Nocturne

by Heather McKenzie

  I took the reins from him and put the gun in his free hand, then pulled his arm around me tight and held on to it, pinning him to me. “I’ll make this all up to you someday, I promise.”

  “Just don’t cook for me,” he said, as always trying to lighten the situation with humor.

  Thomas was slipping. I held him as tight as I could, muscles screaming in my back as he leaned forward. Zander moved fluidly through the trees. “But you love my pancakes and—” I didn’t finish. I thought I saw something move up ahead; a shape, low to the ground, shifted across the trail.

  “And what?” Thomas said, his breath hot on my neck.

  “Shh.”

  Zander sensed it, too. Thomas held the gun close to me so I could grab it if I had to, and we grew silent while the horse kept moving… but there was nothing ahead. Just the thick silver trees and snow covered overgrown bushes. Whatever it was—coyote, rabbit, or maybe even wolf—was gone. We rode in silence for a while, Thomas holding the gun while I held on to him.

  “I hate to be brutally honest, Kaya, but I really don’t love your pancakes,” he said out of the blue.

  I laughed. A flock of geese heading south squawked over our heads. “I’ll make it up to you another way then.”

  Thomas coughed. “Good Lord, please don’t say spaghetti. Never again will I look at pasta the same way. How does someone burn noodles? I mean…. you just boil them.”

  He was shaking so hard he was stuttering. But talking was keeping him awake.

  “No food then. How about I buy you your own ranch? Make you ridiculously wealthy?”

  I felt the breath catch in his lungs. “Is that what you think I want you for?”

  Easy question. “Yes. That’s what everyone wants me for. Money. Thing is I’ve decided I will be the one in control of who gets it.”

  The chill in the air deepened. I could feel every muscle in Thomas tense. “You misunderstand me, Kaya,” he said.

  Silence fell between us. The horse kept an even gait, moving out of the birch stand and finally into the thick brush and trees that flanked the path to the lake. Soon, we could see the shack and the gleaming expanse of icy blue water. If I wasn’t so hell bent on killing my birth mother, I might have appreciated the view.

  “You have to know, what we have between us… it isn’t about money for me,” Thomas said when we came to a stop at the snow-filled fire pit. He slid off Zander then reached for me, hands circling my waist and lifting me carefully to the ground. His dark eyes were filled with sadness when his freezing fingers grazed my cheek, and he swallowed hard like there was something important he wanted to tell me. But there was no time for whatever that was—he was practically blue.

  “Let’s warm up in the shack.” I pretended I was cold, too.

  He nodded, letting his hand drop. “Listen Kaya, I—”

  I shook my head and cut him off. “No time for chitchat, Thomas. We need to get a fire lit.”

  “Right.”

  His legs gave out, and he slumped to the snow. I fumbled with the latch of the shack door, wondering how I was going to lock him in there once I got the stove going, and hoped no one would notice the smoke.

  I’d lost sight of Oliver. He’d gone south, intent on making a wide arc to approach the Carlson ranch from the far side while I circled around back and headed into a stand of birch trees. Seth and Lisa were supposed to be creating a diversion by sticking to the road and approaching head on, which, judging by the sound of gunshots rippling across the fields, they were doing a decent job. Every time it grew silent, though, I felt my heart in my throat. What if I got there too late?

  I fought to keep my wits about me as I stumbled across roots and weaved through gnarled branches heavy with snow. Birds chirped, sticks cracked under my feet, and every sound made me jump. I couldn’t move fast enough, feeling desperate when I realized I’d misjudged the distance to the house by going this way. This was slow going and taking too long. I had to find a way to get to her faster…

  At least once I was on the animal trail, walking was easier, but being in the trees was still slow and had become a bad idea. I needed to head back. I turned to go, but the sound of horse’s hooves thumped from not far away. A man’s voice followed, calm and talking softly, and I had barely enough time to dive behind a thick patch of trees before it was upon me. I dropped to my knees and peered between tree trunks, staying low so I wouldn’t be seen. The dark browns and muddy blacks of fall blended with my jacket, the snow deep enough to cover my lower half as shadows of light kept me hidden. The horse approached. I held my breath, wondering if I should reach for my gun—and then I saw her.

