Romaji Diary and Sad Toys

by Takuboku Ishikawa

186

  Not cured

  And still not dying—

  This bitterness more and more each day these last several months!

  187

  That money order

  On the morning my medicine gave out—

  O this sadness over the kindness of a friend!

  188

  Scolded,

  My kid cried herself to sleep—

  I touched her face, her lips slightly apart

  189

  Awake and feeling somehow

  As if these lungs had shrunk,

  O this morning so close to fall!

  190

  Autumn is near!

  O the comfort of these fingers warmed

  Against this electric bulb!

  191

  Setting the doll I bought for my child

  By her bed where she naps,

  I enjoy myself alone.

  192

  At my words "Christ was a man,"

  The sorrow I felt

  Seeing my sister's eyes pitying me.

  193

  Lying on a pillow I had them bring to the verandah,

  I gaze lovingly at this evening sky

  Seen after a long long time.

  194

  A white dog outside the garden.

  I look back

  And ask my wife about having one.

  Romaji Renderings

  In our translations of the tanka of Sad Toys, we have not followed Takuboku's indentations of various lines, nor have we followed his punctuation for the most part. However, in these Romaji renderings we have observed the punctuation and indentation of the lwanami Bunko edition of Sad Toys (see Note 24). Only in tanka 136 and 165 did we not follow the edition—we indented the third line of tanka 136 because it is indented in the gray notebook and in the first edition of Sad Toys; we omitted one comma in tanka 165 because, as in tanka 108,152, and 153, Takuboku never uses a comma between a noun and the dash following it. In our Romaji renderings we indicate first-line indentations by appropriate spacing from the tanka number; second-line and third-line indentations are spaced appropriately from the diagonal (/).

