangs.

  “Can I touch them?” I whisper. He doesn’t move as I scoot closer to him, my legs dropping to the ground. I lean in, our faces inches apart. Slowly I reach up and tenderly touch the tip of his left one; it is very sharp. I press it slightly harder and hiss as it breaks the skin on my finger tip. I frown as I pull my finger away, a small bubble of blood had formed; a drop on his fang. The metallic smell fills the room and I can feel something change in him as he stays deathly still. I suck on my finger before feeling his fang again. It still bleeds lightly, leaving small traces of blood as I feel the hardness of it where it connects to the gum. I look into his eyes; they are solely focused on me. A blush creeps into my cheeks. Satisfied I sit back, shoving my finger back into my mouth; putting some space between us.