  Kaya.

  On the horse in front of a dark-haired man with his arm around her waist and a gun to her chest.

  I could barely breathe.

  Her cheeks were flushed, and I caught a glimpse of her mesmerizing green eyes as they briefly scanned over my hiding place. I didn’t move. I was enthralled beyond imagination just as I was that night in the garden, her beauty holding me completely captive and momentarily disabling my ability to function. As the horse brought her closer, I noticed an intensity on her face I had never seen before; her jaw was set in stoic determination, and there wasn’t a hint of fear about her. She was calm even though the man behind her was holding her at gunpoint. This caught me off guard. It suppressed my urge to lunge from my hiding place. Because of the look on her face and the rigidity of her spine, I held back.

  I would wait. Follow and wait. Make sure I wasn’t putting her life in jeopardy before I beat the man holding her at gunpoint into a bloody pulp…

  The sound of the horse’s hooves quieted as they moved away from me, heading farther down the trail. I started following, keeping a safe distance. I was so close… She was there, ahead of me… I was so close… My heart pounded with the thought of holding her in my arms again, of feeling her body against mine.

  I moved quietly, carefully, and it took a moment to register the thing buzzing in my pocket; Lisa had given me her cell phone, and I felt as if in a dream fishing it out of my pocket.

  “Luke, we saw her. She took off on a horse,” she said as I put the phone to my ear.

  I whispered. “I know. She just rode past me.”

  Lisa sounded breathless; I could tell by the lack of background noise she was in a building and moving fast; at least the gunfire had stopped. “I called out to her, but she took off anyway. She seems… different.”

  I stepped over a fallen tree. “I’m following her as we speak,” I said, confirming it to myself as well.

  “Good. Be careful, though. Rayna is still out there somewhere. That nasty, two-bit skank. I can’t wait to get my hands around—”

  I had to cut her off. “Not now.”

  “Right,” Lisa muttered. “Just remember what we talked about, okay? Kaya broke your heart to save your life. No matter what you see or find, please, Luke, just remember that.” Footsteps echoed in a quiet room. “And… oh my God… now I’ve got proof of that.”

  “Oh?”

  “In my hands, as we speak, I am holding one of your shirts. I know because it’s one I bought for you, and it, uh… smells like you. I’m in the house. In the basement. It was under a pillow in a place I’m pretty certain she was sleeping. Do you understand what this means?”

  I felt a wave of relief so deep it almost buckled my knees. Lisa’s words meant more than she would ever know. “I do. Thanks, Lees,” I choked out, picking up my pace. “Listen, I’m in that stretch of birch trees we saw on the way in, heading east. Get a hold of Oliver and let him know where I am. Tell him I’m following her.”

  “I don’t know where he is, and he’s not answering his phone.”

  I ducked from a low branch. “Okay. I’ll handle this. There’s only one guy with her, and I can take him.”

  There was a pause. “Uh, I would advise against that,” Lisa warned.

  I stopped dead in my tracks. “Why?”

  “From what Seth and I saw, she’s
intent on preserving this guy’s, um… well-being.”

  I clicked off the phone and dropped it back into my pocket. Of course. My eyes weren’t relaying the truth of what I’d seen when Kaya had ridden past; the man was leaning on her, not holding her captive. She was the one leading the horse. She was the one in charge. And he was the man in the video. The one who had lit up her face… laughing and in his arms, falling to the sand in fits of giggles with him next to her…

  Whatever reassurance Lisa had just given me flew out the proverbial window. That gut-churning, soul-stealing question came back; what if Kaya truly didn’t want me?

  A crushing feeling in my chest made it hard to get going again; I guessed I would soon find out.

  “Are you going to answer that?”

  The cell phone was vibrating incessantly in my hand, but the woman standing before me in braided black hair and an army-green leather jacket seemed far more urgent.

  “Oliver?”