  1 Iki sureba,/ Mune no uchi nite naru oto ari./ Kogarashi yorimo sabishiki sono oto!

  2 Me tozuredo/ Kokoro ni ukabu nani mo nashi./ Sabishiku mo mata me o akeru kana

  3 Tochū nite futo ki ga kawari,/ Tsutomesaki o yasumite, kyō mo/ Kashi o samayoeri.

  4 Nodo ga kawaki,/ Mada okite iru kudamonoya o sagashi ni yukinu./ Aki no yofuke ni.

  5 Asobi ni dete kodomo kaerazu,/ Toridashite/ Hashirasete miru omocha no kikansha.

  6 Hon o kaitashi, hon o kaitashi to,/ Atetsuke no tsumori dewa nakeredo,/ Tsuma ni iite miru.

  7 Tabi o omou otto no kokoro!/ Shikari, naku, tsumako no kokoro!/ Asa no shokutaku!

  8 le o dete gochō bakari wa/ Yō no aru hito no gotoku ni/ Aruite mitaredo—

  9 Itamu ha o osaetsutsu,/ Hi ga aka aka to/ Fuyu no moya no naka ni noboru o mitari.

  10 Itsu made mo aruite ineba naranu gotoki/ Omoi wakikinu,/ Shin'ya no machi-machi.

  11 Natsukashiki fuyu no asa kana./ Yu o nomeba,/ Yuge ga yawaraka ni kao ni kakareri.

  12 Nan to naku,/ Kesa wa sukoshiku waga kokoro akaruki gotoshi./ Te no tsume o kiru.

  13 Uttorito/ Hon no sashie ni nagameiri,/ Tabako no kemuri fukikakete miru.

  14 Tochū nite norikae no densha nakunarishini/ Nakōka to omoiki./ Ame mo furite iki.

  15 Futaban-oki ni/ Yo no ichijigoro ni Kiridōshi no saka o noborishi mo—/ Tsutome nareba kana.

  16 Shittori to/ Sake no kaori ni hitaritaru/ Nō no omomi o kanjite kaeru.

  17 Kyō mo mata sake nomeru kana!/ Sake nomeba/ Mune no mukatsuku kuse o shiritsutsu.

  18 Nanigoto ka ima ware tsubuyakeri./ Kaku omoi,/ Me o uchitsuburi, ei o ajiwau.

  19 Sukkiri to ei no sametaru kokochiyosa yo!/ Yonaka ni okite,/ Sumi o suru kana.

  20 Mayonaka no demado ni idete,/ Rankan no shimo ni/ Tesaki o hiyashikeru kana.

  21 Dōnari to katte ni nare to yū gotoki/ Waga konogoro o/ Hitori osoruru.

  22 Te mo ashi mo hanarebanare ni aru gotoki/ Monouki nezame!/ Kanashiki nezame!

  23 Misuborashiki kuni no shinbun hirogetsutsu,/ Goshoku hiroeri./ Kesa no kanashimi.

  24 Tare ka ware o/ Omou zonbun shikaritsukuru hito are to omou./ Nan no kokoro zo.

  25 Asana asana/ Nadete kanashimu,/ Shita ni shite neta hō no momo no karoki shibire o.

  26 Arano yuku kisha no gotokuni,/ Kono nayami,/ Tokidoki ware no kokoro o tōru.

  27 Naniganaku/ Hatsukoibito no okutsuki ni mōzuru gotoshi./ Kōgai ni kinu.

  28 Natsukashiki/ Furusato ni kaeru omoi ari,/ Hisashiburi nite kisha ni norishi ni.

  29 Atarashiki asu no kitaru o shinzu to yū/ Jibun no kotoba ni/ Uso wa nakeredo—

  30 Kangaereba,/ Honto ni hoshi to omou koto aruyō de nashi./ Kiseru o migaku.

  31 Yogoretaru te o miru—/ Chōdo/ Konogoro no jibun no kokoro ni mukō ga gotoshi.

  32 Yogoretaru te o araishi toki no/ Kasukanaru manzoku ga/ Kyō no manzoku nariki.

  33 Kyō hyoi to yama ga koishikute/ Yama ni kinu./ Kyonen koshikakeshi ishi o sagasu kana.

