by Nicole Hart
“Him? Who?” she asked. I could picture her sitting straight up in bed, so curious she couldn’t stand it.
“Ryker,” I said. There was a few seconds of silence.
“Spring break Ryker?” she asked.
“The one and only.”
“Shut up!” She yelled. “Sorry, baby, go back to sleep,” she said, followed by a kissing sound.
“On the beach today. And Brooklyn met him, and she loved his tattoos. They caught a crab, and then he friend requested me on Facebook, and then asked me on a date.”
“Whoa, slow down there speedy.” She giggled.
I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves.
“Ok, I’m fine now,” I said taking another deep breath.
“So, when are you going out with him?”
“I told him tomorrow, but I don’t know if I should. I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“Nat, sweetie, it’s been four years. It’s time you go on a date. But wait a minute, why didn’t he call you?” she asked, suddenly sounding defensive.
That was the question I asked for months after spring break. She watched me cry and mope around, waiting. She held my hand as we ate junk food and bashed stupid boys who broke our hearts.
“He said it was a long story. I need to know, too, so if I go, I’m going to ask him.”
“Not if, Nat, when. You need to do this.”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, chewing on my nail.
“Please, go. For me. It will make me happy, and you should want to make me happy, since you woke me up at four in the morning.”
“Ok.” I giggled.
“You’re going?” she asked, her voice full of excitement.
“I’m going.” I sighed.
“Yay! And then you’re going to call and give me every dirty detail. But like, daylight hours, at least on Nathan’s day off.” She giggled.
“Oh, damn. Tell him I’m sorry for waking him,” I whined.
“He’s going out in the field next week, so it will be just me and the kids for a couple of weeks. During that time, feel free to call with all the details. Especially the raunchy details. Since I’ll be sexually deprived for two weeks.”
“Em, I think you might be jumping the gun a little,” I said.
“Hey, you never know,” she said.
“I doubt it, but ok, I’ll call you soon.”
“Ok, doll. I’m going to get a quickie before the baby wakes up,” she whispered into the phone.
“You’re a mess.” I laughed.
“I’m a horny mess right now. Love you, sweets.”
“Love you, bye.”
I looked down at my phone and saw the red notification again. A message from Ryker.
Ryker: I can’t wait to see you again.
Me too. I said, hitting send and putting my phone down.
Am I really doing this? I hadn’t been on a date in eight years, since Kyle.
I shouldn’t do this.
I’m doing this.
Holy Shit
I sat in my truck staring at her front door. I couldn’t believe this was happening after all these years. I stared at the bundle of flowers sitting in the passenger seat. Was it too much? I felt like I had a lot of explaining and making up to do, and flowers couldn’t hurt. Plus I remembered that she loved cherry blossoms. They weren’t easy to find, but I was on a mission. The florist mixed them with some other types, but I made sure to tell her I wanted the cherry blossoms to stand out. It looked nice, not that I knew much about flowers. They weren’t dead so that was a plus.
I scooped the flowers up and hopped out of my Chevy. I spent the morning shining her up. I wanted this date to be perfect. I had been waiting for twelve years. My heart started to pound a little harder with each step I took. I walked up the sidewalk and took in my surroundings. It was a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I’m glad she was doing ok financially, being alone with Brooklyn. I rang the doorbell and waited.
Holy Shit.
She opened the door and I wanted to kiss her right there. She was fucking beautiful. She was wearing a yellow dress that showed off her perfect tan legs. Her hair was down and curled at the ends. She wasn’t wearing too much makeup that it covered those little freckles on her nose. I was thankful for that. Fuck me. She was gorgeous.
“Hey,” she said shyly, and opened her door, allowing me to walk inside.
“You look beautiful,” I said as I stood in the doorway.
“For you,” I said, feeling like a fucking school boy, as I handed her the flowers.
She took them and put them to her nose. When she stared at them, her eyes lit up and she smiled.
“Cherry blossoms,” she whispered.
“Still your favorite?” I asked.
“They are,” she said, and leaned closer to me. She put her hand on my bicep and squeezed it gently.
“Thanks.” She stared at me for a second before she broke our eye contact.
“Come in, I’m going to put them in a vase before we go.”
I did as she said. Her house was nice; everything was in its place, including the basket of toys in the corner. Which reminded me.
“Brooklyn isn’t here?” I asked.
“A friend from work has her. Our kids are the same age; she’s taking them to a movie,” she said as she filled a vase with water, and placed the flowers inside. I was actually hoping to see her for a minute. She was a funny kid with a big personality.
“Ready?” she said as she grabbed her purse, and headed towards the door.
“Yes ma’am,” I said, and I put my hand on the small of her back as we walked through the doorway. I felt her body tense for just a second before she exhaled. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable around me. I had to explain why I didn’t call.
The drive to the restaurant was quiet. Natalie seemed uncomfortable, and I was busy trying to figure out how to explain myself. I had my whole speech planned out, but the second I saw her that shit went out the window. I pulled my truck into the parking lot and killed the engine. I had to do this now.