  I’d never seen Sindra dressed for combat. No matter what was happening or where she was, her style was business glam, done up and polished to the hilt. For once, she seemed to fit the situation in her camo clothes and gun belt, and I found that extremely unsettling. Her cheeks were pink from the cold. She’d been outside for a while now, alone, and how she’d found me on this desolate country road, in the middle of nowhere, defied imagination.

  “It can wait,” I said.

  “I thought I warned you to get as far away from Kaya as possible.” She stared me down, hands on her tiny hips.

  I gulped hard. I wasn’t scared of anyone, but I feared this woman and there was no logical reason why. “Where’s your backup?” I asked, changing the topic.

  She looked over her shoulder—the road an empty icy line reaching out into the distance before fading into the pale sky. There wasn’t a sign of life anywhere except for us and the cattle grazing on a ridge behind a barbed-wire fence. “I’m on my own.”

  “And why are you here?”

  “I still have a job to complete. I am trying to make sure this whole situation doesn’t turn into a bloody nightmare. And you, Oliver, have just made it even more complicated and difficult.”

  I tucked my freezing hands into my jacket pockets. “How’s that?”

  “Just by being here,” she said angrily, then started walking in the direction of the ranch house. I fell in step beside her. “I was going to try and clean up the mess before Henry caught wind of it, but I’m too late. That stupid girl… saving a baby for God’s sake! Does she realize she’s exposed herself to half the world? Now Henry is on his way to make sure I am doing my job—which, obviously, I haven’t been.”

  There was something in Sindra’s voice that caught me off guard. “And why is that?”

  She stopped and turned to me, her braid whipping around over her shoulder. Somewhere off in the distance, a coyote howled, but it didn’t register in her dark eyes. “So many questions. Are you daft? Because I don’t want you to end up dead,” she said angrily.

  Right. Dead. “Okay… well, thanks for that.”

  “Yes, well, I am running out of lies to feed Henry to keep you that way. You need to disappear, Oliver. You must leave Kaya. If you continue to fight for her, I won’t be able to look out for you anymore.”

  I laughed at her ludicrous suggestion. “I can’t leave Kaya. You know that.”

  Sindra shifted, seeming uneasy. “Considering the fact you’ve been programmed to protect her at all costs, I guess that’s understandable.”

  My legs suddenly felt like jelly… The word ‘programmed’ gave the sensation of dogs gnawing on my bones. There was some distant memory of why there was truth to the word, and it was fighting to surface. I shut it out as my stomach lurched.

  “Why are you looking out for me, Sindra?” I asked, changing the subject yet again.

  I was expecting a verbal dismissal, or a gesture with the back of her hand signaling that the conversation was over. Instead, her gaze met mine. It was clouded with some emotion I couldn’t read; was it sympathy? Kindness? Adoration for another human being besides Henry? That was what it looked like, but that was impossible. The mighty Sindra didn’t have feelings. Maybe there was just makeup, or a rogue wind pestering her eyes.

  “I’m pretty sure you know what it’s like to be in love with someone you will never have,” she stated.

  I nodded.

  “Well, I know what it’s like, too.”

  Did she mean Henry?

  Nope. In a display of affection, her hand reached for my arm. She stared straight ahead, her eyes on my chest to avoiding meeting mine as she continued with what seemed felt like a confession long overdue. “It would just feel good knowing this person that I… care for, is…” She paused, her hand dropped, and whatever she was about to say was dropped with it.

  I studied her bowed head. This fierce and beautiful woman was trying to say she had a thing for me? I wasn’t quite sure how to process that. Or what she thought she might gain by admitting it.

  “Sindra… I—”

  She flung up her hand, palm out, blocking whatever was about to come out of my mouth. “You should just keep yourself alive, Oliver. That’s all I want.” She straightened her shoulders and became all business again. “Your capture is just as important to Henry as Kaya’s is, and once he’s used you for what he needs, he’ll kill you. I won’t be able to stop him. Do you understand me? You and Kaya can never be together. So it’s in your best interest to stay away from her.”

  I started walking again toward the ranch house to where I’d find Kaya; my mission of protecting her hadn’t changed just because Sindra decided to ‘care’ about me, or because there was a threat to my life. “You know I can’t do that.”