  34 Asane shite shinbun yomu ma nakarishi o/ Fusai no gotoku/ Kyō mo kanzuru.

  35 Toshi akete yurumeru kokoro!/ Uttori to/ Koshikata o subete wasureshi gotoshi.

  36 Kinō made asa kara ban made haritsumeshi/ Ano kokoromochi,/ Wasureji to omoedo.

  37 Tonomo niwa hane tsuku oto su./ Warau koe su./ Kyonen no shōgatsu ni kaereru gotoshi.

  38 Nantonaku,/ Kotoshi wa yoi koto aru gotoshi./ Ganjitsu no asa harete kaze nashi.

  39 Hara no soko yori akubi moyōshi/ Naganaga to akubi shite minu,/ Kotoshi no ganjitsu.

  40 Itsu no toshi mo,/ Nitayona uta o futatsumitsu/ Nenga no fumi ni kaite yokosu tomo.

  41 Shōgatsu no yokka ni narite/ Ano hito no/ Nen ni ichido no hagaki mo kinikeri.

  42 Yo ni okonaigataki koto nomi kangaeru/ Ware no atama yo!/ Kotoshi mo shikaru ka.

  43 Hito ga mina/ Onaji hōgaku ni muite yuku./ Sore o yoko yori mite iru kokoro.

  44 Itsu made ka,/ Kono miakitaru kakegaku o/ Kono mama kakete oku koto yaran.

  45 Jirijiri to,/ Rōsoku no moetsukuru gotoku,/ Yoru to naritaru ōmisoka kana.

  46 Aonuri no seto no hibachi ni yorikakari,/ Me toji, me o ake,/ Toki o oshimeri.

  47 Nantonaku asu wa yoki koto aru gotoku/ Omou kokoro o/ Shikarite nemuru.

  48 Sugiyukeru ichinen no tsukare deshimono ka,/ Ganjitsu to yū ni/ Utouto nemushi.

  49 Sore to naku/ Sono yoru tokoro kanashimaru,/ Ganjitsu no gogo no nemutaki kokoro.

  50 Jitto shite,/ Mikan no tsuyu ni somaritaru tsume o mitsumuru/ Kokoromotonasa!

  51 Te o uchite/ Nemuge no henji kiku made no/ Sono modokashisa ni nitaru modokashisa!

  52 Yamigataki yō o wasurekinu—/ Tochū nite kuchi ni iretaru/ Zemu no tame narishi.

  53 Suppori to futon o kaburi,/ Ashi o chijime,/ Shita o dashite minu, tare ni tomo nashini.

  54 Itsushika ni shōgatsu mo sugite,/ Waga kurashi ga/ Mata moto no michi ni hamarikitareri.

  55 Kamisama to giron shite nakishi—/ Ano yume yo!/ Yokka bakari mo mae no asa narishi.

  56 le ni kaeru jikan to naru o,/ Tada hitotsu no matsu koto ni shite,/ Kyō mo hatarakeri.

  57 Iroiro no hito no omowaku/ Hakarikanete,/ Kyō mo otonashiku kurashitaru kana.

  58 Ore ga moshi kono shinbun no shuhitsu naraba/ Yaran—to omoishi/ Iroiro no koto!

  59 Ishikari no Sorachi-gōri no/ Bokujō no oyomesan yori okurikishi/ Bata kana.

  60 Gaitō no eri ni ago o uzume,/ Yofuke ni tachidomarite kiku./ Yoku nita koe kana.

  61 Y to yū fuchō/ Furu-nikki no shosho ni ari—/ Y towa ano hito no koto narishi kana.

  62 Hyakushō no ōku wa sake o yameshi to yū./ Motto komaraba,/ Nani o yameruran.

  63 Me samashite sugu no kokoro yo!/ Toshiyori no iede no kiji nimo/ Namida idetari.

  64 Hito to tomo ni koto o hakaru ni/ Tekisezaru/ Waga seikaku o omou nezame kana.r />
  65 Nani to naku,/ Angai ni ōki ki mo seraru,/ Jibun to onaji koto omou hito.