“I really am sorry I didn’t call,” I said as I turned towards her.
“Ok,” she said quietly, but it wasn’t.
“No, it’s not ok. I just need to explain.”
“Shoot,” she said, and I could tell from her facial expression, she was bracing herself for the worst.
“I had your number in my jeans, and my asshole brother pushed me into the pool at our hotel. It was gone. I was so pissed when I got out, I went a little crazy on him. I knew you were already gone and I wouldn’t be able to find you.”
“Well, that part isn’t your fault, but you could have looked me up if you really wanted to,” she said defensively. But she was right.
“Cain convinced me you would be a distraction,” I said scratching my beard, and feeling like a dick saying this to her.
“A distraction?” I could see the hurt in her eyes. I scooted closer to her. I didn’t want her to hurt anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I ran my finger over her nose, and rested my hand on the side of her neck.
“A distraction from what?” she said, biting her bottom lip.
Shit, just say it.
“My fights.”
“I’m not following,” she said curiously. I felt her swallow against my hand.
“Do you remember Dalton, the guy we had to meet up with at the bar?” She just nodded.
“He runs a lot of fights, and Cain was getting me into it. It was good money. Cain handled the business end and I fought.”
“Like boxing or MMA?” she said shaking her head in confusion, but hanging on my every word.
“Not exactly,” I said, and exhaled, dropping my hand and wringing my own hands together.
“What then?”
“Underground fighting.”
“Like illegal?” she asked, and gave me a worried look.
“Yeah, but I’m out of the game now. I made some money, and I got out. I work on t
he ships at the docks now, welding. I gave up that life. And I’m sorry I didn’t find you. I’ve always regretted it. I swear.” I ran my hand through her long hair and kissed the tip of her nose. Those fucking freckles.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right away,” I whispered against her lips. “But I just want a chance to get to know you more; those three days weren’t enough. I need more, Nat.” She nodded and put her hand over mine.
“Can I kiss you?” I whispered.
“Please,” she said as I brushed my lips against hers. She opened her mouth for me and I slid my tongue inside. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her closer to me, craving her, wanting more. But I couldn’t. Not yet; I didn’t want to scare her off. I forced myself to pull away and then gave her a gentle peck.
“The beard is definitely different,” Nat said, through heavy breaths.
“Good different or bad different?” I asked.
“Definitely good different,” she said with a smile as she ran her fingers across my face.
A Fresh Start
“So tell me more about the fights you used to do,” I said as I took a small sip of wine. I didn’t drink very often anymore, and I didn’t want loose lips to get the best of me.
“Uh . . . ,” he said, and then took a long swig of his beer. “It was just a job.”
“Did you like it?” I asked, trying to understand.
“I liked the challenge, and it was a good stress reliever.”
“Beating people relieved stress?” I asked with a tiny giggle.
“Surprisingly, yeah,” he said, but he stared at the table. “I’m not proud of those days.”
“So did you win a lot?” I asked.
“I never lost,” he said quietly.
“Never?”
He just shook his head.
“It must have been hard to quit when you were on top.”
“It’s not like MMA or cage fighting. There’s no regulations, and it can get dirty. I wanted out of that world.”
“But your brother, Cain? Is he still involved in it?” I asked. I probably shouldn’t, it really wasn’t my business.
“I don’t really get involved in Cain’s businesses. But I’m sure he is,” he said with a little laugh.
“Oh,” I said quietly, unsure of what he meant by that.
“Don’t get me wrong, my brother’s a decent guy, he’s just . . . different,” he said as he scratched his beard.
“So, then you went to work on the docks? Do you like it?” I asked, knowing it was time to change the subject.
“Yeah, a couple of years ago. I do like it, it’s good for me. I’m home every night, it’s stable, and I don’t have to travel anymore. It works,” he said, and he shook his head and gave me a smile. That smile. I missed that smile. I couldn’t see his dimple anymore, but I was just fine with the beard. It was beyond sexy.
“So, how long have you been in Corpus?” he asked. My stomach did a little flip. I knew what was coming. Damn.
“Two years,” I said, and took a bigger drink of my wine. I was a light weight and I knew I should take it easy. But I needed to calm my nerves.
“Do you have family here?” he asked.
“No, it’s just me and Brookie,” I said with a little smile.
“Were you still in Amarillo before the move?”
“Yeah, I needed a change.”
“Did you need to get away from your ex?” he asked, with a worried expression.
Here we go. Out with it, Natalie, just say it. It was never easy, but the pain has subsided a little. But being here with Ryker made the guilt creep up once again.
“He wasn’t my ex,” I said, and let out a long deep breath.
“No?” Ryker said as he sat up straighter and rolled his neck, popping it.
“He was my husband.” I stalled, hoping he would tell me I didn’t need to explain.
But he didn’t. He stared at me, like a statue, waiting. His eyes were piercing into me and I noticed his jaw flinch.
“He died,” I said quietly. There, I said it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. But he wasn’t looking at me; he was staring at his beer.