  “I could simply command you to stay away from her,” she said, jogging beside me.

  I moved faster.

  “Or I could command you to turn off all your feelings for her.”

  That was so ridiculous I laughed out loud and sped up.

  “Oliver, I command you to stop,” Sindra said, breathless.

  Every muscle propelling me forward seized. I slid to a stop on the frozen road.

  “Turn around and look at me,” she ordered.

  I slid full circle and faced the fiercest person I had ever met. I didn’t want to, I needed to keep heading toward Kaya, but something in my brain controlling my free will was shorting out. I obeyed despite my desire not to.

  Sindra’s eyes turned glassy with whatever power she had over me. “Lift your gun and point it at my chest.”

  “What? No,” I said, arms shaking.

  “Oliver, I command you to point your gun at my chest.”

  And in my hand was my gun. And my arm was lifting it, defying me. I was shakily starting to point a loaded pistol at Sindra’s chest. What the hell? I knew she had some control over me, but this? My limbs were defying me. My mind felt like it was caught in a trap, unable to break whatever spell she had cast. I struggled against it, my arm shaking as I tried to lower my hand, but it hurt to disobey her. My skin felt like it had caught fire, my nerves screamed, and bones throbbed for no reason.

  Until I did as I was told.

  Sindra smiled. “Good. Now, point it at your own head,” she said.

  This was ridiculous. But I felt my limbs move automatically. In my mind, even though I knew it was wrong, I was suddenly perfectly okay with it. Nothing mattered but the instructions I was receiving from this small woman. Her voice found a part of my brain and locked on, driving me like I was a robot and she had the controls.

  “Do as I say, Oliver, or there will be consequences.”

  Consequences—pain. Horrible, inescapable pain… never ending… worse than death… the only relief to obey… The gun in my hand was now pointed at my own forehead. I stood there completely under her control and perfectly fine with ending my own life if she wished it.

  “See? You will do what I tell you. You understand that now. Right. Oliver?”

  I was at
her mercy. Giving in to it was pure relief. I numbly nodded.

  “All right. I command you to put the gun down,” she said.

  Of course, I did as I was told.

  “So here’s the thing.” Sindra rubbed her gloved hands together while I waited for further instructions. “I could give you a command to leave Kaya and you would comply. But you would be an emotional mess living out your days in misery. I don’t want that for you. I want you to realize your own true feelings for that girl. So, I am going to do something for you that I should have done long ago.”

  The wind picked up, swirling snow around us. I remained fixated on Sindra, hanging on her every word, every breath.

  “I command you to remember why it is that I have control over you,” she said.

  It was like a ton of bricks cracked my head open, and the memories of the past came rushing in. A damp cell somewhere deep beneath the estate… torture of all sorts accompanied by Sindra’s voice. It had gone on for years. Electric shock. Beatings. Days in solitude. Days of sleep deprivation and injections all leading to one thing and for one purpose—obey her. Sindra had instilled a fear so deep in me I’d given her complete control of my mind. Why did she want me to know this? I stared down at the woman who had claimed my free will and soul, manipulated my mind and abused my body. She stood patiently. Unblinking. Watching me eagerly with the same expression she’d had the day I’d been stationed as Kaya’s guard. That was the day the pain and torment had ended. When Kaya became my sole purpose, I was freed from Sindra’s torture and manipulation in return for loyalty and obedience. I remembered feeling like Kaya herself had saved me…

  “Ah, you can see the truth now. I’m sorry, Oliver, but you don’t love her.”

  I was frozen in shock, feet planted to the ground. I didn’t know what to do, say, or feel.

  “In case there is any doubt in your mind, I am going to really let you see the truth. I’ll show you why you should leave Kaya.” After a long pause, as if struggling with an inner voice, Sindra spoke softly, firmly, and my mind latched onto her words like a fish on a hook. “I command you, Oliver, to know what’s real in your heart and uncover your true feelings. You are no longer influenced by anyone’s decisions or circumstances past or present. I command you to be released from me, and it is my command that you are no longer under my control. Your mind and body are now free.”