Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

  I straighten my shoulders as he comes closer, his black suit a nice change from his training leathers. His black hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, all business and class tonight. I breathe him in as he steps close to me, the vanilla and pine scent of him helps calm my nerves.

  “You look beautiful.” he says softly, his breath tickles my exposed neck. I look at him and tilt my head slightly.

  “Thank you, you look handsome yourself.” he smiles as he offers me his arm. I loop mine through and we as begin to move through the crowd, the vampires go back to talking amongst themselves. Kal leads us to a group of three closest to the piano, immediately their power hits me. My own begins to rise, not liking the challenge. Kal tightens his arm.

  The three vampires turn towards me, looking me up and down.

  “Gentleman, this is our to-be Queen, Allison.” the first man extends a hand towards me. They all wore suits, I shake his hand firmly.

  “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, we’ve heard plenty of things about you. I’m Mathius. I’m the ruler of the city of Onyx.” Mathius seems to be a simple man, his bald head and pointed nose direct the attention away from his beady eyes that are too small for his round face. He’s wearing a crisp dark blue suit, a gold chain hangs around his neck.

  “Yes, a pleasure. I’m Kalum. Ruler of the fortress Xaydia, hidden in the moutains.” Kalum doesn’t offer me his hand and I don’t complain. His white hair is thin and long enough to touch his shoulders, his narrow face sharpens as I feel his power swell and prod at me. I clench my jaw and restrain mine. I look him over, he’s in a maroon suit with gold trimming. He seems older than the other two here, especially his power.

  “Well Allison, when is your official Queen ceremony?” The third one interrupts, I look at him and smile tightly.

  “We’re still figuring out those details.”

  “Ah yes of course, well it would be an honour to attend. It has been too long since we’ve had a Queen in our mists. I’m Sven, pleasure. Ruler of Mortarth, hidden in the hills.” Sven’s the most casual of them, his golden hair sits in ringlets around his face; his eyes crease in the corner as he smiles at me. He doesn’t prod or poke at me with his power, I smile back. He’s earnt my respect. And I like his dark green suit, it brings out his eyes. Even though they are pitch black.

  “So, are you full vampire?” Sven asks. A waitress walks past and silently offers us a glass of blood. Kalum narrows his eyes at me; I quickly take a glass and nod my thanks. I keep my expression blank as the suffocating stench of fresh blood invades my senses.

  Sip it. You know you want too.

  “I don’t think that’s an important question.” Kal answers, resting his free arm around my waist. I lean into his touch slightly, we could pull this off.

  “It’s a very important question. If she is to be our Queen she cannot be a human. We will not have split rulers,” Kalum answers calmly. His power still prods at me, aggravating my own.

  “Yes, I’m vampire.” I say, well aware they can probably sense my human blood and hear my heart beating a million miles an hour.

  “Prove it.” Mathius says, sipping his blood. I look to Kal for confirmation, what the hell was I meant to do?

  “I didn’t realise this was show and tell gentleman,” Kal says smoothly, sending out a small wave of power. Sven sighs and rolls his eyes.

  “Just show us your fangs, easy. If she doesn’t have fangs that answers our question,” Sven says. I hadn’t had an incident with fangs since those creatures attacked Dominic. I didn’t even know if I could just simply summon them.

  “That’s rather personal for me, I apologise. I also do not appreciate being prodded and poked at like a caged animal. I am not some side show you can throw rocks at trying to get a bite,” I growl, narrowing my eyes at Kalum. His power doesn’t stop.

  “But dear, you are a caged animal currently.” He takes a long sip from his glass, never taking his eyes off of me. I let my power rise to the surface. Without taking my eyes from him I can feel the blue tendrils swimming just below the surface of my skin.

  “Oh, now isn’t that interesting?” Sven asks, stepping closer. Kal’s arm tightens around me. Mathius and Kalum look at it as well.

  “And what does that do?” Mathius asks, cocking his head to the side. I decide to show them, if they wanted me to prove my worth, I’d do just that.