  66 Jibun yorimo toshi wakaki hito ni/ Hannichi mo kien o hakite,/ Tsukareshi kokoro!

  67 Mezurashiku, kyō wa,/ Gikai o nonoshiritsutsu namida idetari./ Ureshi to omou.

  68 Hitoban ni sakasete min to,/ Ume no hachi o hi ni aburishiga,/ Sakazarishi kana.

  69 Ayamachite chawan o kowashi,/ Mono o kowasu kimochi no yosa o/ Kesa mo omoeru.

  70 Neko no mimi o hipparite mite,/ Nya to nakeba,/ Bikkuri shite yorokobu kodomo no kao kana.

  71 Naze kōka to nasakenaku nari,/ Yowai kokoro o nando mo shikari,/ Kane kari ni yuku.

  72 Matedo, matedo,/ Kuru hazu no hito no konu hi nariki,/ Tsukue no ichi o koko ni kaeshi wa.

  73 Furu-shinbun!/ Oya koko ni ore no uta no koto o homete kaite ari/ Nisangyō naredo.

  74 Hikkoshi no asa no ashimoto ni ochite inu,/ Onna no shashin!/ Wasureishi shashin!

  75 Sono koro wa ki mo tsukazarishi/ Kanachigai no ōki koto kana,/ Mukashi no koibumi!

  76 Hachinen-mae no/ Ima no waga tsuma no tegami no taba,/ Doko ni shimaishi ka to ki ni kakaru kana.

  77 Nemurarenu kuse no kanashisa yo!/ Sukoshi demo/ Nemuke ga saseba, urotaete neru.

  78 Warau nimo warawarezariki—/ Nagaikoto sagashita naifu no/ Te no uchi ni arishi ni.

  79 Kono shigonen,/ Sora o aogu to yū koto ga ichido mo nakariki./ Kō mo naru mono ka?

  80 Genkōshi ni de nakutewa/ Ji o kakanu mono to,/ Kataku shinzuru waga ko no adokenasa!

  81 Dōka, kōka, kongetsu mo buji ni kurashitari to,/ Hoka ni yoku mo naki/ Misoka no ban kana.

  82 Ano koro wa yoku uso o iiki./ Heiki nite yoku uso o iiki./ Ase ga izuru kana.

  83 Furu-tegami yo!/ Ano otoko to mo, gonen-mae wa,/ Kahodo shitashiku majiwarishi kana.

  84 Na wa nan to iiken./ Sei wa Suzuki nariki./ Ima wa dōshite doko ni iruran.

  85 Umareta to yū hagaki mite,/ Hitoshikiri,/ Kao o hareyaka ni shite itaru kana.

  86 Sore miro,/ Ano hito mo ko o koshiraeta to,/ Nani ka ki no sumu kokochi nite neru.

  87 "Ishikawa wa fubin na yatsu da."/ Toki ni kō jibun de iite/ Kanashimite miru.