“It was four years ago. He was a police officer and was killed during a drug bust. He was on the force with my dad; that’s how we met.” I couldn’t believe all of that just came spilling out of my mouth. It usually took months before I told anyone that.
“I’m sorry,” Ryker repeated, but he was staring into my eyes, now.
“I’m ok,” I said. It was a half-truth. Most days I was ok, now. I still had my moments, but I was better than before. Moving to Corpus was the best thing I could have done.
“It seems like you’ve done a really good job with Brooklyn. She’s a great kid.”
“Ah, she’s amazing,” I gushed. “She keeps me on my toes, that’s for sure,” I said with a laugh, the sadness and guilt tucked away for a while.
“She’s funny.”
“She really is. She really liked you. She hasn’t really stopped talking about you since we left the beach,” I said.
“Really?” He smiled, and I bit my lip to keep from drooling. Damn, he was so sexy. The way his eyes lit up just melted me.
“You were good with her. You never got married or had kids?” Well damn, Nat, just dive right in there without warning.
“Nope,” he said without hesitation, and then took another drink of his beer. I couldn’t help but watch his throat move as he swallowed. Is it possible that swallowing a beer could be sexy? Yes it is, because Ryker Hamilton has mastered it.
2 hours later.
Our date was over too soon. But I had to get Brooklyn, and it was a work night. Brooklyn had to be up early for daycare.
“So, do you switch between the motorcycle and your truck?” I asked as I glanced at his truck in the driveway. We were standing by my front door. Because he walked me to the door, like a gentleman. He might have looked like a bad ass, and chances are he was one, but he was also a gentleman; a genuinely nice guy.
Hopefully this wasn’t too good to be true.
“I ride my bike when the weather’s nice. But I didn’t figure you would want to go to dinner on the back,” he said with a laugh as he stepped closer to me.
“I might, you never know,” I said playfully as I took a step closer, too.
“How about next time?” he asked as he grazed his hand along my neck, and placed the palm of his hand on the back of my neck.
“Is there going to be a next time?” I whispered. He was so close and all I could think about was how bad I wanted him to kiss me again.
“Fuck, I hope so,” he said, and then slammed his lips onto mine. I opened my mouth for him and let out a little moan when his tongue found mine. I had to stand on my tip toes, and he was reaching down as he wrapped his arms around my back, lifting me closer against him. Holy Shit. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I know my nipples must be stabbing into his rock hard chest. I hadn’t felt the touch of a man in four years. Until Ryker.
After a few minutes, he set me down easily as he broke our kiss, but kept his arms around me. I was disappointed, but knew I shouldn’t move too fast. I couldn’t handle another heartbreak. And he would be the one to do it, again.
“Can I have your number now?” he asked as he ran his fingertips down my arm, causing goose bumps.
“I’m not sure,” I said with a sly smile. “You don’t have a real good track record with keeping up with my number.”
“I deserve that.” He chuckled as he pulled his phone out of his front pocket.
“I promise that will never happen again,” he said as he handed me his phone to enter my number.
“And you never break a promise, right?” I said wearing a tiny smile, remembering his words that night on the beach.
“Never,” he whispered against my lips before he kissed me gently.
Wrapped
Fuck me. As soon as I walked into my apartment, a lonely feeling swept over me. That didn’t r
eally ever happen. I’d always been fine alone. For the most part, it comforted me—the solitude, the silence. But not tonight. Well, this fucking sucked. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, and put my wallet and keys on the bar. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down to her name.
Me: I had a good time tonight.
She responded almost instantly.
Nat: Me too.
Me: Did you make it back home already?
I was already worrying about them. This was also new. I wanted them safe.
Nat: Just walked in the door. I think she’s on a sugar high.
Me: I bet that’s a sight
I waited for a few seconds, staring at my phone, but she didn’t respond right away. So I kicked off my boots and pulled my shirt over my head. I caught the scent of her perfume on my shirt and couldn’t help but bring it to my nose. I inhaled, remembering the way she felt against me. Fucking amazing. The ding of a text message pulled me from my fixation.
Nat: Please don’t think I’m crazy.
Me: No promises.
Nat: Is it ok if Brooklyn calls to tell you goodnight? She’s promised she will go straight to bed. She’s very determined.
Nat: Sorry . . .
“Don’t apologize,” I said as soon as I heard her say hello. Fuck, her voice was sexy, even with a singing little girl in the background. I listened, carefully.
“God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy,” I heard in the distance, in a high pitched squeak. I couldn’t help but laugh at her song choice.
“Brookie,” Natalie said quietly. “Sorry . . . ,” she repeated.
“I don’t know why you keep apologizing,” I said, through my laughter, as Brooklyn continued to belt out the song. I sat on my couch, listening, enjoying every second of this.
“I guess because my five years old’s favorite song is about beer. I don’t know, shit,” she mumbled the last word so quietly, I almost didn’t hear it.
“Momma, did you say a bad word? Is that Ryker? Can I talk to him?” she started asking, and I could tell she was climbing on Natalie, pulling herself closer to the phone.