  I will my power to leave me, it floats a centimetre above my skin; the blue tendrils moving and twisting lazily. I focus my attention on Kalum.

  In the blink of an eye the blue swirls surround him, caging his power in their tight vortex. As much as I want to squish the vermin, I make my power only cage him and leave him unharmed. His golden, electric power tries to break from my prison, but I strain and make sure it doesn’t.

  They wanted me to show them if I was a vampire, I’d do one better.

  I’d show them I’m so much more.

  “I’m as much of a vampire as the rest of you, regardless if my heart pumps or not. I will protect you with my life, and I will not let your people down. I have one purpose in this world and it’s to make a difference and bring peace. You either stand at my side or you go against it, the choice is yours.” I pull my power back inside myself, it swims back into me and rests deep inside me. Satisfaction fills me as I watch their shocked expressions.

  Kalum scowls as he looks at me, his power doesn’t prod at me again.

  “You came here to meet me and you’ve done that. I would not be here if I didn’t care, I mean no harm to any of you but I will not tolerate disrespectful questions or interrogations. I’m to be your Queen, so I highly suggest you start to treat me like one.” I turn away from them and into Kal. He smirks at me, a shimmer in his eyes.

  “I’m going to go and find Nardia, I’ll catch up with you later.” I say softly. Before I can turn away he brings his lips down to mine gently. I pull him against me with my free hand and savour the velvet feel of them, his tongue flicks teasingly against my lip as he pulls away.

  “Yes my love, stay safe.” I step out of his arms and nod once more to the three others before leaving them behind and melting into the crowd.

  My love.

  Was that for show or did he mean it? I put it down for show, he had to show them I was going to be Queen and I’m sure a King that loves his Queen would be a force to be reckoned with.

  Each part of my body is alight with nerves as I try to find Nardia. The other vampires keep their eyes on me as I walk past, I keep my head high. A part of me wants to be their Queen, to show them even with human blood I can handle it.

  That I can lead them to a better future, and with Kal by my side that distant dream of mine finally feels like it could be in my grasp.

  I find Nardia over by a blood drinking fountain; she drains her glass as I approach her. I hand her my full one as I stand beside her and look out into the crowd.

  “How did it go?” She asks, sipping from the glass. I sigh and fiddle with my dress.

  “I have no idea. I sort of snapped at them, Kal was trying to defuse the tension when I excused myself. God, some vampires can be so rude,” I puff, not wanting the bad encounter to ruin my night.

  “Eh, old grumpy bastards they are. Kal included, you haven’t seen him on days he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.” We both giggle at that, I could imagine a grumpy Kal so easily.

  “Speaking of him, how are you going to tell him you’re leaving? I know you don’t want my input but it honestly seems too dangerous. We just got out, and you’ve just started to come out of your shell again. I’m worried you’ll come back changed.” She whispers, leaning her shoulder against mine.

  “I don’t know Nardia, I really think he’s better off not knowing until I’m gone. He’ll try and stop me and I can’t allow him too. If I don’t go I feel the worst will happen to Yolanda and the others. Trust me, I don’t want to step a foot even close to that camp but I can’t shake the feeling that I need to go.” I try to explain, she nods slow
ly a few times.

  “Plus, you know. I’ll update you down the bond if it isn’t too far away and you can keep Kal in the loop. But he can’t find out, I wish I could tell him but I already know how he’ll react.” I cross my arms over my chest and look out at the crowd, I vaguely see Kal through the group of vampires; laughing and drinking. He’s having a good night and I’m not going to ruin it. I haven’t seen him this much at ease since I’d arrived and it made me happy to watch him laugh and joke with the others.

  “I still think this is the worst idea yet, but I’ll support you. Come tomorrow morning though I’m telling him everything, I don’t need him thinking I coaxed you into this.” She refills her cup of blood.

  “Why would he think that?” I ask. She sighs.

  “Because it’s been really hard for me to bounce back, after what they did to me, what I went through; I’d love for nothing more than to see that place and everyone in it burn to the ground.” Her voice fills with emotion, her hands shake as she goes somewhere deep inside herself. I put my hand on her arm and squeeze gently. She brings her glassy eye to mine, tears threaten to spill.