  88 Doa oshite hitoashi dereba,/ Byōnin no me ni hate mo naki/ Naga-rōka kana.

  89 Omoi ni o oroshita yōna/ Kimochi nariki,/ Kono nedai no ue ni kite ineshi toki.

  90 Sonnaraba inochi ga hoshiku nainoka to,/ Isha ni iwarete,/ Damarishi kokoro!

  91 Mayonaka ni futo me ga samete/ Wake mo naku nakitaku narite/ Futon o kabureru.

  92 Hanashikakete henji no naki ni/ Yoku mireba/ Naite itariki, tonari no kanja.

  93 Byōshitsu no mado ni motarete,/ Hisashiburi ni junsa o mitari to/ Yorokoberu kana.

  94 Hareshi hi no kanashimi no hitotsu!/ Byōshitsu no mado ni motarete/ Tabako o ajiwau.

  95 Yoru osoku dokoyara no shitsu no sawagashiki wa/ Hito ya shinitaran to,/ Iki o hisomuru.

  96 Myaku o toru kangofu no te no/ Atatakaki hi ari/ Tsumetaku kataki hi mo ari.

  97 Byōin ni irite hajimete no yo to yū ni/ Sugu neirishi ga,/ Monotaranu kana.

  98 Nan to naku jibun o erai hito no yō NIC Emote itariki./ Kodomo narishi kana.

  99 Fukuretaru hara o nadetsutsu,/ Byōin no nedai ni, hitori,/ Kanashimite ari.

  100 Me samaseba, karada itakute/ Ugokarezu./ Nakitaku narite yo akuru o matsu.

  101 Bisshori to ne'ase dete iru/ Akegata no/ Mada sameyaranu omoki kanashimi.

  102 Bon'yari to shita kanashimi ga,/ Yo to nareba,/ Nedai no ue ni sotto kite noru.

  103 Byōin no mado ni yoritsutsu,/ Iroiro no hito no/ Genki ni aruku o nagamu.

  104 Mō omae no shintei o yoku mitodoketa to,/ Yume ni haha kite/ Naite yukishi kana.

  105 Omou koto nusumikikaruru gotoku nite,/ Tsu to mune o hikinu—/ Chōshinki yori.

  106 Kangofu ga tetsuya suru made,/ Waga yamai,/ Waruku nare tomo hisoka ni negaeru.

  107 Byōin ni kite,/ Tsuma ya ko o itsukushimu/ Makoto no ware ni kaerikeru kana.

  108 Mō ISO o iwaji to omoiki—/ Sore wa kesa—/ Ima mata hitotsu uso o ieru kana.

  109 Nan to naku,/ Jibun o uso no katamari no gotoku omoite,/ Me oba tsubureru.

  110 Ima made no koto o/ Mina uso ni shite miredo,/ Kokoro sukoshimo nagusamazariki.

  111 Gunjin ni naru to iidashite,/ Chichi haha ni/ Kurō sasetaru mukashi no ware kana.

  112 Uttori to narite,/ Ken o sage, uma ni noreru ono ga sugata o/ Mune ni egakeru.

  113 Fujisawa to yū daigishi o/ Otōto no gotoku omoite,/ Naite yarishi kana.

  114 Nani ka hitotsu/ Ōi naru akuji shite oite,/ Shiranu kao shite itaki kimochi kana.

  115 Jitto shite nete irasshai to/ Kodomo ni demo yū ga gotoku ni/ ISA no yū hi kana.

  116 Hyōnō no shita yori/ Manako o hikarasete,/ Nerarenu yoru wa hito o nikumeru.

  117 Haru no yuki midarete furu o/ Netsu no aru me ni/ Kanashiku mo nagameiritaru.

  118 Ningen no sono saidai no kanashimi ga/ Kore ka to/ Futto me oba tsubureru.

  119 Kaishin no isha no ososa yo!/ Itami aru mune ni te o okite/ Kataku me o tozu.

  120 Isha no kaoiro o jitto mishi hoka ni/ Nani mo mizariki—/ Mune no itami tsunoru hi.

  121 Yamite areba kokoro mo yowaruran!/ Samazama no/ Nakitaki koto ga mune ni atsumaru.

  122 Netsutsu yomu hon no omosa ni/ Tsukaretaru/ Te o yasumete wa, mono o omoeri.

  123 Kyō wa, naze ka,/ Nido mo, sando mo,/ Kinkawa no tokei o hitotsu hoshi to omoeri.

  124 Itsu ka, zehi, dasan to omou hon no koto,/ Hyōshi no koto nado/ Tsuma ni katareru.

  125 Mune itami,/ Haru no mizore no furu hi nari./ Kusuri ni musete fushite me o tozu.

  126 Atarashiki sarado no iro no/ Ureshisa ni/ Hashi toriagete mi wa mitsuredomo—

  127 Ko o shikaru, aware, kono kokoro yo./ Netsu takaki hi no kuse to nomi/ Tsuma yo, omouna.

  128 Unmei no kite noreruka to/ Utagainu—/ Futon no omoki yowa no nezame ni.

  129 Taegataki kawaki oboyuredo,/ Te o nobete/ Ringo toru dani monouki hi kana.

  130 Hyōnō no tokete nurumeba,/ Onozukara me ga same kitari,/ Karada itameru.

  131 Ima, yume ni kankodori o kikeri./ Kankodori o wasurezarishi ga/ Kanashiku aru kana.

  132 Furusato o idete itsutose,/ Yamai o ete,/ Kano kankodori o yume ni kikeru kana.

  133 Kankodori!/ Shibutamimura no sansō o meguru hayashi no/ Akatsuki natsukashi.

  134 Furusato no tera no hotori no/ Hiba no ki no/ Itadaki ni kite nakishi kankodori!

  135 Myaku o toru te no furui koso/ Kanashikere—/ Isha ni shikarareshi wakaki kangofu!

  136 Itsu to naku, kioku ni nokorinu—/ F to yū kangofu no te no/ Tsumetasa nado mo.

  137 Hazure made ichido yukitashi to/ Omoi ishi/ Kano byōin no nagarōka kana.

  138 Okite mite,/ Mata sugu netaku naru toki no/ Chikara naki me ni medeshi chūrippu!

  139 Kataku nigiru dake no chikara mo nakunarishi/ Yaseshi waga te no/ Itōshisa kana.

  140 Waga yamai no/ Sono yoru tokoro fukaku katsu tōki o omou./ Me o tojite omou.

  141 Kanashiku mo,/ Yamai iyuru o negawazaru kokoro ware ni ari./ Nan no kokoro zo.

  142 Atarashiki karada o hoshi to omoikeri,/ Shujutsu no kizu no/ Ato o nadetsutsu.

  143 Kusuri nomu koto o wasururu o,/ Sore to naku,/ Tanoshimi ni omou nagayamai kana.

  144 Borōjin to yū roshia na ga,/ Naze tomo naku,/ Ikudo mo omoidasaruru hi nari.

  145 Itsu to naku ware ni ayumiyori,/ Te o nigiri,/ Mata itsu to naku sariyuku hitobito!

  146 Tomo mo, tsuma mo, kanashi to omourashi—/ Yamite mo nao,/ Kakumei no koto kuchi ni tataneba.

  147 Yaya tōki mono ni omoishi/ Terorisuto no kanashiki kokoro mo—/ Chikazuku hi no ari.

  148 Kakaru me ni/ Sudeni ikutabi aeru koto zo!/ Naru ga mama ni nare to ima wa omounari.

  149 Tsuki ni sanjūen mo areba, inaka nitewa/ Raku ni kuraseru to—/ Hyotto omoeru.

  150 Kyō mo mata mune ni itami ari./ Shinu naraba/ Furusato ni yukite shinan to omou.

  151 Itsushika ni natsu to narerikeri./ Yamiagari no me ni ko
koroyoki/ Ame no akarusa!

  152 Yamite yotsuki—/ Sono tokidoki ni kawaritaru/ Kusuri no aji mo natsukashiki kana.

  153 Yamite yotsuki—/ Sono ma nimo, nao, me ni miete,/ Waga ko no setake nobishi kanashimi.

  154 Sukoyaka ni/ Setake nobiyuku ko o mitsutsu,/ Ware no higoto ni sabishiki wa nazo.

  155 Makurabe ni ko o suwarasete,/ Majimaji to sono kao o mireba,/ Nigete yukishi kana.

  156 Itsumo, ko o/ Urusaki mono ni omoiishi aida ni,/ Sono ko, itsutsu ni nareri.

  157 Sono oya nimo,/ Oya no oya nimo nirunakare—/ Kaku na ga chichi wa omoeruzo, ko yo.

  158 Kanashiki wa,/ (Ware mo shikariki)/ Shikaredomo, utedomo nakanu ko no kokoro naru.

  159 "Rōdōsha" "kakumei" nado to yū kotoba o/ Kikioboetaru/ Itsutsu no ko kana.

  160 Toki to shite,/ Aran kagiri no koe o dashi,/ Shōka o utau ko o homete miru.

  161 Nani omoiken—/ Omocha o sutete, otonashiku,/ Waga soba ni kite ko no suwaritaru.

  162 Okashi morau toki mo wasurete,/ Nikai yori/ Machi no yukiki o nagamuru ko kana.

  163 Atarashiki inku no nioi,/ Me ni shimu mo kanashi ya./ Itsu ka niwa no aomeri.

  164 Hitotokoro, tatami o mitsumete arishi ma no/ Sono omoi o,/ Tsuma yo, katare to yū ka.

  165 Ano toshi no yuku haru no koro,/ Me o yamite kakeshi kuromegane—/ Kowashi ya shiniken.

  166 Kusuri nomu koto o wasurete,/ Hisashiburi ni,/ Haha ni shikarareshi o ureshi to omoeru.

  167 Makurabe no shōji akesasete,/ Sora o miru kuse mo tsukeru kana—/ Nagaki yamai ni.

  168 Otonashiki kachiku no gotoki/ Kokoro to naru,/ Netsu yaya takaki hi no tayorinasa.

  169 Nani ka, kō, kaite mitaku narite,/ Pen o torinu—/ Hanaike no hana atarashiki asa.

  170 Hanatareshi onna no gotoku,/ Waga tsuma no, furumau hi nari./ Dariya o miiru.

  171 Ate no naki kane nado o matsu omoi kana./ Netsu, okitsu shite,/ Kyō mo kurashitari.

  172 Nani mo ka mo iya ni nariyuku/ Kono kimochi yo./ Omoidashite wa tabako o suu nari.

  173 Aru machi ni ishi koro no koto to shite,/ Tomo no kataru/ Koigatari ni uso no majiru kanashisa.

  174 Hisashiburi ni,/ Futo koe o dashite waraite minu—/ Hae no ryōte o momu ga okashisa ni.

  175 Mune itamu hi no kanashimi mo,/ Kaori yoki tabako no gotoku,/ Sutegataki kana.

  176 Nani ka hitotsu sawagi o okoshite mitakarishi,/ Sakki no ware o/ Itoshi to omoeru.