  She doesn’t hide the jagged scar of where her other eye once was, she wears it like a badge to let everyone know she was a survivor. I admire her for that, she is so strong and I am so proud to call her my friend.

  “I am so sorry for everything that happened to you, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to stop it. What they’re doing is wrong, if I don’t try to stop it nothing will change. I’m doing this for both of us and both races. No one deserves to go through what you did. You know I’m always here for you, Nardia.” I search her face as she nods her head, she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. I let go of her arm and search for Kal, only to find his eyes already on me. He begins to move between the crowd toward us.

  “Please don’t say anything.” I whisper, keeping my eyes on him.

  “I promised I wouldn’t,” she whispers back. My heart swells for her; I don’t know what I did to deserve her friendship. Kal approaches us, full glass in hand.

  “Ladies, how are you this evening Nardia?” he asks, stopping in front of us. My heart involuntarily speeds up. A small part of me is afraid she’ll spill everything to him.

  “Just superb, good to see you’ve finally come to spend time with your queen,” she says playfully with a smirk, I sigh in relief and grin at him.

  “I couldn’t have her changing teams now could I?” He teases, winking at me. I blush deeply; I’d forgotten to fill her in on that.

  “Oh love, it’s funny you think you even have a chance.” She rolls her eyes and bows deep. “I must be off; a tall blonde is calling my name.” She winks as she disappears back into the crowd. Kal finishes his glass of blood and sits the empty glass down on the table. I’ve grown accustomed to the smell. He holds out his hand to me, I raise an eyebrow in question.

  “What? Have you never danced before?” He asks, smiling. I take his hand hesitantly.

  “No, I haven’t. I don’t think I’d be any good. Really. You should go dance with someone else; you have a large variety to choose from.” I scan the crowd; multiple female vampires have their eyes latched onto Kal not caring about me beside him. A growing part of me is jealous.

  “If I wanted someone else I’d be with them, but I’m here with you. So come and dance with me, Allison.” I reluctantly follow him into the crowd, once we reach the middle of the dance floor he pulls me to his chest, resting both of his hands on my lower back. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his chest. We sway back and forth to the piano.

  “Thank you for tonight.” He whispers into my hair.

  “That’s okay; it’s the least I could do. I’m sorry about being so resistant when I first arrived here. You’ve helped me a lot, more than I could ask for and I never thanked you.” he holds me tighter to him. I look up into his eyes.

  “You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing. I would help you in any way I could if you asked. It’s been nice getting to know you, the real you.” a small seed of guilt plants itself in my chest; tomorrow he wouldn’t be thinking this. He’d be thinking how much of a human I am and how I haven’t changed a bit. What if he thinks this is all for show?

  “I agree. I sort of felt almost connected when I first met you at the camp, it’s hard to describe.” I bite my bottom lip as I think about it; it’s as if his blood was calling to mine.

  “That’s why I guess I was so hard on you. I didn’t know how to handle someone being nice to me, after everything I did. I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I’m still not sure I do.” I cast my eyes down and focus on the top of his suit shirt.

  “Oh Ali, you deserve everything and more. I know it will take time to forgive yourself. I still have things that haunt me to this day from my past. Each day gets easier, you learn from your past so you don’t repeat the same mistakes. It’s what makes us human.” I look back up at him.

  “Do you ever miss it? Being human?” I ask. He breaks eye contact and looks out to the crowd.

  “I didn’t, until I realised I had someone worth losing over it.” His voice is barely a whisper, but I hear every word crystal clear. I’m not sure when we became so close, I can’t pin point the moment I started letting him in. I can’t remember when I let him get under my skin and make a home in my chest. Losing him would hurt like hell.

  “I think you’d get sick of me annoying you forever,” I say lightly, trying to lighten the mood. He looks back down at me with sad eyes. I didn’t want our last night to be sad.

  “You’re probably right.” He smirks, kissing me gently on the forehead. His eyes are clear as he pulls back. My feet begin to ache, as does my body.

  “I think I’m going to call it a night, my whole body is aching. I didn’t realise the physical strain of being a queen,” I laugh as I pull out of his grip. He chuckles with me, rolling his eyes.

  “You’re something else aren’t you?” he brings his arm around my waist as he escorts me to the main doors. Everyone was still alive and the night was still young, perks of being a vampire I suppose.

  “I thought you would have figured that out by now.” I smirk, playfully pinching his nose. It’s good to see him more carefree, not on high alert. He snorts at me, which causes me to laugh again.

  “Trust me dear, I’ve figured plenty of things out about you.” He raises his eyebrows and focuses on my lips; I blush and bat my hand against his chest.

  “No cheeky business in public,” I whisper, failing to contain my smile. The thought of Kal wanting me sends my hormones wild. We reach the door and I turn to him. I’ve never felt more confident within myself and my body from the way Kal looks at me, and the wholeness of him.

  “I’ll save it for the bedroom,” he whispers, tucking a piece of loose hair behind my ear. I feel my cheeks turn scarlet.

  “Goodnight mister.” He leans down and presses his lips against mine, letting them linger longer than necessary. They’re soft and wet as I move my mouth slowly against his, I open my mouth slightly; his tongue slides over my bottom lip. I feel my body heighten and warm, my common sense flies out the window. He pulls back, much to my disappointment.

  “Goodnight beautiful. I’ll be in bed shortly, you know where to find me if you need me.” I nod and gather my thoughts; I smile and turn and quickly leave, heading straight for the shower.

  Chapter 17

  Allison

  I toss and turn for what seems like hours. The party ended a short while ago and I can’t find it in me to go to sleep. The conversation I had with Nardia still consumes my thoughts. Was every loss worth every gain? I groan and get out of bed, I wasn’t sleeping anytime soon. I head to the training room, wanting to clear my thoughts. I needed a clear head space for tomorrow.

  I’m sitting alone in the training room, looking up at the hundreds of glowing balls of light. I’ve been left alone with my thoughts, which isn’t the best idea. The swell of emotions in my chest is making it hard for me to breathe norma
lly, and I’m not sure how to deal with them. I thought coming here would help get rid of them, not exaggerate them.

  As of late my life hasn’t been horrible, I’ve been laughing and smiling and enjoying myself. So why now do I suddenly feel so alone? Why do I feel like my chest is so full that it could burst any moment? I stare down at my trembling hands; I am in one of Kal’s overly large white shirts. It swallowed most of my body.

  My hair falls around me like a curtain, my bottom lip quivers. “You’re okay. You’re okay. Don’t cry,” I whisper, struggling against the tears that are pooling in my eyes. My vision blurs over as the tears win my battle. I stay still as they roll down my cheeks, landing in droplets on my hand.

  I sob once and come undone; I bring my hands to my face and let it all out. The pain and guilt of everything I’d done was more than I could deal with. I let those people and vampires die. I’d lost everyone I cared about in the process. I’d lied and cheated and deceived to get where I am now. I didn’t deserve any of it, maybe all the horrible things Cassidy said about me are right.

  My breathing comes in hiccups as I cry harder into my hands, I rock back and forth as I sit there; needing to move.

  Stupid girl.

  You’re a liar.

  You’ll only get them killed as well.

  You’re never good enough for anyone and you never will be.

  Do you really think Cassius wanted to die?

  Did you really think all those vampires you left behind were going to be saved? You doomed them. You doomed them all.

  “Oh God,” I cry out as I scramble to my feet, it was too much. Everything is too much. Tears stream down my face as I run to the castle; I let my feet carry me. I don’t know where I am going but I needed to run as fast and far away from myself that I could manage. I swipe at my cheeks in half an attempt to stop the tears but it’s no point. God, how did I become so useless?

  Without realising it I come to a stop outside of Kal’s bedroom. A sob wracks my body as I stand there; I reach for the door handle but hesitate.